“Do you want me to drive, B?” Peter asked. He reached out to lace his fingers through hers.
“No. I’m alright. I just feel like shit.”
Jason was staring quietly out the window. He hadn’t said one word.
“Did we do that to her?” Belinda asked seriously. “Man…I thought I was a bitch when I drank.”
Peter turned in his seat to look at his friend. “You, alright, Top?”
Jason pulled his eyes away from the window. “That wasn’t really her, you know.”
“No, it wasn’t.” Peter replied.
“And she’s lying about her ulcer. It’s not fixed.”
“She said lots of things to hurt.” Belinda said eluding to what she had described happening in the Bahamas.
Jason felt his jaw clench and his eyes squeeze shut against the idea of it, but then he took a breath. “She still has feelings for me. I could feel it when I was backstage with her. It was as if there was a live wire between us. I could have plucked it…or she could have and there would have been shock waves. I’m not going away that easy. I’m going to show her that we still have something even if she’s too…hurt to admit it.” Her words had been orchestrated to hurt—and they had. But he knew what he felt happening between them. He just hadn’t understood the depths of her pain. But now that he did he would be fortified for his next round.
“Um…Top, are you sure you want to do this? I’m pretty sure that Robin just told us all to fuck off-”
“She didn’t mean it.” Belinda said. She glanced at Peter. “I never meant it…well, not for long.”
“I’m in love with her.” Jason said. “As long as there is something still between us, then I have to try.”
Peter nodded, locking hands with Belinda. “Yeah. Um, but even if you got her back, how would you ever explain that we all live together now…including Amberly?”
“Not if…when.” He muttered.
***
Friday was Jason’s easy day. Classes were short. People at school still marveled at the fact that his book bag was now slung over his shoulders instead of on the back of a wheelchair. He still had seizures but now that he was back on anti-seizure medicine it was once or twice a week as opposed to once or twice a day. The trade off wasn’t easy to live with; he didn’t make music nearly as much, he didn’t hear it in his head the way he used to, sometimes he had to dig deep in order to find it there. But life was a series of trade-offs and that was something that Jason had to live with.
Peter and Belinda had both left school. Once Peter had his contract he never even returned and Belinda dropped out after becoming engaged. She and Amberly were now employed by Akita Tom productions making ambient music videos.
Jason had opted to finish out the year and to revisit the idea of dropping out after the school year ended. But Jason had become more popular than ever, not that popularity was anything that he had ever desired. The things that he had thought he wanted before success, became easy to attain now. Females became relentless. They not only wanted him in bathrooms, but in cars, in empty classrooms, wherever they could find a place alone with him. But Jason didn’t see himself as single. He was still Robin’s and stayed true to her even after nearly half a year without her.
After classes were over, he caught a bus and headed for his weekly rehab appointment. He signed in and changed into athletic shorts and a t-shirt and then began his stretching exercises. He needed a good amount of time to get warmed up. His legs were not ever going to be completely limber and neither would his hands, maybe one day he would have the surgery to clip them again but not now when he had just received this new mobility. He still wore a full lower body brace which kept his atrophied muscles from twisting his limbs into awkward shapes, but again, the discomfort of leg braces was one of life’s many trade-offs.
Raymond joined him, bouncing a huge red exercise ball as if it was a basketball.
“What’s up, Red.” He knelt down on the mat next to him and the two friends slapped hands.
“Guess what.” Jason was grinning too broadly for Ray not to guess.
“You saw her? So she was at that club?”
Jason nodded happily. “Yes and she sounded freaking phenomenal!”
“Are you two back together?”
Jason’s smile faded. “Not yet.”
“Yet? Confident little fucker, aren’t we?”
“She looked at me, Ray, and I swear that there was something there between us! I could feel it and I know that she could too. We’re not over.”
Jason continued excitedly as Raymond held the ball, Jason positioning his body on top of it, his back rolling along the sphere until his head practically touched the floor. Immediately he rolled forward until his crouched legs were the only thing keeping his bottom from touching the floor.
Jason had never gone back to the creepy old guy that he had hired to replace Raymond. When he returned from his trip to Japan, he’d had a lot of time to think about things and to realize that forgiveness was a gift. As he longed for Robin to forgive him, he came to terms with those that wanted the same thing from him.
Rekindling his friendship with Raymond had been no effort. He showed up at his office one day. Told him that he was sorry, they hugged and Raymond had demanded that he get into some shorts so that they could work out his leg muscles. He hadn’t brought shorts, so instead the friends sat in his office and Jason explained about him and Robin’s breakup and from there it was as if they had never parted ways.
But when it had come time for him to forgive his father, it was much more difficult. He had called Chase to come over to the apartment. His father had been preoccupied with thoughts of disasters and had spent a few moments wanting to know what was wrong. Jason had finally said, if you let me tell you all of the reasons why I’ve hated you, then I’m ready to tell you all of the reasons why I want to forgive you.
Chase had arrived in half the time that Jason had expected. He only got to about the fifth reason why he hated him before Chase’s guilty tears stopped him. He then told his father that he forgave him and he meant it.
They hugged and cried and then talked. Chase’s apologies helped but the fact that he had let go of the hatred lightened a heavy load in Jason that he hadn’t even realized that he carried. And when it was time for him to have the pump surgically implanted, his Dad was right there along with the rest of his friends. Chase leaned down and kissed him and promised that he would be there when he woke up.
“You know what I love most about you son?” Chase had said when his eyes opened after the surgery was complete.
“What ?” Jason mumbled, eyes half hooded with sleep.
“Everything.”
Upon returning from Japan, Mary Louise informed Jason that Robin would no longer be his caregiver. Reluctantly she would fill that role. For a time Jason had thought about cancelling his surgery. He went into a terrible depression where he rehashed every stupid mistake he had made since meeting Robin. But it was Amberly that pulled him out of it.
She had come to his apartment and taken full blame for his break up. It surprised Jason. He had never once blamed Amberly for what transpired those last few days between him and Robin, he just didn’t realize that his friend had taken the full brunt of his circumstance on herself.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to get you two back together, Top. I swear it!”
He was shaking his head listlessly. “Amberly, don’t…ok? I’m the one that messed up-”
She balled her small hands into fists. “No! Because of me you lost something very important to you. I should have never told you that I liked you. And I should have never gone to Japan-”
“Amberly, it wasn’t you going to Japan that ended my relationship with Robin, it was my lies.” He looked away. “Because I did lie. I lied to her and I lied to myself. I do have some feelings for you…that are rooted in more than just friendship.”
The silence that ensued felt like the end of the world. It changed everything between t
hem. Jason fought to meet her eyes. She deserved that at least. After a long while that seemed like forever, Amberly’s lips twisted into a crooked smile.
“And now you tell me.” She said lightly. Jason sighed in relief, but only momentarily. There was more that needed to be said.
“This…is not easy for me to say, but I’m going to be honest.” He fought to continue looking at her even though he wanted to find anything else in the world to look at. “If Robin had never come along then…yeah…something could have happened between us. Maybe we could have had something very big. But Robin came along and there was no room for anything but her. After…her, nothing else could compare.”
Amberly gave him a thoughtful look. “Jason, I think that people can love more than one person at the same time. But I now know that you can’t be in love with more than one person because being in love is so huge that it crowds out everything else! Now I understand that, that kind of love trumps everything else.” Her face broke into a giddy smile and her eyes were limpid pools of satisfaction.
“I’m happy that you know that feeling now.” But he was only half happy and half jealous because he wanted his love the way that Amberly now had hers.
“Jason! You’re not going to give up! You will get that surgery! You will walk and you will get Robin back! You schedule that surgery, and if she’s not back by then, I’ll be your support.”
He gave her a doubtful look. “That’s a lot of responsibility, Amberly. I can’t ask you to do that-”
“Friend’s don’t need to be asked. Don’t be an idiot, Jason! We’re all going to help you. It’s already been decided.” She turned and limped away. “Just schedule the surgery and we’ll take over from there.” She walked out of the door without another word. In her eyes it was all settled.
Jason had become very emotional once he was alone. But she was right. Belinda, Peter and Amberly weren’t just his friends…they were his lifeline.
Jason and Peter closed on a large house that they would share with some of the earnings from their very lucrative recording contract. They moved in a week before Jason’s surgery. And during that time Peter proposed to Belinda and Jason was happy to see her move into the multi room mansion as more than just Peter’s house guest
Amberly and Mary Louise did most of the work for Jason, taking him to his many doctor visits, monitoring his functions, helping him through violent seizures, fainting spells, and the many spills and accidents as his muscles re-adjusted. But Peter and Belinda were there as well to massage his sore limbs, to clean him when he got sick; which was often with both the Baclofen and the anti seizure medicine in his system now. He had decided to start the seizure medicine again. Might as well face all of his demons at once.
Amberly never ‘officially’ moved in. It was just a natural progression to crash in one of the spare bedrooms and then it was just too much trouble to run back and forth from Jason’s home to her own. No one ever really thought about it. It just seemed right that all of the members of Wheels of Steel would be reunited in the awesome new digs that the talent of Wheels of Steel had afforded them.
No, it was no surprise that Jason’s friends became his support for the Baclofen. What was a surprise is that Mary Louise of Pinnacle had also become one.
At first she had hated him, and with good reason. She saw just another spoiled rich kid. He took all of his frustration out on her, especially when he couldn’t go to school or work in his studio but had to lie in bed in pain after the surgery. One day she gave him coffee and the lid hadn’t been screwed on securely and hot liquid had spilled over his face and neck. He had bellowed and called her inept, cursing her stupidity. And after taking weeks of his bad manners, Mary Louise had blown up at him.
Tears of frustration had run down her face as she pointed her trembling finger at him and let him have it! She called him crude, and nasty and hateful and then the coup de grace—she had blamed him for driving away his last Assistant.
Something in Jason broke. Her words, as well as the sight of her tears devastated him. “Mary Louise…I’m sorry. Don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying, you credent! I’m pissed at you! And…” She had covered her face and sobbed. But then she uncovered her face when she heard the sounds of Jason’s crying. He was sobbing just as hard as she was!
“Please Mary Louise! I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. I’m really sorry!”
She stared at him in shock…maybe awe would be more accurate. But his face was beet red and tears were practically gushing from his eyes.
“Please don’t cry anymore!” Mary Louise had wiped away her frustrated tears, still staring at him. And when her tears calmed then so did his.
“Are you okay, Jason?” She asked quietly, not sure if his Baclofen hadn’t done something to his head.
He paused. “I just…don’t want to make anyone cry ever again.”
She hurried to the bathroom and Jason had called out in alarm. “Mary Louise, please don’t leave me!”
“I’m not.” She assured him. “I’m just getting a wash cloth for your face.” She wet a fresh wash cloth with cool water and dabbed his face. As she wiped away his tears she shook her head. “I wouldn’t leave you all alone, Jason. I mean…but we’ll find you a better Aid-”
“No, Mom! I mean Mary Louise!” He blushed furiously. “I mean…if you don’t want to be my caregiver I’ll understand. But I wish you’d stay.” His words were confusing in his anxiety. “Please…I can’t do this anymore. Please stay.”
Mary Louise felt her heart strings tug in that very instant that Jason had accidentally called her Mom and a sad smile hinted on her lips. He was just a sad little boy. She brushed back his damp curls. This could be her son had she ever been blessed with a child of her own. She gave him a quick hug but he hung on like a little scared child.
“You get some rest, son. I’ll be here.” And she had kept her word until he put away his wheelchair for good.
Chapter 9
After Jason finished with his rehabilitation with Raymond, he was hyped to work on some things in the studio. When Peter and Belinda returned home from some outing he was already there working on beats. Peter had wheeled into the lower level space that the boys had converted into a small studio. Nothing fancy but perfect for their needs. Link listened to his friend’s new beats and joined in. Soon they were jamming like the good old days.
Link had been a little worried about him, because the music hadn’t come back to Jason after the surgery. He knew that both the anti-seizure medicines and the Baclofen could affect Jason’s creativity, not to mention his break up with Robin. Peter worried that they would have to use their old stuff to fill their album. But it looked like Link and Top were back in full force!
***
Robin felt sick the next morning from her over indulgence, as well as from having to rehash old memories. She curled into a little ball of angst before forcing herself out of bed. There was no time for recriminations. There were two more weeks of classes and then she could fly out of this city! Becca and Tracy wanted her to join them in Colorado for some skiing after her trip to Atlanta and she had been iffy about it, but she decided that she’d do it! She needed as much fun as she could squeeze into her life.
The majority of her weekend was spent studying. She gave her mother her weekly phone call, which she did each Sunday. She had not attended church since returning from the Bahamas. Not because she didn’t like it, but because she was often times too hung over or tired from partying the night before.
Later Sunday afternoon, Becca called her and told her to come to the apartment, they had a new toy. She was glad to close her books and computer for something more fun. It was a nice warm day so she changed into shorts and a t-shirt and then hurried to the girl’s apartment. She could already hear strange synthesized sounds before even reaching the basement apartment. It sucked being in the basement because sometimes it smelled funny but it allowed for them to get loud without disturbing too many people.