Gray had the exact same thought. He’d said it out loud. I kept mine hidden away.
“Gray, I have that same fear. Isn’t this part of being in love with someone? Letting them see and know even the parts you’re afraid to show the rest of the world. There is nothing you can say to make me think less of you.”
He swallowed. “I think there is.”
This tender, scared Gray was new to me. I was fully prepared to take and love all of him. He’d done and do the same for me, and he’d certainly seen my good, bad, ugly, and worse.
I moved to stand in front of him and took his face in my hands, so he had to look at me. “You see me. I was scared and weak when we met, letting the world walk all over me and my horrible self-worth. I hated who I was and how I looked. Did you think then that I wasn’t worthy of love?”
“I loved you from the first moment we met. You’re beautiful, Angelina.”
He was the first person in my life who genuinely thought that and let me see it. I had to get through to him that he was the same in my eyes. “You saw me throw myself into this dark and kinky world with all I had. Did that make you think less of me?”
He looked surprised. “No. It made you even more sexy, made me want you even more.”
I nodded and continued baring my dirty laundry, panties and all. “You saw me act pig-headed, stubborn, and disrespectful both to you and the people around me.”
He frowned, disbelief written all over his face. “When?”
“When I decided to ignore the training you’d laid out for me, get involved with Foster Bennett, and betray you, forcing Cade, Ilario, and Dominic to come along for my wild ride whether they wanted to or not.”
Ooph. That hurt coming out, like shards of steel spinning off a saw blade.
Gray grabbed me and we sank together to the floor. “You didn’t betray me. You were simply spreading your wings. I was trying to hold you down, hold you back.”
Tears bubbled behind my lashes. I blinked, trying my best to hold them back. “And did you think less of me or unworthy of love?”
Gray had to clear his throat. “No, never.”
My next question might burn us both. “Not even when you left me?”
He closed his eyes and took a long breath. He didn’t say anything. Nothing. My insides wanted to wither and shrink, but I refused to allow it. I believed in him, in our bond.
When he opened his eyes, the Gray I knew and loved was there and let me see into his heart. “God, Angel. I was so angry, but mostly with myself for not doing a better job to protect you. I was devastated you didn’t need me. I’m so sorry. I never should have left. I never should have come back.”
I cupped his cheek and slid my lips across his wanting to connect so he’d know how sincere my next words were. “I’m so happy in my heart that you did come back to me.”
“I don’t understand why. Why haven’t you railed at me, kicked me out, forced me to beg for your forgiveness and then denied it? I’ve been waiting, expecting it every day.”
Oh no. No no no no no. While I thought I was giving him the space to trust me, he’d been waiting for me to destroy him. How could I explain?
“Because doing all that feels like I’d be drinking poison and expecting you to die. I won’t do that.”
He took me in his arms and held me tight to his chest.
I bared myself to get through to him. “I’ve battled the pain a thousand times, and I win each struggle because I don’t want to be miserable. Loving you makes me happy. We have to trust each other to move past the hurt and forgive each other, forgive ourselves. Please believe that if nothing else.”
He held me so tight I was sure he’d never let me go. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I promise.”
“You don’t have to. Just be with me. If during all my dark and stormy moments you still loved me, why wouldn’t I also love you during yours?”
His breath came out shaky. “You’ve always been too good for me.”
“And you’re too good for me, so we fit together just right.”
Gray kissed me, softly, gently. I knew he wasn’t convinced that I’d forgiven him, but in that moment, I had. Yes, he’d hurt me, but I’d hurt him too. We would move beyond it and get our shot at real happiness.
The kiss became more intense, Gray grasping my hair in his fist and taking over my mouth. I whimpered and he took more of me, not letting up, never letting go.
I was so deep into the moment I almost didn’t register the knocking on the door. But it didn’t let up, and it became frantic.
“Go the fuck away, we’re busy in here.”
Instead of going away, the door opened and Tate popped into the room.
Gray pulled away from me and stood so he blocked any view Tate may have had of me.
“I’m really sorry, but I just got word from Lilly. Foster is on his way here and she said he’s out for blood.” Tate’s voice was about twelve octaves higher than normal.
I’d seen him on edge and knew this deal with Foster investing in The Red Ranch was taking its toll on him. The man could use an orgasm, but I was busy at the moment.
“What does that have to do with us?” Gray’s growl was back in full force.
“She says he knows you’re here, Grayson, and he’s got plans for you.” He glanced at me. “Both of you.”
I looked between Gray and Tate. This seemed like a way bigger deal than an asshole coming to town. “What the hell does that mean?”
Tate shook his head. “She wouldn’t say more than that. Said she was already going to get a serious punishment for warning us of his arrival. She’s pretty freaked out.”
Gray grabbed his clothes and pulled on his pants. “How long do we have?”
“An hour maybe. Maybe less,” Tate said.
These two knew Foster Bennett way better than I did, but I couldn’t help but think they were making a Texas-sized problem out of nothing.
I grabbed Gray out of the tornado of destruction he’d become. “Gray, Foster’s only here to spread his drama around. He’s not the center of attention anymore and so he’s throwing a big-baby fit.”
“It’s more than that, my love. Foster and I have old scores to settle. The man has been miserable for years and loves to spread that misery around. It makes him feel in control. Worst fucking decision I ever made to bring him to a BDSM club.”
That was news to me. Gray had introduced Foster to the kink lifestyle? I guess I’d always kind of thought it was the other way around.
“Well, what can he really do?”
“He’s a sadistic bastard. He knows there isn’t anything he can do to hurt me directly. The only way he can get to me is to go through you. I won’t allow that – I can’t allow him to hurt you.”
Gray had been my bodyguard first, my partner in crime second, and the love of my life all along. I ain’t afraid of no ghosts. “He won’t be able to hurt me if we’re together.”
Gray grabbed my arms and looked me dead in the eye. “That’s the only way he can.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
What Fresh Hell is This?
Gray pounded his fist against the wall. “God damn it. Tate, I don’t want him anywhere near Angelina. Keep him downstairs, don’t let him know she’s even in the building.”
“You got it, man.” Tate turned and shut the door behind him.
A bubble of fear that felt like too much caffeine formed behind my breastbone. “What’s going on, Gray?”
He continued getting dressed, pulling on a black t-shirt. “Foster and I have some shit to work out.”
Guess I’d better put some clothes on too. “Okay, but this sounds like more than that.”
He sat on the bed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “When we... when I left, I didn’t know how to get you out of my head. So, I went to The Asylum.”
I did not like where this was going. The feeling of being naked went beyond me not having anything on.
“I was angry, mostly at myse
lf, but taking it out on anyone who crossed my path.” Lines formed around his eyebrows and across his forehead.
Please don’t let him say anything about all the beautiful women he dominated. They’d flock to him. I was all about the forgive and forget thing but hearing that he’d fucked other women would be hard to take. “Gray, you don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“I’ve got a shit ton to explain to you, but I won’t say anything I think will hurt you. I didn’t touch another woman at The Asylum. I did punch Foster in the face, though.”
“Ha.” I covered my mouth to hold my surprised laugh in. Totally inappropriate. Even if Foster probably deserved it. I cleared my throat. “Why? What happened?”
Gray shook his head, still mad. “Foster was being his same old superior fuck-face self. I haven’t let him get to me like that since...”
He stepped back and shut up.
Uh, that was weird. “Since when?”
Either something outside caught his eye or he didn’t want to look at me. His gaze was focused out the window. “A long fucking time ago.”
I didn’t realize they’d known each other for a long fucking time in the first place.
“This has been boiling up between the two of us for years. I let guilt turn me into a pussy.”
Hmm. Gray had shut me out of this conversation even though we’d just bared our souls to each other not ten minutes ago. I stomped across the room and shoved his shoulder so he had to turn and see me, listen to me. “I resemble that remark, butthead.”
I had his attention again. He stroked a finger down my cheek, but I could see the barely contained anger in the set of every muscle.
“He made me weak, Angel, and when I lost you I was done with everything. So, I went to the club looking for a fight. I got one.”
I hated physical violence. He knew that. It made my insides into explosive roller coasters. I’d much rather plot and exact revenge in a stealthy you’ll-never-see-me-coming way. “Let’s get out of here, then. We’ll get the guys and take off. The jet is still at the FPO, you can fly us to Vegas or LA or even home.”
The muscle in his jaw ticked and I recognized that fire burning inside. “We’re not running, love. I don’t want you always watching your back.”
I liked this less and less with each passing minute. “It doesn’t have to be like that. Let’s just get on with our lives. We can start looking for a place to open a club together. It can be anywhere in the world we want. We can make a whole new life now.”
Gray sat back down on the bed and pulled me into his arms. “Foster is a vindictive son of a bitch. He’s been angry at me for years. I tried my best to placate him, make amends. I owed him.”
That was not how I read their relationship at all. I always knew Foster and Gray had some sort of rivalry but didn’t have a clue what it was about. Penis size had been my best bet, and my money was on Gray.
“What happened between you two?”
“I quit caring about Foster and his problems when I found you. You showed me that there was so much more I wanted out of life.”
Awww. “Stop trying to make me cry.”
He kissed the top of my head. “I will happily spend a lifetime making you cry if they are happy tears.”
A knock sounded on the door impeding our mutual admiration society that was about to break out in sexy times.
“Tell them to go away,” I whispered and licked the soft spot behind his ear.
“There will be plenty of time for that after I deal with Foster. I promise you’re going to be licking a whole lot more than my neck.”
I licked him again.
“Naughty vixen. Get dressed before I decide to string you up and spank your pretty ass.”
I choose door number two. “That sounds more like my idea of fun.”
“Go.”
I wanted to be irritated at that domineering tone, but it sent tingles to all my fun places. “Fine. Don’t be surprised if you’re the one getting spanked later.”
“You wish.”
God, yes. This was everything I’d missed too terribly and deeply.
I grabbed my robe but didn’t even have it over my shoulders when the door to my room crashed open.
I squeaked and jumped behind Grayson.
Hawk stomped into the room. “Dude, what the fuck is going on? I thought you had this Foster thing under control.”
Gray held his hand up blocking Hawk from coming any further into the room. “Give us a minute, man.”
I know the kink world doesn’t give a hoot about being naked and even relishes in watching said naked people do fun things, but not one, but two men had invaded our space and ruined the mood. That was two fucking more than I could handle. I propped my robe in front of me, blocking any prying eyes, not like Hawk hadn’t seen it all and more, but he didn’t have the right to ogle me today.
“Hawky-poo,” I snarked. “Could you please fuck off and go play with Lilly?”
“Yeah, I’d sure as shit like to lovey, but Foster has her and I’m about to kill someone.”
Coño, un desmadre. Lilly and Hawk were so far into each other and their own D/s power exchange and I hadn’t figured Foster as her Master and his arrival into their equation.
Yikes, and I’d practically pushed her into Hawk’s arms. Foster be damned, I had every intention of helping Hawk keep her there, and me with Gray.
Foster could go to hell and I’d gladly show him the way.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Girl Power
Gray wanted me to hide and cower in my room. Maybe in my next life. Yeah, yeah, I’d wanted to run away, but the time for that was over, and the time to bring it on had arrived.
Cue the announcer with Let’s get ready to rumble!
I went to the closet, yanked on a red bra with straps that criss-crossed across my chest and a short slinky dress, skipped the panties and shoes, then slipped to the door.
“Angel, where do you think you’re going?” I could hear the upcoming punishment in Gray’s voice.
So hawt.
“Just going to say hello to Foster and see if I can get Lilly back for Hawk. Be right back.” I waved and bolted out of the room and downstairs to the main part of the club as quick as I could.
I had about as much chance as Inigo Montoya off to avenge his father’s death. I’d probably try and fail a few times, get poked and speared too, but in the end, I would succeed.
“Hello, my name is Angelina Montoya, you killed my sexy times, prepare to die.”
Okay, so my last name was Cruz, and Gray and I had engaged in plenty of downright dirty domination, but the sentiment was the same.
A small crowd of early-bird members were bunched in one corner of the room all trying to get their worms. Through their murmurs I heard the smack of a paddle hitting flesh.
“Nine,” grunted a strained voice I knew was Lilly’s. Thwack. “Ten.”
I pushed my way through the people just in time to see Foster, sitting in a large leather chair drop the wooden paddle to the ground, letting it clank, jarring everyone’s ears.
Lilly lay across his lap, ass up, reddened. Her hands were bound in red rope, the kind I knew Hawk favored, and her bum matched. She also wore a thick, heavy, leather collar attached to a chain lead that I hadn’t seen since The Asylum.
The one with the gilded lily dangling between her breasts.
“And that ladies and gentlemen is how you punish a recalcitrant submissive.” Foster ran his hand across Lilly’s bright pink ass and the crowd applauded.
Grr.
I pasted on a smile and said hello to a few of the members I’d interacted with in the last few weeks. Most milled about and I wanted them all out of my way. “I’m sure The Red Ranch toy store has a whole variety of paddles for you to put into the practice the skills you learned here today.”
I shooed several couples toward the other side of the room and then made my way over to Foster. Lilly was sitting at his feet now, and I had to give the g
irl mad props, not a single tear streak marred her face. A wicked scowl did though and for once it wasn’t directed toward me.
I struck my badass mamma jamma pose. “Hello, Foster. Scare any innocent little kittens yet today?”
A wicked got-you-now smiled crossed his face, but he stared down at Lilly, avoiding eye contact with me. “Ah, the newly minted Mistress Angelina. I wondered when you’d come running for me.”
Cara de culo.
“Never for you.” I eternally belonged to another.
He patted the seat next to him. “Why don’t you sit down and tell me all about your little adventures at the Red Ranch, Angel.”
I always knew Foster was something else, but how had I not seen this low-life greedy side of him before? Just hearing my name on his lips made me nauseated. “Don’t call me Angel.”
He did that one chuckle, really more of a chuck, laugh, dismissing me, invalidating my demand. “Yes, of course, that nickname is reserved for another, isn’t it? Where is Mr. Baker?”
“Right here, Foster.” Gray’s hand slid into place at the small of my back. Possessive? Yes. Loving it? Double yes.
The smug attitude faded and turned to something more like sour lemons when Foster got the full effect of Gray’s alpha male confidence. Gray took up the whole room. Foster took up his chair.
“Hello there, Grayson. I didn’t expect you to show your face after all the running and hiding you’ve been doing.”
“What are you doing here?” The ass-face I’d called Foster was implied in Gray’s tone.
“I’ve put a lot of money and resources in this club, so I thought I’d better come check in on my investments. Besides, I heard rumors that my slave wasn’t behaving.” He tugged Lilly’s lead causing her head to jerk around and face him.
I was ready to punch him in the face myself, not a feeling I was used to. I didn’t know the ins and outs of Lilly’s contract with Foster, and there was little love lost between the two of us, but being treated like shit wasn’t cool.