“Building puddles was more like it,” Shauna said, finally. “By midafternoon the temperature had risen into the fifties, and our front yard was a muddy mess.”
“I remember that.” He gave her a curious look. “That’s Houston for you. Just about the time you think you stand a chance at a real winter, a heat wave appears.” He grinned.
She pulled her sweater a little tighter and nodded toward the counter. “Speaking of which. . .let’s get that coffee.”
“Sure. And maybe when we’re done, I can show you around the bookstore. My mom manages the place.”
“She does?” Shauna’s face lit up, and he couldn’t but notice the sparkle in her eyes. “I love bookstores. Always have. Especially the kids’ section.”
“They’ve got a great one here. I’ll show you everything after we visit for a while.”
They walked to the counter and, much to his surprise, Shauna ordered a Pumpkin Latte—something he would never have considered. He chose the usual Mocha Java. With beverages in hand, they made their way through the crowd to a tiny table in the back of the room. Nearly each table along the way was abuzz with activity. People sat holding laptops, typing madly. Others talked on cell phones. Some sat alone, reading the newspaper or a book.
Kent and Shauna finally located a small table in the back of the room, and they sat down face-to-face. No longer could they avoid speaking to one another. This wall has to come down.
Shauna took a sip of her drink then fanned her mouth. “Ew, that’s hot.”
“Careful.” Kent smiled, thinking of how many times he had used that same word with Charity. Careful, honey! Don’t spill. Careful, baby. Watch what you’re doing!
“I always manage to do that.” Shauna set the drink down on the table to let it cool off.
Silence enveloped them again, and Kent knew he must dive in or they might never speak again. He began the conversation with a random thought. “This is a strange time to be living,” he said as he glanced around the room.
“What do you mean?”
Kent gestured around the room, slightly distracted by all of the conversations going on around him. “Look around you,” he said. “Half the folks in this room are talking to people they’re not even with and ignoring the ones they are with.”
She looked first right, then left, then slowly nodded. “You’re right. I guess I never thought about it that way before.”
“I think about it all the time. We don’t have a lot of time with the people we love these days. And when we are together, sometimes we don’t really connect.”
She sighed. “I know what you mean. By the time I get home from work, I don’t really spend a lot of time talking to my parents. They’re busy. I’m busy. Or I’m on the Internet checking my E-mail.” Her cheeks flushed slightly as she mentioned the last part.
Talking to her boyfriend, perhaps? Why did that idea suddenly hurt so much? Kent struggled to understand his own feelings, mixed-up as they were.
“I hear you,” he said finally. “It’s just a shame, you know? We’ve got people right in front of us, and we don’t always take the time to tell them how much they mean to us—or even to relate to them at all.” He paused. “I guess I’m just so sensitive to this because there are so many things I wish I’d said to Faith before she died. You know, I never told her how pretty she looked on that day. She had fixed her hair a different way, and I never even commented on it.”
“I’m sure she knew. . .” Shauna gave him a sympathetic look. “She knew you loved her, and women who know they’re loved don’t always need to hear those things.”
“Still, it’s important to take the opportunity when we have it.”
He could see a look of pain in Shauna’s eyes, and he wondered if she had misinterpreted his words. She began to speak, and he felt sure she had.
“Speaking of opportunities,” Shauna glanced down at the table, “I just wanted to start by saying how sorry I am for coming down so hard on Charity.” She looked up, and he noticed the glistening of tears in her eyes. “I’m ashamed and a little embarrassed to admit that I’m on such a learning curve. There are so many things I still can’t handle. . .”
“I understand,” Kent said. “Maybe more than I let on. I know how hard she can be, trust me. She wears me out sometimes.”
“Really? You’re not just saying that?” Shauna gave him a weary look.
“It’s hard enough to be a parent,” he explained. “Even harder to be a single parent who works all day at a brand new job. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for a really long time. It’s not because I’m not tired, that’s for sure. I’m exhausted.”
“I hear you. By the time I get home from work, I just want to fall into bed and forget about the day. I’ve learned a lot over the past few weeks. It’s one thing to talk about working with children. It’s another thing to actually work with them.”
Kent’s heart felt heavy, and he knew there were still words he must speak, as well. “You’ve apologized to me, but I need to do the same.”
“Why?” An expression of curiosity crossed her face. “What did you do?”
“I overreacted that day at the school, and I. . .I telephoned Mrs. Fritz.”
“Ah.” She nodded. “I knew that. She told me. But she didn’t come down too hard on me. In fact, we had a really pleasant conversation. She helped me put things in perspective.”
“Sometimes I wish I had someone to help me do that,” Kent said. “Besides just my mom, I mean. She’s great, but I really miss having someone like. . .” His words drifted away, and he looked down at the table then took a sip of his coffee.
“Your wife?” Shauna looked him in the eye.
Kent nodded. “I need help. I can’t do this alone. And I’m so worried that Charity will grow up without the influence of a mother. Maybe she’ll be a tomboy. Or maybe kids will make fun of her because I’m so clueless about her wardrobe. And what am I going to do when she grows up? I can’t talk to her about all of that. . .that. . .girl stuff.”
He shook his head, and Shauna chuckled. “You’re getting a little ahead of yourself, Dad.” She smiled, and his heart flip-flopped as she continued on. “You should probably just take one day at a time.”
“Very biblical advice,” he agreed. “And I do my best. But there are times I feel like a complete failure.” He hung his head in shame. “Like the other day when you pointed out all of your struggles with Charity. I felt so. . .”
“Helpless?” She drew in a deep breath as he nodded.
“Yes.”
“I feel terrible for making you feel that way.” She gave him a look of genuine caring. “I just didn’t know what else to do. And I’ve asked myself over and over again if I would have handled the situation differently if I had known you were her father. After all. . .” She paused, and he thought he saw a hint of a smile in her eyes.
“What?”
“Well. . .” She stammered a bit then looked up at him with a hopeful expression. “We were getting to know each other, and I. . .I really liked that.”
“Me, too.” He couldn’t help but smile.
Shauna’s eyes lit up, and she spoke with renewed determination. “I’m going to try a lot harder with Charity. I promise you that and not just because she’s your daughter, but because it’s the right thing to do.”
“And I need to make you a promise, too,” Kent added. “I’ll work on being more disciplined with her,” he added. “And not spoiling her so much.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Shauna nodded her agreement, and they sat in silence a moment before he asked the question that had weighed on his heart for a while now. “So where does that leave us?”
She shrugged and gave a bashful smile. “Is it okay just to start over?
“I’d like that.” Kent suddenly felt as if a weight had been lifted.
“Me, too.” She gave him a bashful smile then took a sip of her coffee.
***
Shauna’s coffee grew cool as she sat acr
oss from Kent Chapman. She listened with great interest as he talked about his unique relationship with Charity. For the first time, she saw the child through his eyes—the good traits and bad, humorous and serious. She heard the details of her upbringing, the role her grandparents played, and the great lack of not having a mother. She heard about Charity’s love for music, and her desire to dance. She laughed as Kent shared his fears about his daughter dating one day. This somehow shifted into a discussion she had not anticipated.
“I don’t think I like the idea of dating very much.”
She shrugged. “Never did much of it, myself.” She started to explain that Joey was her first serious boyfriend but decided against it.
“What is your ideal man like?” Kent looked her squarely in the eye as he asked the question.
Shauna gulped down a mouthful of coffee and fought to answer. She wanted to say, “Someone like Joey,” but right now that answer didn’t sound right, even to her own ears.
“My ideal man”—she stumbled a bit—“will obviously be someone who loves children.”
“Obviously.” He smiled.
“And he’s got to be someone who’s strong in the Lord. Someone who can lead our family. That’s a critical part of the equation.”
“So you’re interested in having children, then.” Kent’s eyes seemed to smile as she nodded.
“Of course.”
“Ah.” He nodded. “Go ahead.”
She went on to explain that her husband would be the kind of man who would encourage her to fulfill her dreams. Then she turned the question around on him. “Now tell me what the perfect woman looks like to you.”
An immediate look of pain filled his eyes, and she realized he must be thinking of Faith. “Other than my wife,” he said slowly, “I’d have to say that the perfect woman has to be someone who shares my love for church-related things. I’ve always worked with teens, and she would have to support me in that.
“I was president of my youth group when I was sixteen.” What are you doing? Promoting yourself? Her cheeks warmed immediately, and she hoped he didn’t get the wrong idea. Is it a wrong idea?
“I was way too into myself when I was sixteen,” Kent shook his head, and she could read the sadness in his eyes. “I wasted a lot of time in that regard—but to answer your question, I was always looking for the perfect woman, even before I knew the Lord.”
“So does that mean you dated a lot when you were younger?” Shauna asked.
Kent groaned. “Yeah.”
“Explain.”
She sensed a story coming but couldn’t help laughing as he shared the details of his youth. “I guess you could say I was always a flirt.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I always fell in love too easily. If you don’t believe me, just ask my mom or my sister. Most of the time the girls didn’t even know I existed.”
“That’s hard to picture.”
Kent’s cheeks flushed. “Well, I made a fool of myself more than once. We’ll just leave it at that. I guess that’s why I was so surprised when Faith took an interest in me. You have to trust me when I say that I don’t see myself as the kind of guy women would find. . .appealing. I’m pretty. . .ordinary.”
“But ordinary is appealing,” Shauna argued. “N—not that you’re ordinary. I’m not saying that. Most women, me included, aren’t looking for super-heroes—just a man who will love them for who they are.”
The room grew eerily silent as Kent flashed a crooked smile. Shauna’s heart lurched. She couldn’t seem to wipe the grin from her own face, but the guilt that quickly followed wiped it away. Lord, please take these feelings away. I need to stay focused on You and Your plan for my life. If Joey is the man You have for me, settle the issue in my heart once and forever while he’s here. If not. . .
A picture of Charity flashed before her eyes, and she struggled with the emotions that followed. Lead me in Your way, Lord. I don’t want to follow my feelings or emotions. I just want what You want for me, no more and no less.
Her thoughts shifted to the day care, and she felt a peace. Except for Charity, the children seemed to have taken to her. Shauna’s heart warmed as she thought about how much a part of her heart they had become as well. Grafted in. The words came to her slowly, and she repeated them to herself. Grafted in. Sort of like God had grafted in His children.
Could she do the same with a little monster like Charity Chapman? Only time would tell. In the meantime, she would be content to tour the bookstore with one of the nicest men she’d met in a long, long time.
fourteen
Kent pushed the cart through the grocery store, trying to ignore Charity’s whining. “Buy cookies, Daddy!”
“Not this time, honey,” he said. “I need to buy milk and cereal.”
His cell phone rang, and he tried to balance it against his ear with his shoulder as he continued to push the cart. “Hello?”
“Pastor Chapman?”
The muscles in his jaw tightened immediately. Vicky Ebert. How did she get my cell number? “Yes?”
“This is Vicky. I hate to interrupt whatever you’re doing, but I really need to talk to you. It’s important.”
“How did you. . .?”
“I hope you don’t mind that I called you on your cell phone,” she interjected. “I called the church secretary at home and told her it was an emergency.”
Great. “What’s happened?” Kent asked. “Is something wrong with one of the boys?” Kent continued to push the cart through the health-and-beauty department and on towards the dairy section. Charity chattered on and on, but he tried to force his thoughts to the matter at hand.
“No, it’s not that,” Vicky said. “The boys are fine. Well, as fine as boys without a father can be. I’m the one with the problem, actually.” She paused definitively. “Josh has checked himself into a program.”
Kent stopped his cart in the middle of the aisle so that he could take the time to respond appropriately. “Vicky, that’s wonderful. I’m so glad to hear it.”
She sighed. “But don’t you see, Pastor? This just complicates things.”
“It does?” Kent tried to make sense of her words. In the meantime, Charity reached to pull a large bag of women’s personal products down off the shelf and into their basket. Kent shook his head and mouthed the word no as he lifted the item back to the shelf. “How does this complicate things, Vicky? I don’t get it.”
“He’s in a Christian program,” she explained, “and they want to see him restored. At least, that’s what they call it. Restored.”
“Of course. Isn’t that what you want?”
“Well, I do want him to stop drinking,” she said. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean I want him to come back home again, even if he does get a handle on the alcohol. He’s awful with the boys and with me.”
“When he drinks, you mean.” Kent pushed the cart a few feet forward to keep Charity from reaching out for more embarrassing items. “But you know what, Vicky? He wasn’t always like that. I remember Josh as a teen—just a few years ago. He was really on fire for the Lord. It wasn’t until after his father’s suicide that he began to crater.”
“Still,” she argued. “There’s no guarantee he will change. Drunk or sober.”
Kent rounded the corner, horrified to see he had landed on the sweets aisle.
“Candy, Daddy!” Charity shouted. “We buy candy!”
To keep her quiet, he tossed a bag of her favorite candy into the basket. She reached for it immediately, but he pressed it to the back of the basket.
Charity began to cry. “Candy, candy!”
Kent raised his voice so that Vicky could hear him above his daughter’s outburst. “There are no guarantees,” he said. “But don’t you think it’s worth taking a chance? Especially if Josh has checked himself into a program. That means he’s taking this more seriously.”
“I guess.” She didn’t sound terribly convinced.
Kent spoke with great passion, bo
rne out of understanding. “God can intervene in Josh’s situation, Vicky. I know He can, because I know He delivered me from a drinking problem years ago.”
“He. . .He did?”
“Yes.” Kent pushed the cart beyond the candy section, still headed towards dairy. “You didn’t know me very well when I was a teenager. We hung out in completely different crowds. But I was pretty messed up. Then God got ahold of me and everything changed. The person I used to be no longer existed. And all of the things I did before are in the past.”
“That’s great,” she said. “I just never knew.”
Kent’s ear grew warm, so he shifted the phone to the other ear as he wrapped up his thoughts. “There’s a scripture I love. It goes something like this, ‘But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.’ ” He finished with great zeal. “ ‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ ”
Vicky began to sniffle. “I just want a man who will love me and love my kids.”
Kent stopped the basket, opened the bag of candies, and handed one to Charity, whose face lit up like a Christmas tree. “I understand that,” he said, convinced the Lord was speaking through him. “You’re only asking for the very thing Josh promised you on your wedding day. But Vicky, I’m really going to encourage you to give this relationship with your husband another chance. If he’s making an effort to become a new man, maybe God will give you what you’ve been asking for all along.”
“Do you really think that’s possible?” Kent heard her blow her nose. “Really?”
“I do, because I’ve walked a mile in Josh’s shoes. And I’m awfully glad my family didn’t give up on me. There’s no telling where I’d be today if they had.” Kent ran his fingers through Charity’s hair, and she cradled her head into his hand. “I wouldn’t give this advice in every case,” he was quick to add. “But I really feel the Lord is laying these words on my heart. Love can overcome seemingly impossible obstacles.”
Charity reached out her arms, wanting to be held. He scooped her up out of the basket, and she threw her arms around his neck in a tight embrace.