Like there was a magnetic pull on her heart, she knew where she was headed before she even made a conscious decision to go there.
At the speed she was traveling, the cemetery was only a few minutes south, so Patti cranked up her angry girl music and plotted her course to the only man who had ever shown her unconditional love. The only man who had ever proven to be reliable in her life.
Damn Jon. Damn him and all of his baggage.
He should have fought harder. Instead, he would rather close her out and make them both suffer in some misguided attempt at being noble when all he really was, was a fool.
Well screw him. He’d just proved what she’d known all along—she didn’t need a man in her life to be happy. She didn’t need him at all. He was right, it was better that they ended it now, rather than deluding themselves into thinking they could have a happy and fulfilling life together only to regret it later.
Yeah, it was better to get all the hurt feelings out of the way now so she could move on to greener pastures.
Except, Patti didn’t want to move on. She liked where she was at, she liked whom she was with, and she liked every stinking thing about Jon and the future he offered her. Without even realizing it, she’d begun to hope. He’d given her a glimpse into a world where men weren’t all scum who lied and cheated. Okay, so she’d only known him a few weeks, and as foolish as she knew it sounded, she knew Jon wasn’t that type of guy. Like her father, he was one of the good guys who cherished the women in his life, and damn him for making her see that and allowing her to believe that she could have it.
Just...damn him.
Ahead, Patti could see through watery eyes her exit was coming up. Overeager to get to her father so she could unleash some of her frustration, Patti wasn’t paying close enough attention to her surroundings. As the road began to curve, she steered with it, and the moment it straightened out, she jammed on the accelerator, bolting for the exit. For the first time in her life, she wasn’t as careful as she should have been. She didn’t check her mirrors or turn her head to account for blind spots as her father had taught her to do. She just jumped into the lane that would carry her to her destination and because of that, she didn’t see the oversized diesel pick-up until it was too late.
The flash of gold gave her just enough notice to close her eyes and brace for impact.
***
Jon stared at the blank television screen, thinking. The way Patricia blew out of there had him worried. He didn’t like the idea of her driving while she was upset. That’s how mistakes were made, and he’d learned the consequences of that far too well to just turn the other cheek.
He must have reached for his phone a dozen times, needing to hear her voice to make sure that she was okay, but each time he felt the weight of it in his hands, it echoed in his heart. He had hurt her and the best thing to do was give her some space, some time to think. Later, he promised himself. Later he would give her a call just to check in, and then he wouldn’t bother her again. He just needed confirmation that the anxious feeling, the feeling building up inside of him like an electrical storm, wasn’t anything to be concerned about.
The only problem was he couldn’t seem to shake the awful feeling that something was wrong.
Restless, Jon waited around at his place until he just couldn’t take it anymore. Dialing her number, he let it ring until it went to voice mail. She was probably avoiding his calls, and that was okay. He expected it. But he left her a message anyway. “I was just calling to make sure you were alright. Call me back so I know you are. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me. Just leave me a message so I know you’re okay.”
He must have left half a dozen messages like that over the next few hours. He kept his phone in his hand the entire time, even when he was in the bathroom, just to make sure he didn’t miss her call. But the phone remained silent.
It was nearing nightfall when Jon had finally had enough and decided that he had to make sure she was okay before he could even hope to get any sleep that night. Dialing her number again, he grabbed his keys and walked out the door. There was still no answer, and when he pulled into her driveway, he noticed that her car wasn’t in the drive.
Stepping out of the truck, he gave the house a visual inspection. Everything appeared locked up tight. Although it wasn’t fully dark yet, it didn’t look like any lights were on inside. It didn’t mean she wasn’t home. The cars might be locked up in the garage. She could be sleeping. Maybe it was egotistical of him, but the thought of her in there, alone, crying, because of him, was too much to bear. He hated even more the idea that she might have gone out and found someone else to share a bed with. He just needed to see her, and then he would leave.
Wondering how many excuses he would make for himself before he actually did leave her alone, Jon strode to the front door and banged his fist against it. He waited several agonizing moments without answer, and then banged his fist again.
He knew she was stubborn, but damn.
When she still didn’t answer, Jon pulled out his phone and tried calling her again. While it rang, he abandoned the door and made his way around the house to the garage. The phone continued to ring. Three more and it would transfer to voice mail.
“Come on,” he growled. “Pick up.”
The garage was the kind with a small strip of windows lining the top panel. Cupping his free hand around his face, Jon peered inside, seeing her Toyota alone inside.
So she wasn’t even home. Great.
Jon sighed, feeling like a dolt. He debated briefly hanging around until she returned, but decided it probably wouldn’t go over well for her to find him there. She’d likely still be pissed at him, and he would likely try to get her back. It was a bad idea all the way around.
He was preparing to leave yet another message when he heard the distinct click of someone picking up on the other end.
“Patricia?” Stopping with his body hanging halfway out of the truck, Jon pressed the phone tighter to his ear.
“Hi, this is Dionne Lawrence. I’m a nurse at County.”
At her introduction, Jon’s stomach dropped to his feet. “Where is Patricia? Why are you answering her phone?”
“Sir,” Dionne said in that smooth, calm tone nurses used to keep people calm. “May I ask what your relationship to Ms. Jacobs is, please?”
“I’m her…” He froze, knowing that if he told her the truth, she wouldn’t tell him anything. He was nothing to Patricia any longer. He didn’t deserve to know what was going on, but he had to know. So he lied. “I’m her husband. Now tell me what’s happened.”
“Sir, I’m afraid your wife has been in an accident.”
That was all Jon needed to hear. In a heartbeat, he was off the phone and racing to get to her.
***
“How are we feeling?” The young doctor breezed through the emergency room curtain where Patti had been triaged, with her nose buried in the charts. She smiled brightly as she approached the side of the gurney and began checking over all of her vitals.
Patti tried not to squint when she pulled out a pen light and flashed it in her eyes. “I feel like I’ve been in a car accident,” Patti said, trying to play it cool. In reality, she was pretty shaken up. She’d never been in an accident before. Her father would be disappointed to know that she had allowed her emotions to get her so wound up that she had become a danger to herself and others.
Jotting down a few notes on the pages, the doctor spared her a brief look. “Well, aside from a few minor cuts and bruises, I’d say you were pretty lucky, Ms. Jacobs.”
Patti’s eyes lit up. “Does that mean I can go home?”
“Soon,” the doctor promised. “I’d like to keep you here for a while longer so we can run a few more tests to make sure the baby is okay, and I’d like to run another IV through you, too. In the meantime, I’ll have one of the nurses begin putting your paperwork together.”
Patti hadn’t heard a single word after ‘baby.’ “Excuse me,” s
he said in a strangled whisper.
“Yes?” The doctor paused with a frown on her face. “Do you have a question?”
“Uh, yeah.” Patti could feel the hysterical laughter building in her chest. “I think you might want to double-check your paperwork. There’s no way I’m pregnant.”
The doctor’s frown deepened. She opened the chart again and looked it over. “There’s no mistake. When the paramedics brought you in, your blood was drawn and sent to the lab. You tested negative for any communicable diseases or foreign substances and, although your hCG levels were a little low, you tested positive on the pregnancy test. But that’s perfectly normal this early on. I expect once you’ve made an appointment with your OB/GYN, they’ll be right where they should be.”
Patti was shaking her head, unable to believe what she was hearing. “This is ridiculous. I can’t be pregnant. We only just started dating,” she said, her voice growing in volume. “He broke up with me and now you’re telling me I’m pregnant? I didn’t sign up to be a single mother!”
Holy Jebus, she was a hopeless, jobless, single mother.
Reality jumped up and slapped her in the face so hard, the dam Patti had worked so hard to keep intact, crumbled. Dropping her head, she covered her face with her hands and let the sobs wrack her.
The doctor approached the side of her bed and placed a cold hand on her shoulder. “I take it this news is unexpected. If you’d like, I can have someone from social services come talk with you. There are some options she can go over with you that you might be interested in.”
Patti jerked her head up and leveled her with a glare. “Like what, abortion? As if I would ever do that to my baby.” She was disgusted that she would even suggest it. Patti wasn’t opposed to abortion. In fact, she believed that a woman had the right to do what she wanted with her body, but when given the choice, she knew without question that it wasn’t something she would ever choose for herself.
The doctor nodded sympathetically. “If you change your mind, let me or one of the nurses know. Until then, I’m going to go get your discharge papers started and put in for an ultrasound to make sure everything is all right in there. If everything checks out, you’ll be out of here in no time.”
She couldn’t wait. “Okay.” Patti dropped back on the bed and released a heavy sigh. What the hell, she was pregnant? She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. How could this have happened? She was always so careful and…Her arms fell to her sides like lead weights. And she’d never been careful with Jon.
Combing through her memories of the last month, she couldn’t recall a single time when they’d used any protection. She had birth control pills that she carried around in her purse, but she forgot to take them half the time, which resulted in having to double up more often than not. But with Jon, she had been so busy floating around with her head in the clouds that she hadn’t even gone that far.
What the hell was wrong with her? At that moment, Patti wished she were a toddler again so she could throw herself on the floor and kick and scream. She was so stinking stupid. A complete idiot.
How could she go through twenty-nine years of life without ever having the requisite pregnancy scare, to being pregnant practically overnight by a guy who tossed her out of his life like yesterday’s trash?
Speaking of him. What was she going to tell him? Should she tell him? He made it clear they were done, caput. What would he say if she showed up on his doorstep to tell him that he was going to be a dad?
He’d probably think she was so desperate to have him back that she made the whole thing up.
What a mess she’d weaved for herself.
Covering her stomach with her hands, she marveled at the tiny life growing inside of her. She and Jon had made a completely new person. A little being that was half him and half her. Would it be a boy or a girl? Whom would it look like? She hoped it looked like Jon, all dark hair and shining blue eyes. It hit her then. She was going to have Jon’s baby. Holy shit. She was going to be a mother.
Shame washed over her. She could have been killed tonight. She could have killed their baby. Her mother was right—she was reckless. No wonder Jon needed her out of his life. She was probably a huge reminder of his past, of thrill-chasing Nora who loved her fast cars more than she loved her life.
But that wasn’t true for Patti. Not anymore. Not now that she had someone who needed her. It was a wake-up call if ever see needed one. It was time for her to stop living in the past. She needed to let it go before it destroyed her, because she wasn’t about to do anything to jeopardize the gift she had been given.
She knew what she had to do now, and she couldn’t wait to get out of there so she could tell Jon. She had so many things she wanted to tell him, that she wasn’t even sure where to start. But she wanted him to be happy, and she thought she knew just the way to make it happen.
Speak of the devil.
Patti looked up at the sound of heavy feet clomping toward her. Then the curtains whipped back and Jon stepped in looking like hell on wheels with his hair disheveled and his eyes wild.
Her blood rushed hot at the sight of him, and Patti smiled. She was so glad to see him. “Hi.”
Jon made no move to come closer, and the way he stared at her, his jaw set hard and the cold look in his eyes, set off her internal warning bells. Patti braced herself.
She had a feeling things were about to get ugly.
21
“Hi,” Jon said, his voice gravelly. “I tried to call you earlier, but a nurse answered your phone. She told me you were in an accident.”
So that answered her first question, which brought up the next. “Why were you calling me?” Her chest tightened as she waited for his answer. With the news of the baby, she was hoping beyond hope that he had tried to get a hold of her because he realized he’d made a mistake.
Her hope was dashed in the next instant. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You left angry, and the way you sped out of there…” He trailed off, but Patti didn’t have to think very hard to know what was left unsaid. He was worried that she would get into an accident. He was worried that she’d end up like Nora. Apparently, his worries weren’t totally unfounded.
“I was upset,” she agreed, casting her eyes down to the thin blanket covering her legs.
“Is that how the accident happened?”
Patti took in his pained expression. She wanted to lie and say that it was the other driver’s fault. She didn’t want him internalizing her mistakes, but she just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t lie to Jon. “It was my fault. I wasn’t paying close enough attention.”
“Because of me.” Jon’s expression tightened with self-loathing.
“No, because of me.” Patti sat up straighter. “I was too caught up in my own head. I shouldn’t have even been driving, but I was and I made a mistake. This has nothing to do with you, Jon, so don’t even try to shoulder it.”
They stared each other down, both unwilling to give an inch. Patti wanted him to realize just how much he mattered to her, and she wanted him to stop blaming himself for everything. It just seemed so unlike the confident man she met. This man was a beaten down version of him, and she didn’t like it one bit.
Finally, he broke eye contact. His gaze scraped around the curtained room, to all the wires and tubes hooked up to her. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. The doctor said it’s just a few scrapes and bruises. Nothing major. They’re going to run a few more tests and then I’m out of here.” She watched him, his tall, dark form taking up so much space. His presence made her feel safe and protected. She wanted to offer him the same. Her brows pinched together as something occurred to her. “How did you get them to let you in here, anyway?”
Jon’s eyes narrowed slightly and he looked down at his shoes as though embarrassed to say. “I told them I was your husband.”
Patti blinked. “Really?” A slow smile crept across her face. Jon as her husband? She had to admit, it didn’t have a bad r
ing to it.
“Don’t laugh,” Jon warned her, a stern look on his face despite the twitch at the corner of his mouth. “They wouldn’t have let me see you if I told them the truth, and I needed to see for myself how you were doing.”
Patti bit her lip. The fact that he was there, standing before her, when she wasn’t even sure she’d ever see him again, was proof positive that he cared for her, and whether he knew it or not, she was about to become a very permanent fixture in his life.
Jon blew out a heavy breath. “So how did this happen exactly? Were you speeding again?”
Patti’s face flamed red. After the time that he’d scolded her, she had been extra careful to obey the speed limits when he was around, but when he wasn’t, she let loose. He wouldn’t be very happy to hear that. She ducked her head and nodded.
Aside from the constant beeping of machinery and the drone of voices and movement all around them, everything had gone deadly quiet within their small sanctuary. Braving his wrath, Patti lifted her head to take a peek at him.
Jon stood at the foot of her bed now, his hands clenching the footboard so hard his knuckles had turned white. His eyes, raw with emotion, filled with an inner turmoil that Patti could only guess at, were glued to hers.
“You’re mad,” she said, stating the obvious just to break the damning silence.
“I am beyond mad,” Jon gritted. “I’m furious, Patricia. I’m furious, and do you know why? Because I love you. I love you so damn much it hurts, and I can’t have you.”
Patti’s eyes widened, and she gathered her legs under her, wanting to reach out to him, needing to fix the relationship that seemed only to be getting further and further out of her reach. “You can have me,” she insisted. “I’m right here. I want you. I love you.”
Jon pushed off the bed, removing his hands before she could touch him. “No, I can’t,” he said fiercely. “Don’t you get it, Patricia? You’re just like her. Everything about you reminds me of her. It just took me a while to realize it. That’s why this won’t work. You’ve already gotten yourself hurt. I refuse to sit around waiting for the day you finally get yourself killed. I won’t do it.”