The lights of Naples were coming on all along the large bay they had just left. Tall cliffs, studded with villas and ancient monasteries, rose from behind Naples. The demanding form of Mount Vesuvius towered to the south. Even in her numbed state, Christy remembered Marcos talking about Vesuvius and saying they should visit Pompeii, the ancient Roman city that was destroyed by the now-sleeping volcano.
From this distance, Christy thought the volcano looked harmless. The crescent-shaped bay of Naples appeared to be a magical fairyland, twinkling in the fading light of the late spring evening. None of the traffic, drunken beggars, or street confusion could be viewed from this distance.
A clear, intense memory came to Christy. On her sixteenth birthday, Rick had called from somewhere in Italy. Right here in Naples, perhaps? Or from Capri? Christy and her family had gone to a luau, she had opened her presents, and then she and Todd had sat alone on the balcony lanai of her uncle’s Hawaiian condo, watching the moon shimmering on the Pacific Ocean. Christy remembered the way Todd had sat beside her that night, holding her hand, rubbing his thumb over the Forever bracelet. He had told her to look out at the island of Molokai.
Instead of thousands of lights, like the ones she was now watching come alive in Naples, two lights from Molokai twinkled at them like stars, right next to each other on the shoreline. Todd had given Christy one of his famous object lessons that night. He said that just by looking at the lights from a distance, you couldn’t tell which one you wanted to go to. You had to get closer and closer until you could see clearly what was there. Then you could decide if what you saw was what you really wanted.
An overwhelming sense of grief came over Christy. All this time Todd has been getting closer and closer to me, and now that he’s close enough to see what I’m really like, he knows I’m not what he wants.
She couldn’t sit there another moment with the lights of Naples winking at her, mocking her for being such a dreamer and for believing that she and Todd would go on forever. She rose and made another round of the deck with deliberate, long-legged strides until she came to a portion of the railing where no other people were around.
A taunting voice in her head dared her to rip off her gold bracelet and heave it into the sea. Better for her to do it now than for Todd’s fingers to unfasten it later. Numbly unclasping the bracelet’s catch, Christy held it in her fist and stared at the dark water.
She knew that the “Forever” on the bracelet meant far more to her than being Todd’s friend forever. The “Forever” also represented her commitment to God. When Christy gave her heart to the Lord five years ago, she had told God that her promise wasn’t just for the summer, but that it would last. It was a forever promise. A promise that she would trust God always and love Him more than anyone or anything.
Tears fell on Christy’s closed fist as the wind whipped her hair, pulling long strands out from her loose braid. She shivered in the strong sea wind.
I’ve failed again, haven’t I, Father? I’m not trusting you with all my heart. I’m not loving you more than anything or anyone. I’m all wrapped up in myself, my feelings, my needs, my wants. I’m sorry. Change my heart. I surrender everything to you, God.
Christy suddenly felt a warm breeze, as if the boat had hit a warm pocket of air. But it didn’t come up from the Mediterranean Sea. It felt as if it came from behind her. Christy turned. No one was there. No giant heater pointed in her direction, yet the warm air still poured over her, calming her.
She was about to turn her attention back to the sea and finish her prayer when she noticed Todd. He was seated inside the ferry, next to the window, not more than ten feet away. She hadn’t realized when she walked around the deck that she had ended up in his view.
But Todd wasn’t looking at her. As she studied him more closely, Christy could see that his eyes were squeezed shut, his chin was tilted heavenward, and his lips were moving rapidly.
He’s praying, too.
Christy watched Todd for a few moments, still caught in the soothing pocket of warm air. She opened her hand and peered at the gold ID bracelet that lay in her fist.
I meant it, Lord. My promise to you is forever. I want what you want for my life. If you want Todd and me to be together, I’ll be grateful. If you want us to go our separate ways, I’ll still be grateful. And I mean that. I trust you, Lord. I love you first, above all else. The future is in your hands, not mine.
The aching in the pit of her stomach seemed to ease up. She found she was breathing more deeply, and she noticed her jaw hurt from clenching her teeth for so long.
Here we are, just two tiny people lost in all our complex emotions, and yet you see us. You care. You’re here. I know you’re here. I feel you’re so close right now, God. It’s almost as if I can feel you breathing on me. Keep breathing on me, God.
Just then the boat rolled forward, as if it had gone over a speed bump in the water. Christy lost her balance and started to fall. Then her gold ID bracelet flew out of her open hand.
“No!” Christy screamed, lunging forward. She came down on the deck on both knees, her head down. As the bracelet slid toward the edge of the deck, the wind whipped Christy’s hair madly, and for a moment she couldn’t see. Pushing her hair away from her eyes, she frantically scanned the deck.
It was too late. Her bracelet was gone.
“Christy!” Todd’s voice called to her. She turned and saw him coming toward her, lugging their gear. Todd dropped it all and knelt beside her. “Are you okay?”
Christy couldn’t speak. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t utter a sound. Todd waited, staring at her.
“I lost it,” she finally managed to squeeze out of her tightened throat.
“Lost what?”
Christy pulled herself up from her precarious kneeling position and moved over to a bench seat along the back of the ferry. Several people had been watching her, but she didn’t care. Todd didn’t seem to care, either, because he pulled their gear over to the bench and sat down next to her, patiently waiting for her explanation.
“This is a very bad way for us to end.” Christy’s voice was shaking. “No matter what, I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have taken it off. I’m so sorry, Todd.”
“What are you sorry for? I don’t understand.”
Christy turned and looked into Todd’s eyes. They looked red, as if he had been crying, too.
“Todd,” she began, trying to draw in a deep breath but finding it difficult. “Todd, I don’t blame you for wanting to break up with me, but I should have been more careful with—”
“Wait!” Todd grasped her elbow. “What do you mean I want to break up with you? I don’t want to break up with you.”
“You don’t?”
“No, of course not! I thought you were saying on the train that you wanted to break up with me! That’s why I couldn’t answer you right then. I didn’t see it coming.”
“No, Todd! No! I don’t want us to break up. I thought—”
“You honestly don’t?”
“No! I thought—”
Christy wasn’t able to finish her sentence because Todd suddenly reached his arm around her shoulders, pulled her close, and silenced her with a kiss. When he slowly drew his scruffy chin away, Christy could barely breathe.
Todd looked at her. Then he laughed aloud and wrapped both his arms around her in a tight hug. As he let go, his hand smoothed her hair, stopping halfway down her back.
“Todd, you don’t understand,” Christy said. “I lost our Forever bracelet.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did. It was really dumb. I was all emotional and I took it off, and I was going to throw it in the sea because I thought you wanted our relationship to end. But then I realized that the ‘Forever’ on the bracelet meant my relationship with the Lord as much as anything, and that part of my life will never end. No matter what. I started to pray, and then I saw you praying, and then the boat tipped and—”
Todd gave the end
of her matted hair a little yank.
Christy interrupted her speech with a small “ouch” before finishing with “And I honestly wasn’t going to throw the bracelet overboard in the end, but it slid off the deck, and I’m so sorry, Todd.”
Todd just grinned at her.
“What? You think I’m a nut case, don’t you?”
“No.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
“Give me your hand.”
Christy held out her right hand. Todd moved his arm that had been around her shoulder. With a wide grin he produced the gold ID bracelet in his hand and clasped it around Christy’s wrist. “Where was it?”
“Caught in your hair.”
“You’re kidding! I can’t believe it.”
“Believe it,” Todd said. Then, taking both her hands in his, he leaned close. Looking into her eyes he said, “Also believe something else, Christy. Believe that I want our relationship to continue. I want us to grow closer to each other and closer to the Lord.”
Christy silently nodded.
“Do you believe that, really?” Todd asked.
“I believe you,” Christy said. “And do you believe that I want the same thing?”
“I do now,” Todd said, drawing in a deep breath and letting go of Christy’s hands. He put his arm across the back of the bench and drew her close to his side. “That’s not what I was thinking the past few hours.”
“I know,” Christy said. “Me either. I’ve been bombarded with doubts all day long. I started thinking about how I’m not a very good camper, like Katie. And how this could be like the whole thing with Doug and Tracy, and I wondered why you would want to be stuck with wimpy me when someone more perfect for you was out there, like Katie.”
“Katie?” Todd said, raising his eyebrows. He looked at Christy as if the thought of being interested in Katie had never entered his mind.
“Katie or someone else. I figured as you got to know me better and saw me so close up, you were realizing I wasn’t a good match for you. It’s like those lights on Molokai, when you said you have to wait until you get close enough to see them for what they are to know whether you want to go there or not.”
Todd gave her a look that showed he was even more confused now. “Molokai?”
“Never mind. It’s just that when Antonio’s father asked about us at dinner, you didn’t really answer him.”
“And that’s what got all your doubts started?”
“That and at the Basel train station, your saying you hadn’t planned to kiss me.”
Todd grinned. “Oh, I planned to kiss you, all right. I’d been planning that one for a long time. I thought you knew I was being sarcastic when I said that.”
Christy looked at her hands, feeling ashamed for her reactions to everything.
“As for Antonio’s house,” Todd continued, “I thought that whole conversation might be making Katie feel bad.”
“Katie? Why?” Christy looked up at Todd.
“Think about it. You know how she was interested in Antonio last year. And here we were, sitting in front of his parents, and they were telling Tonio he should propose to you. I thought all the attention on you might make Katie feel bad, so I tried to get them off the topic.”
Christy leaned back and shook her head. “I didn’t even think of that. You are so right, Todd. Man, when my eyes are turned on myself and all my feelings, I sure miss out on what’s going on around me.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Todd said. “You’re not supposed to know everyone’s thoughts and feelings every moment. Only God can do that. That’s why His mercies are new every morning.”
Christy smiled.
“As I see it, we all need a little fresh mercy every morning.”
They felt the boat slowing as they entered the harbor at Anacapri. The sun had set while they had motored to the island, and now the world before them looked like Naples had from a distance, a fairyland of lights.
“Everything okay now?” Todd asked, gently smoothing back her hair with his hand.
Christy nodded and gave Todd a tender smile.
They rose and slung their packs over their shoulders. A shimmer of light from the harbor caught on her bracelet, and Christy, in her glowing mood, smiled and winked back at her bracelet.
You amazing little Forever bracelet, you. You have more lives than a cat!
“Do you remember the name of the hotel Marcos told us to go to?” Todd asked as they exited the boat side by side.
“It was Villa something,” Christy said.
“We can ask at the harbor. They probably have some sort of information kiosk.”
Christy and Todd moved with the rest of the crowd down the gangplank. A long line of taxi drivers stood outside their cars, reaching in to honk the horns and yelling at the new arrivals in several languages.
“Let’s take a taxi,” Todd suggested. “It’ll save time.”
They stopped at the first cab in the line only to realize there didn’t seem to be any system to the taxi service. Several cabs already were pulling out of the line and taking off with customers.
“Can you take us to the Villa Hotel?” Todd asked once they were in the backseat with their luggage.
“Villa Nova, Villa Rialto, Villa Paradiso?” the driver asked with a thick accent.
“I think it was Paradiso,” Christy said.
“Villa Paradiso?” he asked.
“Yes,” Christy said. “Sì.”
With a roar, their taxi pulled onto the narrow street. The driver yelled out the window at another cab driver, using aggressive hand gestures with his left hand and turning up the radio with his right hand. He appeared to be steering only with his knee.
Christy reached for Todd’s hand, held it tight, and squeezed her eyes shut.
“Come on,” Todd teased her, leaning over and whispering in her ear. “Didn’t Tonio’s driving prepare you for this?”
“If you want to live, don’t bother me,” Christy muttered. “I’m praying my little heart out for us both at the moment.”
When the cab came to a screeching halt in front of a small café, Christy opened her eyes. “This looks like a restaurant. Where’s the hotel?”
The driver took the money Todd paid him and, with lots of fast Italian words and pointing, seemed to communicate that the hotel was behind the café.
“Grazie,” Christy said, sliding out of the backseat.
She and Todd ventured down a wide alleyway next to the small café. It was well lit and was marked by a tile sign with an arrow that read Villa Paradiso.
“Hey, cool!” Todd said when they reached the end of the alley. Before them rose an ornate garden with a large pool in the center. Violin music floated toward them from a white gazebo, where guests were seated at small tables. The guests were wearing evening clothes.
“I think the cab driver brought us to the back entrance,” Christy said. “He probably took one look at us and knew we weren’t the usual Villa Paradiso clientele. Do you think we should leave?”
“No,” Todd said. “This is the only place Katie knows to meet us. Let’s go around the block and enter the front of the hotel. Katie might be there already. Then we can find some place we can afford to stay in.”
“I sure hope she’s there,” Christy said as they walked down the alley past the café. She drew in a wonderful aroma and realized she was very hungry. “What would you think of coming back here to eat after we find Katie?”
“Sure. Smells good, doesn’t it?”
“Really good,” Christy said.
They strolled uphill past small houses pressed right next to each other along the narrow street. A crazy chorus of night sounds spilled out of the open windows above them. Babies cried, televisions blared, mamas called out for their children to come inside. A cacophony of smells came to them, as well: garlic, hot olive oil, strong wine, and a hint of sweet almond.
Something profoundly clear seemed to be settling inside of Christy. She felt read
y to let go of the doubts she had carried for so many years and calmly walk beside Todd, taking each step to whatever came next in their relationship. Along life’s road, she decided, she wanted to be a good traveling companion, no matter how long or short the journey would be with Todd. She wanted to make each day, each moment, count.
Todd reached for her hand. He gave it a squeeze and said, “This is what I thought our trip would be like.”
Christy smiled. “Me too. You and me, lugging our bulky backpacks up cobblestone streets, holding hands, and just being together.”
“This feels right, doesn’t it?” he said. “This fits. You. Me. Not trying to figure out tomorrow. Just experiencing the mercies God put into this day.”
She suddenly felt it again, the canopy of peace. She and Todd were under that invisible canopy, and she knew she had been the one who had stepped out from under it.
“Let’s not do that should-we-break-up stuff again, okay?” Todd said. “I don’t think my heart can take it.”
Christy gave his hand a squeeze. “Neither can mine.”
Todd stopped walking. In the amber glow of the evening light, he turned to Christy and gazed deep into her eyes. “Promise?”
Christy smiled. “I promise.”
They stood on the narrow, uneven street, holding hands and looking at each other as if they were both trying to memorize every detail. A balmy island breeze wrapped them in a private circle of quiet. All doubts flew from Christy’s heart. She knew in that moment that she had changed. She was no longer a teenager, caught on an endless emotional roller coaster. She was a woman. And as a woman, somehow she knew that no matter what the future held, she would forever be in love with the man who now stood before her.
9
Christy and Todd lingered only a few seconds in their private world before two women came around the corner and bustled past them. With their hands firmly clasped together, Todd said to Christy, “Come on, let’s keep going.”
Christy thought his words reflected their relationship as much as the private moment they had just shared under their invisible canopy. She felt ready to go on. Todd hadn’t indicated that he viewed her or their relationship any differently than he had before the breakup question had driven a wedge between them. All she knew was that she was different. She loved Todd. Maybe he felt the same way about her. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he would have the same internal revelation soon—but maybe he never would.