Page 17 of Incurable Hearts


  I didn’t know where I was, I couldn’t call a taxi or Henry to collect me as I left my bag back at his house and there was no way I was going back. It was completely finished, I had to make sure I stayed clear of him, let him get his life back together without interruption from me.

  It was too far to walk home so I made my way to the offices instead, Henry would pick me up from there. When I arrived I waited outside for Jenna to arrive. I didn’t want the employees to see me like this, she would have Henrys phone number, I can call him then.

  Punctual as ever Jenna turns up earlier than most, she sees me first sitting on the bench and rushes over.

  “Your freezing, how long have you been sitting here? Where is Henry?” She asks all at the same time.

  “I need you to call him.” I said as she took her coat off and put it round my shoulders. I wouldn’t let her take me into the offices, Henry would be here soon and he would take me home. I sat there seeing his broken expression re-running through my mind, I couldn’t get rid of it.

  “Miss Collins Henry is here.” Jenna said.

  “Call me Jasmine.” I said getting up from the bench, she insisted on walking me to the car even though Henry was by my side as soon as the car stopped,

  “What happened?” He asked taking me from Jenna.

  “No good came from it, just like I knew it wouldn’t.” I began crying again.

  He got me into the car quickly before Jenna could ask any more questions, he knew I wouldn’t want her seeing me like this.

  Part Two…Christopher

  I awoke in my bed and it was dark outside, the last thing I remember was sitting at the bar. This was the worst headache I had ever had from drinking, it took me twenty minutes to be able to lift my head of the pillow, and my mouth was disgustingly dry. I went down the stairs carefully on wobbly legs to get a drink. The cold water slipping down my throat was heavenly, I could go back to sleep now. I thought I was either still dreaming or still very drunk and hallucinating when I saw Jas standing in the kitchen doorway.

  My pain from last night felt like I would never recover from the rejection but that held nothing on tonight’s revelations. She was talking but I heard hardly anything.

  She loved me. Incurable. She was dying. My Jas was dying. Days, weeks or months. This had to be a sick joke? Nope this was no joke she was serious.

  The pain was too much for me to handle it, I couldn’t think straight. Her presence around me was blinding my thoughts.

  I couldn’t contain myself to wait for her to be out of the house before I grabbed the kitchen chair and smashed it against the same wall the glass of water went earlier. The rage pouring through me was immense. I picked up the table and flung it against the wall too. It wasn’t doing anything to release these feelings I couldn’t understand.

  I began punching the cupboard doors hoping the pain in my hand would side track me from the pain in my chest. I reached for the last chair standing when Alex came running in and held me in a tight grip.

  “Calm down.” He shouted at me.

  “She is fucking dying.” I sobbed slumping to the floor once again.

  “I know I heard. I am so sorry,” He said sitting with me.

  Not being able to form coherent thoughts, I sat crying in my brother’s grip for a girl I loved who would not be alive much longer.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Part One…Jasmine

  When we got home I was so cold, I couldn’t stop shivering no matter how high Henry turned the heating up. He made a call I presume to Rose, to have me some Tea ready and a hot bath.

  “I am sorry I advised you to tell him the truth.” Henry said. He hadn’t put me in the back of the car, I sat up front with him.

  “Don’t be sorry. He deserved to know and now he does.” I said.

  “Maybe with time he will come around?” He knew his attempt to find the silver lining was useless this time.

  “No time left.” I said.

  I spent the next three days in bed, Rose would come in with trays of food and drinks but my appetite is at an all time low. She takes them away the same as she brought them apart from the drinks she would make me drink them with my medication under her watchful eye.

  On the fourth day Henry came in to tell me the extension had been completed, Joe has had his men working shifts working through the night to get it finished. Boy does he want his bonus.

  I walked down with Henry to Joe’s office to find all the workers waiting outside too; Jase looked away when he saw me. Henry had already informed me Christopher wasn’t here; he didn’t come back at all. Henry has already looked over the work and assures me I will be satisfied yet I still have to be dragged round by Joe showing me everything, I didn’t have the same excitement as I did before.

  “You have definitely earned your bonuses, you can have your checks today then I want you and your men off my property.” I snap.

  “Fine by us.” He muttered.

  I went back in his office and sat at his desk, each of the workers filed in for their bonuses.

  I didn’t bother looking up at them or thanking them myself, a thirty thousand pound bonus was enough.

  “Name?” I said waiting to write yet another check.

  “Jase Bent.”

  I wrote out his check, before handing it to him I quickly wrote one for Christopher.

  “Could you see that he gets this please?” I asked him.

  He didn’t owe me anything but he did earn it.

  “He won’t take it,” He said.

  “Please.” I begged. His face broke and he took it, I passed him his check.

  “You know you are the first girl he has ever loved, he is in a right mess. If I were you I would leave him alone.” He said and walked out.

  I didn’t have time to dwell about what he had said as I had six more checks to write.

  By late afternoon Joe and his men had left. I kept checking the bank to see if Christopher had banked his check, everyone had deposited theirs apart from him.

  I returned to bed.

  I had fallen asleep at home in my bed and woke up in hospital a week later. I was told I had slipped into a coma in my sleep.

  They said I was lucky to come back that I was a fighter. I certainly didn’t feel lucky or like a fighter. I was tired of fighting.

  The doctor kept trying to talk to me throughout the day, my stats were good apparently, I wouldn’t respond to her or Rose.

  Henry came in later that evening, I hadn’t noticed he had left wrapped up in my own despair. He pulled the chair closer so he could sit next to me. He looked at me like he wanted to say loads but nothing escaped his lips. It was how I felt, nothing and everything to say.

  “What happened to your hand?” I asked when I noticed the scratches on it.

  “Oh, George had me helping him earlier.” He was such a terrible liar.

  “Don’t lie to me.” I tried to make it sound like I was scolding him but it came out weak.

  “I went to see Chris, don’t look at me like that. He had a right to know you was here,” He said.

  “You shouldn’t have done that! He won’t be able to move on if I am still in his life,” I said disgustedly, “What about your hand?” I asked again.

  “I punched him,” He admitted.

  “Why?”

  “He should have been more considerate.”

  That was the only explanation I was going to get.

  “We will be having words when I have the energy. Leave him alone.” I said feeling my eyes getting heavy.

  “Go to sleep now but come back to us this time.” He said pulling my blankets over me. I drifted of to sleep; unfortunately I woke the next morning.

  Time slowed down drastically, I know it is doing it on purpose to piss me off, laughing at me.

  I had been back home a couple of days before I drove myself crazy with boredom. I continuously checked the bank to see if he had banked the check. He hadn’t. I called and arranged for Jenna to work with me from home. I tr
y catching up on her reports but my head isn’t in it. I told her about my tumour and she cried. Her reaction stunned me; I wasn’t ready for it. Perhaps I am not that bad to work for after all. For the first time since Christopher came back into my life I welcomed death. I knew it wasn’t fair on him but time passed quickly while I was with him. Being without him felt worse than knowing I was living on borrowed time.

  “Jasmine, what do you think?” Jenna asked.

  She was working with in my home office. I hadn’t left the house since coming out of hospital.

  “Huh?”

  “What do you think of the request for donations of the new Jasmine Lip-Gloss range to the charity event next month?” She repeated.

  “Yes, it is a good idea.” She wrote it down in her notebook.

  “Jenna.” I said getting her attention again, she looked up waiting for me to carry on.

  “Over the last couple of months I have been giving you tests.”

  “What for?” She asked.

  I wasn’t in a good mood today; it wasn’t wise to interrupt me.

  “I wanted to see how you would cope running the company…you have surpassed every test.” She beamed an I-am-so-glad- smile exhaling a repressed breath.

  “When I die you will become CEO of Jasmine Enterprises.”

  She sat there stunned into silence, and so she should be I am giving her a fucking global empire – Christopher’s words not mine.

  “I can’t accept that Jasmine, she is yours,” she said shaking.

  “I am not going to be here am I,” I snapped at her, “I was going to sell her to the highest bidder because I didn’t have anyone to hand her over too but now I do. You.”

  “Oh my goodness, you are serious aren’t you.”

  “I am. You love the company nearly as much as I do. I know you will run it the way I would have if circumstances were different. She is yours when I am gone.” I said.

  I couldn’t help but cry, Jenna joined me and hugged me.

  “I will make you proud Jasmine,” She said before crying herself.

  Jenna left shortly after, she wasn’t to tell anyone about the takeover until I had my legal team sort it out. We would be making a statement as soon as everything had been changed accordingly.

  Part Two…Christopher

  Days passed, all I could think about was Jasmine. By now everything that confused me while we were together, clicked into place. I didn’t return to work in case I bumped into her, I was still confused about her as in what do next. I wouldn’t be strong enough to stay away from her if I saw her. When I wasn’t forcing myself to not think about her, which wasn’t very often, I was angry. She had warned me that I would be the only to get hurt, if only I had listened to her warnings I wouldn’t be feeling out of my depth but the hold she held on me from the very start I knew I had no chance.I couldn’t look at the broken cupboard units in the kitchen any longer, having the energy for the first time in days I decided I would fix them until someone began banging on the door. For a brief moment I hoped it was going to be Jas but then I realised she probably wouldn’t have the strength to knock that hard. I opened the door to find Henry stood there.

  “Do you want to bang any louder? I don’t think the house at the bottom of the street fucking heard you.” I said.

  “I need to talk to you,” He said pushing his way past me,

  “Why don’t you come in,” I say sarcastically.

  He looked like shit, like he hadn’t had any sleep for a while. After I got over the initial shock of seeing him here, my first thought was of Jasmine, that he was here to tell me she had died. On the outside I composed myself as clam, pissed at his rudeness but clam. On the inside my heart was frantically beating and I was shaking with fear of hearing his news he was about to deliver.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked nervously.

  When he took his eyes of the torn photographs of Jas and I he looked at me with the coldest glare, sending shudders running through my body. I remember sizing him up in the pub the first time I saw him and smugly thinking I could take him on in a fight but staring into his eyes now I knew no one stood a chance against him. I decided I would listen to what he had to say then he can leave. Having been so confused about Jas, Henry being here didn’t make it any easier to think things through.

  “She didn’t have to tell you the truth, she could have let you go completely knowing nothing,” He finally said, it felt like I was talking to her father not a paid employee.“How is this any of your business? Shouldn’t you be on call waiting to drive her around?” I asked harshly.

  “She won’t be calling and I am not going to stay long. I am here because you told her you loved her and I know she loves you.” He said.

  My head had began spinning, Henry was getting to the point of his visit, “I thought you should know Miss Collins fell into a coma.”

  WHAT? What did this mean?

  I sat down on the sofa unsure of how much longer my legs would hold me up for. The girl I love is laying in hospital somewhere in a coma, every time I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did.

  I was beginning to feel the anger build up within me, I should have listened to her warnings. No, what I should have done was never stop speaking to her all those years ago and took her away from all the shit in her life. I wasn’t in love with her then but I did like her a lot and if I had let myself I could have easily fell in love with her. I could have protected her. Instead I was a typical teenage lad and lost her only finding her again when it was too late.

  “What happened?” I asked not meeting his eyes.

  “She fell asleep the other night, when Rose went to check on her she wouldn’t wake up, she has been out ever since.” He said.

  “Why have you come to tell me?” I ask.

  I didn’t take the news well and told her to leave, amongst other hurtful things. I felt guilty remembering the things I said to her especially when I picture her face, she didn’t deserve what I said and now it seems I won’t ever get the chance to apologise.

  “With you saying you loved her I thought you had a right to know at least or at most you may go to see her?” He said as if it was that simple.

  Why would I want to see her hooked up to wires and machines? After the way I treated her I doubted she would want to see me either.

  “Thank you for telling me but I am not going to see her.” I said adamantly.

  “Why not?” He shouted.

  It was obvious I hadn’t reacted the way he thought I was going to but whatever I said he wouldn’t understand and I didn’t have the energy to try and find the right words to explain. There probably weren’t any right words to find anyway.

  “Like I said, thank you for telling me. Now you can leave.” I said only giving him the one chance to leave of his own accord.

  “I shouldn’t have told you, my first instincts about you were correct. You don’t love her,” He argued.

  “Don’t you dare tell me how I feel,” I shouted starting to lose my temper, “You don’t know anything about us.”

  “You must have known there was something wrong with her before she told you and yet you still couldn’t keep away. Now she isn’t able to give you what you want, you don’t want anything to do with her.” He spat. “I never imagined that was what she was hiding from me. What do you want me to do, sit by her bed and watch her die?” I shouted back at him.

  “Yes, if that is what it takes to make her smile again, pretend if you have to.”

  “You are just as crazy as she is, if I had known the truth in the beginning I would have never carried on seeing her” I said angrily, but even as I said the words I knew I would have felt the same and I still would be feeling like this which made me more angry with myself.

  I desperately wanted her to be the girl she was when we were teenagers, she was never the loudest in our group but she liked to have fun and her laugh was infectious. She still had some of that spark now but I could see how her illness hung over her like a black cloud
. When I thought about certain times we spent together I could tell she held back, she wouldn’t have done that years ago.

  “Even in the situation Miss Collins is in, she will always be the best women you will ever know.” He said standing up to leave.

  “You act like she is going to wake up.” I noticed.

  “I know she will, we just don’t know when.” He said meaning every word.

  “Maybe it would be better if she didn’t.” I said.

  He didn’t give me a chance to explain what I meant before I saw his fist coming towards to face. My first reaction was to hit him back and fucking hard, pay him back for the bruise I knew I was bound to have by the time I woke up tomorrow but I stopped myself. I sounded harsh. I would have done exactly the same thing if I heard anyone say something like that about her. I wanted to tell him that I meant if Jas didn’t wake up she wouldn’t have to suffer no more but there was no talking to him now.

  “If you feel like that then stay the hell away from her.” He said and walked out leaving me on my ass on my living room floor.

  I was screaming inside, hearing she was in hospital made me want to go running to her but then I was stubborn and forced myself to keep away. This felt like torture, I mentally pictured my Jas hooked up to machines with only her driver and cook sat loyally by her bedside and I couldn’t man up and go see her.

  A few days passed and the walls began closing in on me, I had to get out, go somewhere. During the hour and a half long walk to my mother’s house I had stopped off in four different pubs and in two shops for alcohol, when my mother opened the front door I fell through it.

  The next morning, well, the next afternoon I woke in my old room, I had no idea how I got here. I remember leaving my house with thoughts of coming here to see Alex but I can’t remember ending up here or if I even saw Alex. There was something relaxing about being back in my old room. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself, I either have to let her go and forget about her or go and see her. Then it came crashing back to me she is in a coma. We all assume we will die in our old age packed off in a nursing home but Jasmine doesn’t have that luxury, she knew she didn’t have long left. Why couldn’t she have told me at the start? I still would have wanted to see her and catch up; I could have been there for her as a friend. I would have supported her through anything. I may not have seen her for years but I am certain I would have been there for her if she had let me. She acted like she didn’t need anyone but I saw her vulnerable side. I laid there thinking for any possible outcome that wouldn’t hurt either of us and every time I came up blank. There was no happy ending for us. When I eventually got out of bed I had a message on my phone from an unknown number, I opened the text: