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“Would you kiss me?” she asked.
“I thought that after what happened you wouldn’t want me to touch you. ”
Julia angled her head so that she could bring her lips up to his, ending their conversation.
Gabriel’s mouth was soft and gentle, barely moving against hers. He could feel that her mouth was still tender, and he silently cursed Simon for making it that way. But Julia was having none of that. She wanted to drink him in, to let his fire engulf her, so that he was all she could feel or think about.
Opening her mouth, Julia traced his bottom lip with her tongue, savoring his sweetness. She pushed her tongue inside his mouth, laving his with hers and dancing, tangoing, tripping over it. Gabriel’s fingers tightened in her hair, gently pulling her head back. Now his tongue pushed hers back, entering her and caressing her.
Julia began to hum at the sheer pleasure of his unhurried affection.
While she was kissing him, she could think of nothing else. She kept her injured ankle away from him in order to protect it, and with her hands she found his hair, pulling and twisting it.
Gabriel groaned but didn’t stop. She felt his body begin to stiffen next to her, pushing out against her bare thigh. He ran his right hand down her side, hovering over the swell of a breast before rubbing against her ribs and then her hip. He liked the way Rachel’s tank top and yoga shorts fit Julianne’s form, hugging her curves and exposing a great swathe of pale skin across her shoulders and above her breasts. She was beautiful, even in the semi-darkness. All of a sudden, she was on her back while he hovered over her, pressing his weight into his forearms. His knee came between her legs, and she parted them willingly.
She wanted more. She needed more. Her breathing was ragged and coming in gasps as she refused to loosen her hold on his hair, forcing their mouths together.
Gabriel responded by stroking her breasts over her tank top with his long fingers, applying just enough pressure to make her tingle and want more but not enough to satisfy her desires. Then he was pulling back, leaning on one forearm with eyes closed. This was her moment. Without even thinking about it, she grasped the hem of her tank top and tried to pull it off.
Gabriel’s hand came to hers and halted her movement. He pressed their lips together, and soon they were teasing each other with their tongues, panting with warm and moist breaths. Julia freed her hands from underneath Gabriel’s when he moved to stroke her upper thigh, dragging her leg around his hip as he pressed closer to her. Now that her hands were free, nothing prevented her from wresting off her top. She found the hem again and began to pull, twisting and writhing beneath his naked chest.
Both of Gabriel’s hands clasped over hers. “Julianne,” he gasped, for he was breathing hard. “Would you…please…stop. ” He rocked back on his heels and kneeled next to her, trying to catch his breath.
“Don’t you want to?” Hers was the soft voice of an innocent, and it made Gabriel’s heart clench.
He shook his head and closed his eyes. As his response sank in, so did something else. All of the cruel things Simon had ever said to her began to echo in her ears.
You’re a stupid bitch. You’re going to be a lousy lay. You’re frigid. No other man is ever going to want you.
Julia rolled to her side, effectively sidestepping Gabriel, and swung her feet gingerly to the floor. She wanted to make it to the door before a sob ripped from her throat. But before she could put her weight on her good ankle, two long, strong arms wrapped around her waist, and she was trapped.
Gabriel placed his legs on either side of hers and pulled her so that their bare legs were dangling over the side of the bed together and her back was flush against his naked chest. She could feel his swift heartbeat and his breathing through her shoulder blades. It was an odd but especially erotic feeling.
“Don’t leave,” he whispered, pressing a light kiss to the edge of her ear. He leaned forward to bring his mouth to the right side of her neck, nuzzling her.
Julia sniffled.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. Are you hurt very badly?” When she didn’t answer, he kissed her ear again and squeezed her more tightly.
“Not physically,” she managed, stifling a sob.
“Then tell me,” he whispered. “Tell me how I hurt you. ”
Julia threw her hands up in desperate frustration. “You said that you wanted me, but when I finally work up the courage to throw myself at you, you reject me!”
Gabriel inhaled sharply, his breath making a whistling sound against her ear. She felt his arms stiffen and his tendons press into her skin. And something else, further down, pressing into the curve of her behind.
“Believe me, Julianne, I am not rejecting you. Of course I want you.
You’re so beautiful. So very lovely. ”
Gabriel reached down to kiss the side of her face. “We talked about this. Our time is coming. Do you really want our first time to be tonight?”
Julia hesitated, and that was the only answer he needed.
“Even if you were ready, darling, I wouldn’t make love to you tonight.
You’re injured, which means you’re going to be on the disabled list for a while.
I need to make sure that you’re fully recovered before we explore — ah — various positions. ”
She could hear his smile coloring his words. He was trying to make her laugh.
“But most importantly, there’s this. ” He shifted so that he was leaning around her left side, gently tracing a finger around the angry bite mark on her neck.
She winced at his touch, and a flame of anger flared within him. He inhaled and exhaled several times to get his emotions under control, then he placed gentle kisses near the mark over and over again, until she sighed and let her head relax against his shoulder.
“You were fetal a couple of hours ago. I wouldn’t be a very good lover if I capitalized on your vulnerability. Does that make sense?”
Julia thought about it, and nodded slowly.
“Something frightening happened to you tonight. Of course you want to feel safe and cared for. It’s not a crime, Julianne. And I want to help you, my love, so badly. But there are many different ways to do that. You don’t have to take your clothes off in order to capture my attention. You have it.
Completely. You don’t have to have sex with me in order for me to make you feel wanted. ”
“How?” Her voice was a tentative whisper.
“Like this. ” Gabriel pressed a kiss to her neck and shifted her so that she was reclining on her back.
He lay on his side next to her, propped up on his elbow, staring down into her wide, sad eyes. Starting with her hair, he began to touch her with gentle, unhurried caresses. He stroked her face to remove her tears. He traced her chin, her jaw line, her eyebrows. He moved to her neck and down to the lines of her collarbone.
She gasped when his fingers followed her sternum between her breasts to her abdomen, where he drew patterns on her naked skin. He placed his palm flat against her and leaned over to kiss the very tops of her breasts.
When he withdrew, her eyes were closed. “Darling?”
Her eyelids fluttered open.
“In this bed, there’s only us. You and me. You are all that matters. ” He smoothed his hand across the curve of her waist and down to her left hip, where he gripped her loosely. “If you want to go back to your room, I’ll walk you back. If you want to sleep alone, I’ll let you be. I just need you to tell me what you want, and provided it’s within my power, I’ll give it to you. But please, darling, don’t ask me to take your virginity. Not tonight. ”
She considered what he said and swallowed noisily. “I want to stay here. I don’t sleep very well without you. ”
“I barely sleep at all without you. I’m glad the feeling is mutual. ” He kissed her lips and began to skim his hand lightly over her thigh and back to the curve of her bottom. “You know that I care for you
, don’t you?”
She nodded and touched his chest while he leaned forward, brushing his lips against her neck where the skin was unmarked.
“I’m sorry I did this. ” Gabriel circled the fading love bite from the day before.
Julia looked into guilty eyes. “Don’t, Gabriel. That was different. ”
“I need to be more careful with you. ”
She sighed. “You are very careful with me. ”
“Roll over, darling. ”
Her eyes held a question, but she rolled onto her stomach and moved her head so that she could look at him, trusting him completely.
He kneeled beside her and gently brushed her hair aside. “Just relax.
I want you to feel as beautiful as you are. ”
He began slowly, massaging her lightly with both hands, exploring every inch from head to toe. Then he stretched out by her feet and lifted them, paying special attention to her arches and her heels.
She moaned softly.
Gabriel chuckled. “Do you remember when you stayed with me after that disastrous seminar?”
Julia nodded, biting her lip.
His eyebrows knit together. “You were very suspicious of me. Of course, you were right to be suspicious, but even then I’d already decided that I…
You’re safe with me, love. I promise. ”
When Gabriel finished with her feet he crawled back up her body, al owing his lips to explore where his hands had been, nuzzling, kissing, nipping.
Julia searched his eyes and saw deep affection reflected back at her, and as he sank down by her side, she kissed him deeply.
“Thank you, Gabriel,” she breathed.
He smiled in satisfaction, winding his fingers through her long hair.
It was in this space of peace and security that Julia realized her moment had come. They had already agreed that they would bare their souls before they bared their bodies. And there was a part of her that was weary of keeping secrets. Of keeping his secrets.
Gabriel had shared parts of his past with her already. Why had she withheld herself from him? It was going to be painful to speak the words aloud, but perhaps it would be more painful to have this thing between them remain unexplained. She inhaled deeply and shut her eyes, and without introduction, she began.
“I met him at a party my freshman year…” She cleared her throat a few times and continued in a whisper. “He went to the University of Pennsylvania. I’d heard of his father before, but that’s not why I was interested in him. I liked him because he was funny and nice and we always had a good time together. That first Christmas, he showed up at my house to surprise me. He knew I liked Italian things, and so he bought me a candy-apple red Vespa. Julia red, he called it. ”
Gabriel raised his eyebrows.
“Of course, my love for all things Italian came from you. But I’d given up hope that I’d ever see you again. I thought you didn’t care about me, and so I tried to move on. His parents approved of our relationship, and we were always being invited to Washington to visit them or to political events in Philadelphia. We dated casually for a few months, more like friends really, and then he told me he wanted more. I agreed.
“Things started to change after that. He wanted more of everything, and he became demanding. ” Julia’s cheeks flushed deeply in the darkness.