I tossed the stack of papers I was going through. They flew and landed all over Ethan. He had been standing in the doorway, watching me. He was wearing a gray flannel suit with a seafoam green tie and was holding a tray full of food and a small arrangement of orange primroses.
“Good morning to you too.” His voice was soft and cool. He was guarded and completely unreadable.
I picked up the alarm clock off the bedside table. It was five thirty-two in the morning. “What are you doing here? And how did you get in?” I pushed back the blanket and sat up on the side of the bed.
“You said you wanted me to cook, and Deacon let me in. I bribed her with pancakes and bacon,” he explained almost dryly. “Care if I sit?” He cracked a half grin and slightly held up the tray he was holding.
I nodded as he sat down at the foot of the bed and placed the tray between us. I questioned why he seemed to be frightened of touching me when it dawned on me that all I had on was a large, man’s, white tee-shirt and a small pair of hot pink panties. I yanked the covers over my lap and lifted the lid off the tray he had placed on my bed. A large stack of fluffy pancakes and a slab of bacon greeted me.
“You cooked all this at five in the morning. Why?” I forced a smile.
“You gave me a demand, and five was the only time I had free today. It’s my long day in court. I have to be there at seven and stay until probably seven tonight.” His head cocked slightly to one side, and he still flashed that dazzling crooked smile. “I’m more used to giving the commands than following them.” He placed his hand on mine that was turning a fork over and over. “Of all the girls in this big old world, why are you the only one who makes me weak?”
I stared down at our conjoined hands. “I doubt that.” My voice sounded small and frail.
I could feel the pull that filled the space between us. I even swore I felt the baby move in my stomach for the first time. I was only eighteen weeks along; was it possible to already feel movement or was it just a bad case of gas? He scooted closer to me and rested his elbows on the tray between us. I became hypnotized as Ethan reached over and slowly slid the band holding my ponytail down, freeing my hair.
“Eat, Privy, before it gets cold.” He circled my earlobe with his pointer finger then tugged on my earlobe. “As nice as it is seeing that ‘just got out of bed look’ you have going on, I have to get going.” He leaned into me. His eyes blazed. “Until tonight.” He stood up, bent over, and kissed the top of my head then turned to saunter away.
I pushed the tray away. As delicious as the food appeared, my stomach was too balled up in a tangle of nerves to eat. I caressed the not-so-little-bitty bump that I called my stomach. I felt it again. A small flutter floated across my stomach. Ethan deserved to know about everything, but I had a baby to protect. I needed to find a way to take care of the baby and me all on my own. I couldn’t even remember when I conceived. So how was I to know how Ethan would feel about having one? If he even wanted a child.
Sarah walked in pushing her hair off her forehead and muttered a line of curse words. “He hurt you, left you alone, and now he’s back and bringing breakfast over at six in the morning. I don’t trust him.”
I pulled the covers up tighter around my body. “You can’t say he hurt me. I don’t know why I left that night. I have to try to make this work.” I stroked my hand over my baby bump. “I have no other choice.”
Sarah’s frown deepened. She bent over and picked up the paper laying at her feet. It was the document I had been reading when Ethan showed up. She stood in silence and read it for several minutes.
“This is adoption papers. What are you doing with these?” she asked, shaking those godforsaken papers in the air.
Trying to protect my baby, destroying my heart, take your pick. “I have to do what is best for everyone. Adoption is a good thing.” I looked over at the blank wall. The emptiness in me grew. It was the first time I’d spoken the words aloud. I couldn’t even talk to the lawyer. All our communications had been over email.
Sarah removed the tray from the bed and sat down in its place. “It’s a great thing when you don’t have another choice.” She started playing with my hair. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at her. “Dylan, you have a choice. You’re going to be an amazing mom, and you have us, and as much as I hate the guy, this little angel has a father who is able to provide a great future for him.”
I glanced over and locked eyes with her. “But will he want too?”
“There is only one way to find out. Tell him.” Sarah reached over and squeezed my hand.
“I don’t know if I can?” I said quietly. She squeezed my hand tighter.
“Deacon knows what the baby is?”
“What do you mean?” I sunk down into my jumble of pillows. The tears stung my eyes. Deacon had been my rock through everything. Despite not agreeing with me, she had kept it to herself what the sex of Baby E was.
“If it’s a girl or a boy?” Sarah stared at me as if she didn’t recognize me.
“No, Sarah, I can’t know. I already love it too much. There is no way I can give it up if I knew.”
“That’s my point. Even if you don’t know now, you’ll learn what it is when he or she is born. How will you be able to hand him over to a couple you don’t know after you have held him in your arms?”
“I haven’t thought about that?”
“I’ll make you a deal. Let Deacon and me throw you a party and reveal the sex. If you still want to give it up after that, I’ll help you.”
Before I could respond, she had bounced up and left. I stared at the bedroom door for several minutes before hopping out of bed myself. I was going to go along with Sarah’s plans. She and Deacon were all I had in the world. I couldn’t lose them. I would truly be alone forever if I did.
Ethan
I swept that one loose curl that always stuck to my forehead back. It had been a day from Hell. I had tried a million times to sneak away to send Dylan a text. I didn’t even get a moment to take a lunch break. When I woke up at four that morning with Dylan on my mind, I thought it was a good idea to cook her breakfast. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was kind of stalkerish. I’ve never had to work for a girl. It was hard as hell, and I didn’t know what in the fuck I was doing.
“Can you sign this before you leave?” Margaret Ellen, my assistant, said and shoved a sheet of paper in my face. I applied my John Hancock without looking at it and turned to leave. It was already seven PM, I wanted to see Dylan before it got too late.
“Sir, calm down, the building is not on fire,” Margaret Ellen said, and I glanced over to see her stuffing my files into my briefcase. Shit, I’m never this disorganized.
“Sorry, Marge, I have an appointment I have to get to,” I replied and started to gather the last of the files together.
“An appointment or a woman?”
I shoved my briefcase under my arm and started walking to the exit. I wasn’t going to respond to that comment. It was none of her damn business, and it annoyed the hell out of me that she would have the nerve to ask.
“A woman. Is it the one you’ve been pining over the last few months?”
I stopped dead in my tracks and leveled my gaze on her. Just because she was one of my mother’s closest friends, and had basically been an aunt to me, didn’t give her the right to comment on my life.
“An appointment,” I said with an agitated smirk. “And another thing, who I’m fucking, seeing, or even liking is none of your damn business.” The perturbed tone in my voice didn’t even cause her to flinch.
“Ethan Asher, I only asked because I care. You’re like my own son. So yes, whom you’re fucking is my business because I love you. I’ve seen you work hard in your professional life and achieve some pretty impressive things. But you’ve also partied just as hard in your private life. You’ve had your share of every model-perfect body that had come your away. Been stoned more days than you have been straight. So yes, I care and have ev
ery right to ask you a simple question.” She handed me my cellphone that I had left on the desk. “Now, go get the girl.”
I didn’t like the way she described me. Was I really that screwed up? If that was how someone who has been in my life forever viewed me, how in the hell did Dylan see me? She knew I fucked girls at the club. That I had lied to her in the past. That I wasn’t there when she needed me. Was I wasting my time even trying with her? Surely, she knew I loved her. Or was all she had of us bad memories?
“I’m sorry, Marge. I’m just scared, and I don’t do scared. Yes, it’s the girl I have been . . . what was the word you used . . . oh, yeah, pining for the last few months. She is fucking perfect. She makes me happy just by being. I feel complete when I’m near her.”
“Then what’s the problem? I know Ethan can get the girl.” Margaret Ellen asked.
“She’s the girl that Jamie raped. What if she can’t live with who I am? How my family hurt her?” Saying it aloud helped cement it in my mind; it was my job to heal her.
“Crap,” Margaret Ellen said. “Does she know?”
“It’s a long story, but not really now.”
Margaret Ellen was quiet for several seconds. “Go. Prove to her you’re not Jamie. Show her the man I know you’re capable of being.”
“Thanks, Marge. I needed to hear that.” I turned and broke out into a jog. At my car, I flipped on my cellphone and saw that Dylan had sent three texts that day.
Hey, sweet man,
Breakfast was perfect.
Call and let me know when
You are coming back over.
Just got home from physical therapy
And a session with Dr. Sawyer.
I guess you are busy,
Hope to see you later.
Hey, I guess you can’t
Get away. Maybe tomorrow.
Anyway, I am going out to eat
With Deacon and Allison.
Talk to you later.
Shit, the texts were sent at nine AM, one PM, and fifteen minutes ago. I raced to her place, trying to call her the entire time. She had spent the day thinking I didn’t care enough to call. When in reality, I could hardly keep my mind on work because all I could think about was her.
I pulled into her apartment complex and instantly spotted Dylan standing outside by an older model black Buick. She turned around, and her stare met mine. The look on her face hurt. She was shocked I had taken the time to show up. I gripped the edge of my open car door. I was close to losing it. She was not a girl I could command. She was the girl I was lucky enough to love. And I would do everything in my power to show her that love.
“E,” Dylan said and started to walk toward me. “I didn’t think you were coming,” she said and watched me intently.
“I told you I was coming. I came as soon as I got off work. I didn’t even go home to change.”
A small portion of my fear left as Deacon’s car roared to life, and she and Allison drove away.
Dylan shifted from foot to foot. I pulled the hair at the nape of my neck. I hated the fact she was so nervous around me. “Your friends left. If you’re hungry, I can take you somewhere.”
“I would rather talk. I’m not really hungry, but if you are?”
“Nah, I’m fine.” I was starving, but I wasn’t taking a chance of being separated from her. I reached over and took her small hand in mine. If she wanted to talk, by God, we were going to talk.
“Ethan,” came from those sweet lips. She lifted her eyes up and slid her bottom lip between her teeth. I instantly felt the desire between us. I promised myself I would take it slow with her. But it was impossible to hold back when she looked so damn fuckable. She leaned into me and closed her eyes.
“Are you going to kiss me today?” she asked after a few moments of silence between us.
“No, Privy, I’m not.”
“What’s wrong with me? You screwed that girl at the club just two days ago. Yet, I’m not good enough to kiss.”
Not good enough. You’re too damn good. “Come here,” I said and motioned with my pointer finger to come hither.
She glanced up at me, but kept her head held down. She did, however, move closer to me. Slowly, I placed my hands on each side of her stunning face and slipped my knee between her thighs.
“Let’s see,” I said and licked my upper lip. I cut my eyes over to the car, then slid my hands down onto her shoulders. I guided her body to stand in front of the truck. “I think sprawled out on the hood of the truck, don’t you agree?” I worked her delectable body and positioned her back against the grill. I placed a hand on each side of her, caging her in between my hard-on and the truck. “Close your eyes, sweet Privy.”
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. I waited and waited, and the longer I waited, the more I wanted her. I didn’t just want to kiss her. I wanted to rip her clothes off and have my way with her on the hood of that truck. She peeked out behind hooded eyelids. My proximity was so close it caused her to tremble and slip slightly down until her sore hip hit the bumper. She winced in pain but never took her eyes off me. I positioned my face back within a fingerbreadth of hers but never made actual contact. I traced over her lips with my eyes and brought my hand back up to caress her cheek. It was torture. Her breath tickled across my face. I licked my lips involuntarily as she relinquished all control over to me. I brushed my thumb over her bottom lip. Her chest fell and rose against mine. I swore her already impressive breasts had grown. I cupped her butt in my free hand and lifted her up to my body. She wrapped those long, lean legs around my midsection and pressed her warm center over my stomach. I was about to cum in my damn pants. Shit, she was driving me insane. I had better control over myself, but I had never been that turned on in my life.
“Privy, yes, I fucked the hell out of that girl, and you want to know something? I don’t even know her name and don’t care what it is. But you, I want to know everything. I want to know your fears. What makes you laugh? What makes you simply happy? What is keeping you up at night? But there is one thing I do know. That is I can’t kiss you without wanting so much more. And you want to know something else?”
She nodded.
“I can’t do more with you right now. Because if I did and then you walked away from me, it would fucking destroy me. What we share is something I never dreamed possible. I’m obsessed with you. I don’t need drugs, alcohol, or the club. You, my love, are my greatest addiction. You’re all I’ll ever need or want.” I pulled her closer to me, and simultaneously, I was consumed with an unbelievable peace. We stood like that until I heard a car honk. I still didn’t let her go.
“Dylan Summers,” Sarah screamed as she stumbled out of the car.
Dylan stiffened in my arms and released the tight grip her legs had around my waist. I didn’t let her go. Sarah was not going to come between us. I would handle Sarah, but at that moment, I needed to soothe Dylan. I also needed to get my raging hard-on under control.
“If you keep that up, you won’t have to tell him. He’ll figure it out,” Sarah said and placed her hands on her hip.
Those words were like throwing ice water on Dylan. She let me go and moved back several feet.
“Figure out what?” I asked. That one harmless question sent her running.
Dylan
My leg collapsed under me as the pain from running wrecked my thigh. I fell to the floor outside the front door to my apartment. I wasn’t aware where the stamina to run came from. Or how I could have been so stupid. I had basically ground my growing belly into his. How he didn’t feel that hard lump was beyond me?
Ethan and Sarah were only a few steps behind me. Both stopped abruptly when they saw me. Ethan still had on his suit from that morning, minus the tie. His hair was disheveled. He had never looked more ravishing. Sarah had on her workout clothes. Even sweaty, she was still seductive. Standing next to each other, they appeared to be the perfect couple. I would never be as beautiful as someone like Sarah. I sure as hell couldn’t g
ive Ethan what the girls in that club did. What did I have to offer? Other than our little miracle growing inside of me. And was that even a gift he wanted? Sarah stared me down. I mouthed over at her to leave us alone. Thankfully, for once in her life, she did what someone asked her to do.