I reached out to touch her and pulled her tightly against me. I didn’t know where she was going, but I knew it was slowly killing me.
“After the wreck, when I got most of my memory back, it was like there was a deep gap that separated then from now. I could see things more clearly. I realized I didn’t fight them at first because it felt good to have someone touch me. The worst pain is being invisible, being totally alone. Even when I came here for college and met Sarah, I would let guys I hated kiss on me because I just wanted someone to touch me.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
Her face held a remarkably serious expression. She took her time considering the words she was going to say while I trailed my fingers up and down her arm. “I need you to see how screwed up I am.” She exhaled and lowered her voice. “Before we go meet your family, I need you to think about it hard. Do you really want someone like me to be the mother of your child? Someone so obviously fucked in the head.”
The idea it was my family, me, who left her feeling like that was unconceivable. She wondered if I wanted her. Hell, she even doubted whether she deserved to be the mother of my child. The thought of all she said made my heart stutter in my chest.
“I don’t know what to say other than I not only want you to be the mother of any child I might have, but I want that child to be just like you. You’re not fucked-up. The world you grew up in is. I promise that you’ll never feel that way again. All you or Elizabeth will know is love, and I’ll touch you so damn much you’ll beg me to stop.” I smiled sadly and kissed her. “I’ve never been prouder then I am at the idea of taking you home and telling everybody about Elizabeth and you’re my forever.”
I reached over and pulled up her t-shirt so that I could softly tickle her naked flesh and kiss her stomach.
“Stop it.” She giggled and writhed under my grasp, trying to get away from me. “Please E, stop.”
I continued just to give myself the joy of hearing her laughter. “Thank you for being my forever.” I stopped tickling her, and she kissed me.
****
Dylan and I cruised along I-40 on our way to Kristina’s home in Nashville. She was the halfway point between my family in Memphis and Charlie and me in Knoxville. I had kept Dylan close to my side since her confession in the middle of the night. I hated knowing she felt that way about herself. I wanted to know how to fix it . . . how to make her see how amazing she really was. But more than anything, I just needed her close to me. Our little talk shed light on how much like Jamie I really was. No, I’d never attack someone like he did Dylan, but how many women had I used and abused that were only looking for someone to touch them. They needed someone to love them and thought they deserved what I shoved out at them. Every time the thought crossed my mind, I would clasp hold of Dylan’s hand tighter. The idea of ever going back to that club was sickening.
I rubbed my fingers absentmindedly over her thigh and gripped her knee to distract my wandering thoughts. That was the first time I’d felt lost and didn’t turn to booze or drugs. I let myself feel. How Dylan had lived through all the pain and come out so fucking wonderful only reaffirmed I was the luckiest bastard in the universe to have her for myself.
We both were quiet, no doubt still reeling from her late night confession and the nerves over how the day would go. Dylan didn’t remember meeting my family, and I was terrified what meeting them again would do to her memory.
Her mood was almost tangible, and I knew she was slipping away from me and into her inner safe place.
“Are you nervous about telling them?” she asked and pulled at the oversize sweatshirt she was wearing to cover her expanding stomach.
“Are you kidding me,” I replied, smiling. “I’ve never been more excited about telling them anything! I’m going to be a daddy.” I glanced over at her and winked.
She turned to stare out the passenger door window. I was fucking tired of trying to reassure her and failing miserably. I gazed unseeing out the window and nursed what was left of my fragile pride.
“Don’t,” I murmured and turned to look at her.
“Don’t what?”
“Second guess us, doubt I don’t want this.” I reached out and grasped her hand, bringing it up to my lips, and kissed her knuckles gently. “If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be with you. True, I would support and take care of my child, but taking care of her has nothing to do with taking care of her mother. I’m with you because there is nowhere else I want to be.”
She blinked up at me and smiled. “I wish I knew why I left, but I’m scared of losing you more than I want to know.”
“Ditto, babe,” I said as I whisked into the drive of my sister’s home.
It was high noon when I opened the car door for Dylan. Kristina’s home was on a tree lined street. It was a cottage-style house with white siding, green shutters, and a green tin roof. It was a cozy house but much too small in my opinion. I had tried and tried to get her to let me buy her a house more fitting an Asher. But each time I offered, she kindly declined.
“Are you ready for all this?” I asked and gave her hand an extra squeeze.
She nodded and glanced around at the vast collection of sports cars and luxury trucks that lined the driveway.
“It’s great. They already love you.” I brushed the hair off her face. “In case you don’t remember,” I said, and she rolled her eyes. “My mom is deaf. So be sure to look at her when you talk.”
“She’s what?” Dylan asked as I dragged her to the house.
My mom was on the doorstep waiting on us. Standing behind her with his hand placed firmly on her hip was my dad. His loyalty to her always perturbed me until Dylan walked into my life. I guess it’s true what they say about a man in love being a fool.
“Dylan, I know you’ve met,” I said and waved my hand in their direction. “But my mom, Helen, and this is my dad, Neal.”
“It’s so great to see you again. When Ethan came home for his dad’s birthday, I was worried sick about him. But you seem to have put the sparkle back into his eye,” Mom said in her thick accent.
Dylan held out her hand to shake hers, but true to my mom’s nature, she had Dylan in a bear hug before Dylan could take a breath.
Neal lightly tugged his wife off Dylan. “Dylan, it’s lovely to see you again. Please come in.”
“The party’s here.” I heard someone yell from the kitchen. Dylan glanced nervously at me.
“That would be Kristina, my big sister.”
At the mention of her name, she came barreling down the hall. “Ethan Phillip, Charlie told me. Why haven’t you called me yet?”
I bit my lip. My loud mouth brother would tell Kristina. “Your secret is safe with me. I’m just happy you brought Dylan back.”
I rolled my eyes and started to speak when my mom had me in her arms and was placing kisses on each of my cheeks. I smiled down at her and thought about all the moments we had shared in my life. It made me that much more excited about seeing Dylan interacting with our child. That was when I noticed Kristina had dragged Dylan off to the kitchen.
I froze when I found them. Brandon was there clasping Dylan’s small hand in his, and standing at his back was Victoria. A swirl of red haze swam in my head. I loved Brandon but wanted him nowhere near Dylan. Victoria was poison, and I would do everything in my power to keep her claws out of Dylan.
“Hey brother,” Jamie said to me but never took his eyes from Dylan. “It’s about time I get to meet the lovely Ms. Summers.”
I wrapped my arm around Dylan’s waist and placed my hand on her hips; spreading out my fingers, I yanked her next to me. It was unnerving having her that close to them.
Victoria step forward and lightly touched my arm before kissing my cheek. “I thought she was no one special,” she whispered in my ear but loud enough for Dylan to hear.
“You thought wrong.” The idea of Dylan hearing those words, and what more Victoria had planned for the day, sent my heart into a wild frenzy.
Instead of forever, the day could be it. No. No. No. I wouldn’t allow it. I wouldn’t let them hurt her. I would make the day all about Dylan. I would fix all of it. I loved her enough to get through anything.
Dylan curled up against my side and clung to me as if I was her lifeline. The fear that I was about to lose all of it . . . that I was going to have to watch her walk out the door was too real. I pulled her tighter to me. I was ready to pull a Dylan and run. But I wanted to take her with me. I wanted to run as far away from there as I could get. I wanted to take her away from the past and all her memories.
“I love you,” I whispered against her hair.
I closed my eyes and inhaled her in before motioning with my eyes for Kristina to get Dylan out of there. Luckily, she took the hint and escorted her out to see her prize winning Dachshunds. I had to force my arms away from Dylan’s body, but everybody there needed to know that Dylan was my top priority, and they would treat her as such.
I watched Dylan follow Kristina into the living room, fighting with myself not to follow her. Dylan was my heart and soul . . . everything I lived for.
Brandon was pouring himself a glass a wine and stared at me as if I was the one in the wrong. He was the man who was supposed to be my friend, my brother, and he brought Victoria, the girl who was out to destroy Dylan and me, to a party where I had planned to welcome Dylan to my family. I met his glare . . . a frown tugged on my lips. He took a sip of wine before turning to leave. He knew I always topped him. That in a battle of wills, I would win. But he had no idea what he had walked into that day. I gripped his arm to stop him, and it took everything in me not to rip it from his body.
“Why in the hell did you bring that bitch here?” I snarled.
“She’s with me now, and I’d appreciate you not calling her that. If I remember correctly, you found her quite fascinating a few years ago.”
Oh, hell no, he was not about to bring my past up. We both had skeletons in our closet, and if we started comparing them, I would win that battle too. My anger hit a new all-time high. I grabbed him by the neck and threw him against the wall. Brandon dropped his wine glass, and it shattered at my feet. “Dylan is my world, and if you do anything to fuck with her, I’ll destroy you.”
“I guess Jamie was right, and she is that good of a fuck,” he said calmly.
I slammed his head against the refrigerator, again and again, sending whatever it was Kristina had perched on the top of it toppling to the floor to join the broken wine glass. I didn’t give a fuck.
“Ethan, what the hell?” My dad’s husky voice broke through my rage. He was at my side, pulling at my arm. I let Brandon go with a clump. “What the hell is your problem?”
“You let him bring that bitch,” I said and then noticed that Victoria was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Dylan. I stormed out of that kitchen and straight through the living room to the backdoor.
“Ethan,” Dylan said as she rounded the corner from the hall. I turned to see her. The lost look in her eyes stopped me cold and sent a blade straight through my damn heart.
“Dylan.” I don’t recall moving but I found myself across the room, wrapping my arms around Dylan, and pulling her close to my body. She clutched at my shirt and yanked me even closer to her. Her knees went weak, and she gasped for air. “Privy, what’s wrong?”
“I got sick. I guess its nerves, or I’m finally getting morning sickness.” She tucked her angelic face onto my chest.
I looked over her and saw Victoria coming from the bathroom with a sinister smile on her face. How did I ever believe she could take the place of someone like Dylan? The only thing they could possibly have in common was the red of their hair. What I had in my arms was what I wanted since the first day I ever got to feel Dylan in them. It’s hard to describe that horrible day as a blessing, but that’s what it was to me because that day placed my soul in my arms. I kissed the top of Dylan’s head as she clung to me.
Dylan
I kept my head buried into his tight chest as everything sunk in. His muscles tighten around me. He was hard and soft at the same time. I wanted everyone to leave and have him hold me until everything was okay. But then again, it had never been okay. Every memory of him came flooding back as Victoria spoke those words to me outside the bathroom; Ethan promised to destroy me for hurting Jamie. He sent them to me that fateful day. Jamie, my own personal demon, was his brother. He had never done anything but lie to me. Even to that day. I remembered him holding me after the attack, but he told me it was nothing more than hopeful wishing. But more than lying, he was sent to kill me, and after making love to Victoria, he promised her I would pay. So why after having everything smack me in the face did I find comfort in his arms? Killing me would have been easy. Making me love him was worse than any death.
I needed to fight for my life, for the life of the child I was carrying. Ethan led me to the couch. I snuggled as close to him as I possibly could get. I needed to convince him I was the same girl who had walked through the front door with him. The girl he made believe he loved. I needed time to think of a way to get away from him. If I ever wanted to figure out what to do next.
“Privy, did someone do something?”
“No, I’m just sick,” I answered, fighting the emotions choking me. The emptiness in my voice was audible. Ethan squished my arm with his hand, no doubt hearing how lifeless it was too.
Fighting to breathe through the pain, I held on to Ethan, and avoided looking over at the woman who could possibly hold his heart. I had met her before. Each time, I finally remembered, he turned away from me like I was nothing. The only place I ever felt wanted was in the arms of a man who was out to destroy me.
“I need to go lay down. Can you take me somewhere please?” I begged.
“Where, babe? You can lay down in one of Kristina’s rooms.”
“Are you okay, Dylan?” Victoria said from across the room.
“That’s enough,” Ethan warned. “No one wants to hear what you have to say.”
I closed my eyes. A sick knot formed in my stomach. Ethan still had secrets. Secrets, I was positive Victoria knew. I had to get away from Ethan before my heart betrayed me. The panic in my throat had taken over.
Ethan’s body went completely rigid. The tension in the room was overpowering. I heard his mom loudly talking to his sister, his dad telling his brother he needed to put a bandage on some mark on his head. But all I could think about was the woman sitting across from me who somehow had a pull on the only man I was capable of loving . . . man who was sent to hurt me for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. There had to be a way out without totally finishing me off. I glanced up at Ethan. His eyes were fixed on the wall holding a silenced television.
The distance between Ethan and me was growing by the second. I wanted everything I believed when I stepped in the house to be true. I didn’t want this wall of lies between us. I wasn’t sure what to say, but I needed out of that house. “We’re going to spend the night in Nashville. Can you just go ahead and get us a room? Let me sleep off the nausea then you can bring me back to tell them,” I whispered in his ear, knowing that every ear was tuned into what I had to say.
He nodded but paused for several minutes before making an excuse for us to leave. I said my goodbyes to his family but never looked them in the eyes. It was a family, earlier I wished I could’ve been a part of. A family, my worst nightmare came from. A family, who wanted to destroy me too. A family, I was producing an heir for.
Neither one of us spoke all the way to the nearest hotel. I had even sat in the car as he checked in, needing to make a phone call. I called the adoption attorney whom I had spoken to numerous times before Ethan made me believe I had a chance of having a family. I hung the phone up when I caught Ethan walking briskly to the car. I had to hold it together if I ever planned on carrying out my escape. He took my hand and hurried me off to the room. He stopped abruptly, turned, and had me in a heated kiss. I was too stunned to do anything other than to kiss him
back. It was a soul-wrenching melding of two lives, full of passion and promise. An empty promise that made my heart ache. Just as if that kissed never happened, Ethan resumed our dash to the room. He pulled me past the doorman and across the lobby straight to the elevator.
Once inside the elevator, Ethan had me in his arms again. He seemed desperate to hold onto me. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a chance he truly cared. Then every memory I had of him flooded my mind. His promise to Victoria was fulfilled. He had destroyed me. When the elevator doors opened, he pulled a key out of his dress coat pocket, and a moment later, we were in a room. I immediately went and lay down on the bed, trying to put distance between us.
“E, go back and have dinner with your family. After you get done, I’ll be here waiting. I need to sleep.” The sob in my throat caused my voice to crack. I was turning into what I hated most, a liar.