Page 37
And yet.
How could she turn Lauren away at a time like this?
"Ill tell you what," Angie said slowly, unable, really, to say anything else. "Why dont you come live with me?"
Lauren gasped, looked up. "You dont mean that. "
"I do. "
"Youll change your mind. Youll see me get fatter and youll--"
"Have you ever trusted anyone?"
Lauren didnt answer, but the truth was in her eyes.
"Trust me. Come to the cottage for a while, until you figure out your future. You need to be taken care of. "
"Taken care of. "
Angie heard the wonder in Laurens voice. It was such a simple thing--caring--but what a crater in the soul its absence must leave.
"Ill clean your house and do the laundry. I can cook, too, and if youll show me what are weeds--"
"You dont need to clean my house. " Angie smiled. Though the fear was still there, the nervous can I watch this up close tension, she felt good, too. She could make a difference in this girls life. Maybe shed never be a mother; that didnt mean she couldnt act like one. "Just show up for work when youre scheduled and keep your grades up. Okay?"
Lauren threw herself into Angies arms, holding her in a death grip. "Okay. "
LAUREN PACKED HER CLOTHES AND SCHOOL UNIFORMS (unnecessary now), her makeup and her mementos, and still there was room left over.
The last thing she packed was a small, framed photograph of her and her mother. In it, they looked like a pair of showgirls, with their faces poked through painted openings. In truth, Lauren didnt remember ever posing for this picture. According to Mom, theyd been in Vegas at a truck stop on the way west. For years Lauren had tried to create a memory that matched the image, but one had never come.
It was the only picture of them together. She placed it safely between the layers of clothes and closed the suitcase. On the way downstairs, she stopped at Mrs. Mauks apartment.
"Here are the keys," she said.
"Where are you going?"
Lauren grabbed the womans arm and led her to the window. Outside, on the street, Angie stood beside her car, looking up at the building. "Thats Angie Malone. Im going to live with her. " She heard the wonder in her voice.
"I remember her. "
"Youll sell the furniture for back rent, okay?"
"Okay. " Mrs. Mauk looked down at the keys, then up at her. Her smile was sad. "Im sorry, Lauren. If theres anything I can do to help . . . " She let the sentence trail off. They both knew it had nowhere to go.
Lauren appreciated it all the same. "You were good to us. Letting the rent be so late and everything. "
"You got a bum deal, kiddo. Your mom was a real piece of work. "
Lauren handed the manager a piece of paper. On it, shed written Angies home address and phone number, as well as the restaurants information. "Here," she said softly. "When my mom comes home, shell want to know where I am. " She heard the old neediness in her voice, that raggedy edge; she couldnt help it.
"When?"
"When it falls apart with Jake--and it will fall apart--shell be back. "
"And youll be waiting. " Mrs. Mauk made the words sound pathetically sad.
What could Lauren say to that? All of her life, shed been waiting for her mothers love. There was no way she could simply put her hope aside. It was a part of her, that faith, as ingrained as the beat of her heart or the flutter of her pulse. But it didnt hurt as much anymore; the sense of her loss was duller, almost distant.
She glanced down at Angie again, who was waiting to take her home.
Home.
Then she looked at Mrs. Mauk and said, "Im okay now. "
"Youre a good kid, Lauren. Ill think good thoughts. "
"Maybe Ill see you around. "
"I hope not, Lauren. Once youre out of this part of town, you stay out. But Ill be here if you ever need me. " With a last smile, Mrs. Mauk said good-bye.
In the hallway, Lauren grabbed her suitcase off the floor and hurried outside and down the steps.
"You want me to get the rest of it?" Angie asked, moving toward her.
"This is everything," Lauren said, patting the suitcase.
"Oh. " Angie stopped. The merest of frowns darted across her brow, then she said, "Well, then. Were off. "
On the drive through town and along the beach and up the hill, Lauren stared out the window, saying nothing. Every now and then the moonlight hit just right and she found herself staring into her own reflection. She couldnt help but see a smiling girl with sad eyes. She wondered if theyd always be sad now, always see the chances shed lost. That had certainly happened to her mother.
She cast a sideways glance at Angie, who was humming along with the radio. Probably she didnt know what to say either.
Lauren closed her eyes. She tried to imagine her life with Angie as her mother. Everything would have been softer, sweeter. Angie would never slap her pregnant daughter or run out on her in the middle of the night or . . .
"Here we are. Home sweet home. "
Laurens eyes popped open. Maybe shed fallen asleep for a minute there. It all felt like a dream, that was for sure.
Angie parked next to the house and got out. All the way to the front door and into the house, she talked over her shoulder to Lauren, who hurried along, dragging her suitcase.
". . . ovens about twenty degrees hotter than the indicator. No microwave. Sorry. These rusty old pipes . . . "
Lauren tried to take it all in. Besides the information Angie was giving her, she noticed a few other things. The windows needed to be washed, for instance, and there was a rip on the sofas arm. These were jobs Lauren could do to help out.
Angie kept talking as they went upstairs. ". . . great water pressure. I recommend lashing yourself down or youll fly out of the shower. The pipes ping a little at first, and definitely dont flush the toilet just before your shower. " She stopped, turned. "Its okay to share a bathroom, isnt it? If not--"
"Its fine," Lauren said quickly.
Angie smiled. "I thought so. Good. Well, heres your room. All of us girls used to sleep here. " She opened the door at the end of the hall.
It was a big, beautiful room with a steeply sloped ceiling and timber beams. Pink wallpaper--tiny rosebuds and vines--covered the walls. Matching bedspreads were on the two sets of bunk beds. A small oak writing desk was tucked in one corner; to its left three expansive rectangular windows looked out over the ocean. Tonight moonlight tarnished the silvery waves. "Wow," Lauren said.
"The sheets havent been washed in a while. I can do that now--"
"No. " Lauren sounded harsh. She hadnt meant to. It was just . . . overwhelming. "I can do my own sheets. "
"Of course. Youre an adult. I didnt mean to imply that you didnt know how to do laundry. Its just that--"
Lauren dropped the suitcase and ran to Angie, throwing her arms around her. "Thank you," she said, burying her face in the warm, sweet crook of Angies neck.
Slowly, Angie hugged her back. When Lauren felt herself start to cry, she tried to pull back, but Angie wouldnt let her. Instead, she stroked Laurens hair, murmured that it would be okay. Over and over, Its okay now, Lauren. Its okay.
All of her life Lauren had waited for a moment like this.
"WHAT?"
The word was spoken in unison. Shouted, actually.
Angie fought the urge to step back. "Lauren moved in with me. "
Her sisters and Mama stood in a line in Mamas kitchen. They were staring at Angie.
"This is you being careful with the girl?" Mama demanded, slamming her hands on her hips.
"I think its great," Livvy said. "Theyll be good for each other. "
Mama waved her hand impatiently. "Be quiet. Your sister isnt thinking straight. " She took a step forward. "You just dont go around inviting redheaded strangers into your home. "
"Shes hardly a stranger," Livvy said. "Shes been working in the restau
rant. Shes good, too. "
"Until she just didnt show up for three days," Mama said. "For all we know, she was on a crime spree. "
Livvy laughed. "Right. Driving from town to town, robbing mini-marts, stopping only long enough to refill her ammo and take a math test. "
Angie moved nervously from foot to foot. She hadnt expected such a reaction to the moving-in news.
What came next would be a different matter. The word ballistic came to mind.
"Angie," Mira said, moving closer, studying her. "Theres something youre not telling us. "
Angie winced.
"What? Youre keeping secrets, too?" Mama made a snorting sound. "You know Papa will tell me everything. "
Angie was cornered. There was nothing she could do. Pregnancy wasnt the kind of secret that stayed secret. She glanced down the row of women, then said, "There is one more thing. Laurens pregnant. "
Ballistic turned out to be an understatement.
THE ARGUMENT HAD GONE ON FOR HOURS. BY THE TIME it came to a tired, sputtering end, Mama had called in reinforcements. Both of Angies brothers-in-law were there, along with Aunt Giulia and Uncle Francis. Everyone in the room had an opinion on whether Angie was making a mistake.
In a move that surprised everyone, Livvy voiced the lone dissent. "Let her do what she wants," she said sometime in the second hour. "None of us knows what its like for her. "
That had brought the pseudo-town meeting to a crashing halt. At the oblique reference to Angies childlessness, everyone looked quickly away.
Angie shot Livvy a grateful look. Livvy winked and smiled back.
Then it started up again.
Angie couldnt stand it anymore. While they were arguing the pros and cons of the decision, she slipped out of the room and went upstairs.
In her old room, she closed the door. The blessed silence soothed her. She figured she had about six minutes of solitude before Mama or Mira came after her.
Less.
The door opened. Mama stood in the doorway, wearing her disappointed face. It was a look her daughters knew by heart. "Two minutes," Angie noted, scooting sideways on the bed. "Thats a new record. "
Mama closed the door behind her. "I sent everyone home. "
"Good. "
Mama sighed, then sat down on the bed beside Angie. The old springs pinged beneath their weight. "Your papa--God rest his soul--would have yelled at you tonight. Him, you would have listened to. "
"Papa never yelled at us. You did. "
Mama laughed. "He didnt have to yell. He let me rant and rave for a while and then he drew a line in the sand. Thats enough, Maria, hed say. " She paused. "Its hard now, with no lines in the sand. "
Angie leaned against her mother. "I know. "
Mama laid her wrinkled hand on Angies thigh. "I worry about you, thats all. It is a mothers job. "
"I know. And I love you for it. "
"You will be careful, yes? I have seen your heart broken too many times already. "
"Im stronger now, Mama. Honestly, I am. "
"I hope so, Angela. "
TWENTY-FOUR
LAUREN WAS AWAKE LONG BEFORE THE ALARM CLOCK sounded. Shed gotten up around five to go to the bathroom, and after that, she hadnt been able to go back to sleep. She would have started cleaning, but she didnt want to wake Angie.