“Then what did you mean?” I roar, spinning around to face her.
She skids to a stop, her wide brown eyes looking up at me in shock or fear, I don’t know which. “I-I just meant that I didn’t want to be around you when you’re so...upset. I want to talk, but not like this.”
My heart is pounding so hard I can feel my body moving to the beat of my pulse. But as I continue staring down at her, I feel myself begin to calm down. I’m letting my emotions get the better of me when I should be the voice of reason here. Right? I think so, anyway. It’s hard to know what to do when you suddenly find yourself standing on your own without a security blanket to fall back on. That’s what my father was for me, a source of security. I knew that if I fucked up, he’d be there with the answers on how to clean up the mess. Now, whatever choices I make are mine and mine alone.
It’s the biggest learning curve I’ve ever had to face and it’s scary as fuck. I can’t tell when I’m doing this adult thing right or if I’ve got it all wrong.
“Shit.” Combing my fingers through my hair, I grimace. “Shit. I’m sorry, Vista. I’m being a total dick, aren’t I?”
A hint of a smile appears on her porcelain face causing my heart to stutter. “Yeah, you kind of are.”
I don’t want to be that. Not to her. Not ever. I need a time-out to collect my shit before I completely fuck this up. Or at least, not any more than I already have. “Can I have a do over?”
She pretends to think about it. I love that she doesn’t just give in to me. She makes me sweat a little first. “Yeah, you can have a do over.”
I want to fall to my knees before her, I’m so relieved. Not that I ever doubted how charming I am. “Tomorrow then. After closing. I’ll pick you up, take you to dinner, and we’ll talk.”
Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth, she considers it for what feels like an eternity before saying, “It’s a date.”
Yeah, it is, isn’t it?
20
Murphy’s Law. It holds some weight, especially today, because anything that could go wrong has. The grand opening went great. There wasn’t any fanfare, no media coverage, or anything flashy, but we were short-staffed when the doors opened since Robby somehow broke his big toe and needed to stay off his feet, and Stasha had food poisoning. Good thing we only had some light traffic. It’s such a specialty practice, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I certainly hoped for more than I got.
Unfortunately, both of my appointments cancelled—one, a pro-baseball player and the other, a prominent member of the community. I was relying on those clients to help get the word out, not to mention pay some of the bills. Now, I’ll have to hunt even harder to find someone to replace them. After a long day of nothing happening, I sent Janey home with a stack of flyers. She’s sworn that she’ll paper the city with them, and I’m sad to admit that I’m banking on it.
To top off a crappy day, I’m not feeling my best. I probably should have said something to Levi when he showed up to take me out for our date, but he just looked so hopeful that I didn’t have the heart to deny him.
Now, I’m sitting here in a seriously fancy, over-the-top restaurant picking at a plate of spaghetti that I’m never going to eat. Everything about it, from the look of the noodles to the smell of the sauce, is nauseating.
“Do you want to order something else?” Levi asks. I guess he’s noticed that I’ve only been pushing my food around for the last half hour.
I smile politely, wondering to myself if I can choke down one bite to appease him, but I just can’t. I hate wasting his money like this, but I just can’t bring myself to eat a single bite. Pushing my plate away, I sigh. “I guess I’m just not that hungry.” As if to call me a liar, my stomach chooses that moment to growl. It’s loud enough to be heard over the violins and is completely embarrassing.
Setting his fork down on his plate of shrimp linguine, Levi frowns. “You’ve been quiet all evening. Is it the food or the company?”
“Neither,” I tell him. Although, this place isn’t really my style. Frankly, I never pegged Levi for the ritzy type, either. I hope he’s not trying to impress me. Sighing, I tell him, “It’s just been a long day and I’m tired and I haven’t gotten completely over the morning sickness yet.” My feet are swollen, I have a headache and gas, and I can’t concentrate at all. Hello, Mommy Brain! Of course, I don’t tell him any of this. I don’t want to sound like a complainer, and I doubt he brought me here to listen to my personal problems anyway.
“Why didn’t you say so? We could have stayed in.”
“I could tell that you were looking forward to this. I didn’t want to disappoint you or put you out after traveling all this way to see me.”
His frown turns into a scowl and Levi sits back, regarding me with suspicion. “Since when did you become so agreeable?”
I have no idea. I really don’t. Maybe it’s the hormones, I wonder, except that should make me less agreeable, shouldn’t it? “You wanted to talk. That’s what I came here for, so talk.”
A small smirk begins to form and, dammit, I can’t stop staring at his mouth. Levi’s lips are perfectly formed, with little sharp points on his top lip and a full, cushiony bottom lip that feels smooth and supple between mine when I suck on it. When I used to suck on it, I correct myself. Kissing Levi was all kinds of fun. And that beard. I want to reach across the table and run my fingers through it, just to feel the coarse but soft hairs on my skin again. He’s trimmed it since the last time I saw him. It’s a little shorter than I remember, more sophisticated, but it still looks good. Damn good. Put him in leather and on the back of a motorcycle and you have one hell of a sexy ass biker.
Jesus, is it hot in here? I’m freaking sweating my ass off.
“So that’s what you want to do then, talk?” Levi asks, his voice sharp.
Clearly, he’s taken offense to my tone or comment or something, but I can’t allow myself to care. This is a business arrangement. Getting involved with him again on a personal level is out of the question, even though my body seems to have different ideas. “Yes, I do. I assume you have questions?”
His blue eyes are steel on mine—cold, hard, and assessing. If at all possible, he’s grown even more confident since I last saw him. It’s sexy as hell. “We’ll start off with what your plans are for after the baby is born. What last name will it have?”
I look away and my gaze immediately falls on a couple with a young child across from us. They’re struggling together to keep the food on the table instead of the floor where their little girl wants it. I can tell from here that they’re frustrated, but they’re also smiling a little. They’re enjoying their life, sharing something that Levi and I never will. I know he won’t understand why I’ve made the choices that I have, but he has the right to know.
“I’m not sure,” I tell him, my voice small. “I guess it depends on the family.”
“The family,” Levi says slowly, rolling the words around a bit while he attempts to decipher them. I wait him out only because I’m too chicken shit to say the words myself. I chose this route, and yet I struggle with it every day. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is what is best. What kind of life can I give a child when I barely have my own in order?
“You’re giving it up?” Levi’s brows furrow in disbelief. When I finally muster up enough courage to look him in the eye, I’m able to see the full extent of his anger, hurt, and sense of betrayal.
“I can’t keep it. I’m starting a business, I work long hours, I’m weighed down by student loans, I’m living in an efficiency apartment, and I’m barely making ends meet,” I explain to him. “As a mother, I don’t have anything to offer. He’ll be better off with someone who can give him everything he needs.”
“It’s a boy?” he asks, his voice dangerously low. Fishing out his wallet, he withdraws his credit card and places it on the outside edge of the table. The waiter comes by almost immediately and carries it off.
“Yes,” I say, my mouth tur
ning down.
His head bobs a couple of times, and he still continues refusing to look at me. “I hope you realize that I can’t let you go through with it.”
I figured he’d push back. Levi Black is a strong-willed man who knows what he wants. Or at least, he thinks he does.
“What are you going to do with a kid?” I ask him. “Just a few months ago, you were off screwing anything that walked around on two legs. Now you want to raise a child? It’s not a puppy, Levi. Just what, exactly, do you think you can offer him?”
“I have plenty of money. I can provide anything he needs.”
There’s the crux of it. Levi, above everyone else, should know just how little money means when it comes to having the love and respect of the people you care about. “A child can’t live off money alone, Levi,” I say, already feeling tired with this conversation.
“It needs love and attention. It needs your time, and how will you do that for him when you’re jet-setting across the world or boating in the Riviera with a bunch of blonde bimbos with huge tits?”
He clenches his jaw at the deliberate dig. That’s right, I watch E! and while I know recent celebrity gossip is a total fabrication created by past events, that doesn’t mean I’m above using it to make my point.
“That’s what these parents will do for him,” I continue on. “They’ll be able to give him everything we can’t.”
A dark look passes over Levi’s face and, recognizing the dangerous air surrounding him, I settle a little deeper into my chair. Out of nowhere, he slams his fist down on the table, rattling the stemware and startling me and a few nearby diners. “Who says that we can’t? I know I sure as hell can, and I will.”
“I’ve already filed the paperwork, Levi,” I explain as calmly as possible. “A family has already been picked out. They have their hearts set on it.”
His eyes grow darker as he leans across the table, his voice low and threatening. “Then they can unset it, because that’s my baby, and he’s going to have my name. I’m not giving it up to anyone. First thing tomorrow morning, you’re going to call whoever it is that you have to call, and you’re going to tell them that the deal is off, do you hear me?”
I swallow, unsure of what to do or say. Levi looks like he’s prepared to throw the damn table across the room if I say the wrong thing. I feel stuck. I’ve already made a deal. I’ve signed the papers. The adopting parents are preparing for my child to become theirs and my heart breaks just thinking about how devastated they’ll be if I back out, but at the same time my heart is screaming to follow Levi. He’s telling me to do exactly what I’ve wanted to do since before the ink had a chance to dry on the contract. I don’t want to give up my child. I want to hold my son in my arms and watch him grow up. I want to experience it all, but how do I do that? How do I hurt two people to save us?
“Levi, I—”
His hand shoots up, effectively cutting me off. “If you say anything other than ‘Yes, Levi,’ I will fucking flip my shit, do you understand me? I didn’t sleep at all last night, I’m on edge, and after this load of bullshit you just dumped in my lap, I’m this close to going nuclear.” He holds up his fingers, an inch apart, to demonstrate his point. “Fucking fix it.”
Right now, I can clearly see his father in him. David Black, the ruthless man who’s used to getting what he wants, any way he can get it, is staring back at me...and it’s terrifying. I shouldn’t be happy about this. Not at all. But he’s forcing my hand, a hand that I know needs to be forced, because I never wanted any of this. Being separated from my baby seemed like a necessity before, but now, it’s fast becoming an impossibility. I can’t breathe for how badly I want to be a mother to this child. So, I close my eyes and let the words we both want to hear tumble from my mouth.
“I’ll call the director in the morning,” I murmur, hoping it will diffuse the situation while silently bouncing in my seat. Am I really going to do this? Am I going to keep my child?
Rising from his chair, his jaw set and his eyes laser focused, Levi motions for me to follow with a glare that dares me to question him.
I don’t.
Leaving my seat, I turn and walk silently toward the door, giddy anticipation rushing through me when I feel Levi’s warm, strong hand press against my back to guide me.
When we step onto the sidewalk, I pause to see what the next step is. Levi hands the valet a ticket, and the young man’s eyes light up when he takes it. I almost laugh, because I know why he’s so excited.
A few moments later, I hear the deep growl of an engine coming down the street and turn my head in its direction. Sure enough, the valet is riding Levi’s motorcycle. When he rolls it to a stop at the curb and climbs off, he’s wearing a shit-eating grin.
“Enjoy the ride?” Levi asks him as he hands him a hefty tip, accepts the keys, then steps up to the bike, straddling it. It’s such an odd sight, him in a tailored pair of slacks, sitting on this slick piece of rugged machinery.
“I love your bike, man. How much did that monster set you back?”
Levi grins as he hands me my helmet. I try to keep my heart from falling too hard when he doesn’t stop to help me fasten it. I know he loves his bike, but I have to assume that he chose it over the comfort of a car so he wouldn’t have to risk talking to me in close quarters. Right now, I’m thankful for his foresight.
“More than you make in a year working here, my man,” Levi tells him. The guy’s expression drops, but then Levi hands him a small, white square. “For a guy I know,” he informs him. “If you find yourself in the market for a job that pays, give him call.”
Damn. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person light up quite like that guy did as he jogged away. “That was really nice of you,” I tell Levi as I take hold of his shoulders and climb on behind him. “It was pretty hot.”
“You’d better be talking about me,” Levi warns as he pops the kickstand up and aims the bike toward the flow of traffic.
My stomach flutters at the comment. Why am I encouraging him? I shrug in an attempt to play it off, but I know the gesture is lost on him. Once we’re zipping down the roads, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway. I get lost in the feel of the wind on my face, in my hair. The warmth of Levi’s body chasing away the chill. I could live my life on the back of his bike. It’s a special kind of feeling that you just can’t get anywhere else. Freedom. That’s what riding is like. Maybe that’s why Levi prefers it over a traditional car. I can certainly see the appeal.
“You know it’s going to be pretty difficult strapping a car seat onto this thing,” I yell over the roar of the engine.
“What do you think the saddlebags are for?” he calls back.
I can’t even pretend not to find that funny. Throwing my head back, I let loose and laugh. I almost forgot what it was like spending time with this man. He can be so exasperating, and he can also be so exhilarating. He’s the perfect mix of boy and man—knows when to have fun and when to get serious. And I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing both sides of him.
Suddenly, I’m thinking it might be better to keep my options open.
21
I don’t know how I got here, but I’m definitely enjoying myself. It’s gotta be the motorcycle. Chicks dig a man on a Harley. Vista is on her knees, naked as the day she was born, and wetter than a seal swimming in the ocean.
After we arrived back at her place—a shit apartment building that isn’t worth the foundation it’s built on—she tried to give me the brush-off, but being the kind of guy that I am, I ignored her completely and invited myself in.
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the bike that got me to this point in the evening. I’ll just have to chalk it up to my incredible, irresistibly charming self. Letting me inside—with a considerable amount of hesitation on her part—Vista assumed we would spend more time talking.
I wasn’t interested.
From experience, I’ve learned that women respond better when they’re made pliable first. So, the second she opened
her mouth to...I don’t know what. Offer me a nightcap? I didn’t hesitate to swoop in and kiss her.
What was meant as a tactical maneuver quickly escalated into an all-consuming need to be inside her. God, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed her mouth. And her body. Don’t even get me started on it.
Regardless of all the changes—her tits are fucking fantastic—I still can’t get enough of her. I want my hands everywhere. I want to lick every inch of her body, taste the salt of her skin.
Her apartment is small. Like, I can see all of it in one shot small. So, it was a toss-up of whether I wanted to take her on the couch two feet to the left, or on the bed, two feet to the right. Backing her toward the bed, I had my hand down her pants and my fingers knuckle deep in her pussy before the backs of her legs touched the mattress.
Throwing her head back and exposing that sexy throat to my mouth, she moaned while I sucked and licked and kissed and fingered her until her entire body shook and her muscles milked me with her orgasm.
I had her pants down around her ankles and my mouth was watering to taste her when she called a stop to everything. A shower. She needed a shower before she could be comfortable going any further.
Women.
I couldn’t give a flying fuck if she had stubble on her legs or sweat on her skin. I was planning to dirty her up anyway. But Vista was adamant, so I came up with the bright idea to take playtime to the shower and here we are.
“How you doing down there, princess? Knees hurt at all?”
She looks up at me, her brown eyes full of lust and excitement and smiles as she runs her hands up my thighs. “Never felt better.” Wrapping her hand around my cock, she gives it a gentle pull causing my head to fall back on my shoulders.
“Good. That’s good, princess.” I don’t know if I’m answering her or praising her. All I know is that I sure as hell don’t want her to stop.