That was dangerous ground, but he did his best. “They keep people like me, those with a gift for magic, isolated. Life goes on, but keeping us separate helps to protect ordinary people from, well—you remember what I did.”
She nodded.
“The wardens are sent to hunt for others, to make sure they aren’t allowed to do harm.”
“Is that what you’re here to do?” she asked. “Is that what the one who came for you was sent to do?”
“Yes,” said Daniel. “When he came across Ronnie’s body, I think he decided I was too dangerous to try to bring back. That’s why he attacked me,” he explained, sounding reasonable. “I kept what happened to him a secret when I went to the deep woods.”
“Couldn’t the forest gods see into your heart?”
“No, not like that,” he told her. “They are powerful, and wise, but they aren’t true gods. They’re more like shepherds, watching over humankind.”
“I see,” she acknowledged.
They sat quietly for a few more minutes before she restarted the conversation. “What happens when you go back?”
“Not much,” he told her. “I’ll go back to my woodworking. Others handle the yearly patrols, so I won’t be able to visit again. This trip was special, a gift, to allow me to say good bye properly.”
“And you’ll be happy?” she asked.
He nodded, swallowing in an attempt to make the frog in his throat go down. “As much as I can be.”
Her eyes were searching his face, and he saw her aura light up with sparks, indicating a surge of anger. When she spoke, her voice was soft, giving no hint of the flames simmering beneath it, “That’s a lie.”
Daniel didn’t respond.
“Five years has changed you Daniel Tennick, but it hasn’t made you a better liar.”
He snorted, “That’s true.”
“Are you afraid the truth will hurt me? I’m stronger than that, Daniel,” she stated calmly.
“No good can come of the truth here, and a fiction would be much kinder,” he argued.
She caught his beard in her fist, twisting his face painfully toward her. “I’m not the girl you left behind, Daniel. I’m a mother now, and I have different priorities. I won’t be chasing after you or trying to save you. But I deserve to know what’s happened to the man I loved, the man who taught me to love. Give me that at least.”
Daniel’s jaw clenched. “I’m a slave.” His fingers touched the necklace at his throat. “This ensures my return.”
“And the scars?”
“That was the truth, I made them myself. They help me to kill more efficiently.”
She frowned, “What sort of slave are you?”
“There’s an arena,” he explained. “People like me are used to fight there, in games to amuse our owners.”
“Why did they let you come here?”
“Because I’m the best killer they’ve ever had. I’ve slaughtered hundreds over the past five years, men, women, and children. Eventually I killed so many that my owner allowed me to retire, after a fashion. She keeps me as you or I would keep a pet, but I wasn’t happy.”
“And she cared enough to let you visit your family?” Kate’s face was incredulous.
“In all honesty, I do not hold any grudge against her. She and her ‘family’ were mostly innocent of the doings of the arena. She was the one who asked permission for me to come here,” said Daniel.
Kate watched him carefully, waiting, and when he didn’t continue she added, “But…?”
“But what?” said Daniel, “That’s all.”
“I already told you, Daniel, you’re a terrible liar. Tell me the truth, and I will tell you a secret,” she offered.
“A secret?” he asked, raising one brow curiously.
“Something I think you will be grateful to know,” she said in a serious tone.
He felt his frustration rise and then fall away. He wanted to tell her, and he was tired of secrets. “Very well, but I doubt you will find the trade worthwhile.”
“I’ll decide that,” she retorted. “Now spill it, you first.”
“The price for this visit was a return to the arena,” he told her.
“You’ll have to kill someone else?” she asked. “Was seeing us that important?” Her aura held a complex mixture of emotions, but as she spoke, her eyes were reading his face. “No, that’s not it. You don’t think you can win.”
He remained silent.
“Was this visit worth your life?!”
“Yes,” he answered simply. “Now that I am here, I can honestly say that. This visit is the only thing of meaning left to me.” He stopped as a thought struck him. “I think she was trying to ask me the same question.”
“Who?”
“Lyralliantha,” he replied, “… my owner.”
“But she made the offer didn’t she?”
Daniel shrugged, “She asked for permission to let me come, but it was the elders and the other groves that added the requirement. I don’t think she was happy about it.”
Kate’s eyes widened slightly, “She loves you.”
He laughed at that. “If you met them, you would not say that. We are no more than animals to them. She feels no more for me than a man would for a prized horse.”
“Didn’t you love Blue?” she pointed out.
He stared at her oddly, “I don’t think that’s the same thing.”
“Of course it is,” she replied. “You’re mistaking love and lust. Just because she’s female, you think it isn’t love if she doesn’t want your dick in her, but love isn’t about that. Sex is just something nice that gets added sometimes.”
“Every time I think I know what you might say, you say something like that, and I realize that I have always underestimated you,” he answered admiringly. I’ve been looking down on the She’Har because they don’t understand love, and now she teaches me that I was just as ignorant.
“So you admit I’m right?”
He looked away. “In principle, but you haven’t seen these people, or the things that they do to our kind.”
“I don’t know her, but I know you Daniel,” said Kate, “and I would never underestimate your sheer thick-headedness.”
That made him laugh. “Tell me your secret. It would take all afternoon to cover the topic of my thick skull.”
She glanced at the sun, “I have to hurry back, so I’ll be quick.”
“You’ve only been here for a half hour at most,” said Daniel, furrowing his brows.
Kate smiled, “I’m a mother now, Daniel. I left Aaron sleeping in his crib.”
“How long does he sleep?”
“Could be hours, but if he wakes up I want to be there.”
The look on her face told him all he needed to know, and it made him feel empty. He would never be a father, not in any way that mattered. She was concerned with caring for her family, while his only concern was for himself. “You can tell me the rest tomorrow,” he suggested, “if I can visit…”
“You will visit,” she said imperiously, “but this is something I have to tell you now. A secret only we can share.”
“Alright.”
“After you left, I was angry, at you, at the gods, at everyone. Later I calmed down, and I spent a lot of time thinking about things, from beginning to end. When I tried to talk to my mother about it, she reacted in unusual ways. She was abrupt, with no sympathy for you. She always wanted to move on, to find something else to talk about.”
As she spoke Daniel’s face grew stony, but he said nothing.
“Eventually I figured it out.”
He could no longer look at her, so he turned his head toward the sun. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
“Don’t be,” she said with a sudden fierceness in her voice. “I confronted her, and she tried to blame you, but I didn’t believe her. We fought and argued, and in the end she confessed everything. She left soon after that, and I haven’t spoken to her since.”
Blood
and fire roared in his head. The thing he had run from had finally reared itself again, and there was no escaping it now. His emotions threatened his self-control, and Daniel wanted nothing more than to whip the wind into a frenzy, to give vent to his anger and self-loathing. Standing now, his body became so tense that he began to shake.
A soft hand on his back stilled his demons. “I forgave you, Daniel. As soon as I understood, I forgave you, but I will never forgive her.”
“She’s your mother.”
“I’m a mother too!” she said, spitting the words out with considerable venom.
“I betrayed your trust,” countered Daniel.
“You were barely fifteen, and you let weakness betray your heart. She was a grown woman, and she helped to raise you. The difference is far greater than you imagine,” said Kate.
“I don’t understand,” he choked out, “why would you forgive me? I don’t deserve that.”
Her arms circled around his waist, and she pressed her cheek against his shoulder. “I have only so much forgiveness in me Daniel. My love is unlimited and unshakeable, but I only have so much forgiveness. I chose to give both to you.”
He turned and pulled her closer, his cheeks wet with tears. Dammitt, why is she so beautiful? Without thinking, he lowered his face to hers and kissed her fiercely, unable to contain his terrible need any longer. His life had become a cold void, and the vital flame that was Catherine Sayer was all that he needed to fill it.
She returned the kiss, eager at first, but eventually she began to push him away.
Her aura was roiling with passion and lust, and he could see it mirrored in her eyes, but she held him at arm’s length resolutely. “I’m still married,” she told him sadly. “My family will always come first.”
He released her, still fighting with himself internally.
“Although, if you used your power, I probably couldn’t say no,” she suggested teasingly.
Daniel growled, looking at her in desperation. Is that hope in her aura? Does she want me to force her? He knew then, she wanted an excuse. She would not betray her family willingly, but if he took the choice from her…
“You’re a rapist.” The memory of those words sent a chill down his spine.
“No,” he said bitterly. “I won’t do that again. I’ve hurt too many.”
“Truth, so much truth there…” She was walking away now. “Come for dinner tomorrow. Seth will be glad to see you too.”
“Alright,” he managed to reply.
When she was over twenty yards away she shouted back, “Will you play for me—‘til I reach my door?”
He did, and he continued long after, until his fingers ached, and his mind had gone blank.
Chapter 38
He spent the morning with his father, who was reluctant to leave the house while Daniel was there, and the afternoon with his mother. In between he spent some time making good on his promise regarding woodwork. Fixing fences and some of the minor repairs required for the barn were simple tasks for him in many ways. So long as he had dry wood to work with, he could easily cut it to fit almost any shape or size, saving many hours’ worth of labor at the saw. Driving nails was just as easy.
His main limitation came when he realized that he had used up all of his father’s spare wood. That meant someone would have to make a trip to see Tom Hayes, at the general store. While Colne had its own blacksmith, the closest lumber mill was in Dereham. The Hayes store kept a fairly ample supply of lumber on hand, though.
“I’m going to see Seth and Kate this evening,” he told his mother when his father returned with the sheep that evening.
“Do they know you’re coming?” she asked.
“Kate heard me playing the cittern yesterday,” he replied. “She came over and invited me.”
“Oh,” said Helen. “Well, I’m sure they’ll be glad to see you again.”
“I guess we can’t keep you completely to ourselves,” said Alan, walking up from behind.
For what already seemed like the tenth time Daniel apologized, “I’m sorry, Dad. I wish I had more time.”
Alan waved his hand, dismissing the matter. “It is what it is, Son. Don’t worry yourself over it.”
“When you get a chance, go look at the barn,” said Daniel proudly. “I think you’ll like what I’ve done, but I’m afraid you’re out of boards.”
“The square posts or the planed one by sixes?”
“Both.”
“Damn, boy! You’ve been busy!”
Daniel grinned, “Yep. You’ll have to go into town.”
A shadow passed over Alan Tennick’s face, but it disappeared almost as quickly. “Yeah, I’ll have to think about that. It might be a while before I get around to it. Our credit is a little thin at the store.”
“Maybe I should go,” suggested Daniel. “If I get the wood before I leave there’s a lot more I could do for you. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I expanded the pen and added a few more stalls.”
“Don’t worry about that, Daniel,” said his father. “Just having you here for a while is plenty. You’ve already done several weeks’ worth of work for me if you managed to use up all that wood.”
Truthfully, Daniel was a bit nervous at the thought of going into Colne. He had probably left a large mark on the town already, and there were bound to be a lot of people holding grudges. He didn’t want to admit as much in front of his parents, though.
***
A tall lean man stood on the front porch of what Daniel still thought of as the Sayer house. Dark curly hair hid the tops of his ears and joined a thick beard that had grown along his jawline. He still had a dark tan, and his posture hinted at strong muscles. Seth had never been big boned, but age and hard work had given him the sturdy body of a man who spent his days working with his hands.
“You don’t look half as shitty as she told me,” he said, once Daniel had gotten within easy earshot. There was a smile on his face, but it hadn’t quite made it to his eyes.
Daniel had taken advantage of his mother’s mirror and some shears to clean up his appearance the night before. It was still pretty rough though, and his mother insisted that he needed to give her an hour to work on his hair and beard before he would look civilized again.
“I’d say the same about you,” he told his old friend, “but I’d be lying. You look better than ever, and I’m damn glad to see it.”
“I’m glad to see you too,” offered the other man.
“Last time we met, I recall you gave me a damn fine punch.”
Seth’s shoulders visibly tensed, and Daniel could see wariness flare in his aura. “Listen, Daniel, about that…”
“I deserved it, Seth. Don’t worry about it. I should thank you for knocking some sense into me,” he said, trying to put his childhood friend at ease.
Relaxing, Seth responded, “I have even more to thank you for. Kate told me what happened with Ronnie and the others. You even carried me up here. I mighta died if not for that.”
“I couldn’t leave a friend in need.” They were standing at arms’ length now.
Seth eyed him up and down, inspecting the strange leather armor. “You paid a high price for it.”
Daniel didn’t bother denying that one. His eyes passed over Seth, catching Kate watching them from the window. “Yeah.”
Seth noticed the look. “About Kate, Daniel, you know it was years before…”
“Whoa!” said Daniel somewhat forcefully. Stepping closer he brought his hand up, clasping his friend’s shoulder. “I was gone, still am, really, and I never owned her. If I was going to pick someone to take care of her, it would have been you. Don’t apologize to me, Seth. You’ve never done anything but good by me.”
Seth didn’t answer, choosing instead to give Daniel a short hug.
Kate opened the door then, “The food will get cold if someone doesn’t come eat it.”
They went in and took their places around the small table. A few small things had changed; the rug in
the front room, and two of the chairs, but otherwise it was the same. The smell of roast lamb assailed Daniel, reminding him of his hunger.
“Something smells awfully good,” noted Daniel.
“You wouldn’t believe how good Kate’s food is,” declared Seth.
Daniel chuckled, “My nose is telling me that I won’t have to believe for much longer, the evidence is right here before us.”
“Save your flattery for afterward, gentlemen,” said Kate confidently. “Once you have dined at my table, you will find that all others pale in comparison.”
“She sounds as if she’s joking,” commented Seth, “but she isn’t. The Browns, Dalton and Fiona, ate with us last spring, and ever since they’ve been giving us discounts hoping we’d invite them back.”
Kate winked at him and slid the platter with the roast in Daniel’s direction. He wasted no time in helping himself to an ample portion before passing it to Seth. Soon there was no time for talking as they began to eat in earnest.
The food brought a new kind of nostalgia to Daniel. Kate’s mother had been an excellent cook as well, and he remembered a number of pleasant occasions eating at the Sayer house. His own mother’s food was good, but not quite so well perfected, and his first night home she had had no time to create anything special. Tonight’s dinner reminded him of one of the things he missed most about life among civilized human beings, good food.
Near the end of the meal he found himself mopping the plate with a piece of bread, trying to get the last bit of gravy from the plate before he surrendered it. Once he had done that, he began to stare at the serving platter itself. They had cleared it of meat, but it still held the savory remnants of what had been sitting upon it.
Seth watched him with interest, “You look like you’re ready to eat the plate whole, Daniel.”
That snapped him from his daze, “It has been a while since I had food like this.”
“What have they been feeding you?” asked Kate.
Daniel winced at the question, but it was at least one that he could answer honestly. “Squirrel and rabbit, mostly,” he told them. He had never minded them before, but after five years he had begun to miss lamb—and beef, and pork. That left aside all the other little things, like milk, cheese, beans, turnips, parsnips—the list went on.