~Marcus Tullius Cicero
We sat on the floor in silence for several minutes. My body twitched as my new power pulsed through me. My tennis shoes squeaked against the wood floor when my legs jerked.
"Do you need anything?" Anali asked softly.
"I...I'm not sure." My body felt strange and uncomfortable, I wasn't sure how to read it any more.
"Well," Gavin began thoughtfully. "You've been through a big change, so I'm not surprised you're confused. Can you tell if you need to sit still, or sleep, or move around?"
"We could rent movies and stay in today," Anali suggested.
My feet twitched as a wave of energy went through them. I couldn't imagine sitting still all day, and I was too wired to sleep. "I think I need to move, but I'm not sure I want to be around a lot of people."
"The energy from Akasha is very connected to nature, maybe we could go for a walk or something," Anali offered.
"Hey, Golden Gate Park is a few blocks away. We can tour the gardens, or feed the ducks, or walk around," Gavin suggested. Getting up, he looked out the window. "It's cold, but not horrible outside. I bet if we bundle up we'll be fine, and I doubt very many other people are out and about."
Cool green leaves and fresh air—that might help. "That sounds good." I stood up, happy to find the dizziness passed.
"Give us a minute," Gavin said, grabbing a brown leather messenger bag by the door. "I'll get water and some bread."
"I'll get our warm coats and scarves," Anali offered, and then she turned to me. "Do you need anything?"
"I don't think so. I have a coat, scarf, and hat," I said sorting through my pile of stuff on the floor.
"I'll pack an extra sweater for you in case it gets cold," Anali said grabbing a large yellow bag. "I have some gloves you can use."
"Thanks, do you need any help?" I asked. My hands were shaking, I wasn't sure how much of a help I could be, but I felt I needed to offer.
"No thanks, we'll just be a minute," Anali said as she walked away.
I stood by the door keeping my breath slow and steady, hoping it would help. For a moment I felt calm and still, then the energy spiked and my arm twitched. If Melanie saw this, I would be in the emergency room. I needed to find a way to get my body back under control.
"Okay let's go," Gavin said with a grin. He wore a fuzzy blue-and-green hat, which made his red hair even brighter. When he turned, I saw that the top of the hat came to a point and hung down to his shoulders. He looked like a mutant elf.
The air felt cool and damp as the winter sun slowly burned off the fog. Taking a deep breath, I felt the energy inside me settle a bit. Maybe going for a walk would be a good thing. We strolled past old Victorian row houses, all brightly painted, lined up like ladies at a ball waiting to be asked to dance.
Stepping onto the path lined with weeping willows and solid pine trees, I felt the power in me thrum happily. This had been a good idea. We walked along, Gavin and Anali holding hands and enjoying the cold winter day.
Each step seemed to settle the energy in me, like shaking out a bed sheet to get rid of the wrinkles. I could still feel the connection to Akasha through the necklace, now a soft gentle flow instead of a hot surge of power. The spikes of energy slowed down and so did the random twitching. My hands still shook, but I knew it would be okay as long as we kept walking.
We stopped at a pond to feed the fat ducks and geese. "How are you feeling?" Gavin asked as he handed me a slice of stale bread.
"Much better. I'm a bit nervous that the shaking will start again now that we have stopped walking," I said, tossing a chunk of bread onto the gray water.
"If it does, let us know, and we'll start moving again," Anali said. She dug into Gavin's messenger bag. "Here, the purple water bottle can be yours."
Taking the bottle, I drank. "Thanks, I hadn't realized I was so thirsty."
"You have a lot going on," Anali said, with a motherly smile.
"That's the last of the bread." Gavin tossed the last few crumbs into the water. "Do you want to keep walking?"
"I don't know, I'm not shaking anymore, but the energy still feels unsettled."
"That's fine," Gavin said. "It's pleasant out, for winter, and I enjoy walking." Gavin smiled, he looked lost in a memory. "Your mom always made me walk places. I wanted to take the bus, or a taxi. Gabriella would grab my arm and say some quote from some Roman philosopher about exercise being good for the soul."
"'It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor.' Marcus Tullius Cicero," I recited without thinking.
Gavin turned, his green eyes blazing. "What? Where did you hear that?"
I cleared my throat. "Mom left me a journal. She filled it with quotes and lessons she wanted me to learn."
Gavin turned away from me, trying to hide his tears.
"Did she explain the quotes?" Anali asked, allowing Gavin to turn from us as he wiped away his tears.
"Yes, each page has a quote and then mom wrote the lesson she wanted me to learn from it," I answered, not looking up. Taking a deep breath I decided to share the most precious thing I owned with them. Closing my eyes, I focused on that page in the journal and began to recite it. "I don't know how I would cope with the stress of life without exercise. This morning we practiced yoga. You slid under me so we could do down dog pose. I could see us together in the mirror, my triangle above yours, protecting and supporting you.
“Your life will be filled with stress and difficult choices. I encourage you to find a type of exercise that you enjoy and which helps you cope with life. It won't help if you hate every minute of it. There will be something you love to do: dancing, running, swinging, swimming, walking, sports, climbing, or yoga. Find something, take care of yourself, and you will be able to handle everything life throws at you."
"Your mother loved quotes," Gavin said, his deep voice rough. "She also swam. Gabriella was on swim team through high school. She wasn't a strong enough swimmer to make her college team, but she never stopped swimming." Gavin paused for a moment his eyes darting from side to side as if searching for something deep in his brain. "I think her high school swim coach suggested she do yoga."
"I didn't know she was a swimmer. I, um...I guess I could bring her journal, if you want to read it."
"I would love to read it. She started it while pregnant. Gabriella was afraid that she would be a bad mother and forget to teach you all sorts of important things, so she started the quote journal," Gavin said with a sad smile. "Maybe I'll finally learn some of the things she was trying to teach me."
Anali laughed. "I'm not that lucky."
"Hey!" Gavin protested. The tension faded, although I could still feel Gavin's sadness.
Taking his arm, Anali tugged softly. "Let's keep walking. It's too chilly to stand in one place for long."
Gavin placed his gloved hand over hers. "Of course, love. Sara, are you done with the water? If so I'll put it back into my bag."
I took another drink, then handed the purple bottle to him. "Thanks."
"No problem." Gavin paused for a moment. "I know it's hard for me to talk about your parents, but I do want to tell you about them."
"I like hearing about them," I answered, then hesitated. "I'm not sure what to feel."
Anali once again smoothed everything over. "Both of you will be fine. Gavin is mourning the loss of his family; Sara, you're learning you have one. There is no right or wrong to feelings; stop worrying so much."
Gavin kissed her cheek. "You're right of course, my dear. I don't know why I didn't think to ask for your help sooner."
Anali blushed, her large almond eyes softening with love. "I'm always here for you."
"Then I am the luckiest man on earth."
Oh gross! They're getting all mushy. Turning away in case they started kissing, I began walking, kicking the dry leaves on the ground. Behind me Gavin and Anali chuckled.
"Oh, look, what's that?" Anali asked about twenty minute
s later.
I followed where she pointed through the trees, shifting to see through the dense leaves. There, shining in the filtered light, stood a white building. Even through the cloudy sky the sun reflected off the bright white walls.
Gavin shrugged. "Let's go find out."
As we walked the trees thinned out, and we finally saw the whole building. It looked old-fashioned with a large dome in the center and a smaller dome on each end. The spires and arches made it look like a building from an old romantic movie.
"It's a greenhouse," Anali said, standing on tiptoe.
"It must be the Conservatory of Flowers," Gavin answered. "I think I went here as a kid. Do you want to go?"
"I would love to," exclaimed Anali.
"Sara, will you be okay? It doesn't look very crowded, but there are people," Gavin said, pointing to the front.
There were a few people in the front walking up the stairs, admiring the winter flowers, and checking the time on the large garden clock. The shaking had stopped. I could feel the increased energy, but it now felt smooth. It seemed to flow gently through me. "I'm willing to try it. I like flowers."
"Okay, but if you need to leave at any time, just let us know," Gavin said, reaching out to touch my shoulder.
"Okay."
Judging by the spring in Anali's step, she really liked flowers. As we passed people I could feel them, but just an awareness of them and not an assault of emotion.
I took off my coat and hat as soon as we entered the warm, humid greenhouse. The white wooden frame was soft against the clear glass windows.
"They have one of the largest collections of orchids in America," Anali read from the brochure provided.
Gavin and I followed along as Anali pointed out everything of interest. I had never seen such fascinating plants and flowers in my life. The orchids took my breath away.
I looked through the dense foliage trying to find any hidden flowers. Most of the orchids were easy to find. Their bright colors and wild, alien-looking blossoms caught my eye. Anali decided to find as many orchids as possible. Since the Conservatory grew hundreds, a hunt began. Any time Gavin or I found some small hidden blossom she hadn't seen yet, Anali would give a soft cry of delight.
Peering past leaves as big as my head, I saw a young couple sitting on a bench. The man reached into his pocket and went to the ground on one knee. The woman's eyes filled with tears, and her hands shook as he proposed to her. I was hit with a wave of emotions: love, excitement, and nervousness all jumbled together. Without a thought, my power flared, and the foreign emotions were blocked. I could tell what the couple felt, but it no longer bothered me.
"Are you okay?" Anali asked.
"I think so. I'm not sure what happened." Well, I knew what happened but not how I protected myself.
"It feels like you put up a shield to block people's emotions."
"How could I have done that, and how could you know?" I asked turning to Anali.
"My gift is empathy, remember?" Anali explained. "At first it was hard for me, also. I could feel everything. Then I began dreaming, and Dadi, my grandmother, gave me a necklace. I began to remember my dreams, and I learned to control my gift." Anali reached into her shirt and pulled out a necklace like mine, a golden circle with a bright flame. "Give it time, Sara, you'll be able to remember the lessons Aya and Shamash have taught you. Until then things like this might suddenly happen when you need extra help."
I nodded. This was better than feeling every single emotion around me, but I wasn't excited about being able to do new things without knowing what I was doing. "Okay. Did you find any new orchids?"
Anali patted my arm, a soft smile on her face. "There is a small pale green one under that plant over there. Have you seen one like that?"
"No, not yet," I said, grateful Anali let the subject drop.
It was almost two o’clock before our hunger won out over our desire to find all the orchids.
"Sara," Gavin said once we were away from the crowd around the conservatory, "have you thought about your name?"
Crap, I hadn't thought about that at all. "A little bit. Aya and Shamash call me Sapphire." Sapphire and Sara were two different people, and I wasn't sure who I was or who I wanted to be.
Gavin ran a hand through his hair. "Sure, you're used to being called Sara."
I twisted the hem of my sleeve around my fingers. "But you've been looking for Sapphire."
"I have. I held you on the day you were born, celebrated birthdays and holidays with you, and knew you as Sapphire." Gavin looked at me and waited.
First my mom's journal, and now giving in on my name? What is it about Gavin that makes me want to make him happy? "I don't think I want to change my name, but if you would like to call me Sapphire, that would be okay."
I squeaked as Gavin swept me up into a hug. "Thank you. It means so much to me."
My stomach growled.
"We better get some food into you." Gavin beamed and moved ahead. "Come on, Anali. Come on, Sapphire. There’s a great diner between here and home."
Anali touched my arm. "You have given him a great gift today, thank you."
My checks heated up as I blushed. "It's not that big a deal."
"It is. Gavin is very connected to Sapphire. It’s Sapphire who is his niece, not Sara. I know you still feel like Sara, not Sapphire."
Note to self: don't bother lying or trying to hide around Anali.
I began walking towards Gavin. "I need to start accepting who I am."
"You can take all the time you need. We will support you no matter what." Anali wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck as the breeze picked up.
"Come on, I'm getting cold." Gavin's hair whipped around him in the wind.
Gavin read the list of twenty different types of pie they served while we waited for our lunch and ate homemade bread with butter. I don't think I'd ever eaten homemade bread before. New favorite food.
"Sapphire," Gavin's face lit up when he said my name. "Do you think it would be okay if the other Children of Fire call you by your real name? It's just that it might get confusing if everyone is calling you by different names."
"Gavin," Anali said, her tone calm but letting him know she wasn't pleased.
I hoped they weren't going to fight. Even the nicest-acting people could get mean and nasty when angry, and I wasn't ready to find out if either of them had a split personality. I did feel pressured into being called Sapphire, but it made Gavin so happy.
"Here you go." The waitress set down large bowls of steaming soup.
What did I think about everyone at the Circus Center calling me Sapphire? I took a bite of the rich soup enjoying how it warmed me up. It was just a name, it wasn't that big a deal, right?
I didn't remember Gavin from before. I wasn't excited about living with him or being the Jewel, but I could give him this. I still didn’t know why I care about how Gavin felt. Maybe it was a side effect of the empathy. Of course I would still be Sara at home and at school, so it wouldn’t be all that bad.
"It's fine with me if the others call me Sapphire."
Gavin beamed. I focused on my meal.