"I do."
Lise considered that for a moment. "What was it like?"
Zarya wasn't sure what she meant. "What was what like?"
"Having a mother. Was she kind?"
Zarya couldn't speak for several seconds around the lump in her throat that those words caused. It'd always saddened her that Sorche couldn't remember their mother. But Lise's was alive...
I will never understand Natale. How could she neglect her children so?
"She was wonderful. I'm sure we fought, but I don't remember it at all. I only remember her laughing and hugging us."
"I'm so sorry, Z."
Her apology startled her. "For what?"
"Everything my uncle did to you." Lise glanced over to Sorche who was snoring ever so softly. "I know how much Patrice and Rachelle meant to Sorche. She said that you and Rachelle were very close."
Zarya clenched her teeth against the wave of pain that crashed through her at the mention of her sisters. She even missed her brother's meanness. "We were."
"Sorche talks about them all the time, but she said that you don't."
Tears welled up in Zarya's eyes, blinding her for a moment. "I can't," she said with a short sob. It was why she'd blocked out those memories of Darling's visits when they'd been children. She missed her family so much that when she looked back, it felt like something gutted her. She still couldn't believe they were gone.
That she'd never see them again...
Lise wrapped her arm around Zarya's shoulders and hugged her. "I get it now."
Zarya cleared her throat. "Get what?"
"You and Darling. You've both had the weight of the universe on you for a long time. From the cradle, my father filled Darling with responsibility. And my mother shoved so much on him that I'm surprised it didn't break his back to carry it all. Meanwhile, your father made you responsible for the entire Resistance, as well as Sorche and Rachelle."
Strange, she'd never thought of it that way. She'd never considered her sisters a burden. But Lise was right. She and Darling did have that in common.
"Darling was the only parent I've ever known and Sorche said that you've been her only mother."
Zarya glanced down at her little sister. "Yeah, but I never minded."
Lise fell quiet for a few seconds. "I wonder if Darling ever did."
"Did what?"
"Minded us." Lise flinched.
"Is your back all right?" she asked, worried about the pain she saw on Lise's face.
Lise nodded. "It's not the back. I flashed on Darling and all the times Arturo would start toward me or his daughters, and Darling would put himself between us, giving us time to escape while he drew Arturo's attention and fire to him. It had to bother him, didn't it? But he never said anything about it. Not once."
Zarya took her hand and held it gently. "He loves you, Lise. Dearly. So no, I don't think he minded at all."
"I really need to be nicer to him."
Smiling, Zarya started to respond, but the operating room door finally opened.
Her throat went dry as Syn came out, looking pale and shaky. Exhausted. Without a word, he went over to Nero and pulled the flask off his belt. Tipping his head back, he took a deep swallow.
Nykyrian and Kiara returned a second before Maris joined their group.
Terrified of Syn's behavior, Zarya gently pushed her sister off her shoulder, got up and went over to him. "Is Darling all right?"
Syn returned the flask to Nero, then nodded. "I've got him stabilized. For now."
Hauk scowled. "What happened?"
Syn ground his teeth. "We lost him three times on the table and had to resuscitate him." He glared at Nykyrian as if it was somehow his fault. "Damn you half-blooded mongrels. You make it hard as hell on us to treat you. None of you react to anything like you're supposed to."
Half-blooded? Those words echoed in her head. She frowned at Syn. "Darling's human, isn't he?"
Syn didn't answer her question as he continued his report. "Because it's Darling, we're not sure how well the new procedure will take. But I did a little more work on his internals while I had him under. The additional stress shocked his system, which was really stupid on my part. However, I knew the chances of getting him back on the table would be slim, so I wanted to get as much done on him as I could." He pulled the surgical cap off. "I seriously hope I haven't made a mistake."
Nykyrian placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You're the best there is, Syn. He'll be fine."
Syn's gaze doubted that confidence.
"Can I see him?" Nero asked.
"He won't be awake for a while."
Nero refused to be daunted. "But can I see him?"
"Sure."
When Syn went to show him the way, Nero stopped him. "I got it. You stay here with the others."
Syn frowned, but didn't argue as Nero left them in the waiting room and vanished through the doors. "Damn. I should have grabbed his flask again."
Fain handed him his. "My shit's better, anyway. Nero's a cheap bastard who has no taste buds."
Syn saluted him with the flask.
Caillen tsked as Syn took a deep drink. "You wouldn't be doing that if Shahara was here."
"Damn straight. She'd kick my ass sideways and you better not tell her I did this. I will kick yours if you do."
"Don't make it a habit and I won't."
Zarya glanced at Maris who'd been eerily quiet through everything. "How long before Darling wakes up?" she asked Syn.
He shrugged. "There's no telling. His metabolism is faster than most so he burns through medication like nothing I've ever seen. It's why it's so hard to put him out medically and why you never want to try and drink him under the table... After we rescued him from the Resistance, I went through most of the pharmacy in one week alone just to keep him in a coma so he could heal."
His gaze touched on everyone who stood around him. "There's no need for you guys to hang. I've got him under tight observation and he's not going to want to talk to anyone when he wakes." He jerked his head toward the hallway. "In fact I'm going to crash in my office for a while."
Lise walked over to Fain. "Are you staying, or heading home?"
"Why?"
"If you're staying, I'd like to sleep and shower on your ship."
"Sure."
Drake cleared his throat. "You're not going there alone, little girl. Not with Fain's reputation where women are concerned."
She rolled her eyes at her brother, then looked at Zarya. "I'll pay you money to kill him."
Chayden laughed. "Well, if you want your brother killed, you're in the right place, but asking the wrong person. I think everyone here, but Zarya, is a trained assassin."
"Drake's not trained," Lise said flippantly.
Zarya saw a nervous light flash in Drake's eyes before he caught himself.
Frowning, she wondered what he was hiding from the rest of his family. Obviously, he'd been trained by someone. But the three of them were gone before she could ask about it.
The others followed suit.
Syn yawned before he looked at her and Maris. "I'm going to bet that you two aren't leaving."
"No," they said in unison.
He scratched at the back of his neck. "C'mon. I'll have a cot brought into Darling's room for you to sleep on," he said to her. "And I'll send your sister down to the empty office next to mine that has a couch she can crash on."
"Thank you."
He inclined his head to her as he led her toward the doors. "Should I have one brought for you, too, Mari?"
"No, thanks. But I will go back for the drinks I left when I saw you come in." Maris touched her elbow. "I won't be long." He squeezed her lightly before he took his leave.
Once they were alone, she pulled Syn to a stop. "What aren't you saying about Darling?"
"Really nothing. I'm just worried."
Which worried her. "About his dying?"
"Partly, but that's not my biggest fear." There was a haunted, chi
lling light in his black eyes. "You weren't here when I took the bandages off his face and he saw the scars your people gave him. He didn't cope well, Zarya. Not at all."
That she could believe. Who would have? "He's still not coping well."
Syn snorted. "Do you blame him?"
"No." Her throat tightened as she thought about the constant pain Darling lived in, and all the damage that had been done by his own allies. "I'm not sure I would cope as well as he has, all things considered."
"Yeah," Syn breathed. "So I'm nervous as hell about what we might find this time and how he's going to react if there's little, or gods forbid, no change."
Honestly, so was she. But she refused to consider that. If it happened, they'd deal with it. "I don't care what he looks like."
"Yeah, but he does." Syn sighed in disgust. "You know why he grew his hair over the scar?"
"He hated the sight of it."
Syn laughed bitterly. "Yeah... That's the simple answer. The truth? We were in a restaurant when Darling was twenty-one, maybe twenty-two, having dinner and celebrating the fact that we'd been able to repair all the damage on his face except for that one scar... which given the severity of what we started with was damn incredible. I know Ryn didn't do it on purpose, but damn... Darling's face was awful before the surgeries... Anyway, Darling was finally so happy that he looked human again. It was the first time he'd been out in public since he was scarred by his fight. While he was in the middle of thanking me for repairing him, the manager came over and asked if we'd mind moving to a corner table so that Darling could face the wall."
She scowled in confusion. "Why?"
The rage in that black gaze scorched her. "Some of the diners had complained. They'd told him that seeing Darling's face was making them lose their appetites. If I live to be a thousand, I'll never forget the way Darling took that news. He looked like someone had kicked his teeth in. So he covered the scar with his hand and literally wilted in front of me. I punched the son of a bitch for it, but the damage was done. Darling was so embarrassed that he left immediately."
Her own fury ignited. "People can be so mean."
"Don't even go there with me," Syn said between clenched teeth. "I've seen a side of people you better pray God you never do. Anyway, after that Darling wouldn't go into public without a crash helmet covering his entire face. Not until his hair grew long enough to hide the scar. Even then, it was years before he stopped holding his hair in place with one hand to make sure nothing exposed it."
"I understand. Believe me, I know exactly how self-conscious he is of it."
Nodding glumly, he led her down the hallway. "I really hope, for his sake, this surgery works."
So did she. With every part of her.
They slowed as they reached a room that had a strange orangish-red glow coming out from the bottom of the door.
What in the Nine Systems?
They exchanged a questioning scowl before Syn opened it. The glow vanished the instant he touched the handle.
Zarya followed him into the room to find Nero standing on the other side of Darling's bed.
But that wasn't what held her attention. Her stomach shrank into a tight knot as her gaze went straight to Darling. There were numerous monitors hooked to him. But it was the bandage covering his entire face that scared her. She couldn't make out any part of his features.
"Did something happen?" Syn asked Nero.
"No. Why?"
Syn looked like he started to say something, then he reconsidered. "Never mind."
Zarya paused as she noted the way Nero stood, and the expression on his face. It was so similar to one of Darling's that it startled her. They had the same eyes. Not the color, but the shape of them. While Darling's were blue, Nero's were gray. Their noses were also very similar.
If she didn't know better...
Nero arched a brow at her. "You okay?"
She mentally shook herself and wondered if she was imagining it. "I am."
"Uh... yeah. I should probably warn you that you can't lie to me." His tone was level, but there was a peculiar note in it. "You're stressed and you're scared. You really should relax and calm down."
Her suspicion ran rampant at his words. "What do you know that I don't?"
He glanced to Syn. "I have an answer about one of your concerns for Darling."
Syn quirked a curious expression at Nero. "Which one?"
"Darling can father children."
Those most unexpected words left her completely breathless. Was he implying...
She closed her gaping jaw. "Excuse me?"
Nero gave her a lopsided grin. "For the baby's sake, you need to rest, and yes, I'm exactly what you're thinking I am."
Trisani. A chill went down her spine. She'd never met one before. Few people had since they'd been hunted to the brink of extinction. But everyone knew about their legendary psychic abilities. Abilities that were so great, most of them were killed in their youth before they could develop them. Others were kept as drugged slaves and ruthlessly used. An even larger number of them had been experimented on to the point they willed themselves dead.
Now they were an endangered species.
Nero turned toward Syn. "Can you give us a few?"
"Sure. I need to see about a bed for her anyway." Syn left them alone.
Nero folded his arms over his chest. "And to answer your earlier question from the waiting room, Darling's my cousin. But only Syn knows that, and only because of Darling's surgeries. We had to tell him since he needed to know exactly what he was dealing with whenever he operated on Darling. Due to the hostility toward our people, it's not something we ever talk about."
"Then Darling knows he's partially Trisani?"
He nodded. "Don't fret, though. Darling's a good eighty to ninety percent human, genetically. He has just enough of our DNA to screw with his metabolism and genetics. But that's a good thing. It's the only reason he wasn't hurt worse by what the Resistance did to him. Had he been fully human, he wouldn't have survived it."
While she was grateful Darling was still alive, those words hit her hard. Had he been completely human, he would never have been forced to endure so much. "Can you tell me what's going to--"
"No," Nero said, cutting her off. "My powers don't work that way. The future is in constant flux and I don't have the ability to pinpoint the decisions you'll make that impact it. I can see several outcomes, but I won't know which one is correct until it comes into being."
That made sense, but she hated that he couldn't tell her what would happen. "Which is why you're telling me to rest."
"Exactly. And I can tell you what is fact. Such as, Darling loves you more than anything. I know you love him the same."
Those words should make her happy and yet..."Why do I have a bad feeling there's a but in your tone?"
"You know the but." His voice was eerily calm and distant. "It haunts every second you breathe." Nero looked down at Darling. "He has the ability to be the greatest governor in Caronese history. But he will step down to keep you with him. Drake's not old enough to lead yet, and Ryn can't lead because of his mother's bloodline."
"Could you?"
Nero shook his head. "I'm related to him on his mother's side."
Which meant no. Inheritance was only traced through the males.
Zarya's heart sank as she considered what Nero was really saying. "So you're telling me that I need to leave him."
"I'm not telling you anything." He stressed the last word. "It's not my life to live. Any more than it's my decision to make. If you stay with him, his enemies will come at him with everything they have, and it will be fierce. If you leave, he will follow you. Especially since you carry his child. His throne means nothing to him compared to you. It never will."
Honestly, she didn't like the sound of those options. No matter what, Darling lost.
Nero approached her slowly. "I didn't mean to add to your stress, Zarya. But I thought you should know. It's not going to be easy."
/>
Nothing ever was.
She swallowed against the pain inside her. "Have you ever been in love?"
"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life."
Zarya didn't miss the fact that he avoided answering her question.
Or was he saying that love was a mistake?
"But you know," he continued, "in all the regrets I have, the one thing that never bothered me were the decisions I made with my heart. The rational ones, the ones I made while I was scared or desperate, those hammer at me constantly."
She didn't know why, but she had a bad suspicion that someone had hurt him in the past. Terribly. A betrayal so foul that he couldn't even speak of it.
She glanced to Darling, and tried to decide what to do. "I don't know if I can leave him."
"Then you shouldn't."
Yes, but how could she stay if it caused him to be attacked?
She placed her hand over her stomach and considered the baby that was there. But for Nero, she'd have no idea at all that she carried a part of Darling with her. "How far along am I?"
"A little over a week."
Oh yeah... he had to be messing with her. There was no way he could know that. "And you can tell?" she asked suspiciously.
He winked at her. "I'm much more reliable than any pregnancy test."
Still, she wasn't ready to believe him. "Have you ever been wrong?"
"Nope. You can bet on me any day."
Then I'm pregnant. The reality sank in slowly. A part of her was so happy, she could fly. But the rest of her was terrified and stunned.
Although, she shouldn't be that surprised. It wasn't like she hadn't known it would be a possibility given what they'd been doing, and the fact that they hadn't been using protection... Something they'd always used when he was Kere.
Funny how she hadn't even thought about her pregnancy shots having run out before Maris bought her. She'd always been so conscientious about it. But since their reunion, she'd been focused on so many other things that the possibility hadn't even occurred to her.
I'm going to be a mom for real.
Her thoughts drifted for several minutes as she fully accepted the weight of that reality and responsibility. There was a piece of Darling inside her. Right now. A part that would grow into a baby she hoped looked just like him...
What are we going to name you, little one?
Yeah, that, too, was scary. What if she screwed it up? All of the Caronese aristos had unreasonably long names like Darling's. Her full name was Escadara Marahn Zarya Clotile Starska.