Tim flew over while rolling his eyes. “What I won’t do to save fae and human kind. Seriously. I need a pay raise.” He landed on my de-lizarded shoulder and stomped around for a little while.
I waited with bated breath, feeling like I was getting confirmed as a fae all over again.
His voice, when it finally came to my ears, was tentative—very un-Tim-like. “Jayne…how can I say this and be delicate about it?”
My heart sank. “Just say it like it is, Tim. Don’t bullshit me.”
“Well…” He sounded flustered, which was so unlike him, it made me wary and worried at the same time.
“What is it?”
“Heh-heh…I’m not sure how to tell you this…”
“Just spit it out!” I shouted, ready to bawl all over again.
“Okay, fine! But don’t yell at me, because I’m getting all verklempt over here, and it’ll make me cry.”
“What?” I tried to twist my head around to look at him, but he’d already left my shoulder.
He was floating in the air in front of me, wiping under his eyes.
“Am I dying?” Maybe he was like one of those dogs that can smell cancer or whatever.
He shook his head at first but then nodded.
My heart sank into my toes. I’d finally done it. I’d fucked up so bad that I’d turned myself into a terminal case.
“You are kind of dying in a way,” he said. “A part of you is dying. Or a part of your life is going to die. Change. Fundamentally. Trust me when I say it’ll never be the same again.”
He seemed to be having a hard time staying alight so I held out my hand and waited for him to come down to it. His tiny feet landed, and I finally found my voice again.
“How long do I have?”
He sighed. “Seven months? Give or take?”
I nodded. “What is it? Cancer? Just tell me. I can take it.”
He frowned. “No. It’s not cancer, silly. Whatever makes you think a fae can contract that horrible human disease?”
“Well? What is it then? Terminal fae flu? Troll mumps? Buggane bite rabies? Just tell me!”
He leaned way back. “Yeesh. No need to yell my hair off. You’re not really dying, Jayne, relax.”
“Then what the hell are you trying to tell me?!”
He held his hands out. “Bring me up to your face.”
I brought him closer, stopping when he was to the point that he could hold onto my nose. “Sweet baby Jayne…,” he said, squeezing my nostrils together.
I had to go cross-eyed to see him. “You have two seconds to spit it out before I sneeze you into next week.”
“You, my darling roomie, are not going to die. You’re you and a quarter. You’re 25% more Jayne free. You’re two Jaynes for the price of one. You’re…”
“What are you saying?” I was getting a very sick feeling about this.
“I’m saying what I’m saying. You’re not just you anymore. Now you’re you plus one.” He grinned, tears dripping down his face. “Oh my goodness, I’m going to be an uncle.”
“Are you saying…?” I couldn’t get the words out.
“Yes. I’m saying that. I’m saying you’re pregnant. You’re going to have a baby. That’s why there’s more of you in you now. You’re…”
I didn’t hear the rest of what he was saying because I was too busy being passed out on the wet ground.
CHAPTER THIRTY
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” I shouted up to the sky when I finally awoke from my mini-coma. “You got busy with my boyfriend while I was locked up in a mental hospital fighting for my life?!” Tim, who had been hovering over my face, flew away and disappeared in the distance. The dragons were all facing away from me along with their riders.
The sound of footsteps coming through the mucky grass cut me off. I turned my head and glared at the newcomer for about two seconds before I realized who it was. I nearly passed out a second time when I took in his body and face. I sat up really quick and then stood turned slightly away, trying like hell to hurry up and wipe all the gook off of me.
“Hey, babe,” Spike said, giving me one of his patented sexy smiles. His sword hung in a scabbard at his side, his clothing much like Sam’s—dirty and patched with primitive materials. He had never looked hotter in his entire life.
“You’re not going to trick me with that,” I said, pointing at his teeth. I gave up on cleaning off my clothes. It was a hopeless case at that point.
He grinned harder. “You look mad.”
“I am mad!” I stomped my foot and rounded on him, my hands going to my hips. “You slept with her!”
He held out his arms. “Babe, I slept with you.”
“But I wasn’t even there.” Tears rushed to my eyes and streamed down my cheeks.
He moved closer. Carefully. One foot softly in front of the other. “You were there, babe. You were there. I promise.”
“But I don’t remember any of it,” I said, my voice barely a whisper. The other part of me had conceived a baby…a baby…with my man. And I’d missed the entire thing. The only thing more awful than that would have been Spike conceiving a baby with a different woman altogether.
“Are you sure?” he asked, stopping in front of me.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
He slowly lifted his hands and put them on either side of my face, staring deeply into my eyes. “I love you. I love all of you and pieces of you. We had no idea when the rest of you was going to be back…if the rest of you was ever going to be back…but that wasn’t going to stop us from expressing how we feel about one another. Right? Did you want me to try to stop loving the other part of you? Because I don’t think I could have.”
I shrugged. What he said made sense, but I still felt cheated on.
“Will you let me hold you?” he asked.
I looked over his shoulder at the dragon riders waiting on their beasts. The magical creatures seemed as impatient as their fae partners, their tails swishing back and forth agitatedly and an occasional puff of smoke or flames shooting out of their mouths. “Do we have time for that?”
He pulled me into his chest, our bodies touching from knees to shoulders. I dropped my arms and put them around his waist. “There’s always time for a quick cuddle with my Jayne.”
“Is that what you called her?” I asked, my voice muffled in his stinky shirt.
“No. It’s what I’m calling you. My Jayne. Forever and always.” He kissed my neck.
I closed my eyes, unable to resist the draw I felt toward him. His strong arms, thinner than I remembered, wrapped around me and pulled me in tight. I held onto him like he was going to try and escape.
“I missed this part of you so much,” he whispered. “You have no idea.”
I opened my mouth to give him some more shit, but then I stopped because memories that weren’t originally mine started to wash over me. I saw and felt him looking down at me, loving me with his eyes and his body. I saw my friends using swords and knives—fighting—their faces bright red from the exertion as they sweated bullets. I felt the fear and exhilaration of riding Biad through the clouds and seeing my friends soaring next to me on their dragons, hair and clothing streaming out behind them in the wind.
I realized how much work had gone into becoming what they’d become, and I also saw how much they’d suffered. Food had been scarce. Friendships had been tested. A big, fat baby troll had been a humongous nuisance until they’d found a troll family up in the hills to take him in. And Ish had worked his ass off to teach my friends and the love of my life how to be the very best dragon riders they possibly could…so that on the day that I returned, we could all fly into battle together and defeat evil.
I pulled back and stared into his eyes. “I love you, Spike. I’m so sorry that I doubted you. I can see everything now. I know you didn’t do anything wrong.”
He wore the slightest frown. “Jayne? Is that really you in there?”
I laughed
. “Don’t say that. You make it sound like I’m playing a trick on you.” I punched him gently. “I’m being serious. And mature and shit.”
“I know,” he said, grinning and taking my fist in his big hand. “That’s why I was starting to think I was dealing with a demon possession or something.”
“Ha, ha! Very funny!” I tried to push him away, but he grabbed me and pulled me in closer.
“Kiss for luck,” he said, his eyes bright.
I cringed. “I haven’t brushed my teeth in ages.”
“And I have?”
My face flushed as he came closer. “Did you hear what Tim said?” I asked in a whisper. I still couldn’t believe it. It made my heart do flips just to think about it.
“No.” Spike paused. “Is it important or can I get that kiss first?”
I tried so hard not to smile, but it was impossible. “Kiss me now and I’ll tell you a big secret later.” There would be plenty of time in the future to mull over the massively inconvenient, crazy, amazing, scary news that I had for Spike. But first, I needed to get that kiss, and then I needed to go whoop some demon ass. “Lay it on me, baby,” I said, closing my eyes.
His lips touching mine was the best feeling I’d had in an eon.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
I WALKED WITH Spike hand in hand to our dragons. Biad seemed much more chill as she lowered her head down to my level. Spike’s dark gray dragon did the same.
“You ready?” Spike asked me, flashing another smile. His complexion looked a little pinker than it had when I first saw him. I hoped it was our connection that had done that for him.
“Yep. What’s the plan?”
He shrugged. “We figured you’d come up with something, but Tony has some ideas, too. Why don’t you talk to him?”
I looked up at my best friend who was sitting two dragons over from us. He didn’t look like Tony. This person was bigger. Tougher. Less…innocent. “He seems…different.”
Spike sighed, following my gaze. “He is. We all are. Life here has been tough. But we all made it through, scars and all.”
“Scars?” That word sent a shiver through me. “Figurative ones, right?”
“More or less. Come on. Let’s go.” He stepped up onto the side of his dragon’s face like he’d done it a million times and grabbed onto a horn, swinging around it to leap up and take a spot in the middle of its head. He stood there casually, holding both horns with his hip cocked and smiling. I’d never seen him look more badass or more sexy than he did in that moment. I went a little dizzy over it, actually.
I took a few breaths to calm myself before shouting up to my friend. “Tony! Could you come down here for a minute? I need to talk battle plans with you.”
Tony nodded once and his dragon twisted around, lowering its head to the ground. Tony leapt off before it got there, though, easily landing in superhero squatting pose and then standing gracefully. He walked over to me with long strides, his legs thicker than I remembered. Of everyone I’d seen so far, he had changed the most. And when he got closer, I noticed something else that was different; his left hand was dark red and badly scarred. The skin looked as if it had been melted in places.
My heart sank down to my ankles. “Oh my god, Tony, what happened?” I reached out to touch it, but he didn’t respond. He just stared at me.
I looked up at him and was totally freaked out by his expression. His face looked like it was carved out of granite. “What in the hell happened while I was gone?”
“We trained. We prepared ourselves.”
I started crying again. Apparently, I had turned into a total boober baby while in the crazy house. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to leave.”
“You didn’t leave. You were still here. And you were very helpful to us.”
“I’m not sure how to take that,” I said, genuinely confused. The tears kept coming, but I wasn’t in danger of outright losing it anymore.
“You left the more serious version of yourself behind. That was helpful to our cause.”
“The more serious version? What does that even mean?”
“The other Jayne was all about battle prep. She didn’t joke around and she didn’t take any crap from anybody. She pushed us and made us get strong and smart about battle tactics.”
“But…where did she…I…learn all that stuff?”
“From Niles. From Valentine. From Robin. From Céline and Dardennes. From Naida. From all the fae who’d helped her…you…over the year you’d spent in the Green Forest.”
“But…I know I was there for all that but I don’t remember learning that much stuff.”
“When the distractions of emotion, doubt, and fear are removed from your personality, the training you received comes through more clearly for you. That’s my theory, anyway.”
Understanding was finally dawning on me. “So…what you’re saying is…you guys got Badass Jayne and I was hanging out with Boober Jayne, the one who doubts herself, who doesn’t listen to other people, who argues about everything and cries at the drop of a hat.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I wasn’t with the other part of you when you left here. I was only with the Jayne who helped turn us into dragon riders.”
A sorrow almost as heavy as the one I bore at my mother’s death settled over me. “Tony…I am so sorry.” I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder, relieved when he didn’t pull away.
“Don’t apologize. I consider this a huge benefit to my life as a fae. However, I’d like to get back to our original realm as soon as possible, so that I can continue my work with the gray elves.”
I nodded, trying like hell not to cry again. This warrior standing in front of me would not appreciate it. “Okay. I understand. But Tony…can I ask you one more question?”
He nodded wordlessly.
“Are we still best friends? Because…” I had to stop to clear my throat, since a giant lump had formed in the middle of it, making speech difficult. “…I’m having a really hard time working up the motivation to go defeat evil if we aren’t going to be friends anymore.”
He tilted his head. “Why?”
“Because!” I threw my arms up and let them fall to slap my sides. Better to hit myself than him. “We started all of this for each other! Without our friendship, none of this would exist for us!” I waved my arms, drawing the entire realm into my explanation. “If it weren’t for us being friends, we’d both be sitting in school studying world history or biology or whatever. Instead, we’re riding dragons and about to launch ourselves into a battle in the Overworld.” I was running out of breath, but I pushed on. “If you don’t want to be my friend anymore, then I give up!”
“That seems kind of drastic,” he said, his stance loosening just the slightest bit.
“Drastic? You want to see drastic?!” I was shrieking at that point, no longer in control of what I was thinking or doing. The thought of losing Tony to this robotic killing machine persona that had taken over his body had caused a crack to appear in both my heart and my brain. “I’ll show you drastic!” I grabbed at the scale in my palm and started tearing at it. “I’ll fucking end this dragon oneness bullshit right now. I’ll walk all the way back to the Here and Now if I have to. I’m not letting all my friends turn into killing machines who have no emotions and no sense of family. Fuck that!”
The stupid scale would not come off. My skin was happy to oblige, though, and it started to bleed.
Suddenly Tony was there, his hand clamping over mine. “Stop.”
His commanding voice shocked me enough to freeze me in place.
“Jayne. It’s all right. I’m here. I’m your friend.”
I looked up at his face. His voice sounded less harsh, but he was still looking at me like a frigging statue, so I wasn’t buying it. His eyes remained stark, almost empty. I stared at him as tears poured down my face. I could not do this. I could not watch the boy I knew die and be replaced by this…man. This heartless, cold man. What am I going to do? Is it hopeless
? It definitely felt hopeless.
As I stared at him, he stared back at me. His gaze was on my eyes at first but then it went to my cheeks where surely there were mud streaks being created by my sorrow. He frowned and then his cold expression changed just the slightest bit. A warmth started to seep in and a wrinkle appeared near the outside of his right eye.
Hope blossomed in my heart. “Is that a smile?” I asked, pointing at his mouth.
“Maybe. Probably not, though. I haven’t had a lot to smile about while you’ve been half gone.”
I threw my arm he wasn’t holding around his neck and squeezed him hard, basically putting him in a headlock of love. “I thought I’d lost you,” I said, weeping into his shoulder.
His arms wrapped around me like bands of iron. “Me too.” He sniffed hard.
When I felt his body relax against mine, I knew I had him back. He hadn’t turned completely into a killing machine. Things were not hopeless. “You’re going to lose all your new street cred if they see you crying,” I choked out.
He chuckled softly. “Trust me. I’m not going to be losing my street cred anytime soon.”
I pulled back and took his injured hand in mine. When I turned it over, I gasped. In his scarred, red palm was a dragon scale embedded in the flesh. “Ouch,” I said, stroking it carefully.
“Yeah. You can say that again.”
I looked up into his eyes again. “Maybe I can fix this for you with The Green.”
He pulled his hand away. “No thanks. I’m good.”
I took a step back so I could get a really good look at him. His shoulders were much broader and his chest twice as big as it had been. His arms were wired with muscle as were his legs. His clothing was like the others’—patched and held together with leather and twine. But even more different than his outward appearance was his inner self. The Tony I’d left behind had been easily frightened, totally focused on being an intellectual, and hesitant. This other version of Tony was tough, brave, hardened, and independent. He didn’t need me anymore, but, thank goodness, he still wanted me in his life.