He makes eye contact now and what I see there kills whatever smart comment I’d been about to add. “Honey, I’m worried about you. I realize that I’m probably the last person you wanted to know what was going on in your life—but you’re stuck with me. I care about what happens to you, Rose. If you don’t want to talk to Lia about what you’re going through, then please stay here. You don’t have to hide anything from me. If the walls are closing in on you and it’s all becoming too much, then tell me. Believe me, I’ve been at the end of my rope before, and I know what it feels like to sense the freefall just inches away.”
Giving him a disbelieving look, I ask, “Are you trying to say that you’ve hurt yourself in the past? Because I have a hard time believing you’ve ever been that weak.”
He runs an unsteady hand through his perfectly styled hair, and I swallow hard at the sexy, rumpled look it leaves behind. Damn the man for being so unbelievably gorgeous that I have a hard time concentrating on anything else. “No, I’ve never cut, Rose. But I have been so overwhelmed to the point that I considered other … options. It was a long time ago, but I’m not sure I’ve fully recovered to this day. I was lucky enough to have a friend who stepped up and supported me through the worst of it. I’m not certain of where I’d be today without him.”
I stare at him, fascinated by what he has revealed to me. If I had one word to describe the Max who I’ve come to know, it would be unflappable. The man bailed me out of jail not once but twice after I did insane things to my ex-boyfriend. He might have been exasperated with me, but he nevertheless did his job and didn’t flinch when I confessed my latest offenses to him. He might react to the world around him, but he recovers almost immediately. Outside of the surprising hand-job I interrupted, he’s usually nothing if not predictable. Now, I am forced to reassess everything I thought I knew about him. I’ve often sensed there was something below the surface that holds him back, and now, he’s as good as confirmed it for me. “So you want to what—pay it forward?” I ask, knowing I sound sarcastic, but it’s either that or crying all over him yet again.
Instead of being pissed off over my flippant comments, he says gently, “Call it whatever you need to, sweetheart. But I refuse to let anything happen to you.”
“That’s not your choice,” I snap, irritated for no good reason. Other than Lia, I’m not used to anyone in my life giving a shit about what I’m going through. If my parents weren’t worried enough after my suicide attempts to lay off the snide comments and pressure to be perfect, then they certainly wouldn’t give a shit about me slicing myself. Well, unless I ruined the carpet or forced them to call their doctor friend. Max’s concern for me feels intrusive somehow even though I know it’s coming from his heart. He’s getting too close, and I want to put some distance back between us. “I’m going to ask Lia for an advance on my salary today so I can find somewhere to live. I really appreciate all that you’ve done for me, and I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.” I get to my feet, taking my plate to the sink. Max remains at the table, not bothering to argue with me. I feel a sense of relief followed by a strange feeling of disappointment that he’s letting it go that easily. Doesn’t that prove I don’t really matter to him? I’ve never had a man who was willing to fight for me and he’s no exception. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be worth attention.
Then he says something that halts me in my tracks and changes the course of my life forever. “Give me two months, Rose. We’ll tell Luc and Lia that we’re involved and you’re living with me since the issue with your father. That way they won’t ask questions you’d rather not answer. We’ll be a couple for all intents and purposes as far as the rest of the world is concerned.”
I’m completely floored at his suggestion and my voice reflects that. “Why would you do that? What are you hoping to accomplish?”
“I’m going to save you, sweetheart, and you’re going to let me.” I can only gawk at him, thinking he must be insane. But the tiny part of me that is still capable of hope wants to believe him so badly.
“I’ll be fine,” I insist, knowing that neither of us really believes it at this point. “I’m not your responsibility. We’re basically strangers, and you want to babysit me for sixty days?”
He stands, walking over to me and taking my hands in his. “No bullshit, give me an honest answer. Are you afraid that one day you’ll go too far and kill yourself?”
He just voiced the one fear that terrifies me above all others. I’ve already tried to take my life twice, and I’m petrified I’ll eventually succeed. “Yes,” I whisper.
He closes his eyes briefly before opening them again. “Stay with me, baby. I’ll be your support every step of the way. You have to trust someone eventually—let it be me.”
I nod my head and take a huge leap of faith. “Yes.” Sixty days. With those words, I realize that I will bind my fate to the man before me for sixty days. I want that for longer. I want him to become my all—my everything. But that is not what is on the table here. Sixty days, Rose. Be thankful. It’s not forever. But I now realize, more than ever, that forever is what I wish for.
* * *
I drop Rose at her new office before driving the few miles to Quinn Software. I can hardly fathom what has transpired in just a few hours this morning. I’ve gone from avoiding relationships and commitments with women to urging someone I barely know to live with me and be my pretend girlfriend if anyone questions it. If that’s not putting the cart before the horse, I’m not sure what is.
When I walked in on her this morning and found that she’d cut herself again, I’d damn near freaked out. Of course, I knew she was having a hard time dealing with everything. After all, she’d been sleeping with me every night since she’d been at my house. During the daylight hours, though, she had mostly seemed at ease. Possibly that had lured me into a false sense of security that I couldn’t afford to have where she was concerned. She had blindsided me today. The injury hadn’t been anywhere near as severe this time, possibly because it had been a razor and not a sharp kitchen knife. That wasn’t really the whole issue, though. It was the fact that she’d been upset enough to need the pain that bothered me. That was what Matt had helped me understand, anyway. And she’s needed to do that for years if the scars were any indication. How long has she hidden this? How long has she silently suffered? Alone …
Since I knew she did not intend to confide in Lia, I just couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving me to go pretend to her best friend that she was perfectly okay. And I knew that’s exactly what she would do. Hadn’t I bought into the show for months now? The woman with not a care in the world. Underneath her public face, it was a different matter. From what I’ve read, and believe me when I say I have read every article I could get my hands on, most people cut to help them cope with an even deeper emotional pain. It’s a form of relief, an escape from building pressure and pain. How is that possible? Treating one pain with another. It’s hard to say no to something that feels so good. She was crying out for help, and no one wanted to hear it. Least of all her self-absorbed parents. They kept heaping the pressure on with no regard to what it was doing to their daughter. I wanted to pay the Maddens a visit and tell them exactly what I thought of their parenting skills. Unfortunately, I knew it would just widen a rift that was already the size of the fucking Grand Canyon. If I ever saw them around, though—all bets were off.
I desperately need to talk to my friend, Matt, and get some advice and the list of names he is gathering for me. I can only hope Rose will agree to try a session with one of them. I will help her in any way I can, but I’m not naive enough to believe I have the skills to completely cure what ails her. I also don’t want to risk doing something to push her closer to the edge. As difficult as that all sounds, the hard part ahead will be convincing our friends that we’re suddenly not only acknowledging we have feelings for each other but have decided to live together as well. Holy shit. I am a lawyer and as such, used to dealing with any situation, but th
is is unfamiliar ground to me. Will she tell her friends her father kicked her out of her home?
I park in my reserved space at the office and slowly make my way through the restored old building that houses the corporate offices of Quinn Software. I had originally planned to start my own practice at some point after completing law school. I worked with a big firm in downtown Asheville to get some hands-on experience before taking a job with Lucian. And I’ve been here ever since. I wasn’t just the legal counsel; I was a trusted advisor, confidant, and a friend. That was something you didn’t find every day. Lucian, Aidan, and I had become the team that propelled Quinn to the top. We all had very different personalities, but somehow, it worked. Now, with Aidan on indefinite leave, it was up to Lucian and me to ensure that the pending sales, mergers, and contracts that were in the works continued on without a snag. Aidan was a very charismatic man and as such had always been the closer. His absence from our lives, both personally and professionally, had been felt almost immediately. I know it’s been especially hard on Luc as he and Aidan have been friends for most of their lives. I’ll catch him staring out the window of his office sometimes, and I know he’s wondering where Aidan is and if he’s okay. True to his word, when Aidan left town, he cut off most forms of communication. He’s sent a couple of brief emails letting everyone know he’s all right, but that’s it. As hard as it must be for him, Luc has respected his wishes and not contacted him.
I go directly to Lucian’s office since we have our usual morning meeting to discuss any open issues. His secretary—and second mother—Cindy sits in her usual spot, guarding the keys to the castle or in this case, the doorway of her boss. She’s a formidable foe if crossed, but a loyal friend otherwise. She treats us all like wayward sons at times, but we don’t mind. Actually, I’m not sure what any of us would do without her—especially Luc.
“Good morning, Cindy.” I smile. “You look beautiful today.” Yeah, I haven’t been on the earth for this long without knowing how to kiss a little ass. Plus, she always looks perfectly put together and deserves the acknowledgment. Although, I’m certain that Sam—Luc’s driver and Cindy’s boyfriend—has probably beaten me to it.
She studies me for a moment as I stand at her desk before she asks, “What have you been up to this morning?”
Instantly, I feel guilty. I have no idea how she does it. I feel as if I have the word liar pasted across my forehead. Which is insane because she couldn’t possibly know about the deception that Rose and I are going to undertake? I console myself with the fact that it’s necessary to allow Rose time to deal with her demons, but I don’t like keeping secrets from those who are close to me. I shrug my shoulder casually before saying, “Just the usual. Is Luc already in?”
I’m relieved when she appears to let her curiosity go and nods. “Yes, go on through. He’ll be expecting you. I’ll give you a few minutes to get settled, and then bring a tray of coffee in.” I’m almost to the door when she tosses out, “You’ve got lipstick on your collar, in case you missed it.”
I resist the urge to slap a hand over my neckline, knowing it will give her too much pleasure to see that reaction. Instead, I step inside Luc’s office and shut the door on her soft laughter. In retrospect, it’s actually a good thing. It’ll lend credibility to my claim of being involved. I still can’t help but feel like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. I’m usually a little more discreet than this with my liaisons. Again, I find Luc standing before the wall of windows in his office, looking out onto the street below. I clear my throat before saying, “Good morning.”
He takes another moment and then turns to face me with an easy smile. Since I’ve known him, an internal, restless sort of energy has always seemed to crackle just below the surface. I doubt his mind is ever truly at rest. Now, he has Lia, though, and there’s a peace to him I never thought to see. He’s blissfully happy with his wife and doesn’t care who knows it. The new baby, Lara, they’ve recently had only amplifies that contentment. At times, I find it hard not to envy him, and it has nothing to do with his monetary wealth. He’s living the life that I always saw for myself. The one that was so close then slipped through my fingertips like a fine mist. It’s unsettling and no coincidence that I’ve thought of the past more this weekend than I have in years. Being with Rose has brought it all rushing back, and I’m struggling to deal with the memories that threaten to burst through the walls I’ve locked them safely behind. “How was your weekend?” he asks as he moves to the chair behind his desk and settles there.
My standard answer of “Good” is on the tip of my tongue when I remember that I need to be a man enchanted by a woman this morning. Hell, I’m not sure at this point if that’s even far from the truth. “Surprisingly, very good,” I reply easily.
Lucian misses very little, so he immediately notices my unusual answer. He gives me an inquisitive look before asking, “What happened?”
So it begins. I take more time than necessary to settle comfortably as I gather my thoughts. Rose and I had agreed earlier that I could fill Luc in on the issues with her parents. I felt it best that we stick as closely to the truth as possible. “Rose called me around midnight Friday near her apartment, extremely upset. When I got there, she was on the pavement. Cold, wet, and hurt.”
All traces of amusement are gone from Lucian’s face as he barks out, “What in the hell happened to her?” That’s one of many things I admire about my friend. He’s fiercely loyal and protective of his inner circle, and Rose entered that by being such a good friend to the woman he loves. I go on to tell him about her disagreement with her father and his retaliation. “She should have called us.” He shakes his head looking pissed off. I know it has nothing to do with Rose and everything to do with her parents. “Sam could have let her into our place so she didn’t have to worry about somewhere to stay. I assume you found her a hotel?” he asks, and I know it’s not really a question. He would never consider for a moment that I would leave any woman helpless, much less a friend.
Showtime. “Yes, of course,” I reply. “She’s going to be staying with me. If she decides that she wants a place of her own later on, then we’ll address that then. For now, we’re both happy with our arrangement.”
“Your arrangement?” Lucian repeats as if testing the sound. “What’re you saying? That she’s going to be your roommate or something?”
I adopt what I hope is the look of a man in love or in lust and say, “I believe the correct term is girlfriend. Rose and I have decided we’re going to give a relationship between us a go. We probably wouldn’t have normally moved in together this soon, but we felt that maybe this was some type of sign for us to take things to the next level.” Fuck. I delivered that whole thing with a straight face—amazing.
Lucian looks at me as if I’ve taken leave of my senses. His voice is full of disbelief as he croaks out, “You’re involved with Rose? Since when? The last time I saw you two together, you parted ways at the hospital door after Lara was born. Then you’ve both acted for months as if the other one didn’t exist. Now, you’re living together. Man, what the holy fuck?”
Sometimes it’s a pain in the ass to have people who know so much about you. I hate that he’s quizzing me so heavily because it forces me to lie more than I want to. It can’t be helped, though, and I’d like to think that Luc would understand if it meant the difference between life and death to Rose. Actually, he’d likely be pissed about both of us for not including him in the full story, but that’s not my decision. I promised to be there for Rose, and I’ll do whatever I need to do to keep my word to her. She needs the support from someone in her life, and right now, I’m that person. The words flow easily, as the truth usually does. “You know there’s always been something between us. No matter how hard I’ve tried to deny it, she’s been under my skin almost from the start.”
“No shit,” Lucian deadpans. “I’d have to be blind to miss that. Hell, probably not even then. I’m just not sure when you stopped with the deni
al and let it happen?”
“I’ve missed her the last few months, even the crazy stuff. I can’t see an NRA advertisement without remembering her blowing out Jake’s tires. I guess I’m just tired of fighting what seems inevitable.” Again, there is a lot more truth than not in my words. It’s starting to appear as if pretending to be Rose’s boyfriend isn’t going to be that much of an act. I feel almost vulnerable, which is strange. Barely one day in and I feel like a train wreck. By the end of the week, I’ll probably be sobbing on Lucian’s shoulder while asking Cindy to bring me a warm blanket and hot cocoa.
He stares at me as if trying to figure something out. I know he senses there is a lot more that I’m not saying, but he can’t put it together—yet. He has little choice but to accept my statement at face value and see where it goes. I know a warning is coming, though, and I’m not disappointed. “Lia would be thrilled to see you two end up together. She’d have been doing some nonstop matchmaking this entire time if I’d gone along with it. And while I think you two could potentially be good for each other, I’m wary about the possibility of it not working out and a rift forming between all of us. Therefore, I’ll ask that you be aware of the consequences and treat Rose accordingly. She may scare the ever loving hell out of me at times, but she’s a good person and deserves a helluva lot more than that pussy Jake gave her.”
“Agreed,” I snap as I think of the punk who cheated on Rose. She delivered a lot of her own brand of justice to him in the end, and I have to believe he’d think twice between dipping his dick around town next time. I’d still like to kick his ass, though. How in the world could you have a woman such as her and stray?
After that, we move on to actual work, and I find myself able to relax with the grilling session over. I wonder how Rose is faring with Lia and vow to call her later to check in. I have a feeling we’ll both be ready for a drink before the day is through.