Before I lost my nerve, I dialled her number. The sound of the ringing tone had never sounded so loud, I was about to end the call when a woman answered.
“Hello”
“Hello, can I speak to Grace Teller please?” I asked.
“Speaking”
“Oh, my name is Fiona Robinson. Ava has asked me to call you,” I told her.
“Yes, thank you, is she okay?”
“She is fine, she has decided to stay with us for a while. I called to assure you she is safe and well”
“Thank you, I take it you are Christopher’s mother?”
“Yes”
“How did it go? How did Christopher take it? Did he believe Ava?” she asked all at once.
“I’m not going to lie, he is in shock. He believes Jasmine wouldn’t lie in her letter but he has asked to do a DNA test to be sure, for both his and Ava’s peace of mind,” I said.
“That is the sensible thing to do. I hope for Ava’s sake everything works out,”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I don’t know how much Ava has told you, she has been looking forward to this day for a long time. She wants nothing more than for her biological family to accept her, I worry how she will cope if she isn’t”
“I have worries of my own, it is one of those situations we are just going to have to flow with I’m afraid”
“I know, please look after her, she is a strong girl but she is seeking the family she has always wanted, I fear it is her weakness”
Her description of Ava reminded me of Jas, how could they be so alike without knowing one another?
“I can assure you if it turns out my son isn’t her father, she will still be looked after just because of who her mother is, there is no doubt in my mind” I assured her.
“Thank you Fiona, can I speak with Ava please?”
“She isn’t here at the moment, I can get her to call you when she gets back” I offered.
“Yes please. If I can warn you, Ava has had many questions about the reasons for her adoption. As for her biological mother not being able to answer them and her father having no knowledge of her existence, it concerns me Jasmine’s letter won’t be enough for her, that she may never find peace”
My opinion is that Jasmine never found peace, she found happiness with Chris but she could never be at peace, the thought repulsed me that Ava could end up living the same life as Jasmine. I was determined not to let that happen.
“Like I said, we will all help her, whatever the outcome is” I repeated.
“Once again, thank you. If you need to, you can reach me on this number anytime”
“It was nice talking with you, I’ll get Ava to call you when she is back”
“You too, goodbye”
“Goodbye”
I couldn’t end the call quick enough, Grace sounded like a nice woman but the jealousy I now feel hearing her concern for her niece when all along Ava could have been a part of our lives was torture.
Christopher
It took three days for the test to be done and for the results to come through. It was no surprise Henry knew someone who could fast track our request. With each day that passed I was more eager to learn if I am her father, sitting in my office at the site I held onto the printed out email saying I was the biological father to Ava Collins-Reed. Jasmine hadn’t been lying, well she had lied to me but not to Ava.
I’m not sure how long I sat there, this was ridiculous, I am a father. I never thought that would be possible after Jas died.
I grabbed my key cars and made my way across the building site to my car, Ava was still staying at my mums so she would be there now.
I told her once we knew for sure she was my daughter we could talk, and now is that time, I won’t go back on my word.
The drive to my mum’s house was agonising, I was unbelievably nervous to see her again. It was mental, I have a sixteen-year-old daughter and I know nothing about her. The other thing that worried me was just because it has been confirmed I am her father, will she still want to know me? Of course she will, she came to find me in the first place.
I suppose it is time to find out, I walked through the door and found them all in my mum’s kitchen. Ava was holding the same print out as I had, I don’t think she knew if to smile or cry when she saw me, and I didn’t know whether to stay away from her or hug her.
Her hands were shaking, I was instantly reminded of Jasmine, I had to tell myself it wasn’t the same thing and it was refreshing to know I wasn’t lying to myself this time around.
I slowly placed my hand on hers and she finally smiled at me. I looked at her, really looked. She was beautiful, she was all Jasmine but she had my blue eyes.
“We will give you some space,” Henry said, pushing my mother out of the room. I nodded my thanks and was trying really hard to think of something sensible to say, well until she started to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“Nothing, I just don’t know what to say. This feels weird,” she admitted.
“I know how you feel,” I said, relaxing knowing she was feeling the same.
“Where do we go from here?”
“Anywhere, we have sixteen years to make up for” I pointed out.
“I would like that” she smiled.
It must have been killing my mum not knowing what was going on because she made some lame excuse to get back into the kitchen.
“Shall we go and get something to eat?” I asked, wanting to get away from prying ears.
“Sure” she agreed, “Will it be okay if I carry on staying here with you and Henry?” she said, turning to face my mum.
“Of course, you’re more than welcome” she replied, struggling to retain the huge grin across her face.
“She won’t be late, come on, I know a place we can go to.”
Chapter Three
“I bought Jas, your mother here once”
“Will you tell me about what she was like?” she asked.
“Did you ever try to Google her before coming here?” I asked, trying to find out what she already knew.
“I did, there were many photographs of her and some of you. I mainly found articles on her death and about Jasmine Enterprises. Nothing really about her”
“I know, I Googled her once and found the same, well obviously not about her death but all I saw was her career. I was approached a couple of years ago to tell my story of our life together by some guy who wanted to write a book, tell the world who Jasmine Collins really was”
“Why didn’t you do it?” she asked.
“Because I didn’t feel comfortable talking about our relationship and Jas would have hated it. She made it a point to stay private as much as she could” I told her.
“Makes her seem like a mystery”
“That she definitely was,” I muttered.
She didn’t know a lot so I was going to have to fill in the blanks after all.
“I don’t know where to start,” I admitted.
“Why don’t you start with how you met?” she offered.
I hadn’t spoke of Jas in depth to anyone since her death, I didn’t have to as they knew her but our daughter knows nothing. Somehow I’ll have to dig deep and fill her in on everything she deserved to know.
“First time we met was when we were growing up, we used to hang around with the same people. She left when she was sixteen, the next time I saw her was when we bumped into each other again after thirteen years”
“That is it?” she asked raising her eyebrows, she seemed disappointed.
“Yeah, it was everything that happened after we met that turned into one hell of a story”
“You could start from the beginning” she enticed.
“There was an instant attraction between us, two days after we saw each other again we spent the weekend together, she was a completely different woman to the girl I used to know. She was strong, assertive, she had this power around her. Of course, I didn’t kn
ow about her illness, I fell hard and fast for her” I smiled.
It shocked me to feel good talking about Jas, it hurt to even think about her most of the time in the last three years.
“You are the exact same image of your mother when she was your age” I blurted out.
“I can see the resemblance myself from the pictures I have seen, do you have any photographs of her I could look at?” she asked.
“Sure, I have some of her when she was young too”
“Thank you”
It went quiet while our food arrived, it didn’t feel awkward though. Now I knew I was her father I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was a part of me.
“She mentions your family but nobody from her side. Do I have any other relatives?”
She didn’t know it yet but she had more in common with Jas then she thought, Lizzie was no good for Jas, there was no way I was introducing her to my daughter. As much as I wanted to I couldn’t lie to Ava.
“Her father died about ten years ago, her mother lives here in Cambridge. She once mentioned a cousin in Kent, apart from them she never spoke of anyone else”
“Do you think I could meet her mother one day?”
“She isn’t a very nice person and she has a drinking problem. She and Jas didn’t get along well at all. She uses people and turns nasty when she can’t get her way” I explained bluntly.
“I would still like to meet her, see for myself”
Most certainly like her mother, no matter what I said she would still do what she wanted.
“Fine” I relented, “But I’ll come with you, I don’t want you meeting her on your own”
She silently agreed and began eating her meal.
“What about you, don’t you have to go back to London?” I asked.
“I don’t have anything to go back for,” she said.
“What about your aunt, won’t she be worried about you?”
“I’ve spoken to her on the phone, she understands why I’m here”
“Good, so, what was it like for you growing up?” I asked intrigued by her life I knew nothing about.
“I was adopted when I was a week old, I don’t remember much about my adoptive parents but I do remember it was never kept a secret from me. My aunt raised me with her husband, I was always told when I was old enough they would help me find my biological parents but they didn’t have to as Mr Jones turned up at their house a few days after my sixteenth birthday and gave me more information I could have ever imagined. I read through it for weeks before deciding to come here”
“Does your aunt mind you being here, away from her on your own?”
I already didn’t like the thought of her being on her own anywhere and I’d only just met her.
“I didn’t really give her much choice, I want to know where I come from even if I don’t like what I find”
“Do you like what you have found so far?” I ask.
She genuinely smiled, it was the same smile I rarely received from Jas.
“Yes, your mum and Henry are really nice and I like Natalie, she has been to see me a few times. To be honest, you’re not what I was expecting you to be like” she laughed.
“What were you expecting?”
“I always thought when I did meet my parents, they would look older. You don’t look old enough to have a sixteen year old daughter,” she said, laughing again.
“I don’t feel old enough,” I laughed with her, “I have been meaning to ask you, why is your surname Collins if you were adopted?”
“As I told you, they never hid it from me, apparently keeping my mother’s name would help me feel myself as I would always have a link with her. They hyphened it with their name, Reed”
“Why do you think she never told you about me?” she asked, getting back to Jas.
I let out a heavy sigh before answering, I didn’t want her to hear the bad side of but in order to understand Jas, she had to know everything.
“She never felt she had anyone she could trust, her dad left when she was eight and she was the one who looked after her mother. I would have helped her if she had told me what she was going through but she was scared of being let down” I took a deep breath and continued, “The way her life was at the time, she struggled with everything. When she created Jasmine Enterprises she closed herself away completely. Everything you have read about her, her lifestyle, how successful she was, etc., it was all a façade of who she really was. She was a very sad woman who worked every day, even Christmas so she didn’t have to be on her own”
“Until she met you again” she observed.
The pain of knowing I was the happiest time in Jasmine’s life still depressed me yet made me happy at the same time.
“Yes, once I got past the walls she had built up and found out the truth about her illness, she was happy. I never left her side”
I coughed trying to hide the choking in my throat and pushed my plate away.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I have enjoyed hearing about her but we can talk about something else if you like?”
“I’m fine, it’s hard talking about her after all this time that’s all. I will tell you everything you need to know about her, maybe not all at once” I smiled weakly.
“Fair enough. Let’s talk about something different,” she said finishing her meal.
She was really easy to talk to. I found out what she was into at the moment, music, films, and books. Apparently she was big on reading and had loads of books back in London. It felt strange, I kept expecting Jas to turn up or I got the feeling I should call her, she should be here meeting our daughter but that was never going to happen, the pain shooting across my chest reminded me of that.
She was telling me about her writing, how she likes to write short stories. Who would have thought Jas and I could produce a girl like Ava? She spoke with certainty in her voice, she knew what she liked and what she didn’t. She came across like she wasn’t angry about her past, maybe she had come to terms with it, like she had said, she hasn’t been hidden away from the truth, that was just me.
Where we go from here I don’t know, I’ll have to speak to my mum, all I do know is I want to get to know my daughter and I don’t want her going back to London.
Once we had both finished our meals, I drove her back to my mums. She had been quiet during the journey, it was an awkward silence now and I didn’t know what to say to ease it.
“You can say no if you’re busy…or just no…Henry said he would come…I have an appointment with Mr Jones tomorrow, would you come with me instead?” she asked nervously.
“Sure I will,” I answered before it dawned on me where I would have to go. The last time I went to his office was the will reading.
“It’s at ten am,” she said.
“That is fine, I’ll pick you up from here. You should go inside, I know my mum will be dying to know how this afternoon went” I smiled.
“Are you not coming in?”
“No, I’ll see her tomorrow morning before we have to leave”
I had to get away and be on my own, talking about Jas, finding out I have a daughter was too much for today. I had to think things through.
“Okay, thank you for today, I appreciate you helping me understand”
She quickly got out of the car and knocked on the door, I waited until my mum let her in before I drove away.
I couldn’t believe I had spent the afternoon with my daughter. All these years I spent partying, drinking too much, only looking out for myself and then Jas for a short while, and along I had a big responsibility growing up without me. What was Jas thinking not telling me, especially in those last moments before she died when she wouldn’t have had any repercussions? I thought I knew everything about her, turns out I didn’t.
Chapter Four
“How are you son? I was worried when you didn’t come in last night”
“I’m fine, I wanted to be on my own to think things through. Is she up?” I asked.
/> I arrived at my mum’s early so we didn’t have to rush off. I cleared my schedule for the day so I could spend it getting to know Ava some more and offer her support if she needed it after her appointment with Jas’s lawyer.
I was excited, the first time since Jasmine left me. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling happy when she wasn’t here to experience it with me but I still did.
“She hasn’t been down yet but I have heard her moving about”
“How was she when she got in last night?” I asked.
I was worried she would be overwhelmed by all of the different family members wrapped around her at the moment.
“She was very happy, she told me all about your time together. I get the feeling she is here to stay, to get to know us all better”
I could see her happiness flooding out of her at the prospect.
“Good, I want the same. She is very much like Jas, isn’t she” I stated.
It wasn’t a question.
“Listening to her speak is how I would imagine Jasmine would have sounded like if she didn’t have the illness hanging over her”
“I saw the same yesterday” I smiled.
“She is quite nervous about today, she is glad you are going with her”
Knowing she was already depending on me scared me a little. I didn’t know how to console a sixteen-year-old girl let alone one who was my daughter. I desperately wanted my mum to come with us, just to ease the situation if one should arise but I couldn’t depend on my mother for everything. I had to do this myself.
Just as I was declining an offer for breakfast, Ava walked in freshly showered and ready for the day ahead. She didn’t look nervous about seeing me again like I felt which put me at ease.
“Good morning, did you sleep well?” I asked as she sat across the table from me.
“Yes thank you, what about you?” she asked.