Galena took a step closer to Eli. “What?”
“If you marry into the family and become one of us,” Cacy replied, “you will be officially protected from being Marked or harmed by a Ker.”
“That won’t stop a rogue from attacking,” Eli argued. He turned to Moros. “Would it?”
Moros ran his tongue over one of his unusually sharp canines. “It wouldn’t. Though when I discover the identity of the rogue, his or her existence is over.”
“But that might be too little, too late,” said Eli.
Cacy put her arm around his waist. “But Eli, remember that Ferrys heal. Really quickly. We can’t be killed unless the Charon wills it. I mean, look at Dec. Two hours ago his head was cracked open, and now he’s good as new.”
Dec ran a hand over the back of his head. His hair was crusted with his own blood and dusty with chipped plaster and grit. He couldn’t wrap his barely healed brain around what Cacy was suggesting. Couldn’t accept it, and couldn’t understand the ache in his chest. He looked over at Galena, expecting her to turn the idea down cold, and was shocked to see her looking at Cacy with her eyebrows raised, interest and hope in her eyes.
“That’s all I have to do?” she asked. “If I marry into the Ferry family, I can withstand a complex depressed skull fracture and go on with my research the next day?”
Moros chuckled. “Perhaps one of these esteemed Ferrys should explain some of the . . . complexities.” He was looking right at Aislin, a distinctly amused glint in his eyes. Aislin remained silent, her arms folded at her waist and her lips pressed tightly together.
Galena turned away from them to look at Dec. His gut clenched. He could read the request in her eyes. She wanted him to explain it. He cleared his throat. Galena deserved to know everything before she considered this path. Dec just wished he could figure out whether he wanted her to take it or not.
It was true that it might save her. It might enable her to complete her research.
It could also destroy her. Maybe not physically, but certainly emotionally. And wouldn’t that be the same thing as killing her?
“There are two rituals,” he said slowly. “One formal and one . . . informal. But both are mandatory for becoming a true Ferry.” He ran his hand over a smear of blood on the thigh of his uniform, feeling everyone’s stares. “The first is the Mark of the Ferry. It goes on your back. You’ve probably seen Cacy’s.” At the Harvard fund-raiser, she’d worn a dress that had put it on full display, much to Aislin’s chagrin.
“Yeah,” Galena said quietly. “A raven.”
Dec nodded, keeping his head down. “Accepting the Mark and the Scope allows you to walk in the Veil. Regular humans are only shadows there. Ferrys are solid, able to enter and leave it at will, using their Scopes. Able to open a window to Heaven or Hell when it’s called for. So that’s the formal ceremony. Our version of a wedding.” He licked his lips. His mouth was so damn dry.
“So what’s the informal ceremony for?” she asked.
He couldn’t look at her. His chest and face suddenly felt very hot. He couldn’t push Moros’s words out of his mind, when Moros had told Dec what had happened to Galena a few years ago. But he forced himself to keep talking. “The informal ceremony is what makes the person truly immortal, and what makes a regular human body able to heal quickly and completely under most circumstances.”
“Sounds important. Why is it informal, then?” Eli asked.
Dec raised his head. “Because it’s very private.”
Eli became very still. “Private?”
Dec nodded. He couldn’t go on, and Aislin seemed to sense that. Her voice was smooth and merciless as she explained. “We do not marry for appearances. You would have to commit to the choice with body and soul.”
“Body and soul?” Galena’s eyes had gone a little glassy. It was clear that marrying “for appearances” was what she had been hoping for. “So what you’re saying is—”
“The marriage must be consummated in order for the ritual to be complete,” said Aislin.
“Oh,” whispered Galena. She slowly sank onto the couch cushions. Her lovely face glinted with pinprick beads of sweat.
“Is this something you would sanction?” Moros asked Aislin. “After all, you are the Charon.”
Aislin unfolded her arms and let them fall to her sides. Her movements were controlled, so poised, but Dec knew her well—she was at war with herself. She let out a slow breath. “I would not stand in the way if this were the path Galena chose.”
Moros smiled before turning to Cacy. “This was your idea, Cacia. Who from your family would you volunteer as a worthy partner for Dr. Margolis?”
Filled with both curiosity and dread, Dec looked at Cacy to find her staring back at him. Her turquoise-blue eyes were filled with both apology and pleading. “What about you, Dec?”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Dec’s mouth dropped open. “You . . . I . . . I don’t think . . .”
He was frowning. And though he’d sought out Galena’s face first as soon as he’d woken up, now he seemed willing to look at anyone but her. She rubbed her sweaty palms on her jeans as Dec made a move for the door. “I have to go,” he mumbled.
“Dec, you can’t leave!” Cacy called after him. “We have to figure this out.”
Dec whipped around, looking so much stronger than he had when they’d been brought here by the two Kere who had been guarding her. “I’m done for tonight,” he said in a ragged voice. For the briefest of moments, his eyes strayed to Galena, turmoil in their icy depths. “I just . . . can’t. I’m sorry.”
He was out the door a second later.
Mr. Moros chuckled. “Who knew Declan was so commitmentphobic?”
“Shut the fuck up,” Cacy snarled at the same time Aislin said, “Jason, for goodness’ sake.”
He held his hands up. “Ferrys, please keep me apprised of the outcome of your latest family drama. I actually have interest in seeing how this one turns out. Tamasin and Nader, cooperate with the Ferrys, and do not fail me again.” His eyes met Galena’s. “Galena, good luck, my dear. We will respect your decision, but I advise you to follow the path that leads to your fate.” He inclined his head. “I will take my leave of you now. I have other business that requires my immediate attention.”
He disappeared. Just like that. No sign he’d ever been there. How was that even possible? How was anything these people could do possible? And now they were offering her the chance to be one of them—but the price was nauseatingly high. Not just for her, either. Dec had looked so upset when he’d stormed out. But she couldn’t blame him, not really. They didn’t know each other at all. Her shoulders slumped. “What if I say no?” she asked.
Eli sank down next to her and touched her shoulder. “We’d still protect you.” He looked at Aislin. “Right?”
Aislin nodded. “Of course.” She let out a weary sigh. “But as much as I hate to admit it, Cacia, this idea of yours is the most safety and certainty we can offer Galena. And that is crucial given the number of unsanctioned Markings that have already occurred. Someone or something is trying to unravel the fabric of fate, and this might keep that from happening.”
Jeez, when she said it like that, it sounded so . . . big. But then again, Galena knew her research was big, or had the potential to be. All she needed was another year or two, enough time to test the vaccine and develop the processes to mass-produce an antigen that required specific genetic tailoring for every individual. Her heart beat a little faster, but in a good way, like it always did when she thought about tackling something new, taking it apart, and solving it in ways no one else ever had. That was what got her out of bed, every single day. It was why she lived, why she breathed—to see the work she’d done touch the lives of people around the world. And it could. It could give them a chance to live, a chance to dream their own dreams.
If she gave up, millions of people, some not yet born, were destined to die needlessly before their time.
Eli
was right. She couldn’t quit.
But could she take the chance of continuing down this path as an ordinary mortal? If Dec hadn’t been with her tonight, she would have been crushed. Burned. Broken. But if she’d been a Ferry like he was, she would have walked away.
Didn’t she owe it to the world to do everything she could to stay safe and whole and working?
Galena gazed down at her trembling hands. “But I’d have a choice about who I married, right?” she asked in a shaky voice. “Could I have some time to think about it?”
“Of course,” said Aislin.
“But the sooner, the better,” Cacy said quietly. “Because then you’d be safe.”
“Right,” Galena whispered. “Safe.”
Eli looked over at her. “I want to take you home.”
“Eli, your apartment might be targeted,” Cacy said gently.
“Cacy is correct,” said Aislin. “Several of the attacks tonight were bombings.”
Standing next to the couch, Cacy stroked her hand through Eli’s dark-blond hair, and he leaned his head against her hip, his eyes closing in something like relief. “Eli and Galena can stay with me,” she said.
Aislin inclined her head. “That’s kind of you, but we have living quarters here as well, for visiting dignitaries. They’re quite comfortable. Galena, if you’d prefer to—”
“I’d rather stay with Cacy and Eli.”
“Done,” murmured Cacy. She looked at Aislin. “And you’ll ensure protection for her until she makes her decision?”
“I’ll try,” said Aislin. “Given tonight’s events, it seems that the rogue is determined to carve out a wide path of destruction. We have resources, but not enough to cover every possible place they might strike.”
“And more innocent people could die,” said Galena. “Because of me.”
Eli took her hand. “Don’t think like that. You have enough to worry about as it is.” He stood up, pulling Galena to her feet. “I’m taking them now. Aislin, we’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Eli’s hand suddenly went from warm to blazing hot, and with a rush of cold air, the Psychopomps office disappeared, replaced by an open living space with plush couches, shelves of real paper books, and quirky antique furniture. Galena wobbled on her feet, and Eli caught her. “Sorry. I know it takes some getting used to.”
“I think you do it with style,” Cacy said. She rose to her tiptoes and kissed Eli’s cheek. “And your control is a lot better.”
He grinned. “I’ve been working on it.”
Cacy touched Galena’s arm. “I hope I didn’t massively overstep back there. I just want to make sure you’re protected.”
“I know,” Galena murmured. “I appreciate it.”
“You can stay in my guest room, okay?” Cacy gestured toward the hallway. “And we’ll be in my room. My guess is that Nader and Tamasin will be skulking around tonight, too, so you’re totally safe.”
Galena swallowed and nodded. “I think I need to wash myself off. I’m pretty dusty. Do you have some extra water?” She hated to be greedy, but every time she moved, she felt the grit, and the suffocating memories of everything and everyone she’d lost tonight pressed in on her.
Cacy smiled. “We’ve got running water twenty-four-seven, lady. You can take a nice long shower if you want.” Cacy glanced at Eli as she pulled Galena toward the hall. “Can you pop over to your apartment and grab Galena’s clothes and toiletries?”
“Sure thing.” Eli gave Galena one last searching look, then vanished.
“You must be ready to fall over,” said Cacy as she led Galena into a huge bedroom with floor-to-ceiling windows bedecked with flowing drapes. A large four-poster bed piled with pillows drew Galena’s eyes. It was like something out of an ad for a luxury hotel. She’d never seen anything like it.
Too bad she probably wouldn’t be able to sleep.
“I’m used to being awake at all hours,” Galena mumbled. Her whole body hurt, a dull ache. Her skull felt like it had been stuffed with agar—smooth, gelatinous, and free of any intelligent thought. And that was kind of nice, actually. Except . . . “I guess I have a lot to think about.”
Cacy sighed. “Yeah. I’m sorry that Dec bombed out of there like that. I didn’t think he’d freak out.”
Galena laughed, sudden and high-pitched. “Are you serious? He’d just been asked to marry a total stranger.” Her throat grew tight. And have sex with her.
“Well, when you put it like that, I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on him. But seriously, Galena, I know this is a completely bizarre situation. Eli was right when he said we’d protect you regardless of what you decide.”
But if they tried to protect her, would they be hurt, too? And how many more mortals would die? “I know,” Galena murmured. “I’m just . . . well . . . this kind of thing isn’t easy for me.” Even now, she couldn’t really think about it, because she was too busy trying to bolster the fence around all those dangerous memories.
Cacy’s delicate face pinched with sympathy. “I know, Galena. And I know this must be scary. But if you did want to go through with it, we’d find someone good for you.”
Galena ran her hand over her throat. “Okay. Thanks. I think I need that shower now.” Anything to get away from this conversation. Someone good for her? Could any man possibly be good for her? She shuddered. But then Dec’s face flickered in her mind, accompanied by a pang of sadness.
Cacy gestured toward a door on the other side of the room. “You’ve got your own bathroom. Towels are in there. Enjoy. If you need me, I’m close. Just give me a shout.” She patted Galena’s arm and left her alone, shutting the door behind her.
Galena trudged to the shower. It was the size of the entire bathroom in her and Eli’s apartment. And it had glass walls and colorful mosaic tiles. More luxuries. She stripped down quickly, turning her back to the giant mirror that took up most of one wall. She hated looking at herself. Once she was naked, she turned on the water, delighted to feel the warm spray caressing her fingers. She stepped into it gratefully, letting it wash away all the leavings of this terrible night. She wished it were possible to do the same with her memories.
And her fears.
Going through with this marriage would mean willingly putting herself at the mercy of a man. How could she possibly do that, especially with a stranger? She grabbed a washcloth and soaped it, her nose filling with the scent of lavender. And as her hands moved automatically, scrubbing her skin, her mind wandered, back to the days before she’d been broken, when she’d had a boyfriend, when she’d enjoyed touching him and letting him touch her. It was hard to reach past all the blackness for images of his face, for the times they’d been skin to skin, for the way it had made her feel. It was so vague, a shadow of something that had been good, that she’d craved.
Last night, when she’d been with Dec in her lab, she had felt a ripple of desire within her, the hum of hope, for the first time in two years. The fear hadn’t stopped her from thinking about his touch, from wondering how it might feel, from wanting to try. But what would happen if she did?
The washcloth skimmed over her breasts, leaving her nipples hard and sensitive. Galena shivered despite the hot water. Could she let someone touch her again? The washcloth dipped lower, and she gritted her teeth and moved it around the scars, stroking down her hips instead. Her fingers brushed the soaked curls between her legs. Her thighs tensed, and anger rushed through her. She could barely even touch herself. A rare sort of rage burned through her, eating away at the thick cloak of numbness she usually wore. They’d taken everything. They’d made her own body her enemy. She was housed in a cage of bone and flesh and weakness, and it hadn’t been able to keep her safe. She was stuck inside this fragile mass of blood vessels and electrical charges, and what used to be hers felt foreign.
“I want it back,” she whispered. She dropped the washcloth and slid her fingers between her legs, running them over the slick folds of skin, the entrance to her body. Her fingertip trai
led up and circled the little nub, gentle and tentative. It made her feel dizzy, and she braced herself on the tile with her other hand. As the water rained down, she rubbed herself, exploring something that still felt like a strange, forbidden place. Part of her mind was trying to pull her into the ordered, clinical space where she spent most of her time, but another part was having none of it. Just feel. And own it. You can be safe within yourself.
She’d avoided this for so long that it didn’t feel safe at all. But it didn’t feel bad, either. Her heart was thumping steadily, not racing. Simply knocking fiercely against the wall of her chest, reminding her that it was still there, still beating. Her breaths whooshed from her lungs. Tiny zings of pleasure began to emanate outward from that sensitive spot, and her fingers grew slick, not with water, but with her own arousal. And once again, unbidden and startling, Dec’s face appeared behind her closed eyelids, his broad shoulders and muscular chest and narrow hips and—
“Galena? I—”
She screamed at the sound of the voice and clutched at the walls. Spots floated before her eyes, and her feet slipped over the tiles. “Cacy?” she called, her voice breaking over the name.
“I’m so sorry for scaring you!” Cacy said from the other side of the door. “I just wanted to let you know Eli’s back, and I’ve put some clothes on your bed.”
“Thanks,” she said with a strangled laugh. “Give me a minute.” Her hand rested on her belly, over the thick welts and crisscrossing scars. Her body was still throbbing, her heart racing. But her nerves were jangling, the feeling of being caught off guard too overwhelming. She turned off the water and leaned her head on the warm tile, focusing on controlling her breathing. “It’s a start,” she whispered to herself.
A few minutes later, she exited the bathroom to find a small neatly folded pile of clothes on the end of the bed. There was a knock at the bedroom door. “Yeah?” she called.
“It’s me, G,” came Eli’s muted response. “Can we talk? I’m worried about you.”