He sat on the closed lid of the commode in just his jeans, toggling the laser of his new flashlight on and off.
“Jonah?”
He lifted his face with a startled expression and sat up straighter. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” He didn’t appear to have any tears in his eyes, but he didn’t exactly look like he was full of joy, either.
She let go of the doorframe and approached him. “What’s wrong?” As she slid into his lap, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close so he could bury his face in her hair.
“Tonight was the best night of my life.”
Tess didn’t smile over the announcement as he kissed her hair. She touched the scruffy beard on his cheek and pressed her forehead to his. “Then why do you sound so sad?”
“I don’t…Jesus. What the hell am I doing, Tess?” he asked in a tortured whisper. “Why am I having the best night of my life—being this happy—when my best friend on earth is cold in the ground and has only been gone a few months? When it’s my fault he’s gone? It’s my fault they’re all gone.”
“Oh, Jonah,” she started, wanting to cry for him. “Please don’t—”
“I know, I know.” He shook his head. “Samantha went over and over this with me. It’s supposed to be natural to feel guilt every time I smile for a while. And, shit, I even said something like that to Aubrey just the other morning—that it’s okay to move on. But actually dealing with it head-on, moving on and being happy…It’s hard. It’s so fucking hard.” He began to run his fingers through her hair and then curling red ringlets around his finger. “I’m sorry I woke you. I didn’t want to bother you with this and ruin your first time because of my personal shit—”
“Jonah Abbott,” she scolded before he could finish his apology. “Don’t you dare. I’d be bothered if you didn’t share any of this with me. I want to be able to experience all of your life with you, especially the hard parts.” She leaned in to press her cheek to his heartbeat and just hold him.
“I don’t deserve you.” He gulped loudly as if swallowing back tears. “I don’t deserve to be this happy. All those people died, and I’m here with you. It’s not fair.”
She smiled softly, relaxing against him. “If you think about it, none of us deserve true happiness. We all have our sins and selfish ways and bad thoughts.”
“But some of us deserve a lot less than others.”
Tess sighed, realizing she needed to come at this from a different angle. “Did you know Logan killed Paige’s brother?”
Geesh, if she didn’t have a point to that statement, one might’ve thought her stupid-gene was returning. Or maybe it was.
Jonah glanced at her sharply. “What?”
“Yeah. I guess he was a big basketball star in high school. But one night he got into a fight with some guy from a rival team. One punch, and bam, Paige’s brother fell over and hit his head on something. He died instantly.”
“Shit,” Jonah breathed, reaching up to touch the area on his own skull where she remembered he’d had a bandage from hitting his head and falling into a coma. He could’ve had the same fate as Paige’s brother so easily.
Tess shivered and held him a little tighter. “Afterward, Logan’s parents kicked him out, and he was forced to live on his own. He ended up in Granton and started college. But a few years later, Paige enrolled there as well, and on her first day of class, she realized she had a class with her brother’s…well, you know.”
Jonah blinked. “And now they’re dating?”
Tess nodded. “It just goes to show you that things aren’t always as they seem. Logan never thought he deserved to be happy again either. But Paige—Paige, of all people—saw something in him that was redeemable.” She paused. “I know you’re working through a lot of things, not just Sean’s death. But I see something very redeemable in you. And I know someday you’ll see it too. Until then, I hope you continue to let me hold you and be with you through these dark parts.”
Pulling in a sharp breath, Jonah nodded and squeezed his arms tighter around her. “Always,” he promised her. “With you, I know I can make it through anything.”
Their lips met, and fingers skimmed over bare skin. Jonah set his flashlight on the counter of the vanity beside him so he could free up his other hand. He slid it up her thigh and under the hem of his too-large-for-her shirt. When his fingers discovered she wasn’t wearing panties, he groaned. She followed with her own gasp of pleasure as he sank a thick digit inside her.
Stroking her slowly, he kissed her deeper. Her body grew warm and taut and unable to help herself, she began to ride his hand, undulating against each masterful thrust.
Breath going shallow, she bit her lip and met his gaze. “Can we…again?”
He let out a strained laugh and gave a bemused shake of his head. “I don’t know how you do it, but you always know how to draw me back up whenever I get down.” Then he winked and dug into his pocket to pull out a single foil package.
Tess blinked at the condom between his fingers. “Hey, that’s not the same brand I bought you.”
Flushing in the beam of the flashlight, he admitted, “I slipped this one into my pocket before we left tonight.”
Her eyes grew big. “You mean…”
He nodded. “I had hopes.” Bringing it to his mouth, he tore the package open with his teeth and drew out the condom inside. “Want to get my zipper?”
Oh, boy, did she. Suddenly giddy, she scooted back on his lap toward his knee, making sure to reposition most of her weight on his good leg. Once she had him free, she pulled him into her hand and pumped him as he’d taught her to do only the night before.
“God, you’re a quick learner.” He moaned, throwing his head back. “Jesus, babe, you…” Suddenly, he was there with the prophylactic, batting her fingers aside so he could sheathe himself.
Realizing where they were and how they were going to do this, Tess experienced a rush of bashfulness. “Are we really going to do it here, like this?”
He glanced up, and she could see the anticipation his brown eyes. “Don’t you want to try it?”
“I…” She gulped, and then bobbed her head, still nervous but beginning to let her curiosity get the best of her. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he agreed, his grin growing as he pulled his shirt over her head and flung it across the hotel’s bathroom. “Bring this lovely thigh over here, then, and straddle me.”
She began to move, then paused. “What about your leg?”
A frustrated groan rumbled from his throat, and he caught her thigh, leading it where he wanted it to go. “That’s the last thing on my mind. Trust me.”
“But—”
“It’s fine,” he assured her. “I swear. It doesn’t hurt any more with you there than it does without you there. And I much prefer you there. Right…there.” Gnashing his teeth, he caught her hips as she began to lower herself.
When she felt him at her entrance, she paused, but he kept pulling her down. Clutching his shoulders, she gave in, and he pushed up inside her.
“Oh…oh!” Seated on him fully, her red fingernails bit into his shoulder blades. “Whoa, you…you feel a lot bigger this way.”
“Yeah. And you feel a lot more…Jesus.”
He choked out a gasp as she squeezed her inner muscles around him. Fingers bit in her waist, and he lifted her and brought her right back down. This time, they both moaned. Following her body’s natural instinct, Tess began to ride, undulating her hips. Lifting and falling. The slide and thrust of their bodies worked in tandem, rubbing at the most sensitive spots at the most sensitive moments.
Jonah leaned down and plucked one of her nipples between his teeth, and she grasped his head and held on for dear life as he brought her to the pinnacle of her pleasure. Once she plummeted off the edge and dove straight into her completion, he joined her, arching his hips up and making it that much more intense by the way he slammed their bodies back together.
Drifting back down from the plunge, he c
ontinued to leave small kisses around her breasts, and she patted his wispy strands of hair.
“I love you so much.” He lifted up to kiss her mouth. “I swear, God made you just for me, to fight away my demons.”
As she held him close and soaked in his love, Tess realized this wasn’t just a simple first love kind of affection. This was flat out forever love. Jonah Abbott was her soul mate.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“I CAN’T BELIEVE SCHOOL’S almost over.” Jonah leaned against the wall beside Tess’s dorm room entrance to rest his leg a second while she dug inside her huge purse to find her key. “This is going to be the longest damn summer of my life.”
Tess bit her lip but didn’t admit she felt the same apprehensions because she didn’t plan on leaving. She had a week to figure something out, and she would, come hell or high water. After last night, being apart from him for the summer was impossible.
But how did you tell the guy you’d just started dating how badly you wanted to be with him…all the time…without looking like a total stalker?
“We’ll figure something out,” was all she could say.
He nodded but didn’t look too hopeful.
When he didn’t notice two girls who’d come out of a room halfway down the hall and stopped to stare at him, then whisper amongst themselves, Tess breathed a sigh of relief.
Tugging her room key free, she ignored her door and instead rested her head on his shoulder. She stroked her fingers up his arm, keeping his attention on her so he could continue being oblivious to the girls still gossiping about him.
“Have I thanked you for last night yet?”
He seared her with a surprised look. “You have it backward. I owe you the huge thanks.” Then he leaned in and smiled devilishly. “It was my birthday sex, after all.”
She flushed because hearing the S word aloud always made her uncomfortably hot. Except today, the uncomfortably hot part was a little too delicious. She wanted to molest him, right there in the hall.
As if reading her mind, Jonah’s grin grew, and she decided what the hell. She grabbed a handful of his shirt and kissed him hard on the mouth. She paused only long enough to say, “I love you,” before going back up for seconds.
He groaned against her lips, and his warm body melded to hers, reminding her all over again how much he’d lit her up last night…and this morning…in the shower.
“When’s your first class?” He buried his fingers in her hair and kissed her jaw, then her throat.
“In fifteen minutes. So, sorry. No time for hanky panky.”
“Damn.” He blew out a breath. “That’s what I thought.” With a last peck to her nose, he stepped back. “Okay, then. I’ll let you go for now. But I’m returning for you this evening.”
Tess swerved back to him, a thrill rising inside her. “You are?”
“I only have days left with you before you’re gone for the entire summer. Hell, yes, I’m spending every available second with you until then.”
She was such a goober; the college freshman in her emerged, his announcement making her giggle and blush. “Okay. I’ll see you tonight, then.”
“Yes, you will.” His gaze promised her a whole heap of deliciousness. Then he turned away to hobble off.
Tess would’ve stared after him all the way back to his truck, but Bailey opened the door, grabbed her arm, and yanked her inside their room. “At least tell me you’ve had a shower this morning, unlike yesterday.”
Remembering her shower, in detail, Tess let out a dreamy sigh. Oh, how she’d had a shower. “Yes, I took a shower at the hotel, mother.”
“Good.” Bailey didn’t say another word until she shut the door, locked it, and spun to Tess. “So?” she demanded, eyeing her roommate up and down, just as she’d done the morning before when Jonah had brought her back. Then she repeated the same question she’d asked yesterday. “Are you still a virgin?”
Today, however, Tess had a different answer. Her face lit up, and she squealed, “No!” Jumping up and down, she was unable to control her enthusiasm. “I’m not. Oh, my God, I’m totally not.”
“Holy shit.” Bailey joined in, holding her hands and jumping with her. “I can’t believe you actually did it. This is so big.”
As they were hollering and twirling together in a giggling circle, a tap came on the bathroom door, and their suitemate popped her head into the room. “What? What’d I miss?”
“Paige!” Bailey cried, letting go of Tess to drag Paige into the room. “Get your ass in here. Tess isn’t a virgin anymore. Can you freaking believe that?”
“Whoa,” Logan said from still in the bathroom. Lifting his hands, he immediately skipped in reverse back toward Paige’s room. “TMI.”
Before she’d met Jonah, Tess would’ve buried her face into her hands and died of mortification to learn that Logan knew what she’d done last night. But the new, Jonah-improved version of her could handle it.
Paige captured her attention, grabbing her hands and squeezing. “Oh, my God. Are you okay? Did you like it?”
“Did she like it?” Bailey slung an arm over Tess’s shoulders and pointed at her face. “Just look at this girl’s smile. Her cheeks would burst if she spread her lips any wider than they already are.”
Tess tossed back her head and laughed, feeling so very alive and euphoric.
“Well, my goodness,” Paige murmured, beaming at her. “Congratulations.”
“I know. It’s about time she joined the rest of us dirty sinners. Ever since I’ve fallen off the wagon, she’s been way too pure for my taste.”
“And now I’ve actually done it more than you,” Tess teased, bumping her hip into Bailey’s. “Who’s the pure one today?”
Bailey swerved her head around to gape at Tess. “What? How the hell many times did you two little humping bunnies go at it last night?”
“Last night?” Tess asked. “Twice. This morning?” She gave a modest little shrug. “Only once.”
“Three times?” Her best friend gasped and stepped away from her so she could stare her up and down. “Oh my…why you dirty ho. I’m so proud.” She wiped away a non-existent tear. “But wait. Just how many orgasms did lover boy manage to give you, huh?” With a snarky grin, she folded her hands over her chest and nodded as if she knew she had Tess in a corner now.
But Tess only preened. “Four.”
“F—” Bailey’s mouth was too busy hanging open to finish the word. She whirled to Paige. “How do you have four orgasms from three rounds of sex?”
Paige sighed and patted Bailey’s arm sympathetically. “You obviously haven’t had any decent experiences with the subject if you don’t know the answer to that.”
“Well, that’s for damn sure. The one and only time I let a guy do me, it was less than stellar. I’m talking zero fireworks. It’s no wonder I haven’t been all eager to try it agai—wait. Wait, wait, wait. Are you trying to tell me even Xander has gotten you off more than once in a single round?”
Turning all kinds of red, Paige discreetly cleared her throat. “His record’s three so far.”
While Bailey was too speechless, what with her jaw bouncing off the floor from dropping so far, Tess made a contemplative face and wrinkled her nose. “Three, huh? Jonah and I will have to try for four then.”
A male snort came from the other side of the partially closed bathroom door. All three ladies glanced at it, then at each other. Bailey marched over and yanked it the rest of the way open, exposing an eavesdropping Logan who jumped back in surprise.
“Well, well. Looks like Mr. Perfect Xander is quite the peeping Tom.”
“Logan,” Paige gasped, darting around Bailey to reach his side. “I can’t believe you just listened in on our private conversation.”
“You were talking about sex,” he mumbled, scowling no doubt to hide the flush in his cheeks. Then he leaned in close to his girlfriend and hissed, “And why did you tell them only three times?”
Paige blinked, clearly stu
mped by his question. “Because I wanted to be honest?” She phrased it more as a question than an answer.
“You still should’ve said something like five. Made it sound really impressive.”
“Yeah.” Paige snorted out a laugh. “But who’d believe that?”
“I still don’t believe three,” Bailey spoke up, raising an eyebrow as if to question his abilities. “You must have some kind of talent with—”
“And I think that’s my cue to leave again.” He was gone before anyone could stop him. The loud click of Paige’s room door closing signaled that he was gone for good this time.
Paige, Tess, and Bailey exchanged arched glances before they burst out laughing.
Tess realized this was one of the happiest moments of her life. She had two amazing friends, a non-fake boyfriend who made her insanely happy, a future to look forward to, and a life worth living. It was strange how much good had endured through so much tragedy. But it helped her realize that, if she could just survive through all the hardships, she might come out okay on the other side.
“I don’t see why the hell you two had to drag me along to this crap. I don’t do musicals.”
“Because,” Jonah told Bailey as he turned around to send her a smirk. “If I have to sit through this shit, then so do you.”
She snorted, turned around to scowl at some poor girl who’d bumped into her from behind, then whirled back to finish glaring down Jonah. “As if I care what you think. You’re not my boyfriend, pal. I don’t need to please you.”
“But you do care what Tess thinks, and she wants to please me. So, if you want to please her, you better start pleasing me too, woman.”
As she sputtered back a string of obscenities, calling him every dirty, male chauvinist name in the book, he chuckled and shook his head. But damn, it was way too easy to rile her up. Next to him, Tess squeezed his hand and bumped her shoulder into his. When he glanced down, she rolled her eyes.
“I think you get too big of a kick out of teasing her, sometimes.”
He loved how she only shook her head and smiled, amused, instead of reprimanding him for purposely ticking off her best friend. But yeah, he did totally love saying inappropriate stuff to Bailey just to see her completely overreact.