But just as I was thinking about having a chance to relax and chill out a bit, Simon Fuller, the show’s creator, came busting into my dressing room followed by a group of record label executives, everyone worked up, talking fast and loud. “As far as we’re concerned there is more than one winner here tonight,” Mr. Fuller said excitedly. There was a frenzy of hugs, handshakes and congratulations, all of which baffled me, until it hit me that the commotion was not just to make me feel good about coming in second. In fact, I was in the process of being signed by 19-E/Jive Records right there in the dressing room that very night! A record deal. Wow. This was the last thing that I expected to happen! In one second my little “hobby” turned into something real, something important, something valid. I was speechless, and I don’t think I even had the stomach to finish the pizza with all the excitement buzzing in the room.
Even though I had lost, maybe I had won after all. I had shown everyone that my passion for music was real all the way to the end. The hard work had paid off, and the shadow of self-doubt was, at least for this moment, less than it had been in quite a while. My best, I’d learned, just might be good enough.
TOP 3 IDOL MEMORIES
▶ Singing “Imagine” for the first time was by far one of the most special moments, because back then I wasn’t worried about anything. I was just happy to be there. It all felt so genuine.
▶ Day-to-day moments with the people who were in the show with me were some of the most special times I can remember—things like rehearsing songs together, or catching up on the rare occasions that we were on a break. These people were my friends and family for five months straight, and they made a tremendous impact on me. It was so inspiring to be among them all, and I’ll always carry those memories close.
▶ The finale week was also a key moment for obvious reasons. The world was watching and there was no room for mistakes. There was so much energy in the air you could feel it; each performance required us to pour our souls into our songs. It was overwhelming in a way that I can’t even begin to describe. We were now at the end of a journey and even though it was nerve-racking, it was incredibly exciting until the very end.
CHAPTER 7
STEPPING IT UP
“You can’t be confident when you comfort zone. Confidence is built by pushing way beyond what you think you can do.”
—BRYAN PULSIFER
Once the show ended there wouldn’t be too much time to reflect, because just as quickly as the first phase of Idol was over, the next year of my life was instantly mapped out before my eyes. There would be no return to normalcy, only more craziness that would continue to totally blow me away. From the moment Idol ended it felt like someone had hit the fast forward button on my life, and it became clear that it wasn’t going to slow down anytime soon. All I could do was brace myself and count my blessings.
Soon after the season wrapped, David Cook and I flew to New York to do a week of press. The whole media thing also took some getting used to. As I’ve never been much of a talker, speaking comfortably in front of cameras and doing interviews was a whole new world of nerves that I had to face. It seems to come naturally to so many performers, but unfortunately, I’ve never been one of them. I had to work very hard to feel ready for the constant and often repetitive questions from the press world, facing each interviewer confidently every time. Idol itself was a great training ground as we had several interviews each week and slowly but surely it did get easier. We went to the Today show where we were both able to perform out on the Plaza. We also visited with MTV, did several press events, and had some great food! I really enjoy New York and being able to walk out of your hotel to find a great restaurant on almost every block: Thai food, Italian food, amazing delis, and always some new and interesting restaurant to discover. Plus I just love the energy and fast pace of New York.
After the media blitz in New York, I only had one week off before having to go back to Hollywood to prepare for the Idol Summer Tour. I went to Lake Powell with my friends for a few days, which at first I didn’t even want to do. I really thought I wanted to just be with my family for the week, but I realized it would be great for me to have an actual vacation where I got away completely and had time to just relax and enjoy one of the most beautiful places on earth. There were so many things brewing that I was afraid I couldn’t afford to rest; I was on a serious roll. But my parents insisted. “You need to go. You need a break.” The fact is, they couldn’t have been more right. I did need a break, even just a short one, to think about what was going on and try to take it all in. Intellectually I knew that a relaxing week would be the best thing that could happen to me after the madness of the previous six months—and in the end I have to admit it was nice to get away from all the craziness—but it was also stressful because I felt the pressure of having an album to record. Even though I was technically on vacation, I not only had to work on some stuff for the tour, but also for my own album.
TOP 3 INTERVIEWS
▶ One of the funniest interview moments for me was during American Idol when someone asked me a question and I answered it, but for some reason everyone thought that I was going to keep on talking—only I was done talking. There was this awkward pause, and I looked at the interviewer, and everyone looked at me, and no one seemed to know what was happening for a moment.
▶ During the Jingle Bash radio show on B96 in Chicago, there was this funny DJ who kept asking me about my dating life and my love interests. She was so eager to get me talking, so I totally turned it around on her and started asking her about her dating life. It was hilarious.
▶ Another amazing interview was on Z100 in New York when they debuted my first-ever single, “Crush.” It was finally my chance to present my first song to the world, and I was so nervous and excited. It was such an amazing feeling to be able to do that. I was all tingles for that entire interview.
And I wasn’t only going to record songs, but I was also going to be able to write them myself. During my vocal paralysis period, my dad strongly encouraged me to work on my songwriting and piano abilities, which was what the record execs had advised me to do. I did write three songs during that period, but I always felt I wasn’t very good at songwriting because it took me a long time to write each song, sometimes almost a year before I felt it was complete. It would turn out to be a good exercise though, because now I would have the opportunity to write with some world-class writers and at least I had already been through the process before. I knew it was finally time to start working on the next phase of my musical evolution, and writing for my own album was that logical next step. The label was pushing it, and honestly, despite my fears, I was also feeling ready to give it a go. The truth is that I always wanted to write my own music; I just never thought I was good enough, but now I had an opportunity to try it again. I felt the next chapter coming toward me like a massive snowball that seemed to be traveling at a wild speed, gaining momentum and size with every moment that passed. I wasn’t prepared for any of it, and I definitely didn’t have a vision. Things were being thrown so fast in my direction that I simply had to find a way to deal with everything on the spot. It was kind of like learning in real time.
. . . it felt like someone had hit the fast forward button on my life . . .
After years of telling myself that I wasn’t ready, I was forced to be ready. I was forced to step up and accept the full responsibility that would come with this next phase of my musical “career.” So while I was on vacation, I knew that no matter how much I wanted or expected things to wind down, there was no chance of that happening, at least not anytime soon. There was a national three-month arena tour coming up that summer with the other top ten finalists. We were set to start rehearsing for that tour almost immediately after that brief week in Lake Powell. I had only a day or two at home, and then I was back with the other Top 10 Idols to get ready for the first show already slated for July 1. Then there was my solo album coming out in November, and a solo tour to promote it. These were thin
gs I associated with real stars. Not only was it impossible to imagine myself in that context, but I also realized it was going to be a huge challenge as to how to combine being a regular teenager with this new schedule and crazy agenda. There was absolutely nothing regular about anything that was happening.
I didn’t quite understand how I could actually have arrived at this point until I started to see that every moment of my life had built on the previous one, creating this really cool chain link of experiences. I began to see the pattern of events as connected to everything that was happening in the present, which made me look to the future with even more excitement. It was scary; but at the same time I knew that I had finally gotten to a place that validated all my stops along the way. I was able to look back and see how every performance of my life—big or small—was a piece of the puzzle whose picture would be revealed one day in the form of my future. Despite all of my doubts and fears, I could now embrace that it was all well worth it, that God did have a plan for me, and that I did the right thing by trusting in Him. I would try to make sense of everything by always reminding myself that all of this was happening because I was following those impressions that I received from the Spirit along the way.
Once we got back to California to rehearse, I was very happy to know that we were going to be able to pick our own songs to perform on tour. We were also finally able to sing the full versions of the songs, and we were pretty much going to each do our own mini-concert. I was able to choose four songs for my set, so I thought it would be good to have a variety of songs both from the show as well as one that I hadn’t performed before but had always wanted to. I brainstormed with my dad and we worked out some ideas for the arrangements and I decided to go ahead and play the piano on one of the songs. I decided to start off my set with “Angels,” complete with fog machines as the piano and I would rise from the ground as the music began. I then performed “Apologize,” which was one of my favorite moments on the show when I sang it with Ryan Tedder and One Republic, then “Stand by Me,” which is just one of the greatest happiest songs ever. My set ended with “When You Say You Love Me,” which is a song I was going to sing back in my Star Search days but never actually performed anywhere. It is also a song that has just so much feeling and emotion and very meaningful lyrics, so I thought it would be a great way to end my set, and let my fans and all my supporters know how they make me feel.
We rehearsed for the summer tour in Burbank at a large sound studio. The people running the show brought in the actual set so we could practice the way the show was actually going to happen. We only had four rehearsals each, but it turned out to be enough and the whole thing worked out perfectly. I felt ready, although a little nervous, but I couldn’t wait to get out on the road. This tour would take us not only to U.S. cities but we were also going to make a stop in Canada, which was super-exciting because I had never been there before. The chance to travel and see new places was a perfect (and totally unexpected) cherry on top of everything else that was happening. I thought it was pretty cool to have been to New York, Los Angeles and Chicago as a kid, but now I was getting the chance to see the whole country—while I was singing the whole time! There would be two shows in Utah, so I would get to sing for my beloved home state that had been so supportive of me.
For the three months on tour, we lived like nomads, but we did stay in some really nice hotels. Even though I was only seventeen, I think I adjusted pretty well. I had moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I was used to changing environments. We lived in eight different houses when I was growing up, and now I was going to be able to live on a bus with my Idol family, the new tour crew and of course, my dad.
This is me on tour feeling a whole lot better about myself as a singer
There were so many incredible things about the tour, starting with the fact that we were no longer in competition with one another. We could just let loose, have fun, and for the first time in months, sing totally without fear. We had already spent so much time bonding during the show that this felt like a perfect vacation with the closest of friends, a chance to enjoy the closeness and collaboration we had created while on the show. I spent a lot of my time with Jason Castro and Kristy Lee Cook, but I also liked to go off on my own sightseeing adventures on those rare occasions when I’d have a few moments to myself.
TOP 3 TOURING MOMENTS
▶ Performing in my hometown of Utah for the first time was amazing. In fact, I read that Utah crowds were known for being extra-spirited. That makes me proud. I remember being so emotional when we arrived in Utah on the American Idol tour. I sang “When You Say You Love Me,” and it was so nice to get that special feeling of appreciation right at home.
▶ Something else that always strikes me when I’m on tour is meeting some of the people who come out to see me. I’m amazed when I meet these little kids who are so sweet and honest and will tell you their whole life story if you let them. Especially people who are going through a hard time. It always feels great to know that you’re making other people feel better. I have to say that my best moments are not always onstage, but often offstage after the shows when we get to meet some of the fans.
▶ I also really loved my show in the Philippines, not just because it was such a massive show with more than eighty thousand people, but because of the people! It was nothing like anything I could have ever expected. First of all, I never imagined the Filipino people were going to be so fanatical, genuinely supportive and react to me the way they did—I didn’t think they would even know who I was, but instead they treated us like royalty. How could they support me from so many miles away? It was mind-blowing and an unforgettable experience!
Since we were usually on the bus, it was nice to have a morning when I could get out and walk around a bit, maybe get something to eat, and just take in the new environment like a tourist. It was refreshing to have this time, even though once in a while people would stop me on the street for an autograph, or to take a picture with them. I didn’t mind; by now I knew it was all part of the deal.
There were so many incredible things about the tour
I’ll always remember being in Portland, Oregon, for the first time and walking around with Jason, taking in the vibe of the city, which I loved from the moment we arrived. We visited bookstores and just wandered around, loving the chance to be in this really cool new place. I also remember being in Pittsburgh and going running one morning and kayaking that same afternoon, which was so much fun and totally spontaneous. I had never been to Northern California either, which was so cool to finally see.
On many of the stops, though, we didn’t get to even see the city we were in; the only place we’d visit was the arena where we’d be performing, because we needed time to sound check, rehearse and make sure that everything was running smoothly. The tour was like being in a routine that was different from American Idol. On the show so much was always being thrown at you at once, but on the tour things felt slightly less hectic.
Our main agenda was to perform, sign autographs and maybe do some press along the way. In a way, it was actually really relaxing. For me, the tour also represented everything about Idol that I loved so much: It brought together diverse talents to show the beauty of music, and without the element of a contest, so the experience (for us as well as the fans) was totally pure. On tour, I had the chance to learn some critical concepts, such as the importance of pacing myself, of interacting with fans, and I even had to learn the art of signing autographs. I actually changed my signature a few times until I found one that I could do fairly quickly, but still have it look like my name. The tour gave me a first taste of what life would be like as a professional singer. It taught me about the strength of discipline required to get from one day to the next and about the critical need to stay on course. Even better, being onstage so often continued to chip away at my confidence issues, giving me a chance to get comfortable with all the new attention. I was freer, more joyful, less nervous and generally more at ease with the idea o
f being in the spotlight. I was really starting to enjoy it. I was finally starting to let go and enjoy the act of performance just as much as I enjoyed singing. The Idol tour was an absolute gift that ultimately prepared me for my upcoming solo tour by giving me a chance to loosen up as an entertainer. Being surrounded by my Idol family made the whole thing feel entirely safe and comfortable, which I think made me stronger as an artist and helped to get me ready for everything that would come next.
I was freer, more joyful, less nervous
There didn’t seem to be enough days in the calendar for all of the tasks ahead of me. I had signed with 19-E/Jive in June and they wanted an album out fast. I couldn’t imagine how we could start production on an album that didn’t even have a concept yet!
While I had lots of experience as a singer by now, I was still clueless as to what it would take to produce a record. I had always imagined that an album was the kind of thing you really take your time with, something you sit with and think about, with the sole purpose of letting yourself get inspired gradually and organically. I pictured a total creative immersion that would leave little time for anything else. I imagined I would get the chance to really explore the kind of music I wanted to put out, with enough time to create something truly unique that would reflect my taste and musical point of view.