She shook her head slightly, wondering at the desperation she thought she heard in his voice. It was hard to imagine this strong, controlled man being desperate about anything, let alone the beginning of a brief romantic affair.
“No, I don’t understand,” she admitted. “Please don’t ruin this for me.”
“Sariana.” He made a strangled sound under his breath, a shattered exclamation that was half curse and half plea. It seemed to contain as much anguish as desire, and Sariana was instantly seized with a powerful need to soothe and comfort him. She touched his shoulder, not in a sexual manner, but in the same way she would stroke an injured creature. He shivered under her fingers.
She could feel him controlling himself with an intense willpower. His eyes closed tightly and his hand flexed into a fist. Sariana became aware of the heat of his skin and she grew worried. Surely he was too warm, she thought. Could sexual need bring on this kind of heat in a man?
Gryph was indeed in the grip of a fever, but she began to doubt that it was a fever brought on by passion. More likely it was the result of his wound. Her own budding sense of desire was rapidly changing into deep concern.
“Gryph, you’re ill,” she said, trying to sit up.
He opened his eyes, his expression stark in the shadows. “No. Not ill. Not the way you mean. I need you.”
She touched his forehead and found it damp. “Later,” she assured him gently. “There’s plenty of time for us to get to know each other in this way. Right now you need sleep.”
“Touch me,” he commanded thickly.
“I am touching you and you’re burning up with fever.”
“Touch me,” he repeated as he grabbed her wrist. He dragged her hand down his body to where his trousers were stretched tight across his heavy, throbbing manhood. When he heard Sariana catch her breath in reaction to this graphic demonstration of his desire, Gryph nodded savagely. “Now do you understand? I need you. I won’t force you. I can’t. It doesn’t work that way. But I need you. In ways you can’t even guess at yet.”
He was rambling, Sariana thought worriedly. She tried to free herself but she was suddenly caged between his hands. Anxiously she searched his face. “Let me get you something for the fever.”
“No.”
“I’ll be right back,” she assured him. “I won’t leave you alone.”
“No.”
“Gryph, please listen to me. You have a fever. Probably brought on by your wound. You need rest.”
He shook his head slowly. “No. All I need is you. I’ll show you.”
He lowered his head and took her mouth once more with devastating force. Sariana responded even as she tried to tell herself she should get out of the bed. But when he pressed himself beside her, letting her feel his hard strength, she felt her resolve slipping.
He did want her. She was amazed that such demanding desire could coexist with the feverish heat from his wound, but she was forced to accept it. The truth was, her own body was growing warm with passion. Tentatively she put her arms around him and stroked his hard, muscled shoulders. Her knee flexed inward, touching his leg intimately.
“That’s it, my Shield Lady,” he said in aching relief. His mouth moved across hers and down her throat. He buried his lips in the curve of her shoulder and breathed deeply of her fragrance. “That’s what I want from you. Touch me. Give yourself to me. Link with me.”
She told herself he was rambling again. But this time she couldn’t find the will to try to stop him. She was captivated by the depths of his demanding desire and enthralled by the discovery of her own response. She was being gathered into the center of a storm and with every minute that passed her chances of escape grew slimmer. There was a light in the center of that storm—many lights. Fractured, glittering pieces of a rainbow formed a thousand splinters of color. It was like looking into prisma and watching the light that reflected from it transform itself into something more than light.
Colors that moved through the spectrum and beyond danced in her head. They were rays of light so exotic she could not put a name to them.
Caught up in the lure of such a shimmering chaos of light, Sariana no longer thought of escape. She longed only to share the glittering waterfall with Gryph. She knew in the deepest reaches of her senses that he was the only one who could lead her safely through it just as she was the only one who could take him into the heart of the rainbow.
They needed each other.
“It’s going to be all right, Sariana. It’s going to be all right. This is the way it was meant to be for both of us.”
His hand went to his belt and he tore off the remainder of his clothing. In the pale light Sariana saw the full, hard length of his manhood and she shivered. He was taut and heavy with need and her own body responded to it even as she watched him with an awed, questioning gaze.
Gryph saw the expression in her eyes as she lay looking up at him. He lowered himself quickly back down beside her.
“You must not fear me, Shield Lady. You and I are right for each other. I have never been where I am going to take you right now, but I’ve heard others describe it. It will seem strange at first. I am told there is some discomfort, but we’ll face it together. Do you understand?”
Sariana was feeling oddly dizzy. For a moment she wasn’t certain if she heard him say the words or if she only imagined the reassuring sentences inside her head. Then she brushed aside the odd sensation and smiled at him with a tenderness that seemed to dazzle him. His confession was sweet and kind and endeared him to her as nothing else could have done in that moment.
“You’ve never done this before, either?” she asked softly.
He shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers. His rough hand slid over her breasts. Her already aroused nipples became firm, tight, incredibly sensitive.
“Never,” Gryph admitted. “I had almost decided it would never happen for me.”
“Oh, Gryph, I’m so glad.” Sariana hugged him quickly, her delighted words spilling out in a rush. “I’m so glad this is all new to you, too, although I would never have guessed. You seem so sure of yourself. I can’t imagine a man your age and with your obvious…your very bold...” She paused to find the words, “I wouldn’t have thought that a man with your impressive physical attributes would have denied himself the pleasures of sex all these years. Men are usually so eager for that kind of thing. Even in the eastern provinces where people are so much more self-controlled it would be unusual for a man to remain celibate this long. Is it the custom in your class for the men to remain virgin until they reach your age?”
Gryph blinked as if he were having trouble following the conversation. His hand stilled on her breast.
“Uh, Sariana, I don’t think you quite understand what I’m trying to explain.”
“It’s all right,” she reassured him quickly. She could guess the cause of his awkwardness. His male ego was probably already berating him for the confession. “I do understand. Men hate to admit they have little or no sexual experience. But I want you to know I’m very touched that we can explore this and learn about it together. You’ve made me very happy. Now I know I won’t have to feel like the only novice in this bed. We’ll be true equals. It’s such a relief to know we’re starting out together.”
A look that might have been either frustration or anguish tightened Gryph’s already stark features. “Sariana—”
“Don’t worry, I would never have guessed that you lack experience,” she said hastily. “You’re doing beautifully.”
“Thank you,” he muttered tightly.
“I guess you have good instincts,” she went on encouragingly. “You seem to know exactly where and how to touch me. You’re moving a little too quickly, but I understand why now. All the same, let’s slow down a little. I’m afraid I’m not nearly as adept as you at figuring all this out. But I want to do the right things, too. T
ell me where you want me to touch you.” Experimentally she trailed her fingertips down over the hard planes of his buttocks, “Do you like that?”
“Sariana, you’re doing great. But would you mind very much just closing your mouth?”
Her delighted enthusiasm faded. She looked up at Gryph uncertainly, her eyes widening with hurt.
He groaned and brushed her lips with his own. “I’m sorry, Shield Lady. I didn’t mean to offend you. Hell, I’m going to make a mess of this yet if I don’t close my own mouth.”
She sensed his genuine contrition and her feelings were instantly mended. She brushed her fingers gently through his hair, aware that he was very tense.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said soothingly. “I’m sure it’s perfectly natural for you to be suffering a certain amount of performance anxiety. After all, this is your first time, too. You mustn’t expect too much of yourself.”
He made a slight choking sound. “Do you ever run out of words, Sariana?”
She smiled mistily. “Am I chattering? Maybe it’s because I’m nervous.”
“I think you’re right,” he announced gravely. “We’re both nervous. The only solution is to get it over with,” he said harshly, decisively. He moved his hand down her silken stomach to the triangle of hair above her thighs.
Sariana stirred beneath the exciting touch. The urgency that was controlling Gryph seemed to have gotten a grip on her, too. She could feel the driving force in him and knew an answering force within herself. When his hand went lower still, she cried out softly. Instinctively she pressed her thighs together.
“Let me touch you, Shield Lady,” Gryph said against her mouth. “Open your legs for me and let me feel your warmth. I want to be sure you’re ready for me so that I can claim my rights as your true mate.”
She did as he asked and then trembled in excitement as he found the soft skin of her inner thighs.
“Gryph.”
Gryph drank his name from her lips. His body trembled against hers as he slipped his rough fingertips into the delicate, hidden folds between her legs. Sariana knew she was dampening his hand. She hoped he didn’t mind.
“You’re as hot as I am,” he muttered in husky wonderment. “I can feel your heat. You’re wet and warm and you want me, don’t you?”
“Yes, oh, yes, Gryph.” She twisted against his hand. She wondered if she should be embarrassed by her body’s ungoverned response, but then she realized Gryph was glorying in it. He was taut with his own reaction to her.
“Sariana,” he began thickly, “listen to me carefully. I have to ask you something and you must answer truthfully. Do you understand? I’m honor bound to put these questions to you.”
Sariana moved her head restlessly on the pillow. “I swear I have no diseases and…and I don’t think I’m likely to get pregnant. Earlier this evening I was figuring out the timing of my monthly cycles and I’m sure I’m safe tonight. I’ve discussed such things with other women and I’ve heard that as long as I—”
“Sariana.”
She opened her eyes, startled by his impatience. “Yes, Gryph?”
“One of these days we’re going to have to do something about your unfortunate tendency to talk at the wrong times,” Gryph said explosively. “I’m sure you’re in excellent health. So am I. And as for your getting pregnant—”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly.
He groaned, clearly frustrated, and kissed her back into silence. Then he trapped her face between his rough palms and lifted his mouth only a centimeter or two above hers. Sariana thought she would drown in the brilliance of his eyes.
“Sariana,” he said very carefully, very distinctly, “nothing on this planet would give me as much pleasure as getting you pregnant.”
“But Gryph “
“That is not, however, what I want to discuss with you tonight. Now hush up and listen to me and then answer truthfully.”
“Yes, Gryph—”
“Do you give yourself willingly to me, Sariana? Do you choose to link with me?”
She had never heard the expression “linking” before and could only assume it was a Shield term for what they were about to do together, a euphemism for sexual intercourse.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Say the words, Sariana,” he ordered. “I want the words.”
She could no more have resisted his hoarse, urgent command than she could have stopped the rising sun. Out of nowhere the proper response came to her. She didn’t stop to question the words. They appeared in her head and she used them instinctively. She was in too much of a rush to satisfy Gryph’s request to bother questioning the odd phrases.
“I willingly give myself to you, Shield Lord. I choose to link myself with you.”
“There is no going back,” he warned.
Again, Sariana wasn’t sure what he meant, but she was in no mood to press the issue. Desire was sweeping through her, hotter and sweeter than anything she had ever experienced in her life.
Gryph moved, shifting slightly, and the bed swayed gently on its ornate chains. Sariana couldn’t see what he was doing, but before she could ask Gryph was back. He loomed over her, his broad shoulders blocking the light from the window.
“Give me your hand, Sariana.”
“Another Shield custom, Gryph?” Suddenly she was no longer feeling quite so joyous and lighthearted with the bubbling effects of desire. A new, strangely powerful mood was beginning to grip her, a mood she seemed to be picking up from him. It was odd to realize that somehow she was aware of his emotions through all this. It was disorienting. She remembered that same disorientation had washed over her when he had kissed her the other morning in her office.
“Yes, Sariana,” he said as he took her hand in his own. “Another Shield custom.”
He laced his fingers through hers and then he lowered himself between her legs. His hair-roughened skin was exquisitely exciting against the softness of her inner thighs. She became intensely aware of how big he was. His weight pressed down on her. Gryph’s eyes were moonlit seas as he slowly eased himself to the damp, warm entrance of her body.
“Gryph?”
“Just keep holding my hand, Shield Lady. Remember, we go through this together.”
She nodded, her breath growing fast and shallow with excitement. She felt his wide, blunt shaft probe her tender folds of flesh and she flinched.
“Hold me, Shield Lady. Put your free arm around me and hold me as tight as you can. Don’t let go, whatever happens. Just remember I’ll be with you all the way.”
His mouth covered hers. She could feel the throbbing tension in him. It was as if he had braced himself for a trip into strange, unknown territory. His fingers tightened around hers and he moved their clasped hands a short distance across the quilt until Sariana realized they were touching an object.
Belatedly she recognized the leather of his weapon kit beneath her palm. Then she was touching the cool prisma of the lock. Gryph was holding her hand flat against the crystal now. A part of her wanted to question the strange action, but the rest of her was too caught up in the gathering storm that was about to break.
Rainbow gems glittered in the swirling heart of the whirlwind. Gryph was going to run with her into the center of the storm and catch flashing prisma jewels with her.
“Now,” Gryph said against her mouth.
“Yes, now, please.” Sariana clutched him more tightly with her free hand. His muscles bunched, strong and powerful, under her palm. He was rigid with desire.
Gryph gathered himself and then, without any further warning, thrust deeply into her.
Prisma crystal shattered into a million jagged jewels. Hot, sharp, glittering rain showered down over Sariana. She gave a choked cry as the sensation poured through her. She heard an answering, guttural shout as Gryph sank himself to the hilt within
her small, velvet channel. Sariana’s body convulsed around him. Small, delicate muscles clenched in a resistance that was too little, too late.
Some discomfort, Sariana remembered Gryph had said. I have heard there is some discomfort. She nearly screamed in rage and pain.
He had lied to her. All the books she had ever read on the subject had lied. Everyone had lied.
This was not the small, momentary discomfort she had been expecting. This was agony. Something was wildly, incredibly wrong. Her whole body was in chaos.
The pain came not just from the soft, tender, bruised flesh between her thighs, though that was bad enough, it also came from her shoulder.
Her shoulder. No. It was impossible. Sariana was stunned by the dull, throbbing ache that was suddenly and inexplicably occupying that portion of her anatomy. But that wasn’t the worst of it.
The worst part was the white, burning sensation in her hand where Gryph held her fingers to the prisma lock of his weapon kit.
But even that was not the end of it. On top of everything else, her body felt hot and feverish.
Sariana’s eyes flashed open in bewildered accusation. Her body stiffened in reaction to the trauma. She found Gryph staring down at her, the lines of his hard face drawn taut in an agony that clearly matched her own.
“Gryph, stop. Something’s wrong. Something is wrong.”
“Hang onto me, Sariana. It will pass. Just hold on to me.”
She heard the words, but she could have sworn he hadn’t spoken aloud. She couldn’t be sure of that, however. Everything seemed to be spinning chaotically around her. Nothing was real or stable or solid except Gryph. He was the source of all this pain and agony, but she sensed he was also her only salvation.
And then, in a blinding flash of intuition, she knew beyond a doubt that he was feeling everything she was feeling, including the pain he had caused her by his sensual intrusion into her body. Sariana wondered dazedly how such a distinctly feminine anguish was being translated by his own masculine nerve endings.