“I guess you’re right.” Vicky’s tears seemed to have dried up now. “I guess I’m just so scared to believe that something so. . .impossible sounding. . .can actually happen.”
“That’s where faith comes in,” Kent said. Faith. He pressed Charity a little tighter to himself. “Believing the impossible.”
Vicky sighed. “I know you’re right.”
Her end of the phone grew silent, and Kent knew the conversation had drawn to its rightful conclusion. “I have to let you go, Vicky. I’m in the store with Charity, and we need some father-daughter time. Go and love on those boys of yours. They need you right now.”
“Okay.” Her voice brightened. “I’ll do that. And. . .thanks, Pastor.”
“No problem,” he said. “But next time, Vicky, it might be better if you called on one of the women in the church. They’re probably a little more qualified than I am to discuss the things you’re thinking and feeling. They could give you a woman’s perspective, at any rate.”
“I’ll do that. Thanks again.” As the line went dead, Kent tucked his phone into his pocket. Charity laid her head on his shoulder, and he ran his fingers through her hair.
“How’s Daddy’s girl?” He asked. “You doing okay?”
“I okay.” She looked up with an impish grin. “I like candy.”
“I know you do.” He lifted her up to place her back into the basket. Only at this point did he notice the chocolate smeared all over his shirt.
For once, it simply didn’t matter.
***
When the doorbell rang on the second Saturday in November, Shauna happened to be the only one at home. Her parents, ever the world travelers, had taken their RV to the nearby town of New Braunfels for the weekend.
Nothing could have prepared her for the shock of discovering who stood on the other side of the door.
“J. . .Joey?”
His lopsided grin widened into a full-fledged smile. “Hey, you!” He embraced her warmly and planted a tender kiss on her cheek, one that would have warmed her heart and brought a smile to her own face just a few short weeks ago. “Long time, no see.”
Now, however, she could not be sure what feelings gripped her heart. Fear? Confusion? An odd sense of betrayal?
“Come in, come in.” She grabbed him by the hand and ushered him into the living room, eyes never leaving his. “What are you doing here?”
“Don’t you think it’s about time I came for a visit?” He slipped an arm around her waist.
If you had asked me that a few weeks ago, I would have said yes, but now. . .
Now she couldn’t seem to collect her thoughts or make sense of the conversation. “How long are you here?”
“I have to be back in school after the Thanksgiving holidays.”
“Thanksgiving? You’re staying all week?”
“If you’ll have me.” He planted a kiss on her lips, and the old feelings returned immediately. She could hardly think clearly or make sense of his sudden appearance. “Now. . .” his voice lowered considerably, “where are these parents of yours? I have to make a good first impression.”
“They’re out of town until Tuesday. My mom wanted to be back in time for Thanksgiving, so if you’re staying that long. . .”
“We’ve got the place to ourselves, then.” He grinned mischievously. “I couldn’t have planned things any better.”
“Joey.” Shauna gave him a look she hoped he would not ignore. “You know better than that. Don’t you have someplace else you can stay?”
He shrugged and grew silent for a moment. “I guess I could stay with my brother and his wife. But those kids of theirs are terrors.”
“Hey now, watch how you talk about children.” She grinned. “I happen to love them, you know.”
“If you love them”—he drew her close—“then I’ll learn to love them, too.”
He kissed her a bit more passionately this time, and she pulled away, a little stunned.
“Joey, I haven’t seen you for weeks. And you’ve hardly even answered my E-mails.”
“I know.” He sighed. “I’m in over my head with my school. It’s not like it was with my undergraduate classes. I’m really having to work now.”
“But still. . .”
“I should have written more often.” He stepped back a bit to gaze wistfully into her eyes. Her heart fluttered as he continued on. “I let myself get too caught up in my work, and I almost forgot the most important thing.”
Shauna smiled, in spite of herself. “The most important thing?” She leaned her head into his chest.
“All of my hard work will seem kind of pointless if I don’t have someone to share it with.” He drew her close once again. “I’ve had time to think a lot more clearly—and time to pray. I like what the Lord is showing me. A lot.” His eyes shimmered with an excitement that seemed intriguing, yet unusual.
“Really?”
He nodded. “Yes. And I’ve missed you a lot more than I’ve let on. I should have told you before now.”
Yes, you should have. Instead of scolding, she gazed up into his eyes. Kind eyes. Loving eyes.
Eyes she could grow to appreciate once again.
fifteen
Kent stood before the people of Grace Community Church preparing to deliver a life-changing sermon. However, he struggled to stay focused on the message the Lord had laid on his heart. Looking out onto the faces of several hundred parishioners, his eyes seemed only to land on one.
Better make that two. Shauna Alexander sat so close to the shockingly handsome blond guy on her left that Kent had to conclude the most likely possibility: That must be Joey.
He forced his thoughts to the matter at hand. Stay focused, man. Don’t get distracted from what God has for these folks. Lord, forgive me. I want to keep my heart pure and my focus on You. I know that You have a message to deliver to Your people this morning.
In fact, he had been up half the night, listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, rewriting an earlier message crafted days prior. The words inner healing had taken on a whole new meaning as the Lord had laid out a blueprint involving appropriate scriptures, biblical examples, and personal experience stories. It had all seemed so clear in the night. But this morning, with far too little sleep and far too many distractions, he struggled to stay focused.
Lord, I know You have a plan for this morning. Don’t let me get in the way, Father. Keep my eyes on You.
With a renewed sense of direction, Kent opened his Bible and began to speak. He poured out his heart with each word. As he shared, he couldn’t help but realize the Lord had crafted this message just for him. Is that why You kept me up through the night, Lord? Are You reminding me of all the work You’ve already done in my life?
Kent quoted the scripture of choice from the Thirty-Fourth Psalm: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” As he spoke the words, he reflected on his own heart, and how the Lord had healed him from the pain of Faith’s death, how the Lord had lifted Kent’s eyes and placed them back where they belonged—on his relationship with God.
Kent looked out over his congregation, aware that many dabbed their eyes. One woman’s face seemed awash with tears. A few others sniffled. As he drew his remarks to a close, he offered an invitation to those who struggled with heartbreak to give their hearts—and their situations—to the Lord. Many came forward for prayer. Still others knelt at their seats or sat quietly with heads bowed.
By the time the final worship song had been sung, Kent heard the Lord’s voice of approval over the morning: Well done, My child.
As he made his way through the people, Kent couldn’t help but marvel at their remarks. Many spoke to him with tears fresh in their eyes. “Pastor Kent, you spoke straight to my heart and made me face some things I haven’t seen willing to face for years. Gave me hope that things can get better.”
On and on the commen
ts flowed. Kent found himself overwhelmed with the way God had apparently used him—an ordinary, flawed, unschooled man—to minister to His people. What are you trying to teach me here, Lord? He felt his heart stirred as never before and could not deny the Lord appeared to be doing something brand new in his life.
Kent traveled through the crowd until at least he saw his mother and stepfather at the back of the auditorium. His mother wrapped him in her arms as she whispered words of encouragement into his ear. “I’m so proud of you.” Her eyes brimmed over. “You were listening.”
He gave her a quizzical look. “Listening?”
She pointed up and he nodded, understanding. “Ah. Yes. It feels really good.”
“And God truly spoke through you,” she continued. “That makes my heart smile.”
“Everything makes your heart smile, Mom.”
A light tap on his shoulder caused him to turn away from his mother for a moment. Kent caught his breath as he came face-to-face with Shauna. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She gave him a winsome smile. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.”
“No problem. I wanted to introduce you to my mother, anyway.”
His mom extended her hand and smiled broadly. “So this is the wonderful teacher I’ve heard so much about.”
Shauna groaned audibly, and Kent responded with an inward grimace, hoping his mother would choose not to repeat some of Charity’s more pointed descriptions of her teacher.
Fortunately, his mother continued on with some encouraging words. “We have our hands full with just one toddler. I don’t know how in the world you manage an entire classroom full of them.”
“I’m afraid I don’t do the best job of it sometimes.” Shauna’s gaze shifted downward, and Kent fought to think of something to say to redirect the conversation.
“Charity’s learned so much from you.” He smiled. “She came home reciting the alphabet the other day.”
“She’s very bright.” Shauna’s face lit up.
The young man next to her cleared his throat, and Shauna’s cheeks blazed with apparent embarrassment. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I forgot to introduce you. Kent, this is Joey Klein. Joey, Pastor Kent Chapman.”
Kent responded to the fellow’s enthusiastic handshake but had to wonder about Shauna’s formality. Pastor Kent Chapman? Somehow the phrase felt oddly uncomfortable coming from her. Far too formal for two people so closely acquainted. He quickly introduced Joey to his mother and Andrew.
“Nice to meet you all.” Joey slipped his arm around Shauna’s waist. “I’ve heard about how friendly this church is. Now I’ve seen it for myself.”
You have? “We’re happy to have you.” Kent spoke with sincerity
“And I’m glad to finally have the chance to come for a visit.” Joey pulled Shauna a little closer. “It’s been way too long. I’ve missed this girl of mine.”
Shauna looked a little nervous as she added to his sentence. “Joey’s here for the holidays. He came to meet my parents.”
Meeting her parents. Sounds serious. “Well, I hope you enjoy your trip.” With an unusually heavy heart, Kent looked into Shauna’s eyes. So this is the guy. This is the one you write E-mails to.
“I’ve cooked a roast,” his mother interjected with great enthusiasm. “Enough for an army. Why don’t you all come over for lunch?” She reached to squeeze Shauna’s hand. “I’d be so happy to have you. And I know Charity would love it.”
“That’s really nice of you,” Joey spoke with determination, “but we’ve already got plans. I’m taking Shauna out for a steak dinner.” His lips curled up in a smile.
They all nodded politely and parted ways with positive comments, but as he stepped away from Shauna, Kent’s heart twisted a bit. Calm down, man. You’ve certainly got no claim on her. And if Joey is the man God has in mind for her. . .
For some reason, his thoughts stopped right there.
***
Shauna felt strangely uncomfortable as she climbed into Joey’s car. Something about the look in Kent Chapman’s eyes—a soulful look—had stirred her heart. Had she offended him in some way? She worked her way back through the conversation but could think of nothing that should have stirred up frustration or pain.
If he’s still upset at me about Charity then that’s just silly. I thought we had all that settled the other night.
The other night. For some reason her heart wrenched as she remembered their conversation at the coffee shop. How wonderful that night had been. How comfortable. And how uncomfortable she felt right now. Lord, what are You doing here?
As Joey put the car into gear and headed out onto the interstate, she allowed her thoughts to wander even more. The night she and Kent had laughed over cups of coffee had more than broken the ice between them. Truly, they had forgiven one another for the way they had handled themselves that day at the school. She smiled, remembering his stories about Charity.
“Everything okay?”
She startled at Joey’s voice. “Oh, yeah. . . I’m just a little preoccupied.”
“Thinking about that sermon?”
“What do you mean?” She gazed at Joey with some degree of curiosity.
“I thought maybe he hit a trigger point.”
She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Nope. No deep inner turmoil in need of healing in this heart.” She smiled in his direction but immediately wondered at the feelings of confusion that caused her chest to tighten. Lord, am I in turmoil?
“That’s good.” He reached for her hand, giving it a squeeze. “Because I don’t want anything to distract you today.”
“Today? What do you mean?”
“You’ll see.” He winked and flashed a whimsical smile.
They arrived at the restaurant less than ten minutes later. After parking, Joey rounded the car to open the door for Shauna. As always, she found herself relaxing as she looked into his eyes. He really is a gentleman. As they entered the restaurant, he once again opened the door.
“Thank you, kind sir.”
He bowed rather dramatically. “You’re welcome, my queen.”
She blushed at his compliment.
The hostess seated them at the table, and Joey ordered for them both—with an unusual flair, she noted. Just as the salads arrived, he grew quite nervous.
“Are you sick?” she whispered.
He shook his head, not uttering a word.
“Are you sure?” Shauna reached for her fork but never shifted her gaze from his wrinkled brow.
He nodded slowly, almost methodically. “Shauna, I have something to ask you.”
“What is it?”
“These last few weeks have been rough and I know I don’t deserve you, but you would make me so happy. . .” He paused and shrugged. “I mean later, of course. After I get my degree. Would you think about. . .I mean, would you. . .?”
Shauna looked into Joey’s eyes, filled with amazement. And filled with something else, as well.
A firm sense of knowing. . .
. . .that this was that last question on earth she could answer with a yes.
sixteen
Shauna brushed aside a few stray tears as she dressed for work. In the week since Joey’s leaving, she had cried herself to sleep nearly every night. A thousand times she had questioned her decision to turn down Joey’s request. A thousand times she had prayed, asking the Lord to guide her and to bring a sense of peace. But her peace, however real in some fleeting moments, seemed to be all mixed up with the guilt of hurting Joey.
How did this happen? How did I end up hurting him? Lord, I never wanted to do that. And yet, how could I marry someone I’m clearly not in love with?
She pondered those words. In her heart, she had to face the truth. She was not in love with Joey. Perhaps she never had been. Maybe I was in love with the idea of being in love—not with an actual person. So what does love really feel like? And how will I know it when it comes?
A picture of Kent’s smiling face cheered h
er heart right away. If only love were as easy—as comfortable—as being with Kent. Sitting with a cup of coffee in her hand, talking about life. Talking about family. Talking about little girls dancing around the living room in imaginary tutus. If only. . .
The “if onlys” wrapped around her heart and squeezed tightly until she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt why being with Kent felt so comfortable. In spite of her problems with Charity, in spite of her confusion over Joey—in spite of everything, she had developed feelings for Kent Chapman.
But how could she trust her feelings? Hadn’t they betrayed her before? Lord, please forgive me. What I’m feeling is wrong. Kent has never expressed any romantic interest in me. And Charity. . . she still hasn’t warmed up to me. Maybe she never will.
Her mother tapped on the bedroom door then stuck her head inside. “Are you okay, honey?” Her eyes reflected great caring.
“I will be.” Shauna sighed.
“Your father and I are worried about you.” Her mother stepped into the room. “Is there anything we can do?”
Shauna shook her head. “I’ll be fine after awhile. I guess I just need time to absorb everything.” She sat on the edge of the bed and looked up into her mother’s eyes. “Mom?”
“What?” Her mother sat next to her.
She gave her mom an imploring look. “Have you ever prayed for something—something you thought you really wanted—only to get it and then decide you didn’t want it?”
Her mom chuckled. “Sort of, although I guess my little story probably won’t measure up to what you’re dealing with.” She paused and smiled. “When I was a kid, I begged my mom for a puppy. I prayed for months. Finally, I got the very thing I prayed for—a tiny little thing with black and white fur.”
Shauna looked at her curiously. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard this story before.”
“It’s not one I’m very proud of,” her mother continued. “I did pretty well with him at first. But he was unruly. Didn’t want to be housetrained. Ruined my mother’s furniture. Dug holes in the yard. Grew so large, he outweighed me.” She shrugged. “In the end, my mother ended up taking care of him for me. She fed him, bathed him, everything. She fell in love with that dog, thank goodness, but I never did. Funny thing was, I really, really wanted him.”