Gray loved me.
No, my orgasmic brain must have made that up while pouring endorphins and dopamine and other fantastic sex hormones into my system.
We lay together unmoving except for our hearts and lungs. I never wanted to be anywhere more.
Gray sucked in a long breath and pressed his lips along my neck and up to my ear. “Angel, untie me.”
I groaned. My time being in charge, having him at my mercy and right where I wanted him was over.
I moved to sit up and he pulled his body from mine.
That left me cold, down to my soul.
If we weren’t fucking, would he still be mine?
I rolled to the foot of the bed, yanked at the metal rings dangling from the ankle ties and then went to undo the silk at his wrists. The knots were ridiculously tight. He’d pulled so hard on them that not only had he broken the damn headboard, he’d stretched the material. I had to pick at the ties to even loosen it a little. Which was fine, because I needed a minute to pull myself together.
I replayed the last few moments in my mind wanting to hold on to them for all time.
I love you.
He had said it.
Cojeme.
Gray loved me.
That was absolutely, unequivocally, the best sex of my entire life, but I hadn’t expected him to declare his feelings for me. I wanted it, but never thought those three great big words would come out of his mouth.
I tempered my excitement. It might have been the heat of the moment. It would be okay if it was. I told myself the lies to prepare for the worst.
The second I let him free, Gray pounced, tumbling me onto my back and underneath him.
His eyes were on fire, his jaw set, that muscle there working overtime. “The CIA should hire you for your interrogation techniques. Except for the part where you let your prisoner free and ended up flat on your back.”
Nope. Not trading a single minute. I could barely contain the glee wanting to sing out from inside of me. But didn’t, just in case. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
Gray grabbed my arms and shoved them over my head, then he crushed his lips to mine and kissed me brutally. Here was the fire I knew, loved, and was turned on by.
Fuck, yes. I kissed him right back.
One hand held my wrists and the other roamed over the corset I wore, working at the laces. I could hardly wait for him to free my breasts and then take advantage of them. I wanted his mouth on my everywhere.
I wanted one more thing. More than I wanted Gray’s mouth, or his cock, or his fingers. To hear him say those words again.
I bit at his lip, sucking it into my mouth, taking as much from him as he was from me. Our tongues lashed at each other and I relished the torrid taste of him.
I loved him.
He loved me.
He stripped me out of the corset and mirrored my actions from before, yanking my skirt off.
“You have no idea how many nights I jacked off imagining these curves.” He ran his hands down my rib cage all the way to my hip and back up. “This one, right here. This curve is my fourth favorite.”
“Fourth?” He was the first man who’d ever admired my curves and it tickled me that he’d spent this much time thinking about parts of my body.
“Your ass is number three.” He squeezed my ass in both his hands, lingering, emphasizing his point.
My heart skipped a beat, reveling in the excitement of his adoration of my body. My body. The one it had taken me so long to learn to appreciate myself.
I could hardly wait to see where his hands went next.
Two knuckles slid back up the curve of my hip and waist, past my ribcage and circled a breast, caressing it gently, skimming the back of his fingers across my skin. “These are my second favorite, but it’s a close call between your tits and your ass. When I imagine thrusting my cock between these beautiful lush breasts, they win out.
The acts he suggested floated through my mind. In the world of BDSM the idea was tame, but my skin tingled at the thought of doing exactly what he said.
“But this...” he kissed me, not crushing and hard, not taking, but giving me a soft touch of his lips, then he trailed his tongue across my bottom lip. “This is my favorite curve you have. When you smile, my love, it lights up not just a room, but my whole god-damned world.”
My heart melted into a puddle of goo. Right there on the bed.
I had men who found me attractive, men who lusted after me, and I’d certainly had the opposite. In every relationship I’d ever had with men, I’d been an object of either desire, mediocrity, or even revulsion. Only Grayson broke that mold. To him I was a person, one worthy of love.
He loved me, and more than any other therapy, self-help book, affirmation, or persona I put on, that knowledge helped me love myself too.
If I was worthy of his love, I must be worthy of my own.
I kissed Gray, reciprocating the soft press of our lips together. This wasn’t about passion but connection. Two hearts coming together, becoming one and ignoring the big Gray elephant in the room.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
You’re Mine
Gray and I spent at least half of the next month in bed playing who-dominates-who and not talking about why he’d left in the first place and how we each felt about it. I knew we were learning to trust each other again, and when he was ready it would all come out.
The other half I spent continuing my Domme training. This time under no pretenses. Most of what I had learned from Gray-as-Sir was the mental game of dominating.
Now I worked on the physical skills, practicing pushing limits and finding exactly the right medium, pleasure versus pain, the art of negotiation, and the use of various instruments of the trade.
I also insisted that all this training happen in the public area of the club so all the members might immerse themselves in my education.
Dominic and Ilario were my willing participants in the games. Lilly was not.
She hated not being the center of attention anymore. Luckily, I had Hawk to keep her occupied.
After a particularly intense session involving a vibrating buttplug, a couple of metal cockrings, a violet wand, and the St. Andrew’s cross, Ilario lay exhausted on a couch with his head in my lap as I petted his hair and helped him come down. Gray stood behind us where I couldn’t see him. He’d observed the scene, but more as a monitor and less as an instructor. More than once I’d seen that tick in his jaw go, but not because I was doing anything wrong.
He got this certain look on his face, pained, like he was short of breath whenever I touched Ilario. It had happened before when I’d been with Dominic too. With each new session Gray got jumpier and grumpier.
Ilario’s breathing slowed and I had him sip some water. “Mistress, I...wow. I mean...wow.”
I smiled to myself. “Shh, Ilario, shh.”
A woman, curvy herself, approached us. “Hi, I just wanted to say thanks for that demonstration. I’ve been wanting to try something like that.”
Hell, yeah. “Oh, good, I’m glad you liked it.”
She looked all around the club, her gaze catching somewhere else for a moment before she brought it back to me. “Can I ask you a question?”
There was something about this woman that reminded me of, well, me. “Sure. Shoot.”
“Umm, it’s kind of dumb.” She fidgeted and bit at her lip.
I patted the seat next to me. “No, no, ask away.”
She sat and sucked in a breath. “How did you, do you, get the confidence to get up there and take charge like that. I want to, but...” She glanced across the room to group of guys, all of which I knew identified as subs, and none of which had a Dominant at the moment either.
This was what I wanted for my own club. The one I hadn’t yet told Gray about.
The ability to help women find those inner sex goddesses had become important to me. I waved her close. “I have two secrets.”
She nodded, listening, rapt.
br /> “First, I fake it until I make it. It’s taken me a long time to get to here and I still occasionally have doubts and my insecurities rise up. But I don’t let fear drive on this road trip. It’s there, but make it sit in the back seat and shut the fuck up. Then I pretend it isn’t there and have fun anyway.”
She smiled and man, once this lady found her mojo, she was going to be a man-killer. “Okay. I’ll try...no, I’ll do that.”
“Good. And second, and this one is very freeing to me.” I indicated to the group of men who’d probably pee their pants to get a chance to sub for this woman. “They want you.”
Her eyes went a little wide and she blinked at me. “Me?”
“Yes, you. They want you so bad they probably go home after a night here waiting for you to say something to them and jack-off, hard and frustrated.”
“I have a hard time believing that. There are a dozen other super hot women here. Why would they want me and my junk in the trunk?”
Oh, sister. I’d been there. She may not be ready to hear it, but if I could save her even of a fraction of my struggle, it would be worth is. “Mija, they want you because of that booty. They’re dying for it.”
“Are you sure? Because—” She glanced at the men. One happened to be sneaking a peek at us and smiled.
“Beautiful lady,” Ilario’s head popped up, “Listen to my mistress. She is right.”
Oh, yeah. “I’m sure. Don’t believe everything society shows you. Take charge. Lots of men love that, and it’s what you want.”
She still had a skeptical look on her face, but she nodded again. “Okay.”
One more peek at the group of men and she took a deep breath and turned toward them. Her fingers danced across her flowing black skirt, releasing nervous energy, but she got it under control by the time she made it to the group.
They were a bunch of panting horn-dogs when they realized she was coming over to talk to them. She’d have three men serving her every whim, and she theirs, if she wanted.
“Ilario?” Gray touched Ilario on the shoulder. “Are you good?”
“Yes, sir. I am very good.”
“Are you ready to let Angelina go? I need something from her.”
“I do not want to let her go, but I will.” Ilario sat up and stretched. “Thank you for the evening, Mistress.”
“You’re welcome. It was fun.”
“Oh, yes it was. See you later.” Ilario stood and made his way across the room to the woman we’d spoken with.
Gray ran his hand over my hair. “Angel, come with me, please.”
I kind of wanted to see what happened with the woman and her new friends, but there was a sense of urgency in Gray’s tone. “Okay, what is it?”
Gray snagged my hand and pulled me along to the foyer where Dominic was on bouncer duty, and then up the stairs before I could even say hi or bye.
I was panting trying to keep up with him and tugged him to a stop at the hallway. “Gray, wait.”
“I can’t.” He turned on me and pushed me up against the wall. With one hand forcing my arms over my head and the other lifting my thigh to wrap around his legs he ground against me. “I’ve been this fucking hard for the last two hours and I can’t wait any longer to get inside you, to make you mine again.”
Whoa. I had no idea.
I could feel how hard he was through his jeans. It was difficult to miss since he was thrusting against me, sending little shocks of pleasure through me.
“Watching you work Ilario over, making him come, wanting to rip you away, bend you over the god-damned couch and claim you right there in front of every person in the room has been killing me.”
Gray’s jealousy hit me like a thirty-ton Mack truck filled with fluffy puppies and raspberry popsicles. I couldn’t be more surprised or delighted.
“Then take me, Grayson. Make me yours again.”
He captured my mouth, sucking my tongue into his, taking and giving until I couldn’t breathe. “You’re mine.”
“I know.”
That seemed to help because he released me from the wall and continued to drag me down the hall and into my room.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Let it Go, Let it Go
I gave Gray all of myself in that bed. He took it, over and over. Neither of us dominated. Where I’d expected hard, rough fucking, I got passionate love making. More than anything, that calmed the tempest roaring behind his eyes a little more, until finally he lay in my arms, resting and replete.
I had one of the kitchen staff bring up some much needed sustenance of fruit, cheese, nuts, and chunks of rotisserie chicken and we munched on it.
Now that we had satisfied more than one appetite, not that my hunger for Gray would ever be sated, he sprang something on me I fully hadn’t expected.
“Angel, you were made for this lifestyle.”
“I like where you’re going with this. But where are you going with this?”
He was being very serious and thoughtful. “Hear me out.”
Please let him say we should run away together and live happily ever after. “I’m listening.”
“I think you should buy Tate out of his club. You run it. Make it yours. Make it great.”
I picked up a grape and threw it at his head.
That was the only thing I could think to do. I mean, what, was the guy psychic or something? I hadn’t mentioned anything about being interested in this business. He wanted me to run or own a club? “I, I, I do not want to buy out Tate. This is his club, not mine.”
Gray snagged the grape right out of the air and bit it in half. “He’s in over his head here. He had to ask Bennett for money for God’s sake. You’d be doing him a favor. Besides, love, you’re good at this. Look what you did for that young lady tonight.”
Gray took that half of grape and slid the juicy side over my bare nipple. That wasn’t fighting fair at all.
“That doesn’t mean he’d want to sell it to me.” I had considered talking to Tate about either giving him money or becoming a partner in the Red Ranch.
That felt like a betrayal of fulfilling my own dreams. I liked the Ranch and had learned a lot, both about what I wanted for my own club, and what I didn’t.
Now, I planned only to stay long enough to do some more training, get some experience under my Dominatrix belt, and move on. I opened my mouth to say exactly that, but Gray followed his trail of grape juice and sucked my nipple into his mouth.
Definitely not fighting fair. I threaded my fingers into his hair and held him tight. He lashed his tongue back and forth, then tugged on my flesh with his teeth. “Ooh. Do that again.”
Instead he moved to the other breast and tortured me there. When my brain was mush, he sat up, grabbed a handful of nuts as if nothing had happened and said, “Tate would do anything for your kind of money. Hell, maybe I should offer to buy him out. Would that make you happy?”
Did Gray have that kind of money? I honestly didn’t know. When he’d been my bodyguard I’m sure my father had paid him well and he did have a loft in Cruz Towers, which was primo real estate.
I’d always had money. Too much for anyone’s good. The wealthy spent a lot of time talking about money, but never talking money. One didn’t simply ask someone if they had enough money to buy a BDSM club.
I shook my head. “No. It wouldn’t.”
Gray got out of bed and walked to the other side of the room. Jesus, I loved his naked body. Just look at that ass.
“Angelina, I asked you a question.”
I dragged my eyes up his body, lingering all the way. “Huh?”
He stood there, arms folded, scowl on his face. “I’m going to spank those pretty plump thighs if you don’t pay attention.”
I was paying attention. To his butt. “What?”
“Do you want to do this?”
Wait. I detected a bit of vulnerability in his voice.
I dragged my eyes up from that scrumptious bum to his face, zeroing in on his eyes. I wanted him
to know I was paying attention. “Run a club?”
“Are you ready to do,” he motioned between the two of us, “this.”
“Of course I am. I’ve always wanted that.” What did he think we’d been doing for the last month?
He turned his back to me. “Even after all the shit we’ve been through, that I put you through? I’ve... destroyed you. More than once.”
Hay, Dios Mio. We were finally going there. I’d given him the time and space I knew he needed, my body and my trust. It had all led to this moment.
Gray’s shoulders bunched and he dropped his head. This beautiful confident man who’d only ever been the powerful dominant man in my life was crumbling in front of my eyes.
Not on my watch.
I climbed out of bed and crossed the room. A hug might not do much for a man like this, but I needed to imbue him with my touch, let him know I was there and all in. I wrapped my arms around him and set my face against his back.
“Gray. You have been, are, and will be the only man I’ve ever felt anything real for. We’re connected, you and me. I’m not whole, not authentic, not me, without you.”
He placed his hands over my arms. “I’m not worthy of you or your love, Angel. I never have been, and it hurts so much to know I’m bringing you down to my level.”
My heart shattered. “Oh, querida. No. Why would you not be worthy of me?”
It gutted me to even think those words, but I managed to choke them out, on the verge of tears.
“You’ve only ever seen the part of me that wanted to save and protect you from the world. If I ever let you see the rest of me you wouldn’t be here.”
I remembered a conversation we’d had what felt like a century ago. “The way I want to take you, neither of us are ready for.”
If I wanted him to be vulnerable enough to show his essence, his authentic self he had to trust me, like I did him.
I squashed the teeny tiny voice I’d shoved into a locked box inside a titanium chest, inside a shipping pallet, inside a closet in the far away back of my mind that said “If you want him to be real with you, show you every aspect of himself, warts and all, you’ll have to do the same. Can you do that? What if he can’t handle rest of you, the parts you’ve never let anyone see?”