"He's saying you don't dress like a woman." Caillen scoffed at her. "And you don't. Worst day of my life was when I caught up to you size wise. You've been stealing my clothes ever since and stretching out all my shirts."
She punched him hard on the biceps. "You better remember I don't hit like a woman either and I know where you sleep. Shay and Tess will weep in agony when they find your bloody remains after I exact my revenge."
"Oh yeah right. Like you'd kill me before I pay off my ship. I know better. You live in fear of that kind of debt and without me you'd get arrested anyway."
"Enough bitching." Shahara held her hand up in an imperious gesture that miraculously kept them from arguing further. Then she moved to the other side and slid in between Caillen and Kasen.
Desideria paused the clip to stuCaillen and his three sisters. They looked nothing alike. But there was no missing the love between them. Caillen had his arms wrapped around Shahara and Kasen, and the third, Tessa, held on to Shahara like a lifeline.
All of them smiling. It was such a sweet, tender moment that she felt like she was intruding just to see it. And it made her ache that she'd never once had a moment like that in her own life. Never once had her sisters held her like Caillen held his. They didn't share laughter or gentle teasing. Only caustic, vicious retorts.
She and her sisters would have fought to the death over the words Kasen had said to Caillen or vice versa.
Her heart aching with the cold truth of how little her family cared about each other, she traced the lines of Caillen's smiling face on the screen and wondered if he'd be like her father... when she'd been a child and on nights when her mother hadn't required his presence, he would sneak out of his chambers to visit her in the wee hours after everyone was asleep. They'd gone on midnight rides, and walks, and had held many a campout under the stars.
Out of sheer jealousy Narcissa would report it anytime she discovered them and her father would be punished severely for it. But it never stopped him from coming. No matter how savage the beating.
"You're worth it, my little rose. No one will ever take you from me and nothing will stop me from seeing you. Not even your mother." She could still feel the warmth of his hug. There were times even now when she was sure he was with her. Times when she liked to pretend that she could feel his gentle presence.
But that wasn't Qillaq.
She glanced over to Caillen and her heart lurched as she saw how badly damaged he was from trying to protect her. Deep inside, she was sure he'd be like that with his own daughter.
That thought brought a foreign tenderness to her. And a part of her, to this day, was still angry at the gods who'd taken her father's life. It was so unfair for him to die and leave her alone, to abandon her to a world where no one would ever again think she was good enough for anything. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't blot out the memory of her mother and aunt's constant criticisms. If only she could have had a few more years of her father telling her that she wasn't stupid, fat, ugly and worthless...
But there was nothing she could do.
He was gone and she was alone.
Her gaze went back to Caillen, making her wonder what it would be like to laugh with him the way his sisters did. Closing her eyes, she imagined a wedding for them similar to Syn and Shahara's.
A Qillaq marriage ceremony was nothing like theirs. There was no peaceful taking of the hands and telling witnesses how much they meant to each other. On her world, the woman claimed the man by battle. If he defeated her, they were equal. If not, she ruled him and he was forced to obey her orders. In theory, the man had an advantage, but Desideria had a bad suspicion that the men were drugged. No one had ever told her that. Yet she remembered her father once talking about how sick he'd been whe he'd fought her mother. It was cruel and unfair.
I would never do that to someone.
If she couldn't defeat the man honestly, she didn't want to rule him.
And that's why you're such a disappointment to your mother.
That thought brought back all her self-doubts and the angry voices in her head that she tried so hard to squelch.
Needing a reprieve from it, she flipped through more pictures of Caillen's family. She only saw a handful of other people. His sisters were in there repeatedly in all manner of candid shots. Along with Syn, two Andarions--one of whom was blond and never smiled--Darling Cruel, and the next to the last was a beautiful lady holding an infant in her arms. The woman looked so much like Caillen that Desideria realized this must be his real mother. Odd that he didn't have a single picture of his adoptive parents or Emperor Evzen.
Just his mother holding him as a baby.
Very strange.
The final photo was one of a beautiful woman who didn't appear related to anyone else. Though she was smiling, her eyes were cold. Calculating. Something about her sent a shiver over her.
Desideria put the frame aside and continued to take inventory of what they had. She found a small shaving kit, toothbrush and other personal hygiene items, but nothing that said anything more about him.
She wondered why.
Obviously, there'd be no answer while he was unconscious. Only more questions.
Her stomach growled as she put the small frame away. She ignored it. Besides the crackers, the pack contained two more packages of food and she didn't want to eat it while Caillen was down. He'd need it to keep his strength up.
Leaning her head back against the wall, she closed her eyes and said a small prayer that her mother would be safe and that they'd both make it off this planet alive.
Yeah well, if she can't defend herself, she deserves to die.
It was a bloody harsh thought for her mother. One that would probably make her mother proud.
But it shamed her and she didn't know why. Needing comfort, she again took Caillen's hand in hers. It was a minor point of contact and yet it did wonders for her spirit. And as she sat there, she remembered those nights where she'd dreamed of being hugged and held by a man.
Over the years, she'd forced those memories down and banned them. Now they were back and a part of her that scared her craved that kind of warm intimacy.
With Caillen. She wanted him to look at her the way Syn had looked at Shahara. Like he lived and breathed for her. Like she was his entire universe.
What are you saying? She was tired. Yeah, that was it.
Get me out of here soon. If they didn't...
Maybe being eaten by the Andarions wouldn't be so bad after all.
*
Caillen woke up slowly to find himself still in the hole they'd crawled into to hide. He was sore and aching, but not as much as he'd been when he passed out. His body was now down to a dull, constant pain not the violent throbbing he'd had earlier.
It was dark with only the faintest bit of light coming off the blue stick. For the merest instant, he thought he was alone until he heard the sound of a light snore.
That sound quickened his pulse as he saw Desideria lying behind him asleep. She was curled against his spine like a kitten with one hand tangled in his hair. The gesture warmed him and made his body roar to life as he imagined her naked and kissing him. Oh yeah, he'd love nothing better than to bury his nose in the hollow of her throat and breathe her in until he was drunk on her scent while he slid himself deep inside her.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd wanted a woman this badly. It took everything he had not to bend over and kiss her, but that would startle her and he would never, ever touch a woman without her explicit invitation. Her body was her own and he had no right to encroach on it in any way.
Damn it...
He shifted ever so slightly to alleviate some of the pain of his raging hard-on that now overrode the rest of his body.
Desideria shot to her feet and jerked around as if expecting to be attacked from all directions. Had she not been so terrified, he'd have laughed at her panic.
But he wouldn't be so cruel.
"Sorry." The word came out
as a hoarse croak from his parched throat. "Didn't mean to startle you."
She jerked toward him and the relief and tenderness for him on her face stole his breath. No woman not related to him had ever given him a look like that. "You're awake." That one word carried a bucketful of joy. She acted as if she'd expected him to wake up dead.
Which begged one really important question. "How long have I been out?"
She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she calmed down. "Two days."
Her words stunned him. Was that possible? "Two days?" he repeated in disbelief.
"Yeah. I was beginning to fear you'd never wake up."
He was stuck in a state of complete denial. She had to be wrong about that. She had to be. There was no way he could have stayed unconscious for that long and left her to fend for herself. It amazed him that she was still alive.
More to the point that she was still here.
"How?"
She scowled at him. "How have you been unconscious?"
"No. How did you survive?"
That brought the color into her cheeks as she stiffened, ready to battle. Indignation lit a titanic fire in the dark depth of her eyes. "I'm not helpless."
"I wasn't implying that you were by any stretch of the imagination, but I know our supplies were almost nonexistent. How did you find more food?"
That seemed to defuse her anger a bit. "I rationed the food between us and you no longer have any crackers or sauce packets in your backpack--they're actually not so bad when you combine them. You didn't really eat, but I gave you most of the water to keep you from dehydrating."
He was floored by her actions. "Why would you do that?"
"Like I told you, we're in this together."
"That's not very Qillaq of you. I thought you guys were all about screw everyone's survival but your own."
Desideria looked away from his piercing gaze as the truth of that seared her. It was their code. It'd been preached to her since the hour of her birth.
But it hadn't been her father's. He'd taught her better and she'd much rather subscribe to his loyalty than her mother's treachery.
"I owe you."
Caillen saw a ghost in her gaze. A haunted memory caused by something he'd said, but he had no idea what it was or what had triggered it.
In truth, he was completely stunned by her words and actions. They were so uncharacteristic for her race...
Let it go. It was obvious it bothered her and she didn't want to talk about it. So he switched the topic to something safe. "Have the Andarions been back?"
"A couple of times. I put your mirror devices on the trapdoor and I sprayed your pheromones around. I think they know we're here, but that seems to be keeping them confused as to our exact location."
Caillen grimaced as he moved and pain lacerated his chest and arm. Glancing over to the mirrors, he saw that she'd positioned them correctly, which was impressive. They weren't always the easiest thing to work with.
"Good, the mirrors should hide the opening even from their eyes and block all their scanning equipment--even the most advanced ones."
"Really?"
He nodded. "One of Darling's better toys." Bracing for more pain, he lifted himself up on his uninjured arm.
Suddenly Desideria was there, helping him An unfamiliar tenderness pierced him through his chest. A foreign sensation he wasn't used to. He leaned against the wall as she reached for the water beside him. The bottle was only half full.
She held it out toward him like a peace offering. "This is the last of it, so you might want to sip slowly."
Caillen hesitated. Yes, he was thirsty, but he wasn't about to slight her. Not after what she'd done for him. "When was the last time you had some?"
"A few hours ago."
Yeah, right. He saw the way she glanced down and left when she spoke--a sure sign that she was lying. "Why don't I believe you?"
" 'Cause it was yesterday?" The expression on her face was adorable. Her smile was impish and her hair tousled. It was all he could do not to kiss her.
But that would probably get him bitch-slapped.
He handed the bottle to her. "Drink."
She shook her head. "You need it more."
"Yeah, no. I'm not being altruistic here. If you collapse, I can't exactly carry you right now. I need you mobile so that you can carry me when I fall over."
Shaking her head and laughing, she took it from him and drank very slowly as if she was still rationing it.
While she did that, Caillen pulled his pack to him to dig through it. She watched as he pulled out three tablets and held them in his palm.
She swallowed, then lowered the bottle. "What are you doing?"
"One's for the pain and the other two are a healing accelerant I wish I'd taken before I passed out."
She capped the bottle. "I wish you'd shown me a translator so that I could understand labels and people speaking." She gestured with the bottle toward his pack. "A lot of the stuff in there I had to guess at."
He froze as fear went through him. If she... oh crap. "Did you turn my computer on?"
"No. I didn't want them to peg our location."
Good girl. That alone was probably why they were both still breathing. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure they would have too." He let out a deep sigh of resignation before he stood up.
She scowled up at him. "What are you doing?"
Caillen took a minute to catch his breath and to ignore the sharp, shooting pain that begged him to lie down.
But he couldn't do that. He had duties to attend and a small shot of adrenaline would allow him to get it done. Gah, I hate those shots.
You gotta do what you gotta do. That had been the whole history of his life.
t="0em">
He offered her a kind smile. "You haven't eaten in days and we're out of food. I'm going to get supplies."
She gaped. "You can't do that. They'll catch you."
That was a quick reminder that she didn't know him all that well. The only way to catch him was when he allowed it. "No, they won't. Trust me, baby. There are three things in this life that I excel at. One, I can pilot anything that can be flown--with or without wings. Two, I'm the best lover you'll ever have, and three, scavenging for supplies even when you think they don't exist. Spent my entire childhood scrambling to help feed my sisters and talking pitiless doctors into helping my sister with her medical problems. When it comes to finesse, no one's better."
She snorted at his braggadocio. "I seem to remember that finesse when we were being chased by the Enforcers. Real smooth there, Sparky. Definitely admirable."
Okay, she had a point, but he wasn't willing to cede it. "We were trapped and I wasn't expecting them. Things are different now."
"Yeah, you can barely stand."
"Not the first time that's happened and at least this time I'm sober."
She gave him a droll stare. "Not amused."
"Wait a few minutes and it'll sink in, then you'll laugh."
"You're not as charming as you think you are."
"Of course I am. If I wasn't, my sisters would have killed me long ago. Now, you wait here and--"
"I'm not about to stay here." There was a hint of fear underlying her determined tone.
But his leaving wasn't what she should be afraid of. The bogeyman was alive and well, and most likely waiting for them just on the other side of that small trapdoor. "You have to. You can't pass for an Andarion and you don't speak their language. I now know what to watch for and how to deal with them." He paused and narrowed his gaze at her. "Don't worry. You didn't abandon me and I won't abandon you."
Still there was reservation in her expression. "You can barely stand. Are you sure you'll be all right?"
He winked at her. "I'm a Dagan, baby. We're street survivors."
"I thought you were a de Orczy."
He screwed his face up at her reminder. "Don't be saying that evil shit to me, hon. You'll jinx me."
At least that succeeded in lightening her d
oom and gloom.
Resisting another urge to kiss her, Caillen grabbed the injector and a small bottle of adrenaline out of his pack. No need to take that around her. Some things he didn't like sharing. He started to leave.
"Wait."
He turned back to her. "Yeah?"
"I took your contacts and teeth out while you slept. I was afraid they might hurt you."
And that was a really good thought. Though it was also creepy to think about someone handling him like that while he was unconscious. "Where'd you put them?"
She pointed to the outside pocket of his backpack.
Caillen dug them out and put them back on. "Thanks."
She inclined her head to him. "Good luck."
"Don't need it."
He hoped. But no need in stressing her out any more.
Desideria watched as Caillen climbed up and out of their hiding spot. His movements were slow and methodical, and lacked his usual grace but really, if one didn't know how fluidly he normally moved, they'd never be able to tell he was injured. But she knew he was still in pain. She started to tell him he was a lunatic for doing this, but she didn't want to make any sound in case some of the Andarions were around.
"Good luck," she whispered, hoping she'd see him again. Because in the back of her mind was an image of him being hurt and her being killed. God, she really hoped that wasn't a premonition.
Caillen took a moment to wince as he stood up in the warehouse and got his bearings. There was a slight chill in the air that cut through his coat and sent a shiver down his spine. Man, he was in pain. The last thing he wanted was to hunt down supplies, especially given how bad his head throbbed.
You've had worse wounds.
True. Very true. And at least it was night and this outpost only had one moon. Instead of bitching, he needed to be grateful it wasn't worse.
Adjusting his backpack, he started forward, making sure to keep to the shadows.
As he walked along the quiet street, he reprogrammed his debit card for Fain Hauk, Dancer's older brother. The good thing about the last name Hauk, it was so common for Andarions as to be ridiculous and Fain, unlike Dancer, was also a common name for them. While Fain, as a criminal, was notorious, the name itself was generic enough to not raise many, if any, questions over it.
And if they did confuse him with Dancer's brother, their fear of Fain's ruthless reputation would be such that none should question or bother him.
He slid the card into his back pocket. If he dared to turn on his computer, he could reprogram his facial recog too, to match the name, but that would be begging for trouble. He'd have to wing it and hope they didn't bother to check his facial recog. If they did...