THIS IS ROSE. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW JASMINE WOKE UP TODAY.
Oh thank god! A thousand weights had been lifted of my chest.
Nobody was home when I went downstairs, according to the note my mother left she was working the afternoon shift, she should be finished about now and on cue she came through the door.
“You decided to join us sober folk then?” She said.
I sat down at the kitchen table while she put the kettle on.
“I don’t need any lectures today.” I muttered feeling slightly hung over.
“Well, you are going to get one,” She said taking me by surprise, my mother never usually stuck her nose in my business, “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, you are drinking too much, you haven’t been to work for days and looking at your face you have been fighting again. If you carry on this way you won’t last long yourself.” She said sitting at the table with me. I flinched knowing she was referring to Jas.
“I haven’t been fighting.” I defended myself.
“Your face says differently,” She said sarcastically.
“Henry her driver came to see me yesterday, he punched me. Don’t worry I didn’t hit him back although I should have.” I said.
“Why would he do that?” She asked getting angry.
“Because he took something I said the wrong way, I deserved it.”
“What did you say?”
“He came to tell me Jas is in a coma, I said it might be best if she didn’t wake up.”
I admitted.
Hearing myself say the words I could totally understand how it sounded to him especially looking at my mum’s disgusted face.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I meant if she didn’t wake up she wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. I have seen her in pain with headaches and being sick, she always tried hiding it from me but I wasn’t stupid.” I explained.
“No one should have to live like that but sweetie you are the one I am concerned about, you’re the one who is going to be here in the long run. You need to decide what you are going to do,” She said like it was that simple.
“I don’t know what to do.” I said hoping she would have the answers.
“You do or you wouldn’t be thinking of her still. Since she has told you, you have been leaning towards one decision. You are just scared.” She said.
“I don’t need your cryptic advice.”
“If you couldn’t deal with it you would have moved on by now. I wish the first time you fell in love was with someone who loved you back.” I cut her off.
“I know she loves me, that isn’t an issue.” I bit back.
“Okay, someone who would be around to love you back. I can see you still want to be with her regardless, you just have to decide if you can deal with the hard times that follow because there will not be any miracles, she will die and you don’t know how long you will have together.” She said holding my hand.
When she said it like that it fell into place. I did want to be with her, I needed to be with her. The only question now was could I handle watching her die?
“I have missed her so much, she is extraordinary and she doesn’t even realise it.” I said feeling my lips pull up into a smile for the first time in days.
“It sounds like you have made your decision. The only thing I would say now is make sure you are doing the right thing, she won’t need the added worry of you running out on her, she is going to need all the support she can get, and I doubt she will get any from her mother.” She said sternly.
“Since when were you on team Jasmine?” I asked her jokingly.
“I’m not on anyone’s team, I just want you to be happy and if this is what makes my boy happy then I will be on my best behaviour.”
“Thanks mum.”
“Are you going to go see her?” She asked as someone knocked on the door.
“Yeah.” I said getting up from the table.
Seeing her in hospital wouldn’t be nice but however bad it was for me, it was a million times worse for Jas.
Lizzie Collins walked into the kitchen and sat in the chair I vacated, I signalled to my mum not to tell her anything, if Jas wanted her to know she could do it herself.
“My daughter really done a number on you didn’t she? You look like shit,” She said laughing at me.
I had never hated anyone apart from my father as much as I hate Lizzie Collins right now, I am surprised Jas has done as well as she has with her for a mother or maybe that is why she has done so well.
“I am fine.”
“You shouldn’t have bothered with her, that girl is selfish to the core. You’re better off without her.” She said. No I thought she is better off without you.
“She isn’t selfish.” I said honestly.
I did think she was in the beginning but the more I thought clearly about it, she was confused as I and she did warn me even if she didn’t actually tell me what really was going on.
“You obviously don’t know her well enough yet, get out while you can before she leaves you on your own with nothing. She probably won’t be in the country by the end of the week.” Jas’s mother was very bitter.
“You sound like you are talking about yourself.” I said smirking, she wasn’t showing me concern, she was thinking about herself.
“Perhaps I am but as her mother I know what I am talking about.” She said making me laugh.
“You don’t know anything about her and you haven’t been a mother to her for years. You should be proud of what she accomplished not jealous because she doesn’t give you hand outs which you really don’t deserve. I remember how you used to turn up drunk after being on a bender and she would have to look after you, you should have looked after her!”
“CJ, why don’t you go and get washed then do what you were going to do.” My mum said trying to diffuse the argument, she knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t back down especially now when I am defending Jas.
“You’re a bitter old woman Lizzie, don’t talk to me about things you don’t have a clue about.” I said walking out of the kitchen leaving her speechless.
It took me ten minutes to wash and borrow one of Alex’s jumpers, I didn’t bother saying goodbye to my mum as that would involve me seeing Lizzie again and I had a lot worse I could say to her.
I hadn’t come to any conclusions of what I was going to say to her, I didn’t have too as I couldn’t make myself walk through the doors. I stood outside the hospital for over an hour before I left again. I thought I had been feeling good finally making a decision about her but when the time came I couldn’t do it, I wimped out just because she was awake now didn’t mean she was going to get better. If I told her I would be there for her I had to mean it, if I ran when it got too tough I would never forgive myself.
I answered my phone when it started ringing, it was Zach.
“Hey man, what are you doing tonight?” He asked.
“Nothing, you?” I asked.
“Are you up for heading into town?”
“Sure, what is the plan?” I asked.
I would only drive myself crazy sitting at home and I wasn’t going to see Jas.
“I am in the Fountain at the moment, then hit a club?”
“Sounds like just what I need mate, I will be there in about ten minutes.” I said then redirected the taxi driver.
“See you soon,” He said as I hung up.
Just what I need I thought again, a night out to take my mind off all the unrealistic crap in my life plus the alcohol I will be about to consume will make it easier to sleep tonight.
I should have known he would be surrounded by women, he was never on his own for long.
“Hey man.” I said.
“That was quick, say hi to Millie and Keeley,” He said showing me who was who.
“Hi girls.” I smiled falsely at them both, “Do you want a drink?” I asked Zach but both girls chimed in their order too.
I had only been sitting at the table for two minutes and couldn’t wa
it to escape. Millie and Killie or whatever her name was seemed nice enough but compared to Jasmine they came across as brainless bimbos; they wore too much makeup I would hate to see what they looked like first thing in the morning. Jasmine hardly wore makeup, she didn’t need to.
The girls got more and more annoying as the night went on, Zach was getting on too well with Millie which left Killie or whatever her name was trying to cosy up to me, three months ago I would have been all over her but tonight the thought of her coming home with me turned my stomach. I went to the bar again to order some shots; I wasn’t getting drunk nearly as quick as I hoped. When I got back to the table Zach and Millie had vanished.
“Where have they gone?” I asked praying they were still in the building.
“They left, he said you would look after me,” She said raising her eyebrow seductively.
“Did he now?” I can’t believe he has done this to me.
“I am sorry but I have somewhere else I have to be.” I said necking the shots one after the other. She pouted at me before walking towards me. She put her hand on my chest and held onto my shirt tight.
“Are you sure I can’t change your mind?” She asked getting closer than I wanted her to be.
“I am sure.” I told her removing her hand and leaving the pub.
The cold air hit me and the world began spinning rapidly. I didn’t feel drunk in the pub but now my legs were wobbling all over the place. I couldn’t face getting into a taxi so I chose to walk home. Every person I passed I wondered what their lives were like, did they have partners? Were they happy? Were they going home to see if their partner was still alive? And then like a flash of lightning sweeping before my eyes I realised other people went through this too, couples who have been together for many years. I wanted to be with Jasmine. I wanted to be the one to make her happy even when she is in pain; I wanted her to know I would be by her side.
I formed a plan on the walk home. First thing in the morning I will call Joe and take leave from work, I wouldn’t waste time working while I was with her, I had enough money saved to last me a while plus a thirty thousand pound check to cash if needed. I wouldn’t take the check from Jase when he bought it round but he left it stuck on my fridge door. I would definitely have a shave and clean myself up, the last few weeks I hadn’t bothered and the end result was shocking.
My drunken plan from the night before didn’t get off to the best start; I didn’t wake up until late afternoon. Joe was surprisingly okay about my request for leave from work on a I don’t know when I will be back basis, but I was one of his best workers and I knew he would take me back with no questions asked. All showered and looking respectable once again I was ready to see Jas. I was nervous, I wasn’t scared about being pushed away anymore, being with me she could let her walls down that she had built up years ago.
I knocked on the door praying Jasmine or Rose would answer, I really don’t need another fight with Henry.
“Oh, hello.” Rose said looking shocked to see me standing here.
“Hey Rose, I came to see Jas.” I said mentally kicking myself, who else would I be here to see?
“Come in,” She said opening the door wider, “She is in bed,” She said.
“How is she doing?” I asked wanting to know what I was about to walk into.
“She is doing well, she has been resting since she got home. Don’t be worried.” She said.
“Thanks Rose.” I said making my way up the stairs.
I stood outside her bedroom door for a minute, it had taken me some time to know what I wanted, now I was here I was positive I would not run from her. I loved her too much to hurt her. When I slowly opened the door she was laying in the dark facing away from me.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Part One…Jasmine
Apart from when Jenna was here I spent my days in bed, Henry and Rose continued to attempt to get me out of the house but I couldn’t find the energy to do anything. Rose had the doctor come to see me, all she had to say was I had lost weight from not eating which made Rose more determined to feed me. A few days had passed, they didn’t bother to tempt me to leave the house anymore as I threatened to fire them, Henry would sit and watch films with me for hours to keep me company. They both took shifts to keep an eye on me when I slept to make sure I hadn’t slipped into another coma. Sometimes they woke me up gently if I didn’t stir enough to placate them or I would feel their fingers on my neck or wrists searching for a pulse.
One night I had had enough; I heard the door brushing the thick carpet as it opened,
“Go back to bed, I am still alive.” I mumbled not turning around to see who it was.
“That is good to hear.” Christopher said coming around the bed to see me as I still hadn’t moved.
What was he doing here? Was he really here? I didn’t trust my brain these days so I continued not to move, he was probably a figment of my imagination playing tricks on me, punishing me for treating him so badly. The real or imagined Christopher knelt down beside the bed looking at me, I carried on being silent just staring at him, if he was my imagination playing tricks on me I would lap up the sight of him before he disappeared again. He brought his hand up and moved my hair from my face and brushed them to the side, he felt so real, and the heat from his hand warmed me for the first time in weeks.
“I have come all this way and you’re not going to say hi?” He asked.
“Hi,” I said deciding he was real but what was he doing here? I didn’t want another fight, “I wasn’t expecting to see you again,” I said.
“It seems I can’t stay away from you, it looks like I will be the only one who ends up hurt,” He said.
“You’re not the only one who is hurting.”
“I know.” He said defeated moving to sit on the bed taking hold of my hand once again just like he always had.
“What are you doing here?” I asked not sure if I really wanted to hear his answer.
“I had to see you. I have thought about you and…everything nonstop the last few weeks”
“And?” I ask hesitantly,
“And, I wish you had told me in the beginning, I thought that things between us could have different but than I realised it would have been the same outcome anyway. I knew deep down something was wrong with you and I still fell in love with you. You are impossible not to love,” He said.
If only that were true, I wouldn’t have had to keep myself locked away from anything remotely emotional all these years.
“What are you saying?” I asked because it sounded like he wanted to be with me even though he doesn’t know how much time he would have with me.
“I want to be the one who you spend the rest of your life with, I want to be the one who looks after you. I love you Jas, I need to be with you.” He said leaning in to kiss me. The feel of his lips on mine again made me forget what I was going to say. When the kiss ended all my thoughts came flooding back.
“Are you sure you know what you are saying because I am going to die Christopher. You won’t have the type of relationship everyone else does. We have an unknown limited time on ours, the only wish I have made in years is that this wasn’t happening to me so I could be with you but it is and there is nothing I can do about it.” I said feeling the tears fall down my cheeks.
“The way I look at it is that I could be the one to go first, I might get hit by a bus tomorrow and game over. I want to be with you, whatever time you do have I want to be the one who makes you happy,” He said.
“Well, I won’t be letting you near any roads anymore,” I joked, “I am sorry.” I quickly apologised when he didn’t find it funny.
“Things could have been handled better but I am here now and we have your forever to do what we want.”
“I love you so much Christopher.” I said cuddling closer into him meaning it with every ounce of my being. In a selfish way this means I get my happy ever after. He pulled me closer to him.
“I am sorry about the way I spoke to you whe
n you came round, I should never have said that about your mother. I kind of laid into her yesterday,” He said. Where the hell did he see her?
“What happened?” I asked very intrigued to know.
“She was round my mothers and she must have told your mother what had happened and all she could do was slag you off, I couldn’t stand it any longer so I told her a few home truths and that she should be proud of her daughter, sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry about her or anything.” I told him.
“I was going to say sorry for not coming to see you sooner but I won’t now, I wanted to come and see you when you were in the hospital but I couldn’t face it,” He said.
“How did you know I was in hospital?” I asked him even though I knew already but I wanted to hear his version of events to see if Henry intentionally left any information out.
“Henry came to see me, it shocked me to open the door to him. He was so angry with me, got the bruise to prove it, nothing I didn’t deserve.” Christopher’s version had even less information than Henrys.
“He shouldn’t have done that.” I said.
“He was only looking out for you, he should have been your father. You would have done well. He was right, I should have went to see you but I didn’t want to see you like that.” He said saying the same as what I had been thinking about Henry being my father.