To my “bestest” good friend, Sunny Hall.
What would I do without you?
Contents
1. Ricardo
2. Grinded
3. Being a Grown-up Lady
4. Flower Girls
5. Bo
6. The Alternate
7. Hope
8. A Little Tussle
9. Loose Feet
1/Ricardo
My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.
I am a bachelorette.
A bachelorette is when your boyfriend named Ricardo dumps you at recess. Only I wasn’t actually expecting that terrible trouble.
It happened today on the playground.
First I was playing horses with my friends Lucille and Grace.
Then, all of a sudden, my boyfriend named Ricardo runned right past me.
And he was chasing a new girl named Thelma!
“RICARDO!” I hollered real loud. “HEY! RICARDO! ’ZACTLY WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, MISTER?”
Then I zoomed right after that guy. And I tackled him on the grass. And we wrestled. And tangled. And rolled all around.
Finally, I sat on his legs. And I smoothed my hair very attractive.
“Hello, Ricardo,” I said. “How are you today? I am fine. Only I just saw you chasing new Thelma. And so please knock it off. And I mean it.”
Ricardo raised his eyebrows very surprised.
“Why? How come?” he said.
I sucked in my cheeks at that guy.
“Because, Ricardo. Because I am your girlfriend. And you are my boyfriend. And boyfriends and girlfriends are only allowed to chase each other. That’s how come.”
Ricardo kept on looking at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Sorry. Those are just the rules,” I explained.
Ricardo’s face turned very glum.
“But I like chasing new Thelma,” he said kind of whiny. “It’s fun.”
I patted his arm very understanding.
“Yes, well, I don’t make the rules, Rick. I just enforce them,” I said.
After that, I got off his legs. And I sat in the grass next to him.
Ricardo didn’t talk for a long time.
Then finally, he stood up. And he shook my hand real nice.
“Junie B., it’s been fun being your boyfriend,” he said. “But I think it’s time we started chasing other people.”
After that, he waved good-bye. And he ran off to chase new Thelma again.
My eyes got big and wide at him.
“NO, RICARDO!” I shouted. “NO, NO, NO! COME BACK! COME BACK!”
But Ricardo kept right on running.
I felt weakish and sickish inside.
I slumped back down in the grass. Only too bad for me. Because just then, the bell rang for the end of recess. And all the children started running to the building.
But not me.
I just kept sitting and sitting in the grass.
My teacher called my name.
Her name is Mrs. She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.
Finally, Mrs. came out to get me.
“Junie B., honey?” she said. “Why aren’t you coming in? What’s the trouble?”
I looked up real depressed.
“Ricardo,” I said real sad. “Ricardo is the trouble.”
After that, tears came in my eyes. And my nose started to run very much.
Mrs. closed her eyes.
“Oh no. Not boy problems,” she said. “Not already.”
After that, she gave me a tissue.
And she stood me on my feet.
And she walked with me to Room Nine.
2/Grinded
Mother had the day off from work.
She met me at my bus stop.
She was pushing my baby brother named Ollie in his carriage.
I ran and hugged her legs.
“Mother! Mother! I am so glad to see you!” I said. “’Cause today was the worstest day of my life. I have been run through the milk, I tell you.”
Mother raised her eyebrows kind of confused.
“Oh. I think you mean the mill, Junie B.,” she said. “Run through the mill means you’ve had a hard, grinding day.”
I nodded my head.
“Yes, Mother. That’s ’zactly what kind of day I had. ’Cause my boyfriend named Ricardo wants to chase other people. And that news grinded me right into the ground.”
I reached in my pocket and pulled out my snack cookie.
“Look. See how upset I was, Mother? I couldn’t even eat my snack cookie at snack time. ’Cause my stomach felt squeezy and sickish inside.”
Mother took my snack cookie out of my hand.
She took a big delicious bite of it.
“Mmm. Thank you, honey,” she said.
I stared and stared at that woman. ’Cause she missed the point, apparently.
“No, Mother. You are not supposed to eat my snack cookie,” I said. “You are supposed to feel sorry for me. Plus also you have to tell me how to get Ricardo back.”
Mother bended down and gave me a hug.
“I’m sorry, honey. I know that you’re upset about Ricardo. But really and truly, Junie B., you are way too young to have a boyfriend.”
She stood back up and smiled. “You’re just a little girl,” she said.
I stamped my foot.
“No, I am not little!” I said back. “And anyway, all the girls at school have boyfriends, Mother! My bestest friend Lucille has a boyfriend named Clifton. And my other bestest friend Grace has a boyfriend named Roger. And Charlotte has a boyfriend named Ham. And Rose has a boyfriend named Vincent. And Lynnie has a boyfriend named Crybaby William. And now I am all alone with nobody.”
Mother did a sigh.
“I’m sorry, honey. But all of those girls are too young to have boyfriends,” she said. “Please, Junie B. Do not start this boy stuff so soon. Little girls are supposed to be footloose and fancy-free.”
I did a frown.
“What’s loose feet got to do with this problem?” I asked.
Mother laughed. “It’s just an expression, Junie B.,” she said. “Footloose and fancy-free means that you can run and play with anyone you want.”
She ruffled my hair.
“You don’t have to worry about picking out a boyfriend till you’re much, much older,” she said.
I did a huffy breath at her.
“But I’m already much, much older!” I said. “And besides, I don’t want loose feet! I want the same kind of feet everybody else has. I’m not a baby, you know.”
I quick runned over to Ollie. And I held up his teensy hand.
“See this, Mother? This is a baby hand. See how teensy it is?”
I held my hand right next to it.
“Now look at my hand. See how big it is next to Ollie’s? Huh, Mother? Do you?”
After that, I picked up one of Ollie’s baby feet.
“And see this teensy foot? My feet are a bajillion times bigger than these little baby things.”
I stood up straight and tall.
“I am big, I tell you! I am big like a giant lady, practically!”
Mother did a chuckle.
“Sorry, toots. But I’m afraid you’re still too young for a boyfriend,” she said.
After that, she gave me another hug.
And she smoothed my hair.
And she ate the rest of my snack cookie.
3/Being a Grown-up Lady
At dinnertime, I told Daddy about what happened on the playground.
And guess what?
He said the same dumb thing as Mother!
“You’re way too young to have a boyf
riend, Junie B.,” he said. “It’s nice to have Ricardo as a friend. But little girls should be footloose and fancy-free.”
I covered my ears when I heard that.
“Quit saying that about my feet!” I said. “I don’t want loose feet, I tell you! I want grown-up feet just like Mother has!”
Just then, Mother looked at Daddy.
“I think someone is s-l-e-e-p-y,” she spelled.
I did a mad breath at her. “Yeah, only guess what? I’m a grown-up lady. And grown-up ladies know how to spell. And so I am not one bit slippery. So there.”
Then Mother did a chuckle. Only I don’t know why.
After that, she got me down from the table. And she took me in the bathroom. And she filled up the tub for my bath.
She put lots of bubbles in the water.
Also, she gave me bath toys. And a washcloth puppet.
I gave them right back to her.
“These things are for babies,” I said. “And I am all grown up.”
“Suit yourself,” said Mother.
After that, she sat down on the floor. And she watched me sit in the bubbles.
I sat and sat and sat.
“See me, Mother? See how I am just sitting here?” I said. “When grown-up ladies take a bath, we just sit in the water. And we don’t splash. And we don’t play with baby toys.”
I sat and sat some more.
Then finally, I did a big sigh.
’Cause I was bored out of my mind, that’s why.
I patted the bubbles a little bit. “Sometimes grown-up ladies pat the bubbles,” I said. “It is not the same as playing.”
Mother smiled.
I picked up some bubbles and put them on my arms.
“Bubbles are good for ladies’ skin,” I said again. “They make us very smoothie.”
I put bubbles on my face and chin.
“Sometimes grown-up ladies enjoy making a bubble beard,” I explained very serious.
After that, I covered my whole entire self with bubbles.
“Hey! It is very fluffery in here!” I said real happy.
Mother laughed.
“You look like a bride in a long white veil,” she said.
Then, all of a sudden, her whole entire mouth came open.
“Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to tell you the good news, didn’t I?” she said. “Your Aunt Flo called today! And she said she’s getting married!”
Mother clapped her hands together.
“Aunt Flo, Junie B.! Aunt Flo is getting married! Isn’t that exciting? You’re going to go to your very first wedding!”
After that, Mother smiled real big.
And she hummed a pretty bride song.
And she danced with my towel.
And so guess what?
Getting married must be a very big deal.
4/Flower Girls
The next day at recess, I sang the pretty bride song.
I sang it to my bestest friends named Lucille and that Grace.
“HERE COMES THE BRIDE…
ALL DRESSED AND WIDE…
HER NAME IS CLYDE,
AND SHE READS TV GUIDE.”
That Grace looked admiring at me.
“Wow. I never even knew that song had words,” she said.
“Of course it has words, silly. Every song has words,” I said. “All you have to do is make them up.”
After that, I skipped all around those two. And I sang the song some more.
“Guess why I’m singing this bride song?” I asked. “Guess, people! Guess! Guess! Guess!”
I couldn’t wait for them to guess.
“’CAUSE I’M GOING TO MY FIRST WEDDING EVER! ON ACCOUNT OF MY AUNT FLO IS GETTING MARRIED! THAT’S WHY!”
Lucille clapped her hands real delighted.
“A wedding! A wedding! I love weddings, Junie B.! Are you going to be the flower girl? Huh? Are you? Are you?”
I wrinkled my eyebrows.
“The what?” I asked. “The who?”
“The flower girl! The flower girl!” said Lucille. “The flower girl is the very first person to walk down the aisle at the wedding! She gets to carry a flower basket. And she throws beauteous flower petals all over the floor.”
“It’s really fun, too, Junie B.!” said Grace. “I was the flower girl at my Aunt Lola’s wedding. And I got to wear a long satin dress! And I only tripped two times!”
Lucille fluffed her fluffy hair.
“Yes, well, I’ve been the flower girl in three weddings. Grace,” she said. “And I’ve worn three long satin dresses. And all of them had matching purses and shoes and hats. Plus one of them had a blue fake bunny fur cape. And I never tripped at all. So that makes me the best flower girl, probably.”
Grace’s face drooped a teeny bit.
“Oh,” she said kind of soft.
After that, Lucille asked me a million more questions.
“What kind of flower girl dress are you going to wear, Junie B.? Huh? Is it going to be long or short? What color will it be, do you think? So far I have worn yellow and pink and blue.”
She tapped on her chin.
“Hmm. I wonder what kind of flower petals you will carry in your flower basket? Tell your Aunt Flo that I prefer rose petals.”
All of a sudden, Lucille did a gasp.
“Junie B.! Junie B.! I just thought of something! Maybe Grace and I can teach you! We can teach you how to walk down the aisle and carry the basket! Want us to? Huh? Want us to teach you?”
I jumped up and down.
“Yes!” I said. “Of course I want you to, Lucille!”
After that, Grace cheered up very much. Then all of us did a high five.
And we skipped in a happy circle.
And we practiced being flower girls.
5/Bo
I skipped home from my bus stop very thrilled. ’Cause I had good news, of course!
My grampa Miller was babysitting baby Ollie. They were playing on the floor together.
I runned and jumped on the couch.
“GRAMPA MILLER! HEY, GRAMPA MILLER! LISTEN TO MY GOOD NEWS! I’M GOING TO BE THE FLOWER GIRL AT AUNT FLO’S WEDDING! AND SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, SIR?”
Grampa Miller stopped playing with Ollie.
He did a funny look at me.
“What?” he said. “Are you sure about that, toots?”
“Sure I’m sure! Of course I’m sure!” I said. “’Cause me and my friends decided it at school today! And now all I need to do is tell Aunt Flo!”
I zoomed to the kitchen and got my mother’s address book.
Then I zoomed right back to my grampa.
“Here, Grampa Miller! Tell me Aunt Flo’s phone number. I need to call her right this very minute!”
Grampa Miller scratched his head.
“Gee, I don’t know, honey,” he said. “This doesn’t sound like a good idea to me. What if Aunt Flo has already made arrangements for a flower girl?”
I laughed out loud at that silly man.
“Yeah, only how could she already make arrangements for a flower girl, when she doesn’t even know it’s me yet?”
Grampa Miller covered his face with his hands. He did a groan back there, I think.
I pulled on his sleeve.
“Come on, Grampa! Look up the number! Please? Please? Please?” I begged.
Finally, Grampa shaked his head no.
“You really need to wait and discuss this with your mother,” he said.
I did a huffy breath at that guy.
’Cause Mother would not be home for an hour, probably! And who could wait that long?
That’s how come I quick hided the address book under my arm. And I tippytoed down the hall to Mother’s room.
Then I closed her door very secret. And I climbed up on her bed.
After that, I opened up the address book to the page with the M’s. ’Cause Aunt Flos last name is Miller! Just like my grampa’s!
And what do you know!
I spied it
right away!
“F-L-O,” I spelled real thrilled. “F-L-O SPELLS FLO!”
And here’s another good thing! Aunt Flo’s phone number was right next to her name!
“Hey! This project was easy as cake!” I said.
After that, I dialed the number speedy quick.
It ringed and ringed.
“Hello?” said a voice.
I did a gasp.
“HEY! WHAT DO YOU KNOW! I DID IT, AUNT FLO! I CALLED YOU RIGHT ON THE TELEPHONE!”
Aunt Flo’s voice sounded curious.
“Junie B.?” she said. “Is that you?”
“YES! YES! IT’S ME, AUNT FLO! IT’S JUNIE B. JONES! AND I’VE GOT THE BESTEST SURPRISE YOU EVER HEARD OF!”
Then, all of a sudden, the surprise popped right out of my mouth.
“I’M GOING TO BE THE FLOWER GIRL AT YOUR WEDDING, AUNT FLO! AND SO THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY, MADAM!”
I runned all over the bed.
“Wait till you see me, Aunt Flo! I will be the bestest flower girl you ever saw! ’Cause Lucille already showed me how to throw flower petals! And Grace showed me how not to trip!”
I kept on talking very excited.
“Mother thinks I’m a baby, Aunt Flo. But I’m not! I’m a grown-up lady! Wait till you see me! Just wait till you see me!”
Aunt Flo didn’t say any words.
I tapped on the receiver with my fingers.
“Aunt Flo? Aunt Flo? Where did you go?”
Finally, she talked again.
“Uh…yes, well…I’m here, Junie B.,” she said. “Its just that your news sort of caught me… off guard.”
I bounced on the bed some more.
“Hurray!” I said. “Hurray for off guard, right, Aunt Flo? ’Cause off guard is like a big surprise, right? And so what kind of dress would you like me to wear? I think it should be long…all the way to the floor.”
I grinned real big. “And guess what else? Maybe I will also wear a blue fake bunny fur cape!”
Aunt Flo didn’t talk again.
I looked into the phone with my eyeball.
“Hmm. We musta got a bad connector here,” I said.
“Junie B., honey,” said Aunt Flo. “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”
Just then, I felt sickish in my stomach. ’Cause bad news is not that good, usually.
My voice got quieter.