That he’d been important to her. Instead, I just let him go, hating myself for putting that pain in his eyes.
“She’s really messed with his head,” Hannah said in a whisper.
If the past wasn’t what it was, if things hadn’t happened the way they did, if a lie hadn’t kept us apart, I’d agree with her. But Dixie was as much a victim as he was. We all were.
“She never meant to,” I told her.
“You sure?” Hannah asked.
I moved away from her and was tempted to just walk back to my truck and drive off, away from the questions. Back to the lake where nothing mattered but me and Dixie. But I couldn’t do that.
“There is more to the story than you know.”
She frowned. “Then tell me.”
“It’s not something I can share.” I replied and walked away from more questions. Hannah had helped me. I appreciated it. But that didn’t give her access to my personal life, past or present.
I forgot about lunch and went to hauling the ten-pound bags of fertilizer from the trailer to the display area. The heat and sweat quickly replaced my thoughts of Dixie and Steel.
It was ten minutes before quitting time when Hannah walked back to my truck. Her sunglasses were perched on the top of her head and her purse was slung over her shoulder. She was leaving.
“You don’t realize what you’re missing being hung up on the past,” she said. It sounded like she’d been working on that line for hours.
I pulled my work gloves off and then lifted my hat from my head to let the breeze hit my forehead, before I responded, “Until you know what Dixie and I have, don’t jump to conclusions, Hannah.”
She thought about that for a moment. Hannah didn’t annoy me too much. I even liked her at times. But at this moment, I was ready to snap at her. Her tendency to judge without knowing all the facts was beginning to wear on my nerves.
“You’ll crush Steel,” she said matter-of-factly.
It was none of her business, but I had to defend Dixie. “He didn’t consider me when he decided to date her.”
“But you broke up with her.”
I was done having this conversation with Hannah. My patience had worn thin.
“Again, you don’t know the whole story so please stay out of it. Now, excuse me, but it’s time for me to leave.”
I didn’t give her time to shoot more questions my way or say anything else. I didn’t want to see her face again today. As much as she’d saved things earlier, she’d ruined it all by sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, trying to hurt the one I loved.
While walking to my truck, Hannah called out to me, “I’m here when this blows up in your face.”
I didn’t need or want her to be there. But I held my anger in check and just kept walking.
When I was finally inside my truck and away from Hannah, I breathed a sigh of relief. Tonight, I would see Dixie again. We’d meet at the lake and she would be mine there. There would be no hiding. No secrets. Just us. I could get through anything knowing that was coming. Even a dinner with my brothers and a very pissed off Steel.
He’d calm down eventually and see this was best for him. I knew I should just admit my feeling for Dixie and face the consequences, but I couldn’t. Not yet. He needed some time first.
Dixie didn’t deserve to be anyone’s dirty little secret and not even protecting Steel justified her becoming one. I had to figure out what was best for everyone, but that would take some thought. For now, we had our lake. I had Dixie. And my thoughts were no longer just memories of better times that kept slicing me open.
Dixie Monroe had always been meant to be mine. Our connection didn’t dwindle even when everything had been thrown at us to keep us apart. We’d have our future one day. I had to believe that.
Dixie Monroe
WHEN I WOKE up this morning, I’d had a romantic evening with Asher all planned out in my head, where I would be in his arms again and there would be no more pretending. No more half-truths. But like most things in my life, things didn’t go as planned. I’d come to the lake an hour early. To think. I needed to decide if I could do this. If I could possibly set myself up for a crushing end again.
I wanted a storybook romance. One where we loved each other, put each other first, had no secrets between us. One where we were free to be ourselves. Everything we never had. Being together now filled us both with fear, guilt, regret, yet we wanted it so desperately, we were willing to pretend. For a few hours, we pretended we had everything, only to wake up to the deafening tick-tocks of a reality check.
It had taken me so long to even find the will to live after I’d lost Asher. Just laughing again had required so much effort. I didn’t know whether I was willing to go through that again, or whether I even still loved him enough to take a chance on us.
Did he love me enough to face his own family just to be with me?
All this was running through my head when his truck pulled up nearby. I didn’t run to him like I used to do, eager to greet him and show him how much I was happy to see him. The urgency to be in his arms in moments like these wasn’t as strong because I no longer felt certain of his love. These doubts held me back, held my whole heart back.
He parked, cut his lights, and walked over to sit down beside me. He didn’t speak at first. It was as if he was reading my thoughts, assessing them in his own mind, before acting. I let him do it. What happened at his work today had opened my eyes to what I might have to endure if we ever decided to continue this in any way.
Hannah got to eat lunch with him, laugh with him, be with him in public. All the things I couldn’t get. How long would it be before he got tired and wanted that too? How long would it be before he went looking for it elsewhere?
“He just needs more time,” Asher finally broke the silence.
“So until then, I have to let Hannah or Amber or Emily enjoy you in ways I can’t.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of truth. A painful fact.
He turned to me. “No. Of course, not. I’m not with them. I never will be with any of them. It’s just you, Dix,” he pleaded.
He didn’t get it. He thought moments like these where no one could see us would be enough for me. “Today, you were with Hannah. She got to spend time with you. She got to laugh with you. She got to eat lunch with you for the whole world to see. All things I can’t have.”
His hand covered mine. “She means nothing to me. She’s just a friend. Heck, she’s even barely that. She’s a coworker. We don’t hang out after work. Today, she put up an act entirely for Steel’s sake.”
“No, she acted to please you. To touch you. To make you like her. And to claim you in front of me.”
I sounded jealous and crazy. I knew that. But I couldn’t stop the words spilling from my mouth. My heart was hurting inside my chest.
“Dix, look at me,” he said as his finger slid under my chin and turned my face toward his. “It’s only you and it’s only ever been you. I told you that. I’ve told Hannah that. And after Steel’s had some time to adjust, I will tell him that, too.”
“What if while I’m waiting, your feelings for me change? I’d have to move on again and it almost killed me last time, Asher. I’m not sure I have the strength to—”
Asher lowered his lips to mine to silence them, pressing ever so gently. “It’s always been you, Dix. Just you. There is no way I could ever stop loving you. God knows I’ve tried.”
I let him kiss me again. I let myself trust his lips, hear every silent promise they were making. I let myself forget that he hadn’t been fighting for me, that he had turned us into a dirty little secret just to protect his family. But I only allowed myself to forget for a brief moment. I knew it was time I protected myself against anyone who was not willing to put me first, regardless of how much I loved him.
I gathered enough willpower to break the kiss and put some distance between us. I didn’t look at him in the eyes, knowing the love I’d find in them would break my resolve. But I
needed him just one last time, I needed that connection between us, I needed to feel Asher inside me one more time, before I let him go. He had to decide all on his own after that if he was going to fight for me or not.
“Fuck me,” I said while my mind was screaming to beg him to make love to me. To love my body gently, to show me that I was not alone in this.
He ran his hand down my bare arm. “Tonight, let me take it slow.”
I knew that if he took it slow, I’d break into a million pieces. I desperately wanted it, but I was too weak to have it. “Not tonight. I need you inside me. Now.”
His pupils grew larger and the sweet left his eyes, replaced by raw hunger. He wanted it as much as I did. He didn’t order me to get naked this time around. Instead, he did it for me, jerking my tank top off first, then pushing me back onto the grass so he could pull my shorts and panties off. “I spent a fucking hour in the shower this morning thinking about this,” he growled tossing his shirt aside and unbuttoning his jeans. “How tight your pussy is, how wet it gets, how it feels when you claw my back.”
I let my legs fall open and his eyes went directly to my wet opening. “Keep talking like that and I’ll orgasm without you,” I panted, my chest rising and falling rapidly.
“You sure you don’t want me to take my time? I could eat this pussy until you’re screaming for me to stop. Then fill you up nice and slow.”
What woman wouldn’t want that? But my heart begged me not to take it.
“Please, Asher,” I pleaded.
His body came down over mine and with a firm thrust he was inside me. I screamed, curving my back and lifting my legs to wrap myself tightly around him. He started moving immediately. His arms flexed with each thrust, his breathing deep then short and shallow. He murmured words in my ear that I had to close my eyes to block out. Hearing him tell me how much he loved me and what I meant to him was splintering my heart because I felt the same way and couldn’t tell him. Not before it was safe for me to do so.
When I began to tremble and cry out in release, he held me close. I let myself just inhale his scent, feel him inside me and everywhere around me, and a small tear tricked from the corner of my eye and hid in my hair. In that moment, we were as we always should have been. We were happy, connected, complete. A second tear followed when I realized we might never have this again.
Asher Sutton
YELLING PULLED ME out of my sleep the next morning. I was up in the attic but I could still hear the words being hurled downstairs. Jumping out of bed and grabbing a pair of sweats to quickly pull on, I ran down the stairs as quickly as I could. We’d been waiting for things to escalate between Brent and Bray and it sounded like that moment had arrived.
I came to a stop as I turned the corner and walked into the kitchen. Bray swung his angry snarl at me. “Go the fuck back upstairs. We don’t need a referee,” he scowled knowing well why I was here.
“The hell you don’t,” interjected Dallas. “Calm them the fuck down.” He was looking at me now.
“Or why don’t y’all let me deal with this myself? The motherfucker was screwing my girlfriend. Dixie broke up with Steel, but not because she was fucking Asher. Because Asher wouldn’t do that to his own brother.” Brent’s tone was hard, but calm. He was angry, but he wasn’t on the verge of hitting anyone.
“It ain’t you we’re worried about. It’s the crazy ass one,” Steel said looking pointedly at Bray.
“She left. She fucking left. She left us both. What the fuck does it matter now? She obviously didn’t feel the same way either of us did,” Bray said without the anger I expected to seep from his words. He sounded hollow. Empty. A feeling I understood all too well.
“I just want to know why? Am I asking too much, Bray? Can’t you even give me a fucking reason why?” Brent was getting angrier now.
He slowly turned his gaze to his twin who simply replied, “No.”
“You motherfucking asshole,” Brent roared and moved fast. He was almost on top of Bray when Steel and Dallas grabbed him by the arms.
“He’s already got a black eye and swollen nose because of Asher,” Steel said holding him off Bray.
“Let him at me. I’ll give him one shot. Then I’m fighting back.”
I just watched it all unfold, not sure if this was their fight to finish. There was pain on both sides. They were closer than the rest of us. They had a bond none of us had. But what had happened with Scarlet was hard to overcome.
“You just take whatever you want, not caring about anyone but yourself, and when you end up hurting people, you use your temper as an excuse. You pitch a damn fit whenever you can’t get what you want.”
I was the oldest. They were waiting on me to arbitrate between them. To stop them when things got out of hand. It was what I had always done. But this was different. They were men, not boys anymore. “Let Brent go. This ain’t our fight to stop. But if you’re going to hit each other, take it outside and out of Momma’s kitchen.”
Brent stormed past everyone and opened the screen door. “Then get your ass outside,” he said shooting a challenge back at Bray.
Steel and Dallas looked at me like I’d lost my mind. I turned to them and shrugged. “It’s their fight. They need this.”
Bray was at the door when he put his hand on the screen and glanced back at Steel then me. “Since we’re all getting our shit out and dealing with things, why don’t you tell Steel about the fact you’ve been fucking Dixie down at the lake since she left him.”
I turned just as Steel’s fist met my face.
“Better take that shit outside,” Bray drawled, disappearing out the door.
“Holy hell,” Dallas muttered as I followed Bray outside. “Are y’all really about to just beat the shit out of each other?”
No one looked at him. No one even acknowledged his question. We all heard it but there was too much anger in the air to stop any of it now. I watched as Brent slammed into Bray and they went rolling down the grass hill behind them. Then I turned and looked at Steel. “You can have one more. Then I’m getting mine. Because I had her first. She was mine before she was yours.”
Steel glared at me. “You broke her heart.”
“And you know I had a good reason.”
Steel advanced on me. “We never even had sex.”
“Good.”
That was all it took. Steel’s hand connected with my jaw again and I let him. I took in two hits and then I just wrestled him until he was out of breath, evading his hits as well as I could. He put his hands on his knees and stared at the ground for several moments before tilting his head back and looking at me. “I loved her.”
“I still do. Never stopped and you knew it. Just didn’t care.”
He winced and looked away. “Always wanted her. She was my age. Too young for you, but she only ever saw you.”
“We didn’t plan this. You can’t plan what your heart wants.”
Steel sank down and sat on the ground. He stretched his feet out in front of him and got in a relaxed position. “Fuck if I know that.”
“I never touched her when you were with her.”
He nodded. “I know.”
I looked down the hill where grunts and hits were still filling the air. “Think we should stop them yet?” Steel asked.
“They’re gonna fucking kill each other,” Dallas said glaring at the two of us like we had lost our minds. “If you two are done, then help me save Brent’s face before Bray bashes it in. All this over damn women. Jesus, could y’all not just find other women and stop falling for the same ones?”
“Wait until you fall in love,” Steel said to him.
He shook his head. “Sure as hell won’t be Scarlet or Dixie. I can abso-fuckin’-lutely promise you that.”
Steel grinned and I knew we were going to be okay. Eventually. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but one day, all this would be behind us. One day we could all be happy for each other.
“Come on, let’s go stop them. Not sure they?
??ll stop on their own,” I told Steel, standing up.
“About damn time. You two take a few swings then chat it out while Brent’s getting beat to death,” Dallas said running down the hill.
“Get your asses up off that grass and stop that nonsense. I’m not having it. It’s ridiculous and a waste of time. That girl’s done run off. Get over it, the both of you,” Momma’s voice rang over the yard as she stood with a basket full of tomatoes from the garden.
Both of them paused.
“I mean it. Go wash the blood off,” she looked our way. “All of you. Then get to work. I ain’t making no breakfast for the likes of this bunch. Acting such a way as that.”
Brent and Bray didn’t make a move to continue.
“What about me? I didn’t fight with anyone.” Dallas said looking panicked over the idea of no breakfast.
“I’m sure you did something to be punished. Fix yourself some cheese toast. I got work to do.”
She didn’t wait to see if we did as she said. She just knew we would. Brent didn’t look as bad as Dallas was sure he would. They looked equally beaten to me. Brent’s anger and hurt had given him more of a fight.
Their hurt wouldn’t heal any time soon. What Bray had done couldn’t be forgiven easily. Brent would need a lot of time.
He looked at Bray. “This doesn’t make it okay.” That was all he said before walking up the hill and out to the barn to wash up.
“Fucking women,” Dallas said shaking his head.
One day he’d meet one that made him change his mind.
We didn’t get all washed up nor did we get ready for work.
The ambulance siren stopped us all. It was close. Too close.