I crept up the stairs, cringing at every squeaking floorboard and breath of moving air; anything that might wake the monster.
With relief, I closed my bedroom door and switched on the light. I immediately saw the note lying on my pillow.
I flopped back on the bed, finally able to breathe easily. Jennifer was right: I definitely owed her.
Rolling over, I lay on my side and stared out the window. Just across in the next field, the colorful lights of the carnival faded one by one, until only the orange glow from a few trailer windows could be seen as the carnies settled down for the night.
It had always been so magical to me as a child—seeing the field blossom into life, like one of those desert plants that only flowers after rain.
Kes was over there. Maybe Dono had woken him by now, and he was in his own narrow cot bed.
Maybe thinking of Kes conjured him, because I heard his voice outside my window, calling softly.
I leaned across the sill and saw him standing in the moonlight. He smiled up at me, his eyes as bright as polished silver and his bare chest gleaming, all color leached away.
Before I could say a word, he started climbing up the side of the house, his fingertips digging into the board cladding, hooking around the drainpipe. He made it look as easy as walking upstairs, and then he pulled himself onto the windowsill and glided into my room.
He didn’t speak, not with words, instead pushing me back onto my mattress and kissing me hard.
I pulled my sweaty tank top over my head, surprising him, I think, because he paused, his hands gripping my waist. But his hesitation didn’t last. He reached behind me and released my bra, tossing it over his shoulder, then started to suck my breasts—not just the nipples, but all over, molding my soft flesh in every tender direction. I gasped and dug my fingers into the back of his neck, pulling him closer, encouraging him to use all his mouth, his lips, tongue, teeth, as his jean-clad hips settled between my knees.
I think he said something, but I couldn’t hear—the pounding in my ears was too loud. Warm spikes of desire started shooting up my body, leading to a point of heat between my legs.
I could smell his sweat, harsh and spicy, and when I licked his skin, he tasted of salt.
I couldn’t wait to shimmy out of my shorts when he flicked open the button. He dragged my panties down my hips, and I kicked them off.
Slowly, he leaned back on his heels, staring down at me wide-eyed. After the frenzy of the last few minutes, I felt exposed and I tried to tug the sheet over me, but Kes’s weight pinned it to the mattress.
I whimpered in embarrassment and his gaze flicked upward.
“I’m just going to try some stuff,” he said, his voice thick with lust.
I didn’t know what ‘stuff’ he wanted to try, but I needed him closer. I ran my hand down his chest, my nails scraping across his stomach. I watched, fascinated, as his muscles trembled under my touch. It was some confirmation that he was feeling as much as I did. I relaxed a little and shifted my hips against him.
His eyes fluttered closed and he took a deep breath. He shook his head, seeming to center himself, and reached into his pocket. I swallowed nervously when I realized he was holding a condom. He held it in the palm of his hand, watching me with such intensity that my body reignited.
I nodded and he smiled tightly.
He unbuttoned his jeans quickly and pushed them off his hips and over his knees. He swore when his feet got tangled. I laughed a little because I’d never seen him do anything that wasn’t graceful before. He shot me a furious look that shut me up.
Then he stood and slid his briefs over the curve of his ass, revealing a dip on either side where the muscles met thigh. A warm, musky scent rose from his body, making me want to lick the dips and learn the ridges of his body.
He faced away from me to roll on the condom, but it looked like his hands were shaking. I didn’t know if that was nerves or adrenaline because I definitely felt both.
When he turned around, I reached out to touch him, surprised by the texture of the condom, fascinated by the heat I felt through it.
He stepped back quickly, shaking his head, a small smile tugging at his lips.
I didn’t know what he meant, so he showed me instead.
Kes stretched out on the bed, the full length of his sun-warmed, sex-heated body against mine. I shivered and began to sweat, beads of perspiration forming in my armpits and the small of my back.
We kissed for the longest time, until my lips felt swollen and my body was tightly wound. Kes was panting against my neck, licking and sucking in a way that would leave bruises. I bit him, hard, and his body jerked in surprise.
“Shit, Aimee!” he gasped, holding his hand to his neck.
I grinned at him and his eyes grew wild and dark.
He retaliated by grabbing my thigh and tugging it over his hip. I gasped as his cock pushed against my entrance for the first time. His smile told me that was payback. Holding his dick firmly with one hand, he began to rub it up and down. The blunt, round head teasing and tempting my wetness, but I wasn’t the only one who was being tortured.
Kes pulled back, shaking his head. “I’m going to come, I’m going to come,” he gasped. “Fuck, I don’t think I can … shit!”
I cupped his cheek and brought his lips back to mine.
“We’re doing great,” I whispered, feeling the need to reassure him.
He took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, he nodded jerkily.
After that, he seemed to regain some control, and he dragged his fingers from my knee up to my thigh, pausing before tentatively stroking between my legs. I nearly leapt off the mattress as he accidentally swiped over my clit.
“Oh God!” I gasped.
He did it again, getting the same intense reaction. His eyebrows drew together, focusing all his energy on that one, tight point. Watching and feeling the way my body writhed and arched, he found a rhythm that had me making a noise I’d never heard before, a low breathy groan.
“Fuck, that’s so hot!” he gasped, rubbing harder.
His surprise and pleasure in my pleasure pushed me over a threshold I didn’t even know was there. Lights bloomed behind my tightly closed eyelids, and my body shook and trembled when he pulled me against his chest.
As I gradually resurfaced, my senses slowly slipping back into my body, a wave of love and gratitude flowed through me. Every part of my body felt surprising and new, as if Kes had found me sleeping and kissed me awake. Everything sparkled with a fresh clarity. An intense rush of love spilled out and I pressed my lips against his chest, reassured by the warmth, startled by the frantic pounding in his chest.
I glanced up at his beautiful face and realized that Kes was gritting his teeth, his muscles tense, his body like iron.
“Are you okay?” I said, my voice sounding hazy and drugged.
He gave a strangled laugh. “Yeah, but I really need to come. My balls are about ready to explode.”
I reached out to touch his hard cock. But before I’d done more than stroke him once, he gasped and thrust into my palm, his whole body shuddering, and he cried out softly.
For half a minute, I felt the full weight of his body pressing me into the mattress. I stroked his shaggy hair, tangling my fingers in the curls at the nape of his neck, exploring his silky skin, and letting my free hand swoop over the smooth curve at the base of his spine.
“Ah, shit,” he muttered, sinking onto his back and pulling off the condom. “It wasn’t supposed to happen that fast. Fuckin’ useless.”
I smiled and stifled a yawn. Secretly, along with the pang of disappointment, I was a little relieved. It had all happened so quickly. I felt like I needed a few days to get used to everything. I hadn’t changed my mind, I just needed more time. But as always, the hours were counting down to goodbye.
“Did you come?” he asked, sounding dejected.
“Either that or the world just ended and nobody to
ld me.”
His laugh held a tone of relief and pleasure.
“We’ve got time,” I lied. “We don’t have to rush.”
I felt his answering grin against my lips.
I woke up to the feel of Kes’s hands roaming over my body, his warm breath in my ear as he licked up my neck to my cheek. In the dawn light, I could see the tendons in his forearms flex, then lost a little of my mind as he pinched my nipple. His touch set my body on fire and I moaned, arching my head back.
His cock was nestled against my ass and his hips shifted restlessly against me, a gentle rocking motion. I reached back to touch him and he shivered.
I twisted in his arms until I was on my side, our chests pressed together. His eyes were wide and wondering, fluttering closed as we kissed. Soft kisses became hard and desperate, and my own body sparked with anticipation.
Kes’s warm hand drifted from my shoulder to my breast, stroking and kneading, then pinching and teasing until I was moaning open-mouthed kisses against his throat.
I could hear him cursing softly, amazed that he could make me react so brazenly as I arched against him again.
I was stunned, too. I was only just beginning to understand my body’s capacity for pleasure.
We ground against each other as dry humping turned to wet humping. Kes used his fingers again, on and around my clit, until we both came, panting and gasping.
I looked down at the trail of cum across my stomach and laughed in astonishment.
“Fuck, Aimee,” Kes gasped. “You are so fucking sexy!”
And I felt sexy at that moment. Losing myself in him, I’d somehow found a little of myself. I couldn’t explain it, and didn’t try.
We cleaned up quickly, too aware that we were losing a race against the rolling dawn, and that our bubble of happiness was about to burst.
Kes dressed reluctantly, his gaze watching the clouds turn pink with the rising sun.
“You’ll be there today, won’t you?” he asked.
And I could tell by his frown and the fact that his eyes were focused anywhere but on me that he hated to sound needy, hated to ask anything of me, need anything, want anything. I loved it.
“Where else would I be?” I said, kissing him hard.
For the rest of the week, Kes worked three shows a day, and every night he fell into my bed exhausted. Every dawn, I woke to his searching kisses, his hard body met my soft one, and we enjoyed learning about ourselves and each other. He didn’t press me to go further, but I knew he wanted it. We’d come close a couple of times, but I’d chickened out.
He called it fucking, of course, but to me it was making love. We both knew that’s what it was.
We spent long, languid mornings lying in the grass behind the Ghost Train; afternoons and evenings of grinding work and snatched moments.
It was the happiest time of my life.
And then Camilla decided to make her play for him.
Kes’s reputation had spread across the tri-county area, and people were even coming from the city to see his show. I think Dono would have put on another performance if it weren’t for Jacob Jones threatening to go lame.
“He can’t do it, Grandpa,” Kes said on Friday afternoon of their second week, and just two short days before they packed up and moved on. “He’ll founder if we push him, and it would take months to train another horse. Hell, he’s all I’ve ever known; I don’t know if I could train another one.”
He stroked the pony’s nose, earning him a gentle head butt as Jakey searched Kes’s pockets for an apple.
Dono looked tired. “Just trying to make hay while the sun shines.”
Kes stared at the ground and pushed his bare feet through the red dirt.
“I could maybe put an act together without the horses. We’d need another person. Maybe Aimee could…”
“No, boy,” Dono said, his voice serious. “We’re only here for two more days. Pick someone else.”
Kes looked mutinous, but I stroked his arm.
“Dono’s right,” I said, trying to hold my voice firm. “I’ll help all I can, but you need someone who knows what they’re doing … someone who’ll be around all summer.”
Our time was ticking away hour by hour, minute by minute. It hurt too much to watch the hours slip by toward my imminent loss. Our loss. I think Kes felt the same.
He threw me a searching look and I saw pain and resignation there.
An ugly choking feeling reached up from my gut and twisted my heart hard.
Dono cut through my self-inflicted misery.
“Ask Zach. He should be able to help out. Maybe Lucy, too, if Henry can give her time off from the Waltzers.”
“You could pick someone from the audience each night,” I piped up. “The part where Kes throws knives at Sorcha—get a volunteer. Then Sorcha can set up for the next section.”
God, it killed me to suggest giving the bitch a role of more importance, and secretly, my favorite part was when Kes aimed sharp objects at her skanky head.
Dono nodded thoughtfully. “What do you think, Kes?”
Kes smiled tiredly. “Yeah, that’ll work. Nice idea, Aimee.”
I beamed with pleasure.
My good idea backfired immediately, or at least that’s how it seemed, because during the final show that evening, the volunteer Kes picked was Camilla. I could thank Lauren for that. I knew she was the one who’d told Camilla about my date at Perkins with Kes, and I’d overheard them talking about how hot he was. It must be the reason they’d come back to see his show for a second time. Bitches.
Kes strode toward her, his hand held out as Camilla hammed it up and acted shocked, Oh, little me? Will it be dangerous? I might faint!
Vomit.
Kes’s eyes seemed to glitter in the setting sun and I wondered what he was thinking, or if he even remembered her. I thought I saw him stiffen slightly when she said her name, but I couldn’t be sure.
I grew increasingly uneasy. He was far more tactile with her than he’d been with any of the previous volunteers during the day, and Camilla was lapping it up.
Worse still, at the end of the show she was waiting for him, and I swear she passed him her phone number. But then Kes leaned across and whispered something in her ear—something that brought a huge smile to Camilla’s face.
As soon as she left and Kes could get away from the rest of his fans, he tossed Jacob Jones’ reins to me.
I stared at him coldly. “What the actual fuck, Kes? You were flirting with her in front of me. Do you know who that was? Camilla fucking Palmer—the girl who’s been a bitch to me for years.”
I expected him to deny it or be defensive, but instead he grinned.
“Yeah, I know who she is. Trust me?”
I sighed, his smile, as always, making my bad mood evaporate.
“Yes, but I don’t trust her.”
Kes winked. “After tonight, she’ll never bother you again.”
He was still smiling, but a shiver ran through me. There was nothing kind about the look on his face.
“What are you going to do?”
“Wait and see,” he said.
Kes shook off his tiredness and went to shower, leaving me to look after the ponies. Blake and Jesse had disappeared, too. I was more than a little annoyed. It was one thing to help out—another entirely to leave me with all the work.
At least I knew what to do for Jacob Jones and his buddies, but there’s one thing that isn’t cute about working with horses—you end up smelling like them.
So of course, I was sweaty and stinky when I bumped into Camilla, Lauren, and one more of those heinous bitches, caked with makeup and laughing their asses off at me.
“Oh my God! He’s got you doing all the work while he plans a date with me! I think your girlfriend status has officially been revoked,” she smiled wickedly.
I didn’t know what to say, because I had no idea what Kes had in mind. He’d asked me to trust him, but this hurt.
Kes was nowhere to
be found and Jesse and Blake had mysteriously disappeared, too. My savior, Zachary, walked me home again, telling me not to worry. Like that ever worked.
I took a shower and sat on my bed brooding.
Brooding turned to anger and anger turned to tears. Then I fell asleep with my pillow damp under my cheek.
I woke with a shock shortly after midnight when Kes appeared through my window. He smelled like cigarettes which was weird because he didn’t smoke. Camilla did. He also stunk of women’s perfume.
As usual, he crawled up the mattress and yanked his t-shirt over his head, kissing my shoulders and neck.
“Get off!” I hissed, pulling away and throwing my pillow at his head.
His reactions were fast, catching the pillow before it hit him, but he rocked back on his heels looking shocked.
“Aimee?”
“I can smell her all over you, Kes! Go on, deny it!”
“I’m not going to fucking deny it,” he snapped, his eyes narrowed. “Check your phone.”
“What?”
“Check your fucking phone!”
Furious, I pulled it out from the back of the drawer where I kept it hidden, and immediately saw that I had six messages. I opened the first text to find a grainy photograph of Camilla with her boobs out for the camera, pouting and grinding like a Vegas stripper. I stared at the picture, then up at Kes, who was grinning broadly. I swallowed and opened the next text. It showed Blake and Jesse’s hands were all over her, although you couldn’t see their faces, and someone had also got a great shot of the Ferris wheel’s glowing lights in the background. The next four photos were more of the same, the last one showing Jesse with his hand in Camilla’s panties.
“Oh my God!” I gasped. “What … what did you do to her?”
Kes frowned. “Nothing she didn’t want. Anyway, I left when Jesse was fingering her, so I don’t know if they fucked.”
He shrugged like he didn’t care one way or another.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” I asked as I waved my phone at him, really upset.
“Whatever you like.”