“Is that right? I guess that tells me what I needed to know,” he said roughly.
“What’re you—”
“Took you how many years to move on from Eli? But a month later, you’re already with someone else. That tells me a whole lot, Courtney.”
“He’s my roommate.”
“So was I,” Max said.
“Would it be better if I was staying with a girl? You can’t trust me that way, either.” That was painful because I’d heard people say it before, like it was funny. Oh, you’re more likely to cheat because you have twice as many potential partners. And there was so much wrong with that logic that I could die of old age trying to articulate it.
“True.” He let out a pained breath, rubbing his chest like it hurt. “Never mind. This was an excruciatingly bad idea, go about your business.”
“For what it’s worth, I truly am sorry. It was lack of forethought, not malice. And their money isn’t mine. I wanted you to meet my folks, but I never—”
“Just stop.” Max’s shoulders slumped, and I fought the urge to wrap my arms around him, reminding myself that he wasn’t mine to comfort anymore.
You’re the one who hurt him.
“Okay, well. Take care.”
Walking away from him hurt even more this time around. My boots felt like they weighed forty pounds each as I left Max standing between the pay phone and the men’s room. I wanted nothing more than a clean getaway, but Angus pounced on me as soon as I got near the bar.
“What happened?” he demanded.
“When?”
“Just now. Did you make up?”
A bitter laugh escaped me. “Not hardly.”
“Why not? I’m seriously fucking worried about him, Courtney. He barely eats. All he does is work and go to class. He doesn’t even play video games. I mean, you saw him. Whatever he did, how bad could it be? Can’t you forgive him?”
Stunned, I gaped for a few seconds. “I think you’ve misunderstood, dude. Under no circumstances did I break up with Max. He did the dumping, not me.”
“Holy shit. No way. Then why’s he like this, if it was what he wanted?” Then his mouth tightened. “Wait, was it like Josh and me? Did you cheat on him?” Angus looked like he was ready to slap the snot out of me.
I took a painful breath. “If Max didn’t tell you what happened, then I’ll respect that. But no, I didn’t. Never, ever. I love him like crazy.”
“I’d tell you to come home and fight the battle close-up, but that ship has sailed.”
“How’s Kia’s friend?”
“Maddie seems nice. She’s young, though. Only a sophomore.”
“But she’s not a pain in the ass to live with?” I felt guilty that I’d bailed so fast without any of the discussion that usually preceded a move out.
“Nah. Actually she’s superreserved and studious. Rarely leaves the room. Most of the time, it’s like she’s not even there.”
“For some reason, that makes me sad.”
“Between her and Kia, who’s always at the hospital or doing labs, it’s way quieter at home. I’ve been spending a lot of time at Del’s,” he admitted.
Leaving Max alone. My heart ached.
“I thought you were mad at me.”
Angus patted my shoulder. “Sorry. Lately I’m slammed. It’s all I can do to treat Del as well as he deserves and keep up in the program.”
“It’s okay. I’m busier lately, too, between school, the band and work.”
“You got a job?” His brows shot up in astonishment.
“Yep. Here, actually. Come by some Friday night. I’ll take good care of you.” Maybe. Provided I wasn’t overworked, handling too many tables.
“Give a heads-up for your next show, okay? I want to see you play if I can.”
“Definitely. You can bring Del, call it a date night.”
“Awesome.”
“If you really want us back together, you could...help.”
“How?”
“You know how we used to leave each other messages on the fridge?”
“You and Max? Yeah.”
“Could I text you one, daily? You can put it up for me.”
He hesitated. “You really think it’ll help?”
“Maybe not. But what else can I do? Whenever we talk, it’s...bad.”
“Then I’ll give it a shot.” As Angus had always been perceptive, he could probably tell I was itching to get out of here before Max reappeared. “Be good, Courtney.”
“Talk to you later.”
Since I had regulars here and other employees might want to chat, too, I rushed toward the exit and darted out before anyone else could intercept me. Outside, I inhaled the frosty air, sharp as icicles in my lungs. Then I headed across the parking lot. A few seconds later, the door banged open again. Part of me wished it was Max, but I didn’t dare hope as I turned and spotted the last person I ever wanted to see again—that asshole, Jared. This wouldn’t be good, but I was too far from the door to get back in easily. Yet I’d have to be an idiot to head to the bus stop now. I stopped, trying to figure out the safest move in this scenario. The noise in the bar meant it was probably too loud for anyone to hear if I screamed.
Maybe you’re overreacting. But it was hard to believe he had noble intentions in following me out here. “What do you want?”
“I told you this wasn’t over. Come on, we need to have some private words.” He took a step toward me and I backed off, suddenly aware how dark it was, away from the building.
Someone will leave soon. Or head into the bar from the parking lot. I just need to stay calm and keep away from him.
“I can hear you just fine from there.”
There was an ugly cast to his expression. “I can’t stand bitches like you.”
“Feel free to tell me off. I’m listening.”
Calculating the distance between the door and me, it seemed unlikely that I could dodge past him to go inside, but I had to try. Waiting hadn’t yielded any help in the past minute. Surreptitiously I pulled my phone out of my pocket, trying to dial 911 behind my back. Later, if they decided I’d panicked pointlessly, so be it. Better a live chicken than a dead duck.
Taking a breath, I bolted for the entrance, giving Jared a wide berth. About ten feet away, he grabbed me from behind, and in trying to get me away from the doors, he twisted my arm until it felt like he might break it. If I resist, he snaps my radius. But if I let him take me off somewhere, it gets worse.
I opened my mouth to yell for help, but he clamped a palm across the bottom half of my face, smashing my nose and lips. His other arm around my neck meant he could kill me with one twist; I’d seen him grappling with Max. Fear spiked through me as he dragged me toward the back of the bar. There won’t be anyone around to help. Before I could get lightheaded, I struggled with all my strength and aimed a furious kick at his shins. This wasn’t his first time terrorizing a woman, apparently, because he shifted to avoid it. There wasn’t room for me to bite him, though God knew I tried. I started feeling fuzzy.
In last-ditch desperation, I slammed my head backward. Maybe he wasn’t expecting me to fight because my skull caught him square in the nose, and the crunch of cartilage made him stagger, weakening his hold enough for me to get free. Fuck. I wish I had mace, pepper spray, anything. If I was faster, I’d make a break for it, but he had a foot on me, and I’d never been quick. So I swung my backpack off my shoulder and moved slowly with it in front of me like a shield. If he came at me, I’d hit him with all my business books.
That’ll hurt, right?
“You should let this go,” I warned.
Jared’s face was a mess, blood trickling from his nose. I could feel the stickiness on my hair, too. He shook a little as he came toward me, and belatedly I recognized the signs. He was high as hell, evident in the glassy shine of his eyes. That meant there was no reasoning with him. I backed away, swinging my bag with more determination than any real skill at self-defense. As he lunged, I’d nev
er been more conscious of being short and female.
Terror went from zero to sixty when he dug into his jacket pocket and came out with a switchblade. The knife flicked open, then he edged closer. I tried to knock it out of his hand with my backpack, but he was jacked up and he sliced me on the hand. The sudden, stinging pain made me drop the bag. Twenty more feet, and there would be people to help, to hold him until the cops came. It was possible Jared wasn’t crazy, but meth made him that way. I’d met guys like him in rehab, so now that I knew his deal, it was hard to hate him completely.
I was still scared shitless.
If I turned and ran, I’d end up with a knife in the back. Somehow I knew it without a shadow of a doubt. But I didn’t know what else to do. So I wheeled and bolted, knowing I couldn’t possibly sprint fast enough. Jared’s footsteps rang on the asphalt as I skidded, my lungs too tight to scream. And then, somehow, I was in Max’s arms, as he spun me, slamming me against the exterior wall. I didn’t see the knife go in, but I felt the blood, spilling hot over my splayed hands. The world went strange and sideways, echoes and neon, people running, other hands, mouths, voices. None of it changed the red trickling into the dirty snow.
And I screamed like I’d never, ever stop.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Another inch, and he would’ve died before we got to the hospital.
I sat in the waiting room with Angus holding my hand, too frozen to cry. Amy and Elena stayed for a while, and Nadia came in just past midnight. She sat down on my other side and put an arm around me, but I didn’t look at her. It was all I could do to breathe. This...this is my worst nightmare. Max wasn’t sick before he got together with me, but now he was in surgery. I’m toxic to the people who love me.
“It’s not your fault,” Nadia said. “That guy has a history of substance abuse.”
So do I.
The only thing that made me different from Jared was that I’d abused prescription meds, not illegal drugs, and my parents had the money to put me in an expensive rehab program. Otherwise, maybe I’d be cooking shit on a spoon by now and selling my ass to buy more. I’m not stronger or better than Jared. I just got lucky.
Unlike Max.
It was past two when the doctor finally came to talk to us. Nadia was asleep on my shoulder and Angus was whispering to someone on the phone. Del, I supposed, though it might be Kia. He hung up as soon as he saw the tired-looking surgeon head toward us.
“Are you here for Max Cooper?”
We approached as a group, and I nodded. “Is he okay?”
“He should be. He’s in recovery now.” She said some more stuff, more technical, but my ears were ringing and I couldn’t focus. This was a small hospital, only a few floors, and they seemed friendlier than the one I’d visited so often for Eli. At first the staff had been really rigid but toward the end, they’d let me come in and out of Eli’s room as much as I wanted. Tears burned at the back of my eyes.
“When can we see him?” That was really all I cared about.
“When he’s transferred to a regular room, you can check on him.” The doctor was young, enough to worry me, and she looked exhausted. In a few years, this would be Kia. “The nurses will let you know when he’s out of Recovery.”
“Thank you,” I said softly.
The doc gave us some directions so we could wait closer to Recovery and I led the way. Nadia walked me up, and then she said, “God, I’m glad Max is all right. I hate to do this, but I have to work tomorrow. I’ll stop in afterward, okay?”
“Sure.” I let her hug me.
With a final squeeze, she hurried off, leaving me with Angus. We sat for over an hour before a nurse came to tell us Max’s room number. “He’s groggy but awake and asking for someone named Courtney.”
“That’s me.”
Angus put a hand on my shoulder. “Want me to go with you?”
“No, it’s okay. I should hear whatever he has to say.”
No matter how bad it is.
My hands trembled as I followed the man down the hall. He opened the door for me and I went in quietly, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dim light. The wound on my hand had four stitches; I’d had it treated in the ER after they took Max, before the police interviewed me. It had been a really long night. I sat down in the vinyl chair, staring at his pale, thin face. So many echoes, I couldn’t stop the shaking. Losing him this way... Just, no.
You’re better off without me, I thought.
His eyes opened, fuzzy, but scanning for something. “Courtney?”
“I’m here.”
“Are you okay?’
Seriously? What the hell. I made a weird sound, unable to decide if I was about to laugh or cry. “You’re confused about who’s actually hurt here.”
“He hurt you, I saw the blood.”
“Just a gash on my hand, you idiot. What were you thinking? Why didn’t you hit him?”
Max turned his head away, showing me his chiseled profile, the stark contrast of dark stubble against white hospital linens. “I wasn’t.”
“What?”
“Thinking.” His voice was so rough that I got up to find some ice chips.
“I’ll be right back.”
Even when Eli couldn’t have anything, they usually allowed him that. I checked with the nurse to be sure, and she hooked me up. When I came in, Max was watching the door, white-knuckled on the sheets. He let out a slow breath as I sat down again.
“Don’t leave like that again.” He was blurred and fuzzy-sounding, so I wasn’t sure we should engage about anything serious because it might be leftover anesthesia, yet I couldn’t shut him down.
So I only nodded, offering him some ice. He opened his mouth and let me put it between his lips, just like Eli. I half shook my head against the comparison. Max is not Eli. He’ll be fine.
“Go ahead,” I said.
“I come from a long line of violent assholes, told you that from the start. But my first instinct wasn’t to hit him. It was to save you.”
It hurt to breathe. “It would’ve been better if you’d let him—”
“Couldn’t. Seems like I’m the only one who’s allowed to hurt you.” His eyelashes fluttered, telling me he didn’t have a lot more focus left in him.
Before I could answer, he winked out. Shaken, I tiptoed out of the room to find Angus. I had no idea where we stood, but I wouldn’t be leaving. Angus pushed out of his chair, green eyes shadowed by deep circles. He rubbed tired eyes and came toward me.
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s out again. We only talked a little before the pain meds kicked in. You can probably look in on Max if you want. The nurses don’t seem to mind.”
He nodded. “They’re more rigid at the bigger hospitals. And sure, I’d like to see him.”
Max didn’t stir when we came back in. Angus stood for a few seconds at the foot of the bed, then he beckoned me out of the room. “Is there any point in offering to stay?”
I shook my head. “I’m not leaving until he gets out. I can spare the time more than you, too. In the morning, I’ll notify his professors, call his boss and get in touch with his family.”
Angus raised a brow. “Wish all my exes were as devoted.”
“You know I was against that in the first place.”
“So instead of fridge magnet messages, you’re going to smother him with your infinite, nurturing love?”
“Shut up.” I gave him a gentle shove. “Go home and leave me alone.”
Before he did, Angus hugged me for a really long time. “I’m glad you’re both okay. Please take care of him, he’s one of my best friends.”
“Mine, too,” I whispered.
The hospital was quiet when I slipped back into Max’s room. He hadn’t stirred and I collapsed into the chair next to the bed, physically exhausted but also emotionally wrecked. I swallowed hard and tried not to cry. With every fiber of my being, I rejected the girl who sat in the glow of medical equipment and wept beside a boy.
For strength I took his hand and bent my head over it, touching my brow to the back.
I must’ve fallen asleep because I woke with a sore spine when the nurse came in to perform her morning ritual and note all the information on his chart. Max was awake and staring at me when I sat up. Most likely I looked like buttered death, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen me this way before.
“Are you hurting a lot?” I asked.
He shrugged. To preserve his dignity, I went to get some food from the vending machine, as it was too early for the cafeteria to be open. Drinking a Coke and eating some crackers kept me out long enough for the nurse to do her job.
“You’re still here,” Max said when I stepped in.
“It’s the least I can do to stay with you.”
“If you’re only here because you feel like you owe me, then take off. I’ll be fine.”
“That’s not why.”
He looked away as I took up my place at his side again. “I feel like I said some crazy shit last night, but—”
“You don’t remember?”
“Not completely. Why did you stay, Courtney?”
This was a half-truth. “You asked me not to go.”
“And that’s the reason?”
“I’m sure you know I love you,” I said. “So where else would I be?”
But when I glanced over at Max, he was kind of...frozen, dark eyes locked on mine. “You say that like it’s nothing. But nobody ever said that to me before. Not even you.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” I took a shaky breath, staring at him as much as I could, trying to create a mental picture, though this wasn’t how I wanted to remember him. “Once you’re recovered, we have to go back to making a clean break.” Otherwise this might kill me.