I was thrown forward harshly when we connected with the truck, before I knew it we were rolling down the hill on the side of the road. The cold air hit my face when the window smashed in on us. Something stopped in our way and the car came to an abrupt halt. I didn’t know what position I was in, my body felt like it was tangled in all different ways. I heard Henry shouting my name, my head was getting heavier. I couldn’t reply before my world went black.
Chapter Nine
Lizzzie
Once again I had ruined everything, I should have known I wouldn’t be able to hold down a relationship with Ava. She was my second chance to have any resemblance of being a part of a family again. All she asked was that I was sober, if it was that easy, tonight would have been a lot different. I could say I don’t know where the venom comes from but deep down I know, I am not selfish enough to know it comes from jealousy. But, then I think to myself who the hell do they think they are? None of them are perfect, sure they have loads of money, but they have my daughter to thank for their luxury lifestyles now. Everything they have is because of Jasmine.
I never truly believed she would leave me out of the will, the pain it caused was horrific, knowing my daughter hated me till the very end. In my rare sober moments, I understood, I wasn’t any sort of mother to Jasmine, I did however think she would help me a little. Instead, she left me nothing, her own mother, not a single penny.
Sitting in the car as drunk as I was, I could feel Ava and Henry’s repulsion towards me radiating from them. The nice, kind woman in me wanted to scream out, scream at the top of my voice that I need help. I begged to be free from alcohol. Each time I opened my mouth, nothing came out, they weren’t mind readers I know, but surely they could see my silenced pleas for help? However, the drunk, bitter cold woman in me hated them, was overturned by jealousy and to make matters worse, I could feel myself dying a little more each day and I don’t care.
Nothing in my life can be spoken of with pride, I could take no credit for Jasmine’s accomplishments, apart from giving birth to her I done nothing for her. I would have thought giving birth to her would have got me a few thousand pounds though.
There is always a reason why a person drink, I have been asked numerous times if I drink to take the pain of bad memories away, I laugh at them, they don’t understand and they wouldn’t understand if I told them the main reason I drink is so I can numb the pain of the few good memories I do have. Why would you want that? It doesn’t make sense, I can hear them asking.
To me, my life was perfect when I met Danny, he was the sexiest man I ever met and when he asked me to go for a drink with him, I thought he couldn’t be asking me, why would he? He could have any girl he wanted. I remember stumbling out a reply whilst feeling the rush of blood flow to my cheeks. The next night, we went for a drink and something to eat, and every day after we spent together. It took two days to fall over the hills in love with him and within two months I fell pregnant with Jasmine.
When I was eight months pregnant, we married in the registry office with two random strangers off the street to act as our witnesses. After I gave birth, Danny had got us a house and when I left hospital I thought life couldn’t be anymore perfect. He adored our daughter, he adored me and when we settled in, it wasn’t long before we made friends with the neighbours. They would often come round for drinks on the weekends. Throughout the week Danny would work long hours, and throughout the weekend we would all have fun. It always consisted of alcohol, take out and on the odd occasion, something to smoke to give us the giggles.
It soon became clear that our house was the designated house to meet up on weekends, to let go and forget about the weeks work. Jasmine used to get a lot of attention and when some of the neighbours bought their kids, they would play in her room then fall asleep. Looking back, it wasn’t acceptable to make her live like that but at the time, she was in no danger and we were having too much of a good time to notice we needed to spend some proper time with her, reading to her, do things she like to do. Of course, when she wasn’t at school she was with us, we were a family and she never went without, well, until Danny left us.
Over the years that followed, our lives didn’t change too much, but Danny’s and I relationship was spiralling out of control. Ever since the first time he spoke to me, I couldn’t believe my luck and even now, I try to grasp on to the little happiness we did have. My paranoia and jealousy drove him to drink more and more, his sneaking around and disregard towards me made my insecurities worse, it was a vicious circle with Jasmine standing bang in the middle of it.
Both Danny and I were selfish and blindsided to the pain we caused her. I would like to say we ended the marriage amicably, but as usual I clung to the hope he would love me and stay with me forever. I remember the last time I saw him, it was Christmas Eve, we had friends over for drinks to celebrate the festive period, after the drink ran dry, everyone left and we started arguing, I couldn’t tell what you about. Jasmine was in bed asleep or so I thought, I didn’t realise she heard everything.
We had been arguing more and more and added with the alcohol, they got more heated. That was the first time I thought he was going to hit me. I knew how to wind him up but I also knew how to soothe him afterwards, that night was completely different. The rage in his eyes was like he was a different man, when I ran to our bedroom and locked myself in, I expected him to follow and try to apologise. I wasn’t expecting him to leave, I stayed in the room and eventually I fell asleep. When I woke and went downstairs it was early in the morning, the mess we had created was disgusting, it was Christmas day morning and the tree was on the other side of the room and I hadn’t got any of Jasmine’s presents out or put them under the tree. It was still early, Danny could still come back, I had time before Jasmine woke up to sort the room out. A drink first, just to settle the nerves I told myself, and then I would get everything in place.
Before I had chance to begin, Jasmine was standing horrified in the living room doorway. She looked like her whole world had been crushed, I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was only the beginning. I reached for the bottle and poured another drink, I couldn’t stand to see her pain so I told her where to find her presents. That was the first time I let her down, I should have put on a front, wore a smile, told her to go back to her room while I sorted the gifts out and pretended everything was okay. But, I didn’t and after that morning, her father never came home and my heart never repaired.
Everyone used to comment on how much Jasmine looked like me, all I saw was Danny. I didn’t blame Jasmine for his leaving, over time I hated him mixed with hope he would come home. Jasmine’s and I lives weren’t atrocious but it wasn’t as it should be, she mostly took care of me. When I drank too much, she would make sure I was okay and cleaned me up if I made a mess. No wonder she left me nothing, I was no good as a wife, no good as a mother. Actually, I am no good in general.
When I noticed Henry was driving me home, I panicked, I didn’t want to be on my own. I had no chance of Ava staying with me after everything I said tonight so I had them drop me off at my local pub, much to their disgust.
As soon as the car stopped I opened the door and headed for the pub. No doubt I would never see them again, so there was no point in saying goodbye, I didn’t want reminders of their ashamed faces haunting me for the rest of my days, little did I know it wasn’t something I had to worry about for long.
Chapter Ten
Christopher
“That sounded like good news,” my mum said, as I put the phone down.
“Ava is coming home, she said they wouldn’t be long,” I beamed, proudly.
“Good, she should never have had a reason to leave in the first place” she warned.
“It won’t happen again I can assure you”
I was just glad she was coming home. In the short time she had been staying here I can’t imagine my life without her. The pain watching Henry drive her away was as painful as losing Jas even though I knew I would see her ag
ain. Sixteen years I had missed out, there wasn’t a single day I wanted to waste now. When she gets back I’ll tell her how sorry I am and promise I’ll never lie to her again.
My mum was the only one to stay when I sent everybody home. I was grateful for her presence, she was upset at the thought of Ava leaving when we had only just found her and angry with me of course. The smile on her face told me I was forgiven. I sat and unwrapped the gift Ava gave me before she left. It was an album in the same style as the ones I have in the living room, I couldn’t believe it, she had never shown me these photographs before. They were of her as a baby, as a toddler and one school photograph. She was beautiful in every single one of them. She also looked happy in every one. I was touched she thought to do this.
“You can see both you and Jasmine in her at that age” mum said, looking at a picture of Ava as a toddler.
“Jas should have told me about her, I would have helped”
“I know son, but you have her here now. That is all that matters”
“They should be back by now” I frowned.
“I’ll give Henry a call,” she said, getting up to get her phone.
She disappeared and I carried on looking through the photographs, apart from looking at Ava in the photos, I looked at her surroundings in the background, the places the photos were taken looked clean and nice, her clothes looked clean and expensive, I relaxed knowing she was well cared for and loved, even if it was by strangers. When my mum returned she didn’t look happy.
“It goes straight through to voicemail, Ava’s too”
“Strange, I’m sure they will be here any minute”
We lost track of time engrossed in looking through the album, then looking through it again and didn’t notice how much time was passing.
It was a knock at the door that bought it to our attention.
“That must be them,” I said, jumping up to let them in.
The second knock had me stepping up my pace, only the police knock like that. I opened the door and no surprise, there were two police officers standing on my porch.
“Are you Christopher Jenson?” one of them asked.
“Yeah, what can I help you with?”
“Can we come in?” the other one asked.
“Um, okay”
I was dying to know why they were here but it didn’t look like good news, so I didn’t ask, the longer I was in the dark, the better. I showed them through to the kitchen. I was expecting my mum to ask what I have done now but she didn’t.
“What is going on?” she asked beginning to panic.
“Are you Fiona Robinson? We were told she would be here,” the officer asked.
“Yes I am. Please tell us what has happened,” she begged.
“I am PC Brentwood and this is PC Macintosh. There has been an accident involving one Ava Collins-Reed and one Henry Robinson”
“Oh my god, are they okay?” mum asked, suddenly gripping my arm for dear life.
“Henry has minor injuries, he is walking and talking…”
“What about Ava?” I asked cutting in, anticipating their reply.
“Ava has sustained more serious injuries. She has been taking to Addenbrookes Hospital…”
“I have to go, mum are you coming?” I rushed her.
“Mr Jenson…” one of the officers called out but I was already out of the door. I wasn’t going to stand here when I could be on my way to the hospital to see my daughter. Banging my hand against the steering wheel didn’t help, I’ll never forgive myself for this, if I hadn’t lied in the first place she wouldn’t have ran off like that. I don’t know if the police left when we did or not, I was completely thinking of Ava, I kept telling myself she wasn’t dead, they would have told me straight if she was. With everything that had happened, I was going to fix this. I would not lose her. I put my foot down and drove straight to the hospital.
“I’m looking for Ava Collins-Reed” I asked the receptionist frantically, trying to keep my cool.
Her face was unreadable but then she wouldn’t know anything from here. A nurse who was passing heard me ask and lead us to intensive care. She is not dead, I repeated over and over. Then again, there are still a lot worse things that could be wrong.
“Where is she?” I asked again.
“Right here, she received a nasty bang to the head and as a result is in a coma, we won’t know the extent of her injuries until she regains consciousness.”
I forced myself to look through the window of her room, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. She was laying there covered in bruises and cuts, the amount of wires and tubes coming out of her scared the hell out of me.
“I was about to come and look for you,” my mum said.
I turned around to see whom she was talking to, Henry was walking towards us with his arm in a sling and scrapes down the right side of his face. Apart from that I wanted to know how come he was walking when Ava looked like she was about to knock on heaven’s door.
“What the fuck happened Henry?”
“We were on our way back when this maniac come swerving across the road, I couldn’t get past him. I tried to keep her safe,” he said.
I could see the guilt etched on his face. He was waiting for my blow, I wasn’t happy my daughter was in here but I didn’t blame him, not one bit.
“We know you did darling, by the sounds of it, you are both lucky to be alive. Who would be so careless?” my mum wondered.
“Good question, is he in here too?” I asked Henry.
I would like to pay him a visit and put him in the same place as Ava.
“From what I have been told, he carried on driving, so I imagine he is fine” he replied.
This was a joke, how can someone be so reckless and hurt someone so badly yet they walk away fine?
“How is she?” he asked.
“Take a look for yourself” I said, showing him the window.
“Oh my god. She was conscious until we hit the tree” he murmured quietly.
I felt sick at learning she was awake, watching what was coming, not knowing if she was going to survive it.
“You can go and sit with her, only one at a time though,” the nurse said.
I had forgotten she was still here.
I let Jas down when she was in hospital, today I had no time to think about it before I was through the door and by her side.
She looked even younger and more fragile lying there, unmoving. I took hold of her hand and softly held onto her. The only time in my life I have prayed was once for her mother and now for the second time, for my daughter, and then pathetically I prayed my pray would be heard. I know for a fact I can’t survive losing Ava as well.
Alex and Nat soon joined my mother and Henry. Their support meant everything to me, I could always rely on them whenever I needed them. I never once left her side, I didn’t even notice the time slipping away until a woman I didn’t recognise was standing at the window with tears in her eyes.
I watched as my mum went and spoke with her, and then in turn make introductions to my family. I was about to get up and find out who she was when Ava began to stir. She didn’t move much but it was enough for me to breathe a huge sigh of relief.
“Ava, can you hear me?” I asked eagerly.
She tried clearing her throat not realising she was hooked up to machines, it caught her by surprise and she began gasping for air.
“It’s okay Ava, you are in hospital,” I said, trying to soothe her.
I was rushed out of the room by the doctors and told to wait.
“What’s going on Chris?” Everyone was asking at the same time.
“She woke up and panicked,” I told them.
I guess everyone knew me well enough to leave me be, the strange woman was still talking with my mother but I paid her no attention, all I could think about was Ava. It felt like hours but the nurses began leaving her room, the last one out said I could go and sit with her again and that she was awake.
“Hey
” I said, as I walked through the door and saw she was definitely awake. “How are you?”
I knew it was a stupid question but I had to hear it from her.
“Sore, they said I knocked my head pretty hard but there is no lasting damage. I have a couple of broken ribs and my arm is fractured in three places but apart from that I’m fine,” she said weakly.
“I’m so relieved to hear you talking,” I said sitting next to her.
“So am I. I thought I was going to die” she shuddered as much as her pain would allow her, “How is Henry?” she asked, beginning to panic as she remembered he was with her.
“He has some bruises but he is fine, he is more worried about you” I told her.
“This wasn’t his fault, you know that right?” she asked defending him.
“I know darling, the idiot whose fault it is drove off and left you both. Look, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have done what I did and then lied to you about it”
“I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have left, I wouldn’t be in here if I didn’t” she said.
“Let’s forget about it then, start fresh” I offered.
“It’s a deal”
We sat talking like nothing had happen, which I was thankful for. We decided a holiday was needed, the whole family. A couple of weeks away, to relax and truly get to know one another, and for her to recuperate from her injuries.
There was a soft knock on the door before it opened, the woman from earlier gently walked in and smiled at Ava. I noticed Ava knew who she was.
“Hello darling, I have been so worried about you,” she said, coming to stand on the other side of Ava.
“I’m fine, I can’t believe you came all the way here”
“Of course I did, so, are you going to introduce us?” she asked Ava looking at me.
“Yeah, Aunt Grace this is my…dad, Chris Jenson, dad this is my Aunt Grace from London”
I couldn’t believe what I just heard, she called me dad. It was the final piece in this new chapter in my life. My daughter calling me dad, something she should have been doing since she learnt to speak.