CHAPTER II
Tientietnikov's good horses covered the ten versts to the General'shouse in a little over half an hour. Descending from the koliaska withfeatures attuned to deference, Chichikov inquired for the master of thehouse, and was at once ushered into his presence. Bowing with headheld respectfully on one side and hands extended like those of a waitercarrying a trayful of teacups, the visitor inclined his whole bodyforward, and said:
"I have deemed it my duty to present myself to your Excellency. I havedeemed it my duty because in my heart I cherish a most profound respectfor the valiant men who, on the field of battle, have proved thesaviours of their country."
That this preliminary attack did not wholly displease the General wasproved by the fact that, responding with a gracious inclination of thehead, he replied:
"I am glad to make your acquaintance. Pray be so good as to take a seat.In what capacity or capacities have you yourself seen service?"
"Of my service," said Chichikov, depositing his form, not exactly in thecentre of the chair, but rather on one side of it, and resting a handupon one of its arms, "--of my service the scene was laid, in the firstinstance, in the Treasury; while its further course bore me successivelyinto the employ of the Public Buildings Commission, of the CustomsBoard, and of other Government Offices. But, throughout, my life hasresembled a barque tossed on the crests of perfidious billows. Insuffering I have been swathed and wrapped until I have come to be, asit were, suffering personified; while of the extent to which my lifehas been sought by foes, no words, no colouring, no (if I may so expressit?) painter's brush could ever convey to you an adequate idea. And now,at length, in my declining years, I am seeking a corner in which to ekeout the remainder of my miserable existence, while at the present momentI am enjoying the hospitality of a neighbour of your acquaintance."
"And who is that?"
"Your neighbour Tientietnikov, your Excellency."
Upon that the General frowned.
"Led me add," put in Chichikov hastily, "that he greatly regrets thaton a former occasion he should have failed to show a proper respectfor--for--"
"For what?" asked the General.
"For the services to the public which your Excellency has rendered.Indeed, he cannot find words to express his sorrow, but keeps repeatingto himself: 'Would that I had valued at their true worth the men whohave saved our fatherland!'"
"And why should he say that?" asked the mollified General. "I bear himno grudge. In fact, I have never cherished aught but a sincere likingfor him, a sincere esteem, and do not doubt but that, in time, he maybecome a useful member of society."
"In the words which you have been good enough to utter," said Chichikovwith a bow, "there is embodied much justice. Yes, Tientietnikov isin very truth a man of worth. Not only does he possess the gift ofeloquence, but also he is a master of the pen."
"Ah, yes; he DOES write rubbish of some sort, doesn't he? Verses, orsomething of the kind?"
"Not rubbish, your Excellency, but practical stuff. In short, he isinditing a history."
"A HISTORY? But a history of what?"
"A history of, of--" For a moment or two Chichikov hesitated. Then,whether because it was a General that was seated in front of him, orbecause he desired to impart greater importance to the subject whichhe was about to invent, he concluded: "A history of Generals, yourExcellency."
"Of Generals? Of WHAT Generals?"
"Of Generals generally--of Generals at large. That is to say, and to bemore precise, a history of the Generals of our fatherland."
By this time Chichikov was floundering badly. Mentally he spat uponhimself and reflected: "Gracious heavens! What rubbish I am talking!"
"Pardon me," went on his interlocutor, "but I do not quite understandyou. Is Tientietnikov producing a history of a given period, or only ahistory made up of a series of biographies? Also, is he including ALLour Generals, or only those who took part in the campaign of 1812?"
"The latter, your Excellency--only the Generals of 1812," repliedChichikov. Then he added beneath his breath: "Were I to be killed forit, I could not say what that may be supposed to mean."
"Then why should he not come and see me in person?" went on hishost. "Possibly I might be able to furnish him with much interestingmaterial?"
"He is afraid to come, your Excellency."
"Nonsense! Just because of a hasty word or two! I am not that sort ofman at all. In fact, I should be very happy to call upon HIM."
"Never would he permit that, your Excellency. He would greatly prefer tobe the first to make advances." And Chichikov added to himself: "What astroke of luck those Generals were! Otherwise, the Lord knows where mytongue might have landed me!"
At this moment the door into the adjoining room opened, and thereappeared in the doorway a girl as fair as a ray of the sun--so fair,indeed, that Chichikov stared at her in amazement. Apparently she hadcome to speak to her father for a moment, but had stopped short onperceiving that there was some one with him. The only fault to befound in her appearance was the fact that she was too thin andfragile-looking.
"May I introduce you to my little pet?" said the General to Chichikov."To tell you the truth, I do not know your name."
"That you should be unacquainted with the name of one who has neverdistinguished himself in the manner of which you yourself can boast isscarcely to be wondered at." And Chichikov executed one of his sidelong,deferential bows.
"Well, I should be delighted to know it."
"It is Paul Ivanovitch Chichikov, your Excellency." With that wentthe easy bow of a military man and the agile backward movement of anindia-rubber ball.
"Ulinka, this is Paul Ivanovitch," said the General, turning to hisdaughter. "He has just told me some interesting news--namely, thatour neighbour Tientietnikov is not altogether the fool we had at firstthought him. On the contrary, he is engaged upon a very importantwork--upon a history of the Russian Generals of 1812."
"But who ever supposed him to be a fool?" asked the girl quickly. "Whathappened was that you took Vishnepokromov's word--the word of a man whois himself both a fool and a good-for-nothing."
"Well, well," said the father after further good-natured dispute on thesubject of Vishnepokromov. "Do you now run away, for I wish to dress forluncheon. And you, sir," he added to Chichikov, "will you not join us attable?"
Chichikov bowed so low and so long that, by the time that his eyes hadceased to see nothing but his own boots, the General's daughter haddisappeared, and in her place was standing a bewhiskered butler, armedwith a silver soap-dish and a hand-basin.
"Do you mind if I wash in your presence?" asked the host.
"By no means," replied Chichikov. "Pray do whatsoever you please in thatrespect."
Upon that the General fell to scrubbing himself--incidentally, tosending soapsuds flying in every direction. Meanwhile he seemed sofavourably disposed that Chichikov decided to sound him then and there,more especially since the butler had left the room.
"May I put to you a problem?" he asked.
"Certainly," replied the General. "What is it?"
"It is this, your Excellency. I have a decrepit old uncle who owns threehundred souls and two thousand roubles-worth of other property. Also,except for myself, he possesses not a single heir. Now, although hisinfirm state of health will not permit of his managing his property inperson, he will not allow me either to manage it. And the reason for hisconduct--his very strange conduct--he states as follows: 'I do not knowmy nephew, and very likely he is a spendthrift. If he wishes to show methat he is good for anything, let him go and acquire as many souls as_I_ have acquired; and when he has done that I will transfer to him mythree hundred souls as well."
"The man must be an absolute fool," commented the General.
"Possibly. And were that all, things would not be as bad as they are.But, unfortunately, my uncle has gone and taken up with his housekeeper,and has had children by her. Consequently, everything will now pass toTHEM."
"The old ma
n must have taken leave of his senses," remarked the General."Yet how _I_ can help you I fail to see."
"Well, I have thought of a plan. If you will hand me over all the deadsouls on your estate--hand them over to me exactly as though they werestill alive, and were purchasable property--I will offer them to the oldman, and then he will leave me his fortune."
At this point the General burst into a roar of laughter such as few canever have heard. Half-dressed, he subsided into a chair, threw back hishead, and guffawed until he came near to choking. In fact, the houseshook with his merriment, so much so that the butler and his daughtercame running into the room in alarm.
It was long before he could produce a single articulate word; andeven when he did so (to reassure his daughter and the butler) he keptmomentarily relapsing into spluttering chuckles which made the housering and ring again.
Chichikov was greatly taken aback.
"Oh, that uncle!" bellowed the General in paroxysms of mirth. "Oh, thatblessed uncle! WHAT a fool he'll look! Ha, ha, ha! Dead souls offeredhim instead of live ones! Oh, my goodness!"
"I suppose I've put my foot in it again," ruefully reflected Chichikov."But, good Lord, what a man the fellow is to laugh! Heaven send that hedoesn't burst of it!"
"Ha, ha, ha!" broke out the General afresh. "WHAT a donkey the old manmust be! To think of his saying to you: 'You go and fit yourself outwith three hundred souls, and I'll cap them with my own lot'! My word!What a jackass!"
"A jackass, your Excellency?"
"Yes, indeed! And to think of the jest of putting him off with deadsouls! Ha, ha, ha! WHAT wouldn't I give to see you handing him the titledeeds? Who is he? What is he like? Is he very old?"
"He is eighty, your Excellency."
"But still brisk and able to move about, eh? Surely he must be prettystrong to go on living with his housekeeper like that?"
"Yes. But what does such strength mean? Sand runs away, yourExcellency."
"The old fool! But is he really such a fool?"
"Yes, your Excellency."
"And does he go out at all? Does he see company? Can he still holdhimself upright?"
"Yes, but with great difficulty."
"And has he any teeth left?"
"No more than two at the most."
"The old jackass! Don't be angry with me, but I must say that, thoughyour uncle, he is also a jackass."
"Quite so, your Excellency. And though it grieves ME to have to confessthat he is my uncle, what am I to do with him?"
Yet this was not altogether the truth. What would have been a far harderthing for Chichikov to have confessed was the fact that he possessed nouncles at all.
"I beg of you, your Excellency," he went on, "to hand me over those,those--"
"Those dead souls, eh? Why, in return for the jest I will give you someland as well. Yes, you can take the whole graveyard if you like. Ha, ha,ha! The old man! Ha, ha, ha! WHAT a fool he'll look! Ha, ha, ha!"
And once more the General's guffaws went ringing through the house.
[At this point there is a long hiatus in the original.]