'Of course, Bhaiyyaji. But how will we do it?'
'We need to split the party. We already have twenty. We need just five more to make one-third. Then the split becomes legal. Doesn't attract the provisions of the Anti- Defection Act.'
'But how will we form the government?'
'I have already spoken to the leaders of all the opposition parties, especially Tiwariji, who commands the support of at least fifty legislators. They are willing to lend me support from outside. And the Independents are solidly behind me. After all, I helped half of them to win. So what do you think? Can we do it?'
'It is brilliant, Bhaiyyaji. What a strategy!'
'I am going to call it Operation Checkmate. Now you need to execute it.'
'Let's get down to brass tacks. First, we have to isolate our bloc of twenty. Then we have to identify the five that we need to break the party. And lastly we need to get letters of support from all the opposition parties, accepting you as Chief Minister. I will begin work straight away.'
'Good. Do whatever is necessary to achieve success.'
'We will need money as well. Operation Checkmate will cost us plenty. Do you have that much cash handy, Bhaiyyaji?'
'Don't worry about cash.'
Operation Checkmate 207
'So should I start buying suitcases? At least twenty will be required.'
'Yes, do that. And when I become Chief Minister, I will make you Chairman of the State luggage factory!'
(Laughter.)
*
'Hello, can I speak to Alok Agarwal?'
'Who is this?'
'This is Jagannath Rai.'
'Arrey, Bhaiyyaji? Sorry, I didn't recognize your voice.'
'What Alok, the moment I cease to be Home Minister, you forget my voice? Is this how a big industrialist like you conducts business?'
'No, it is not that . . . Anyway, tell me, how did you happen to remember me?'
'You know, Alok, I have always considered you my younger brother. Now I am in difficulty and I need your help.'
'What can I do for you?'
'I have decided to stake my claim for Chief Ministership of Uttar Pradesh.'
'That is a big step, Bhaiyyaji.'
'Yes, I know. I have taken this step after considering all options. I am confident that I have the numbers. But to firm up the support of some legislators I need to offer them some inducements. That is where you come in. You know very well how these things are done.'
'I understand. How much are we talking here?'
'At least twelve to thirteen crores.' (Pause.)
'That is a very large amount, Bhaiyyaji.'
'It can't be for a well-established businessman like you. Anyway, consider it just a loan. You will get more than double the money back as soon as I become Chief Minister.'
'I am not worried about that, Bhaiyyaji. It's just that I don't have that kind of cash lying around. If I had got the Dadri project, things might have been different, but—'
'I know you were disappointed by the outcome in Dadri, but what could I do? Singhania's bid was double yours, so he got it. How much can you spare straight away?'
'Around a couple of crores, at best three.'
'Bas? Now don't behave like a stingy money-lender.'
'I am telling you the honest-to-God truth. Business has been poor lately.'
'Is that your final offer?'
'Believe me, Bhaiyyaji. I cannot spare—'
'No need to say any more. It was my mistake that I befriended a third-rater like you. I should have cultivated someone of Singhania's calibre. Now listen to me, motherfucker. Uttar Pradesh is out of bounds for you from today. You can forget about doing any business here. If you so much as step inside my State I will carve you up like a chicken. Understood?'
'Bhaiyyaji. Try and un—'
(Disconnect.)
*
'Vicky?'
'Dad, can I call you back? I am in the middle of a very important meeting.'
'Forget your meeting. I need to talk to you right now.'
'Will you guys please excuse me? I'll just step out for a moment . . . Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Why are you getting irritated?'
'I am not getting irritated. Tell me, I don't have much time.'
'I need ten crores.'
'Oooh! Dad, since when did you start needing money from me?'
'Look, Vicky, I don't have much time either. Can you send me ten by the end of this week?'
'No way, Dad. I am having a big cash-flow problem. We have ploughed everything into the Special Economic Zone project in Jharkhand. But what do you need all this money for?'
'I'll tell you later.'
'Anyway, I can't help you out, Dad. And please don't call me for the next two hours.'
'Is this the way a son behaves with his father?'
'Look, Dad, I don't—'
'No. You listen to me, Vicky. Just as there are some sons who spend their entire life trying to live up to their father's expectations, there are some fathers who spend their entire lives making up for their sons' mistakes. After this, forget that you have a father who will get you out of trouble.'
'You don't need to get emotional, Dad. Believe me, I would have helped you out if I could. And as for bailing me out of trouble, you needn't bother. I am not killing any more bartenders (Laughs.) I'm switching off my mobile now, Dad.'
(Disconnect.)
*
'Hello, Seema.'
'Hello.'
'You sound very cold. Have you also forsaken me now that I am no longer Home Minister?'
'No, it is nothing like that.'
'So, jaaneman, when do I see you next?'
'I am going to Delhi for a few days. I need to sort a few things out.'
'Such as? Tell me, I will sort them out for you. Are there any other uncles who need liquor contracts?' (Laughs.)
'Don't laugh. I need something for myself for a change.'
'What? Name it and it shall be yours.'
'I don't know. It's just that I feel so suffocated at times. Like I've got into a rut. And life is just passing me by.'
'Everyone feels like that from time to time. As Guruji says, the important thing is not to lose your focus.'
'I've always had the feeling that I was meant for higher things. This twopenny TV reporter's job is not what I am meant for. I am good looking, I am young, I won the award for best actress in the University drama competition. Don't you think I can make it in films?'
'Arrey, this film line is the worst line possible. Don't touch it with a barge pole.'
'If only you were to speak to Vicky about me. He wouldn't refuse you.'
'No, I can't do that, and Vicky won't listen to me. Don't be difficult now.'
'You are the one being difficult.'
'Look, Seem—'
(Disconnect.)
*
'What news, Tripurari?'
'Bhaiyyaji, it was an uphill task. We worked the phones and held meetings all day and learnt a lot about friends and enemies. Nothing like adversity to see the true face of men. Even the twenty that we were banking upon proved tricky. Only eight were willing to side with us. I had to use every trick in the book to persuade them. Finally we managed to get fourteen, leaving a shortfall of six. Add to that the five we needed anyway to break the party, making a total of eleven. Then we did a very careful analysis of the MLAs who could be lured. By working on known weaknesses, we were able to do a good job. The first chap we got was Ramakant Sharma, from Chillupur. He was under High Command's suspicion ever since his wife joined the Opposition, so it was easy to wean him away. Ashok Jaiswal, Prabha Devi, Champaklal Gupta, Madan Vaishya and Ras Bihari were purchased with promises of ministerships in your Cabinet. Ras Bihari has specifically asked for animalhusbandry department. Then we targeted Suresh Singh Baghel. He has not been on speaking terms with the Chief Minister ever since he was divested of the post of Sugarcane Cooperative Chairperson, and was more than willing to come over. It was he who gave
us Rakesh Yadav and Pappu Singh as well. Finally, Iqbal Mian managed to persuade Saleem Mohammad to switch sides. That gives us ten.'
'Good work, Tripurari. But we are still one short.'
'I know, Bhaiyyaji. I have tried everything and I am convinced that there isn't a single MLA left in the party now who can be broken. We are still racking our brains, but that one MLA is proving as elusive as Osama Bin Laden. What should we do now, Bhaiyyaji?'
(Pause.)
'Do you know, Tripurari, the difference between a leader and a follower?'
'What is it, Bhaiyyaji?'
'A follower just sticks to the path created by the leader. But a leader creates a new path. The problem with you is that you only see straight. You cannot see round a bend. I see round the next three bends. Tell me, who was the MLA who invited us to Clarks Awadh Hotel last year for his son's birthday party – who was turning three, if I remember correctly.'
'It was a long time ago, Bhaiyyaji. Let me see. It was January last year . . . Yes, I remember now, it was Gopal Mani Tripathi, wasn't it?'
'Yes. That's right. Gopal Mani is the legislator from Bareilly, I think. Did you speak to him?'
'What are you saying, Bhaiyyaji? That fellow is solidly behind the Chief Minister. There are rumours that he might become Forest Minister. How can we even think that he will agree to defect?'
'The love for a son can often be a great motivating factor. (Pause.) Anything entering your obtuse brain, Tripurari, or do I have to spell it out?'
(Pause.)
'Say no more, Bhaiyyaji. I indeed have a lot to learn from you. Should I ask Mukhtar?'
'Yes, tell him to get cracking. Then you will have your eleven.'
*
'I am calling from Allahabad. Guruji wants to speak to Home Minister Jagannath Rai.'
'Oh, Guruji himself ? I will put him through immediately to Bhaiyyaji.'
Beep. Beep. Beep.
'Is that really you, Guruji?'
'Jagannath, I am in a great deal of trouble. I need your help.'
'What happened, Guruji? I was really worried for your safety when I heard about that bomb blast. These terrorists have not even spared the Magh Mela! But Tripurari confirmed to me that you were unhurt.'
'Yes, Jagannath, by the grace of God, the bomb blast did not cause me any harm. But today there has been a raid at my ashram in Mathura. The Health Department is claiming that the herbal remedies I have been giving my devotees contain human and animal bones.'
'How is that possible, Guruji? This must be a ploy by the multinational drug companies to malign you.'
'That is exactly what I think, Jagannath. But my troubles don't end there. Three women who claim to be my devotees, whom I have never met in my life, have filed complaints that I have sexually molested them. You know that I am an ascetic and have taken the vow of brahmacharya. I cannot even think of doing such an immoral act. Yet your police have issued a warrant and are going to arrest me. I am still in Allahabad and in hiding at a disciple's house. What should I do?'
'It looks to me as if there is a very big conspiracy at work against you, Guruji.'
'I think a rival akhara is behind this and my suspicion lies with that swine Swami Brahmdeo, who, you know, is close to the Chief Minister. It must be his doing. Now only you can get me out of this jam.'
'Unfortunately, Guruji, even I no longer have the power to prevent your arrest, as I am no longer the Home Minister. But I can facilitate your escape.'
'Escape?'
'Yes. You must run away to America or Europe immediately, otherwise they will put you in prison for ten to fifteen months. Sexual-molestation charges are taken very seriously because of all the NGOs which have sprouted up in the State.'
'Is that so? Then I must move immediately.'
'I will ask one of my men to contact you within the hour with a getaway vehicle. It will take you to the Nepal border. From there you can go to Kathmandu and catch a flight to wherever you have a visa for.'
'Thank you, Jagannath. I shall remember this favour. Can I ask for one more?'
'Of course, Guruji.'
'My most sacred possession was an ancient shivling gifted to me by a devotee from Tamil Nadu. Two days ago, taking advantage of the pandemonium which ensued after the terrorist attack, a thief stole it from my akhara, where it was on display. That is why all these troubles have descended upon me. It is imperative that I recover the shivling. You told me that the Director General of Police is your trusted man. Will you please ask him to do a proper investigation and try and recover it from the culprit? It might still be in Allahabad. Once it is recovered, he can leave it with you for safe-keeping till I return. Will you do this for me?'
'I would do it gladly, Guruji, but perhaps you don't know that the day I was removed as Home Minister, the Chief Minister also suspended Maurya. I have no influence over the police any longer.'
'Arrey, this is very bad. But don't you worry, Lord Shiva will set everything right. Mark my word, this Chief Minister's days are numbered.'
'I hope your prophecy comes true.'
'OK, Jagannath, I shall wait for your man to contact me. Jai Shambhu.'
'Jai Shambhu, Guruji.'
*
'Bhaiyyaji, I have good news and bad news.'
'Give me the good news first, Tripurari.'
'The good news is that we have all the MLAs we need to break the party and form our own party.'
'Excellent. Shift them immediately to our guesthouse in Badaun and put them under house arrest. Take away their mobile phones. No one must be allowed to contact them. We will trot them out only when the Governor invites me to parade the MLAs in his residence.'
'I have already done that, Bhaiyyaji. A bus has taken them to Badaun. I have also put a minder with them.'
'Then what is the bad news?'
'Tiwariji has conveyed that the Opposition parties have decided not to support your bid for Chief Ministership.'
'What? I spoke to all of them. They did not express any reservations to me. Tiwari himself praised my decision.'
'It has nothing to do with you, Bhaiyyaji. It has to do with Vicky.'
'What do you mean?'
'All this publicity on TV and the daily reports in the media about Vicky's acquittal . . . the public is getting agitated. As a result, the legislators are getting cold feet. They think that if they support your bid to become Chief Minister they might get tainted too.'
'Arrey, each of these bastards is already fully painted with corruption. How much more tainted can they get?'
'I know, Bhaiyyaji, but this is not just an excuse. They really think you should cool it for a while, disappear from the public view, let this whole case die down. Tiwari says he will support your reinstatement as Home Minister, but not your becoming Chief Minister at this juncture. Some of the Independents I spoke to also share this view. Vicky has become your biggest liability.'
'So what do we do now?'
'Tiwari says he will go as your emissary to the Chief Minister. He will help hammer out a compromise. In return he has asked for one crore.'
'This is ridiculous. Why should I pay him to get back a position which is rightfully mine? After all, I have not been convicted.'
'Bhaiyyaji, sometimes the sins of the son are visited on the father. Without the Home Ministership we will become vulnerable. And the Chief Minister can always tell the police to start needling us. Now we don't even have the protection of the Director General of Police. I say we should accept Tiwari's offer.'
'OK, but tell him the pay-off will take some time.'
'That is fine, Bhaiyyaji. Your word is good enough.'
*
'Jaaneman, are you still in Delhi?'
'Yes. It is such a refreshing change from Lucknow. Compared to the vibrant life in this city, Lucknow is like a cemetery.'
'Don't say that, Seema. After all, I am here. I am missing you terribly. Even Guruji has gone away to some place called Featherland.'
'Netherlands, mantriji, Nethe
rlands.'
'Whether it is feather or nether, what is it to me? I care only for you. When are you coming back?'
'Not in a hurry.'
'Then should I come to Delhi too? We could meet in some nice hotel.'
'No, no. I will contact you as soon as my work is over.'
'OK, jaaneman. Now give me a kiss.'
(Kissing sound.)
*
'Tripurari here, Bhaiyyaji. Tiwari has delivered. A compromise has been worked out. The High Command will reinstate you as Home Minister, provided you do not stake a claim to the Chief Ministership and issue a public statement of support for the Chief Minister.'
'I'll be damned if I agree to do that.'
'But what options do we have, Bhaiyyaji? We have already seen that while you have the power to bring down the Chief Minister, you don't have enough steam to become CM yourself. Please agree to this minor condition. I will draft something which doesn't compromise your dignity.'
'I wish I hadn't lived to see this day. '
'If only you didn't have a son like Vicky, Bhaiyyaji. Today you would have been sitting in the CM's chair. Who knows, you might even have become PM one day. But for now, we will have to curb our ambition.'
'So the Chief Minister has won round one.'
'Not really. I would say it is one-all. Operation Checkmate has resulted in stalemate.'
'I never accept defeat, Tripurari. Eventually this will end in a checkmate, you'll see.'
*
'Congrats, Dad, on getting back your Home Ministership. With you out, I was seriously worried about how I was going to drive my new Lamborghini at 180 miles per hour in Noida.' (Laughs.)
'Vicky, you have no idea how much harm you have caused me. But for you, I would have been – forget it. So are you still going ahead with your party on 23 March?'
'Of course, Dad. Cards are going out as we speak. But my idiot secretary has made a big blunder. She used an old mailing list and, as a result, invitations have gone to people like Mohan Kumar and Singhania. Should I call them up and disinvite them?'
'The problem with you, Vicky, is that you hire secretaries for their beauty rather than their brains. But an invitation, once given, cannot be withdrawn. It is against our culture.'
'But Mohan Kumar has gone completely mad, and Singhania is now my business rival.'