My eyes widened as my head shook. “Whoa, I think he gets the idea.” I stumbled between Ethan and Deacon. Luckily, he was so busy eyeing my obvious limp that what Deacon almost let slip never registered with him. He held on to my arms and winked. I turned my head away. Avoiding his eyes was the safest bet to keep my heart intact. “Let me change, and we can go grab a bite to eat.”
Ethan
Dylan taking my hand in her small, fragile one and leading me out of her apartment was almost more than my heart could take. She had her hair pinned away from her face. I loved it like that. It showed off her perfect profile. She walked with an aid of a cane. I took a deep breath. It killed me she had been in so much pain and I wasn’t there to hold her hand. I had been drinking myself into a stupor as she was fighting for her life. I picked her up in one big swoosh and cradled her in my arms. Her cane accidently hit my knee.
“What are you doing?” she asked with the most magnificent smile. That smile put an extra bounce in my steps. She could walk out, run, whatever you want to call it all she wanted, but each time she tried, I was chasing after her. I was never going to let her go again. I’d failed her for the last time.
“Carrying you to my truck. As cute as your ass was shaking with the aid of that cane, I’m parked too far to ask you to limp all the way.”
She snuggled her head onto my chest. My paced slowed. I was in no hurry to let her down. I’d been awake for thirty hours. After crawling out of her bed that morning, I was unable to go home. I went to my law office and worked on a few cases. I thought about going by to see Charlie and thank him for finding Dylan, but I still wanted to kick his ass too for sending her to the club. Another smile shot across her face as I effortlessly opened the truck door and slid her slender body inside.
“I think you gained a little weight,” I jokily said and suppressed a laugh. She was perfect in my eyes. So it hurt when she turned her face away from me and appeared to be hurt by the remark. “Dylan, I was kidding.”
She nodded and switched on the radio. I didn’t want to listen to the radio. I wanted to talk to her. I didn’t even give a damn what we talked about as long as I got to listen to her angelic voice.
“Ethan,” she whispered.
I started to shut the door and paused. “What, beautiful?”
“You came to my house last night?” She shifted in her seat, and it took all my focus not to take her back in my arms.
“Yeah, I thought that was apparent.” I softly shut the door. I needed the brief respite that walking around to the driver’s door gave me. I didn’t know how I was going to get through the day without wrapping myself around her. I reminded myself that she needed to learn to trust me first.
She switched the radio off as I climbed in the truck. “Why did you tell me you didn’t want me when I went to that club?”
“Hold on, Privy, I never said I didn’t want you.” I started the truck and gunned the engine. Calm down. “I don’t think my lips are capable of speaking those words. I didn’t want you there. You’re too damn good for a place like that.” Fuck, I didn’t want to talk about that.
“Have you taken me there before?”
I gripped the steering wheel and stared out the windshield. “Hell. No. I never EVER went there when we were together much less with you.”
“Did you make love to someone there last night?” she asked then nervously pulled on her bottom lip. Oh, how I missed her nervous ticks. In anybody else, they would’ve driven me crazy. But with her they were fucking endearing.
“No, I’ve only made love to one lady. I fucked the hell out of someone there last night.” I flexed one hand around the steering wheel and ran the other sweaty palm over my jeans before taking her hand in mine.
“You fucked someone then crawled into my bed?” She glanced down at our hands intertwined with each other but didn’t pull away.
“Babe, don’t go there. I’m a dark, dark soul, and when I don’t have you, I go to those dark places. But what we have . . . Please, babe, don’t.” I took a deep breath. Crap, she was driving me insane. If I wanted to win her back, I needed to calm the fuck down. I couldn’t even glance over at Dylan, but I felt her eyes on me. Damn, I hated not having control.
“Why did you even admit to it?” She spoke so softly I barely heard that sweet voice over the radio.
“Because I lied to you once, and because of that lie, I’ve spent the last four months in hell.” I thumped her cane. “And I still am because you’ve been hurting those last four months, and I wasn’t there for you.”
Dylan never shifted her eyes off me. She was studying me. It was taking everything in me not to slam that truck over to the side of the road, jerk her onto my lap, and beg her to love me. I wanted to make her promise to never leave me again. She wasn’t ready for that, and I didn’t know if she ever would be. She held her head down, and I saw her wipe away the tears out of the corner of her eyes. Fuck it. I skidded to the curb and shifted my old Ford into park. I pushed the armrest into the back of the seat, pulled her next to me then turned and cradled her face into my hands. “What’s wrong, Privy?”
“I want to remember. You were with another girl last night, and I want to kill her not you. You lied to me, and I don’t even know what that lie is. You admitted to being dark. I’m scared to love you and later learn that we’re not meant to be.”
“I want to kill me for doing that last night. It gnaws at me that it even happened.” I swept my fingers through her silky hair. That deep auburn hair was the first thing that drew her to me. “I want to tell you. I want to tell you everything.”
“But you can’t. I know.”
“I can tell you that we are meant to be together. You’re it for me. No other girl has captured me like you have.”
“What if we both have secrets now?”
“Then we’ll learn how to deal with it. I’m never letting you go again.” I let my hand fall from her hair. I sounded like a pathetic, whiny piece of shit. I shifted the truck into gear and eased back out onto the road.
Dylan didn’t move from my side. She simply took my hand in hers and placed her head against my shoulder. At least, I didn’t scare her totally away.
Dylan
My heart beat at such a rate I was sure it was ringing in Ethan’s ear. Being that close to him was a bad idea. Holding his hand made it impossible to think straight. The way I felt at home with him, I had no doubt whatever his secrets were, they weren’t good ones. I’d never willingly leave him. And now, I had a pretty little lie too. His sweet baby was growing in my belly. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I needed to remember what his secrets were before I even knew if I could keep our little miracle.
Ethan turned the radio back up when I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything, because if I did I would say too much.
We rode for miles before I decided I needed to break the silence and say something about what he said to me. But I had no idea what to say. I still wasn’t sure what had separated us to begin with. When those facts are exposed, where would we be then? I still haven’t decided if I was keeping the baby or giving him up for adoption. Did I have the right to run and hide and keep his child from him? Was it my right to take that choice away from him? I needed to remember so I could know which way to turn. I could pretend as if it was a causal relationship or face the truth? In five months, our world would be changed forever. I pushed my forearm against the small bulge lying under an oversized tee-shirt and knew it was not a secret I could hide much longer.
“I have enough memories to know what we shared was special. I remember making love to you while we were crying.” I said and glanced up at his stunning face. I was comforted by the look of awe that shone in his eyes. I licked my lips before I continued. “But I have no idea why we were crying. Dr. Sawyer says I have to regain my memories on my own. That forcing them on me could do more harm than good. But how can I move forward when I don’t even know what I am moving from?” I held my head down and hid behind the veil of
my hair. Being there with him was stupid. I loved him and didn’t even know why? I was pregnant with his child and was too scared to tell him. How could I hope for a future when I didn’t even know what our past was?
He pushed my hair back over my shoulder. “I do remember what we had, and I’ll do anything I can to build a future with you. But I understand that, in a lot of ways, we have to start over. That we cannot pick up where we left off. But whatever it takes, I’ll show you every day what we can be together.”
I nodded and laid my head back on his shoulder. I had no other choice than to give us a chance. I would learn to trust him then tell him about the baby. He would either want to be a part of our child’s life or run like a mad man and leave me alone again. I hated secrets and liars, but I had no option than to become one if I was to protect what was left of my sanity.
“We’re almost there, sweet Privy,” he whispered against my hair.
I loved the feel of his lips as they moved over my scalp. I looked up at him and he smiled.
“And where is that?” I asked, and made sure to smile to hide my nervousness.
“The airport. We’re going to pick up a large bucket of chicken and watch the airplanes.”
We didn’t speak for the longest time. We didn’t need words. It was simply perfect just to be together.
Ethan pointed over to a Gus’s Fried Chicken sign. I had heard of Gus’s chicken my whole life but never had the privilege of actually eating it. “I have always wanted some chicken from here.”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “You haven’t lived until you’ve gotten all greasy from a bucket of old Gus’s chicken.”
A small laugh escaped those full, kissable lips of his. I was making it a new goal of mine to make him laugh all the damn time.
Ethan
Dylan had already dived into the extra-large bucket of chicken before I pulled into the open field outside of McGhee Tyson Airport. I had to pull back a little. The way she was licking the grease off her fingers was causing my dick to stir. She wasn’t ready for that part of our relationship yet. And to be honest, neither was I. Whenever we connected like that again, I was going to be positive we were forever. My heart couldn’t take having her mind, body, and soul then having her walk away.
I put the Ford in park and twirled a strain of Dylan’s hair around my finger. She was fucking gorgeous. There would never be another girl for me. Dylan Summers was the one I wanted to make mine forever. But would she ever get past my family and learn to trust me? To be perfectly honest, I hoped she never remembered. “I like to come here and watch the sky and the planes.”
“I remember stargazing with you. It’s one of the few memories I do have.”
“Do you now?” I asked, kissing her forehead. She laughed, knowing she was getting to me. “I’ll have to take you back again.”
She nodded and started fiddling with the hem on her shirt. Damn, I missed those little nervous jitters.
“If I had the time, I’d lie in the bed of the truck all day and watch the planes coming and going.”
“E,” she whispered and sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. “I can’t lie in the bed of the truck.”
“I know, Privy,” I said and pushed down on her chin with the pad of my thumb causing her to release her lip from the death grip her teeth had on it.
“You do?” she asked and bowed her head, hiding her beautiful face.
I cupped her chin with my fingers and lifted up her face. “Babe, I know everything. That’s why I faced the truck forward. I’d never ask you to do something that would cause you pain or even give you a bad flashback.”
“How much do you know?”
I released the grip I had of her face and lightly kissed her lip. “Everything.”
“Sarah doesn’t even know everything. You must be very special.”
“I don’t know about that, but what we had was special.”
“Had or have?”
A small snicker coming from her chest startled me. I smiled when, out of the corner of my eye, I caught the grin she shot me. “Have. Always will.” I grabbed a chicken leg out of the bucket tucked firmly between her thighs. Lucky bucket. “Now, watch.” I pointed over to where a plane was taxiing the runway. Upon takeoff, it flew directly over the truck. The truck rattled and felt as if it was being lifted from the ground. Her mouth dropped to her chest, and her eyes widen. I busted out laughing.
“Does it always do that?” she asked in pure amazement.
I nodded my head and kissed the tip of her nose. I wish she would’ve been lying in the bed of the truck and felt her skin ripple over her body as it passed by. That was another small joy the bastard who was not good enough to be called human but I was forced to call brother, took from her. He didn’t only steal her innocence but so many small pleasures in her life.I often wondered had Jamie known what Dylan would end up meaning to me, would he still have attacked her. Hell, if I’d only known the future and never sent him to begin with.
She settled her head against my shoulder. I worked to keep the conversation light and free of drama. After a while, we finally settled into a comfortable silence, and Dylan fell asleep in my arms. The sight of her sleeping eclipsed any delight I got out of the planes, the sky . . . screw it, anything. I enjoyed having the freedom of simply watching her. I hated the oversized, baggy clothes she was wearing, but I knew her hip still agonized her at times. It was also a reminder of how I failed her once again. The dark circles under her eyes pointed out she was not sleeping well either. Was she hurting? Worried? I wanted to know what was keeping her awake at night. Sarah and Deacon might know, but would they tell me? I thought about asking Dylan, but would she even trust me enough to say?
It was getting late, and I had to be in court early the next morning. I also needed to talk to Charlie about selling my half of the clubs. I wanted to rid my life of anything that might cause her more pain. However, waking her up and taking her home wasn’t exactly on my to-do list. It scared the living daylights out of me. I was still petrified that all the memories of us would hit her at once, and she would push me away forever. Or worse, they would come when I wasn’t even around to explain any misgivings she might have. I’d do everything I possibly could to make sure our story was not over. I wouldn’t be the one she simply gave herself to first. I would be her last too.
I lightly shoved her shoulder. She barely stirred. Her head slipped off my chest and rolled onto my hand that rested on her free shoulder. Her eyes fluttered opened and her amazing blue eyes locked with mine. Fuck. I had to find a way to help her heal and not lose her in the process.
“We need to get home, Privy. I have to be in court early in the morning,” I whispered, not wanting to wake her fully. I was enjoying the sleepy look she had going.
She sat up, stretched, and gave me a sheepish grin. “Sorry, I fell asleep on you. You’re just so warm and cuddly.”
“Glad to be of service, ma’am.” I’d gladly let her sleep in my arms all she wanted. I loved the fact she felt that comfortable near me. I started the engine, and she snuggled her face back onto my shoulder. I was at peace for the moment as she dozed next to me while I drove her home.
“We’re at your apartment, Privy.” I meant to say home, but I couldn’t think of her home being anywhere other than with me. I hopped out and started around the front of the truck to help her. She was already climbing down. I reclined against the hood, pulling her hand to come to me. I traced my fist down her right hip. She was favoring her right side and I had enough sense to realize she was hurting. She placed her palms against my chest.
“I had fun today even if I did sleep through most of it.” She smiled up at me. “Are you going to kiss me?” She stood on her tiptoes to give me better access.
I shook my head and gave her my best boyish grin. “No, I’m not.” I leaned into her and whispered in her ear, “If I were to kiss you, I wouldn’t want to stop. And I promised myself I won’t go there until I know you’re mine.”
She t
urned, bumping her nose against mine.
“Don’t say anything. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I whispered before pulling away. She took three steps back. I started walking around to my side of the truck before I went to a place neither one of us was ready for.
“Cook for me,” she hollered over to me. “I want to taste your cooking.”
I simply smiled at her and climbed in the truck. I couldn’t look back as I drove away. Seeing her standing there alone was more than I could handle.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Dylan
Maybe if I slept at night, I could stay awake on a date. I shrugged my shoulder. There was no rest for the weary. I had too many things I had to decide and take care of without the interference of anyone. I first needed to figure out my schooling status. I had my wreck two weeks before my finals. Luckily, all but one of my professors worked with me, and I was able to finish with sixteen credits. But this semester, I was unable to attend. However, I still cashed my scholarship check. It was wrong, and I laid awake at night feeling like I was a thief. I needed the money simply to live. Now it was slowly approaching the day I had to submit my grades. I was terrified. Would I have to repay every penny of an all too generous scholarship? I also had no way of paying for the next semester, my last, because there was no way they would give me any more money. Knowing I might not be able to finish college left me with the next and most heart-wrenching problem of them all. Did I keep the child I had already grown to love, more than I ever dreamed you could love, but a child who deserved so much more than I could ever give him or her? Or do what my heart was fighting and give him up for adoption. If I chose that route, would I even tell Ethan about the baby? Would that be the right thing to do? And if he was in my life, how was I going to hide the pregnancy much longer?