“Party boy?” Madison asked, looking up at him.
“Yes. But there’s more.”
“The real question is why you’re the star of the headline and not me,” Madison teased. “Also, I’m not a party girl. I like to have a good time, but moderation is key. When you get drunk, you do stupid things, and your makeup smudges.” She thought maybe she should keep talking, as if it would distract Ryan from whatever was bothering him so much.
“Just read it,” he said.
She scooted closer to him and said, “I don’t want to read the story. Those things are always wrong. Tell me what it says. Or if it’s really off base, tell me the truth behind it.”
Ryan sighed and was silent for a moment. Then, without looking at her, he began to speak. “I used to drink a lot. When my parents were away I’d throw huge parties, and when they were in town I went to other people’s parties.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Madison offered.
But Ryan ignored her. “One night, when I was driving my best friend home, I lost control of my car. We crashed. I only broke my wrist, but Stephen …” He paused. “Stephen was thrown from the car and killed.”
“Oh—” Madison gasped.
“I wasn’t tested for my blood-alcohol level that night, because my parents have powerful friends. I wasn’t charged with manslaughter. I didn’t have to face any consequences, Madison. Any consequences, that is, besides waking up every morning knowing that I killed my best friend.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Funny, isn’t it? You got punished for something you didn’t do, while I didn’t get punished for something I did.”
“That’s so awful,” Madison whispered.
“The press had a field day with it. ‘Tucker gets off free.’” He got up and walked over to the window, wearing only his boxer shorts. His broad shoulders hunched. “That’s why I’m at Lost Paws,” he went on. “Stephen’s aunt helped found that shelter, and he was the most dedicated volunteer they’d ever had. If I couldn’t bring him back, I could at least do the work he believed in doing.”
“I can’t believe you never told me this,” Madison said. She went to join him at the window and slipped her arms around his waist.
“It’s not really something I like to talk about.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said. Why do we all have so many secrets? she thought.
Ryan nodded. He gave her shoulders a squeeze and then he turned toward her. “I think we should give this a rest.”
Madison didn’t know what he was talking about. “What?”
“I think … I just … Madison, I can’t do this again. I can’t be in the spotlight, and it seems like, with the two of us together, that’s exactly where we’d be. I’ve spent the last two years trying to make up for my mistake so that someday I can move on. But now I feel like I’m reliving it all. I’ve embarrassed my family enough. I’ve hurt Stephen’s family, all of our friends … I can’t put any of them through this again.”
Madison let her arm fall to her side. “Don’t do this,” she said. “Please.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I like you, Madison. I really do.”
“Then be with me,” she said.
Ryan smiled sadly and he bent down to kiss her cheek. “I can’t.”
Madison wanted to beg him to think about what he was saying, to reconsider, but she could tell his mind was made up. And even the new Madison Parker didn’t like to beg.
She quickly got dressed, gathered up Samson, and let herself out.
29
A SATISFYING AMOUNT OF COMMOTION
Kate knew she ought to unpack, but instead she was bouncing around her apartment in a pair of cut-off jeans (it had been puffy-coat weather back in Ohio!) and singing along to the radio. She was so glad to be back in L.A.! As complicated and crazy as life here was, she’d missed it terribly. The traffic on Sunset was so familiar. The billboards looming above the streets, advertising everything from tanning salons to The Fame Game, were like signs pointing her back to Park Towers. Her apartment, with its sleek, uncomfortable furniture and shockingly messy rooms, felt like home. She had even missed the stupid fake palm tree by the elevators, the one that Gaby always stuck her gum on.
“Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know / I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow,” Kate sang as she took a break from dancing around and searched for a decent dress to wear. She was supposed to do a quick on-camera pop-in at Madison and Gaby’s to talk about her trip, and she thought she ought to look a little nicer.
Plus, she’d already had a Fashion Don’t that morning. PopTV had filmed her arriving at LAX, sleepy and rumpled and wearing a sloppy sweatshirt and some old Uggs. (A week in Ohio and her fashion sense went straight back to zero—she needed Natalie, stat.) As if the TV camera weren’t enough, Trevor had alerted a few paparazzi so that his airport scene would have a satisfying amount of commotion and flashbulbs.
No, Kate was definitely not going to look at the gossip blogs for a day or two, and she was going to throw away those Uggs. (At least she’d managed to hold on to a pair of big black sunglasses, which she’d worn as she hurried toward baggage claim.)
She yawned as she plucked up various dresses and then threw them back down again. She was going to have a hard time staying awake for the Madison-Gaby dinner-table confab. But, more importantly, Kate was going to be beat by the time Drew arrived. She’d called him the minute she got off the plane and asked if he’d come over. He was heading to her place as soon as he finished at Rock It! for the day—but that was still a couple of hours away.
It had taken Kate a while to understand her feelings for Drew, but now that she did, she couldn’t contain them. She was dying to see him. And he’d sounded pretty excited to see her, too. Tonight, something was going to happen between them. She was sure of it.
And when that thing did happen? It was going to complicate things with Carmen, without a doubt. But after what Carmen had pulled with Luke, she really didn’t have much say in the matter. Carmen would simply have to accept it, because Drew was definitely going to kiss her. Tonight. Or she was going to kiss him.
Of course, she needed to be awake for that to happen, which meant that she needed coffee. She glanced at the clock. She had just enough time to run around the corner to the Coffee Bean if she hurried. She didn’t want to be late for the shoot; she was done with causing problems.
Inside the coffee shop, her song was playing on the radio, as if the very chain she used to work for was welcoming her home.
“Oh my God, you’re Kate Hayes,” the barista said as he steamed the milk for her latte. “I’m seeing you while I’m listening to you. That is so trippy.”
She grinned happily—“I know, right?”—and left a generous tip.
As she hustled back to her apartment building, she ran through the things she’d say to Madison and Gaby. Her old hometown did look smaller. The show at Lloyd’s Coffee Shop and Comics Store … well, it wasn’t her best performance, but it wasn’t her worst, either.
She wished she could end the wrap-up there, but she’d have to talk about Ethan, too. Their unpleasant on-camera conversation had led to a later, more polite one, in which Ethan had apologized repeatedly for his behavior. He said it was all because of nerves—he hadn’t expected such a big crew, so many cameras—and Kate was ready to believe him. So it was odd, then, that he kept begging to film with her again. “Come on,” he’d said. “I was close with our old choir teacher, too. Bring me along to your coffee date!” Of course he’d come to her show and sat in the front row. He’d tried to invite himself to every single shoot.
He was selfish and he was an underminer; Kate saw that now. He was mad that she’d left, and even more mad that she’d succeeded.
She sighed. It was almost funny: First she’d had a boyfriend who’d tried to subtly sabotage her, and then she’d found one who’d tried to pretend she didn’t exist. You can really pick ’em, Kate Hayes, she thought. But Drew, of course, was diff
erent. Third time’s a charm, she thought, and wondered if that could be part of a chorus to a new song.
As she turned into the parking lot of her apartment building, Kate saw the PopTV van nosing into a spot. The sliding door opened and Bret hopped out; a moment later, Laurel slid out of the passenger side. She waved at Kate. She, too, looked tired but happy to be back. She raised her own Starbucks cup: a toast from one jet-lagged person to another.
As she approached them, Kate’s phone buzzed. There was a text from Madison.
DON’T LET THE CAMERAS UP. GABY’S IN TROUBLE.
Kate stopped in her tracks. What did that mean? What should she do?
“Hey,” Laurel called. “Look at you! Coffee after six p.m.! I must be rubbing off on you.”
Kate just stared at her.
“You coming over?” Laurel said. “We can mike you out here instead of inside.”
Mute, Kate shook her head. She placed her coffee cup on the ground, gripped her phone, and started running.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“Suddenly I have to pee so bad!” Kate yelled, not turning around. She raced into the lobby and pressed the button for the elevator. The doors seemed to take forever to open, but finally did, and she flung herself inside and hit the button for their floor.
She didn’t knock on Madison’s door. She just dashed in and locked it behind her, calling, “Where are you? What happened?”
“Back here,” Madison yelled.
Kate threaded her way past shopping bags and piles of magazines, following the sound of Madison’s voice. Samson, Madison’s ugly little dog, looked up at her and whined.
Madison sat on the edge of Gaby’s bed. “It’s going to be okay,” she was saying. “It’s going to be okay.”
Gaby was lying on her bed, still as death. Her skin was so pale it seemed almost blue.
“I don’t know what she took,” Madison said. Her hand encircled Gaby’s wrist.
“Is she—”
“She’s barely breathing. She’s unconscious. I called 911.”
“Oh my God,” Kate whispered. “Oh my God, what can I do?”
“The ambulance will be here any minute. Just sit with me,” Madison said. “With us.” Her voice was soft. As Kate watched, a tiny, shimmering tear slid down her perfectly powdered cheek.
Kate sank into a chair and took Madison’s other hand. “It’s going to be okay. Just like you said.” But who was she kidding? She didn’t know that!
She and Madison sat in frightened silence, staring at their friend. Then came the pounding at the door.
“Hey,” Laurel called. “What’s going on in there? Someone let me in!”
Kate looked at Madison with panic in her eyes. “Shit! What are we going to do?”
And in the distance they heard the ambulance’s siren wail.
30
THE STARS CAME OUT
The hospital waiting room felt as cold as ice. Madison shivered and wrapped her arms around herself as she paced.
“Please stop moving so much,” Laurel hissed. “We only have one camera. We need you guys in the same shot.”
Madison ignored her. She didn’t think Laurel ought to be there, or at least not with a PopTV camera turned on. What sort of power did Trevor have that he’d managed to get clearance for them to shoot in this wing of the hospital? They had limited them to a handful of crew members and one camera, but still. Bret stood in the corner of the room, trying—and failing—to be unobtrusive. Madison felt like kicking him.
Kate and Carmen sat together on the couch, their faces pinched with worry. Once the ambulance arrived, Madison had raced after it with Kate, with the PopTV van racing after them. She’d texted Sophie on the way.
GABY OD. COME TO CEDARS-SINAI.
She shook her head. She should have seen this coming. “I didn’t take good care of her,” Madison said fiercely. “I could have stopped this.”
Kate looked up. “Didn’t you take her pills away?” she asked.
“Yes, but how hard was it for her to get more?” Madison gestured down the hall toward the room where Gaby lay. The doctors had pumped her stomach, but she hadn’t woken up yet. They didn’t know when she would. “Clearly not very hard. Especially with that moron Jay around. I should have been watching her more carefully.”
“She’s an adult,” Carmen said softly. “It’s not like you can babysit her twenty-four-seven. Or should have to.”
Madison turned to face her. “But I should have talked to her about getting treatment. She was really upset after that night you all went out, the night she saw Jay with that girl. And of course he was a total dick about it—he convinced her she was jumping to conclusions. I’m sure he told her to take something to calm herself down—it wouldn’t be the first time.”
Kate bit her fingernails. “I just can’t believe it,” she was saying. “I’ve never known anyone this happened to. She’s going to be okay, though? Right?”
Madison sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. Carmen put her hand on Kate’s shoulder. But no one answered Kate’s question, because no one knew how to.
Madison wished she could call Ryan. Just hearing his voice would calm and reassure her. She doubted he’d even pick up. Space. He needed space. But damn it, she needed him! She sat down and put her head in her hands. She wished the hospital allowed dogs—how could Samson possibly be more disruptive than a TV crew?
A moment later, Madison smelled the familiar scent of patchouli and spice that announced the arrival of her sister. She looked up and smiled sadly. It had been a long time since she’d seen Sophie, and she was ready to forgive and forget. Nothing like a little life-and-death situation to make a person rethink her anger.
“How is she?” Sophie asked, sinking into a chair next to her.
“We don’t know yet.”
“What happened?”
“She took a bunch of pain meds and basically went into respiratory arrest.”
Sophie clutched at the crystal suspended from her necklace. “Oh God,” she whispered.
Then Carmen, who had momentarily disappeared, came back into the room. “They’re saying they’re cautiously optimistic.” She sat down. “Cautiously optimistic,” she repeated, as if to herself.
“Is she awake yet?”
Carmen shook her head. “No. But when she wakes up—assuming she wakes up—they’re going to do a psych evaluation.”
Kate frowned. “Why?”
“I guess they want to make sure the overdose wasn’t intentional.”
“It wasn’t,” Madison said firmly. “It couldn’t be.”
She believed she was right—but the tiny voice in her head said, How would you know? You never spend time with her anymore.
Kate got up. “I need to do a little stress-eating. I’m getting something from the vending machine. Anyone?”
“Get me a Milky Way,” Carmen said. “Please.”
“Anyone else?”
“No thanks.” Even though it was past dinnertime, Madison would never eat something from a vending machine.
The girls sat in silence for a while. They weren’t doing any good there—Gaby was out cold, and they wouldn’t be allowed to see her even if she woke—but they couldn’t bring themselves to leave.
Carmen picked up a Time magazine that was at least six months old and idly flipped through the pages. When Kate returned with her candy, she brought out her phone and started playing Angry Birds. Probably any minute Laurel was going to text one of them to say:
NEED MORE TALKING. SHARE MEMORIES OF GABY?
Madison, at that moment, couldn’t think of any. How could that be? Was she so focused on her own problems that she couldn’t even remember having a nice time with her roommate? No wonder Madison had felt alone so often—she really had been.
Those few weeks that she’d had Ryan in her life? Those were the only good ones lately. But all that was over now, thanks to a woman with an iPhone.
Madison had been going over it in her
mind, and she found it pretty strange. Most people who took pictures with their phones didn’t go running to a gossip site with them. It was almost as if the woman had known what she was doing. Almost as if she had been sent there.
But who had known about Ryan? No one.
Then Madison looked over at her sister, who was sipping at the tea she’d brought; it smelled like wet hay.
No one except Sophie—Sophie had talked to Ryan the day he answered Madison’s phone.
Madison realized that she needed to know more. “So …” she said casually. “I heard you talked to my boss.”
Sophie flashed her sly, beautiful smile. “Is that what he is?”
“Um, yes.”
Sophie crossed one long, lean leg over the other. For once she wasn’t wearing a maxidress, and she looked almost polished in a short, haute hippie shirt and loose-weave sweater. “I got the distinct impression that there was something else going on between you two.”
“Oh you did, did you?” Madison tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair. What was it that she’d said about forgiving and forgetting? Give her ten minutes in the same room with her sister and already she was doubting such a thing was possible.
“I’m very sensitive to people’s energies, Madison. Plus, I mean, he did tell me he was taking you out to dinner at Rosa’s. Of course, he claimed it was just to mark the final weeks of your community service.”
Madison’s gaze was icy. It was all becoming clear now. “You did it, didn’t you?”
“Pardon?” Sophie said, blinking. “Did what?”
“You knew where we were, and you tipped someone off. That wasn’t just a random woman who took our picture, was it? Because it showed up on D-Lish.”
Sophie stiffened. “First of all, I have no idea what you’re talking about. D-Lish? I don’t look at that stupid site. Second of all, I’ve never known you to balk at an opportunity for publicity, sister, so I can’t see what the problem is,” Sophie said. She took a sip of tea and sighed thoughtfully. Then she turned her blue eyes on Madison. “And third of all, if you think I’d bother to ask someone to take your picture, you’re crazy. In case you haven’t noticed, people don’t care that much about what you’re doing these days.”