“Don’t look so scared we are going out to eat, not to be horrible but I wouldn’t trust your cooking skills until you have had some basic cooking lessons.” He laughed.
That was more like it but I wasn’t taking any lessons. That is why I pay Rose to cook so I didn’t have to. If he thought now we were married I would all of a sudden be cooking our meals he was very much mistaken.
“That gives us a while before we have to leave then?” I flirted jumping down from the counter.
Dinner was lovely; it was the first meal I enjoyed in ages and so far it was staying down.
“Would you like anymore drinks?” The waiter asked.
“Can I get a Water please?” I said.
“And you sir?”
“The same please.” Christopher said.
“No he won’t he will have a glass of your finest whiskey.” I told the waiter who was now looking at Christopher for confirmation.
“Water will be fine.” He replied.
“If you bring him water I will have you fired, a whiskey please.” I said counteracting him.
The waiter left sharply obviously not wanting to be around for the telling off I was about to get.
“Why did you have to do that for? I don’t want to drink.”
“One drink won’t hurt, you don’t have to stop drinking because of me.”
“One drink.” He said making sure I knew not to order him another, he deserved to have at least one drink.
The waiter bought over our drinks and to be on the safe side he bought Christopher a glass of water and a glass of whiskey. Christopher admitted it was funny when he couldn’t help laughing when the waiter left.
Christopher had to drive slowly on the way back to the beach house from the restaurant as the rain was pouring down hard, when he opened my door I didn’t care about getting wet, the rain felt cold and sharp against my skin. It was refreshing; the smallest thing like standing in the rain was incredible to me. Instead of heading to the house I walked in the opposite direction.
“Where are you going Jas?” Christopher shouted through the rain. I turned around to face him.
“Let’s go for a walk.” I shouted back. He caught up to me and stood in front of me stopping me from walking ahead.
“Your crazy, it is hammering it down. We can go for a walk tomorrow,” He said. The rain running down his face.
“It’s only rain.” I said slowly spinning around with my arms stretched out. He could not understand how it was making me feel.
“We won’t go far I promise.”
I saw the fight leave him and I grabbed his hand and pulled him forward with me.
He walked towards the beach across the road and walked towards the sea while I ran and danced my way there, soaking the feeling of freedom in while the rain looked spectacular over the water. He caught me up and picked me up in his arms
“I never imagined something as simple as being out in the rain would make me feel so alive.” I told him smiling.
“Nor did I, you are one crazy women.” He said smiling kissing me, we were soaked through to the skin and I didn’t care.
He dropped me from his embrace and spun me around so my back was to his chest and he held me there.
“If you get ill from this I am going to be angry with you.” He said in my ear.
“Don’t be so dramatic, I will be fine. This is a good moment, don’t ruin it.” I told him.
“Okay if that is the way you want it. Do you want to see how cold the water is?” He said as I slowly backed away from him.
“It is December,” I said looking at the water, it would be freezing especially at this time of year, “And you say I am the crazy one?” I added as he started stepping towards me.
“This is a good moment, don’t ruin it,” He retaliated sarcastically. I backed away more quickly screaming as he went to grab me. I turned and ran. I knew I didn’t stand a chance of getting away from him but I gave it a good go. My athletic skills were made worse by the fact I couldn’t stop laughing, it didn’t take long for him to catch me, we fell to the sand with him landing on top of me.
“Okay I surrender, we will go back to the house, just don’t take me in the water.” I said trying to breathe through the laughter.
“I wasn’t going to anyway,” He said laughing. He leaned down and kissed me.
Surprisingly I didn’t feel the cold and the wetness didn’t bother me, tonight was exhilarating, the rush of feeling free made me feel light like I could float up to the sky.
Although I was soaking up feeling free I did not want sex on the beach and if this kiss lasted much longer that was what was going to happen, I broke the kiss and wriggled out from under him.
“If you want me you can wait till were back at the house.” I said turning towards the house.
Surprisingly it didn’t take us long to get back to the house, I started stripping my clothes of on the porch.
“What are you doing?” Christopher asked opening the door.
“We are soaked through, I don’t want to drip through the house.” I explained.
He followed suit and began stripping too. Once I managed to take my jeans off he had me in his arms, kicking the door shut behind him and was taking me up the stairs.
Every time I moved it felt like I was crunching biscuits, I lifted my head to find sand all over my pillow and Christopher nowhere in sight.
I had a quick shower and went downstairs. He was in the kitchen making breakfast, it smelt lovely, my appetite remaining. I sat down at the table and coughed dramatically to let him know I was up.
“I think you were right, I feel sick.” I said coughing again.
“Jas, why do you do these things?” He whined filling our plates with bacon, eggs and sausages, “I told you this would happen.” He said.
“It is a good job I didn’t listen to you then because I feel fine and it was fun, go on admit it. You. Had. Fun.” I said smiling inhaling deeply to show him how fine I was.
He shook his head and sat at the table with me.
“It was fun and you are crazy,” He said.
“Can I blame it on the tumour and claim I wasn’t in the right state of mind?” I asked him.
“I think it was you so no you can’t claim insanity,” He said making me laugh.
We laid either end of the sofa facing each other with the fire burning away,
“If our future was different how do you think it would play out?” He asked out of the blue. I didn’t have to think about this.
“We would still have got married but probably not as quick, I wouldn’t have given my company away but I wouldn’t have spent so much time at the office. We would have travelled the world in my style of course, do everything we possibly could before settling down and having two children, one boy and one girl, our son would take after you and be the most handsome boy in the world and our daughter would be a princess,” I said picturing what I imagine them to look like, “What about you?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t have taken leave from work, I would have carried on saving to start my own company and then I would build us our first home then without a doubt I would have knocked you up,” He said laughing at his choice of words while I dug my foot in his ribs, “Okay okay, I would have made love to you and impregnated you,” He said. “I would want three children, one girl and two boys, you can’t have one boy he would need a brother, we would do the whole family holiday thing and you would be a fantastic mother to them.” He finished.
I would do everything as a mother that my mother did not and everything she did do I would not.
“I want that life with you so bad,” I admitted, “What would you call our children?” I asked him wanting to put names to our imaginary children.
He thought about it for a while before answering.
“I don’t know, you?” He asked flipping the question at me.
“Portia for a girl and Fraser for a boy but since you want a third I would call him Astin, like the car but spelt wit
h an I not an O” I told him.
“I like them.” He agreed.
We could talk about a future together all we liked but that is all it would be, talk.
We stopped talking about it, as we both got upset.
We had been in bed since our disastrous attempt of trying to cook dinner together; it turns out Christopher lacks cooking skills too. So we ate take out in bed, half dressed and content.
“You have eaten more this weekend then I have ever seen.” Christopher said.
“I know, I am always hungry at the moment.” I replied.
The dull ache in my head had been getting worse this evening and it was getting too much to bear, I laid down careful not to lay on the take out. I closed my eyes trying to block out the light and breathed deeply.
“Are you in pain?” He asked moving the food off the bed.
“Yeah,” I whispered, he dimmed the lamp beside the bed,
“Can you pass me my bag please.” I asked.
While he was out of the room all the food I had consumed over the weekend was about to make a reappearance. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time.
Every time I thought I was finished and sat back against the wall I would need to hover over the toilet again. The vomiting wasn’t taking the pain in my head away either, every time I heaved it felt like a wave of pain rush through my head. I couldn’t cope with this, I let the tears of weakness flow and sank back against the wall again, and Christopher came in and found me there.
“Here is your bag, what do you need?”
“One of every pill and water.” I struggled to say.
I had no energy, this was what I didn’t want, to be utterly dependent on someone else.
It took ten minutes before I swallowed the last pill, the water was making me feel nauseous.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I moaned as Christopher sat beside me on the floor, my head still throbbing.
“Yes you can, it will pass.” He encouraged.
“Until the next time, please I am so tired. It hurts so much.” I said crying into his lap, he stroked my hair soothingly while I carried on crying.
“I used to be perfect until I got this, then you came into my life like a cruel trick being played on me, I can’t keep doing this to us.” I sobbed.
“You still are perfect, and how do you know you haven’t got food poisoning from that take out because that was disgusting.” He joked trying to cheer me up, it didn’t work.
“Please be serious…” I was about to rant at him but vomiting took first priority.
He held my hair away from my face and in the end had to hold me up as I lost all use of my body. I can honestly say this was the first time I vomited, cried and clung to Christopher for dear life ever and I never wanted to do that again, it was humiliating, I felt useless.
I sat there while he cleaned my face and brushed my hair in a ponytail.
“Some honeymoon this is.” I muttered not meeting his eyes.
“Don’t let this ruin it, this is just a blip,” He told me.
“Sure.” I said taking his attitude as he wiped my tears away.
“I mean it Jas, this is only a blip,” He repeated kissing my forehead, “You have a lot of strength left, use it and stay with me.” He pleaded.
He carried me back to the bed, I wasn’t sure if my promise was going to be fulfilled tonight but I made it anyway praying I would wake in the morning.
Part Two…Christopher
Sitting here in the dark watching Jas sleep was torture. She had scared the shit out of me tonight, I had nearly called Henry to get his ass up here and help me with her but she settled down when I got her back into bed. She thinks she has ruined this weekend now but like I tried to tell her it was a blip and we would both get over it and forget about it. Although I would forget about it didn’t mean I wasn’t taking her home first thing in the morning where I had help on stand by, if or when she took another turn like that I didn’t want to be on my own. Henry and Rose always seemed to know how to handle these situations.
I know I wouldn’t get any sleep tonight, I wanted to make sure she slept well, that was the worst I had seen her and I didn’t trust her promise to me.
Watching her on the beach last night so happy was by far one of the best times I shared with her. I could see it in her face that she was free in that moment to be who she really wanted to be. Hearing her laugh when I chased her was the same laugh I heard from her years ago that night on the park. Nights like last night were frustrating because I could see how our life would be if she weren’t ill. I would be able to hear her laugh like that regularly.
I could picture her running like that on the beach with our children, all smiling, laughing without a care in the world, obviously Henry would be there somewhere and probably Rose ready to fix the picnic for us. I silently laughed at the thought. I wondered if she would get a nanny to help with the children? Alex and Nat would be there too with their little one playing with his or her cousins and anymore they have. It would be perfect.
Occasionally I would check her to make sure she was still breathing when it looked like she wasn’t moving, she truly was beautiful, her dark brown hair shining in the moonlight.
By five am I couldn’t sit still any longer, I showered and got dressed. I made a start packing our cases leaving Jas’s open so she could get dressed when she woke.
By six am I went downstairs and began cleaning the kitchen to how we found it when we arrived, in the living room I only had to rearrange the cushions on the sofa.
By seven am I was back sitting in the bedroom waiting for Jas to wake.
By nine am I went downstairs to call Henry.
“What has happened?” He asked straight away.
“She…she had a bad night, I nearly called you to help but she settled down and fell asleep.” I told him.
“Is she still asleep now?” He asked.
“Yeah, when she wakes I am going to bring her home.” I told him.
“Do you want me to drive up?”
“No, she is okay I think. If she isn’t up by lunch time I will wake her up, we will be home by dinner time.” I told him.
“Okay, call me if you have to.” He said before I hung up.
I went back up to the bedroom and surprise surprise she was still asleep, for someone who couldn’t sleep well before she met me she certainly has made up for it since. I turned the telly on low and flicked through the channels till I found a film to watch.
Before I knew it she was waking me up and she was showered and dressed.
“I take it were going home?” She asked looking at our cases.
“Yeah, you scared me last night, I want to be at home when it happens again.” I told her.
“I have ruined it haven’t I? You said it was only a blip,” She said slumping down.
“Not you personally, and it is a blip but another blip like that I want to be close to home, Jas you couldn’t lift yourself up I need to have help around, I don’t know what to do.” I said.
“I understand.” She said sadly.
“Why don’t we get something to eat then head home?” I suggested.
“Sounds good.” She mumbled but I don’t think she meant it.
We found a little fish and chip shop open on the drive back. We sat in the car eating our food when she spoke again.
“It feels like I apologise to you all the time but I am sorry.” She said nibbling a chip.
“What for Jas? You don’t have to be sorry about anything.” I told her.
“Because we have to go home, I was enjoying myself and I know you were too.”
“Were only going back a day early and we can tell everyone it was because of the rain,” I laughed trying to lighten her mood thinking I best tell Henry not to say anything, “And anyway we don’t have to be here to carry on our honeymoon plus your bed is much bigger than that one,” I said winking at her so she knew what I meant.
“You better get us home then and it is our bed.”
She said smiling emphasizing the ‘our’ bed bit.
I handed her my chip wrappings and started the car.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Part One…Jasmine
“Welcome home Mrs Jenson, did you two have a nice time away?” Rose beamed greeting us when we arrived home.
It had been a long drive and with last nights busy antics I was shattered.
“Hey Rose, it was fantastic. It was a shame we had to leave.” I said already missing our own little world.
“Get yourself inside, I will put the kettle on and you can tell me all about it.” She said ushering us inside to the warm.
After an hour of relaying the weekend to Rose apart from the parts she didn’t need to know about, I relaxed on the sofa while Christopher took our cases upstairs. With all the wedding preparations taking all my attention I hadn’t given much thought to Christmas but now looking at the tree and all our gifts wrapped up underneath it, the Christmas spirit was returning to me.
It was amazing how different everything was now, all happening in four months. Christopher was definitely living up to his promise of making each day count. I wondered if I would have felt like this even if I weren’t ill, when I looked at him I knew I would have. Our life together would have been so different; we would have set the world on fire. I definitely wouldn’t have given my company away but I would have taken more time away from the office at every opportunity I could. No point in dreaming of a future I can’t for one second believe possible.
“Are you looking forward to Christmas Mrs Jenson?” Christopher asked from the doorway.
“You know I am. I just hope I am well enough to enjoy the day.” I said depressed at the thought of my illness making an appearance and ruining the whole day for us.
“Hey none of that, you will be fine.” He said cuddling with me on the sofa.
“I need to talk to you about something, you are probably not going to like what I have to say but it is important so I need you to listen.” I said. We had made a pact not to mention my demise however this needed to be spoken about.
“Sounds like something I am definitely not going to like.” He said cautiously.