Yep, it was time for a race.
Several times throughout my high school career I would vomit as soon as the race was over. It was like I got myself so worked up, so full of adrenaline that after it was over I had to get rid of it somehow.
My coach always had a paper bag waiting for me just off the finish line.
I hadn’t raced since I was in high school. This was going to be really embarrassing if I puked all over Fin.
“Alright, let’s go over the winnings one more time,” Fin said, taking his place in the sEcond lane, just a few feet ahead of me.
“Uh, su-sure,” I stuttered. Fin had lost his shirt over on the bench and was facing me all toned, long muscles and perfect abs. Holy hell, he was perfection. His arms and torso were elongated with sinewy muscles that rippled and stretched with every movement. His hips narrowed at his waist, pushing forward muscles I didn’t know existed. His broad shoulders flexed as he swung his arms around in more stretches. I bit my lip at the trail of darker hair making a path from his belly button to shorts and ahem, lower.
This was cheating.
He was cheating.
How in the world did he expect me to run now? I couldn’t even breathe! I was panting like I already ran around the track and now he wanted me to compete for a prize?
Bastard.
Fin continued as if I wasn’t drooling at the sight of him, “If you win, I erase your seven thousand dollar debt, you can stop working for me and we can forget your little gambling fiasco ever happened.”
“Because it never happened,” I picked my jaw up off the floor and replied self-righteously.
He returned a taunting smile which helped me remember what I was doing and where I was. I was about to kick his ass.
“If I win, you go on a date with me. I get to choose the night, the location and the time-frame,” he finished and his eyes were twinkling again as if the victory was already his. “I’ll even let you count us off.”
“How generous.”
“Are you ready?” he asked, provoking me again.
“Are you ready?” I asked. My eyes flickered to his chest again and I felt a weight press against my chest. I wasn’t ready. Not when he stood just feet away from me, his back to the track, poised to run. He was all male sexiness and all I wanted to do was forget the bet and lick his body from navel to earlobe.
Oh, gosh. Where did that thought come from???
“Count off, Ellie. Whenever you’re ready,” Fin reminded me.
I shook my head a little to focus. I could do this. I could beat him. I could play his game.
And then it hit me.
His game.
At which two could play.
If he wanted to be a cheater, so be it. But I also had cheating ways. I got into position, my knees bent, my feet poised; but instead of staring at the track ahead of me, visualizing my win, I stared straight into Fin’s eyes and held his gaze.
“On your mark,” I started, breathlessly…. seductively. My fingers grabbed the edge of my athletic t-shirt and I tugged it up just enough to reveal my stomach.
Goosebumps immediately pebbled across my skin and the cool night air against my belly made me tense up, my muscles going taught with strain. But being uncomfortable was worth it. Already Fin’s eyes had widened, his pupils dilating and his tongue darting out to nervously swipe at his bottom lip. Which only encouraged me.
“Get set,” I continued in that same airy voice, but this time it was more from nerves than anything else. I pulled my shirt off all the way, revealing myself in just a sports bra and shorts. My pony tail whipped around my neck, tickling my shoulders, the goose bumps covered all of my skin now and I embarrassingly felt my nipples push against the thin material of my sports bra. It wasn’t like I’d never worked out in a sports bra before, but this wasn’t a normal workout. I was on display for Fin and he was devouring every inch of me with his eager gaze.
Fin became raptured, coming to a full stand, his shoulders and jaw slacking. His brows were drawn in confusion but his eyes were wide with wonder.
I had him right where I wanted him.
“Go!” I squealed and then took off, right past him as he stared after me, still confused.
The silence of the night seemed to settle over me. My limbs stretched and ached as I took long strides, pushing my body to its limits. I would win this bet. I had to.
Suddenly my feet were not the only ones pounding the pavement. I heard Fin sprinting after me, his feet going twice as fast as mine. I knew he couldn’t be running backwards, but I didn’t want to take the precious time to turn around and check. I pushed harder, panting for breath, forcing my feet to move faster.
A strong arm looped around my waist suddenly, plucking me up and against Fin’s chest. I let out a shriek of surprise and then wiggled against his hold out of instinct. He stopped running but turned and walked three purposeful strides to one of the high jump mats laying a few feet away.
This made me nervous.
“You’re a cheater, Ellie,” Fin rasped into my ear.
His chest was heaving, moving up and down against my back. His hot arm was pressed against my bare stomach and his body was firm and unyielding with so much tension I was afraid.
“How did I cheat?” I asked, but my voice was no more than a whisper of nerves.
A gentle finger stroked my stomach from where his one arm covered my belly button to the bottom of my sports bra. “Stripping is definitely cheating,” he grated.
I shivered against him, suddenly terrified of the consequences of my actions. We reached the mat and he tossed me down on the thigh high mat. He loomed over me, his expression hungry…. desperate.
“I didn’t do anything that you didn’t!” I argued frantically.
“Is that so?” his voice was back to that calm, eerily quiet pitch.
His gaze held mine for three long sEconds before raking desperately down my body. I felt every inch as he moved his eyes over me, like a starving man presented with a feast. I was nestled in the softness of the mat, the scent of outdoors and sweat lingering on the vinyl surface. He gave me plenty of time to crawl away, to get up and leave, but when it came down to it, when I lay there anticipating his touch that I knew was coming, I found I didn’t want to leave. I was just as desperate, just as needy for him.
I shivered again, but not from the cold this time.
He set his hands tentatively on my calves where they kind of hung over the edge of the mat. Slowly he moved them upwards, past my knees, under my shorts.
“God, Ellie, you don’t know what you do to me.”
“Fin,” I breathed reverently.
And that was all it took. He hopped up on the mat, crawling over me, his hands skimming over my skin as he went. Once he was positioned over me, he met my eyes again with an unspoken promise.
His mouth was on mine before I could take in another breath, devouring me, consuming me. His tongue dove into my mouth hot and needy. At first all his hands could do was grip at my waist, holding me to him, but when he was confident I wouldn’t stop him they started roaming my body, exploring me.
Memorizing me.
And I mimicked his every move. My hands moved over his hard muscle and soft skin like I had never touched another living thing my entire life. Each inch was perfectly formed and I relished the feel of it under my fingers. When he moved his mouth to my jawline and down my neck, my fingernails bit into his shoulder and the muscle quivered underneath.
We were lost in each other. I felt how swollen my lips were as his mouth moved down me, kissing my neck, collarbone and more frantically. His hands slid up so that he held me just to the side of my breasts. I could feel his decision to keep them there, but the urgent need he had to feel more of me warred with his resolve.
The lights above shut off suddenly, pitching us into complete darkness. The whining sound of them shutting off was the only noise that broke up our desperate panting.
I thought the shock of no more light would wake Fin
up from his this passionate haze, but instead it seemed to only make him more determined. He slowed his kisses, savoring each connection of his mouth to my skin. His lips brushed over my nipple through my sports bra and I let out an embarrassing moan.
“Ellie,” he groaned against my breast. “You win. I can’t do this anymore. I have to have you.”
Reason dug its heels into the fog of lust I had been reduced to and I was more disappointed than anything to realize this had to stop. Moral integrity and all….
Ugh.
Fin’s mouth dropped to my stomach and he trailed kisses along my belly, past my navel, and down to my hip. His hot breath fanned out across my skin raising more goose bumps and making my need sky rocket.
“Ellie, I need you,” he whispered against my skin. He lifted the waistband of my shorts and licked a hot path just under my hip.
“Fin,” I gasped, forgetting my argument completely.
My heart was hammering in my chest, my body alive with Fin’s attention. I had never been kissed like this before, never been touched like this. Like if he didn’t keep touching me, keep exploring me he would die.
But then I remembered his words. “You win.”
Seven thousand dollar hooker.
He probably didn’t even realize what he was saying. Most likely he thought he was doing a good thing. And I could easily let him believe that he was.
But I would always know.
That would always be whispered inside my head. Back and forth until it both felt like I had no worth and that was all the worth that I had.
And other than this hot lust, Fin and I had nothing to keep us together. When it was over, I alone would be left with the consequences.
“We can’t,” I whispered so light I barely heard myself. His shoulders tensed with just the hint that he heard but he kept kissing me, back up my stomach, over my other nipple, and back to my jaw. “Fin,” I whispered louder. “We can’t.”
He sighed as if he were afraid this would happen. “You’re right,” he admitted and I was surprised at how easy he was ready to admit that. “I’m a selfish prick for doing this to you in public. We’ll go back to my place.”
He sat back on his knees, a satisfied, promising smirk lighting up his face. He reached out to me and pulled me up to sitting.
My resolve faltered again. His eyes promised wicked, delicious things but at the same time he was reassuring and protective. He would take care of me. He would make this special.
“Ugh, no.” I sounded exasperated and I was. “We can’t do this ever. Fin, you can’t let me out of this bet like this. You can’t let me pay of seven thousand dollars by taking me back to your place.”
“Ellie-“ he stopped short and my meaning sunk in. “Ellie, that’s not what I was doing.”
“It kind of is,” I argued weakly. I was so embarrassed, so ashamed. My skin flamed red, and I was finding it hard to look in his eyes.
“No, it’s not,” he growled, obviously upset. “I would never treat you like that. Never.”
“I know you wouldn’t intentionally treat me like that, but you know nothing can happen between us that replaces the debt. It, I, I just can’t demean myself like that.” My voice was trembling with emotion. This was so embarrassing.
“So being with me is demeaning?” he cocked his head back, shocked by my confession.
“Being with you when I’m basically charging seven thousand dollars for a good time is demeaning, Fin.” I snapped. Suddenly I was horribly self-conscious in just my sports bra. I glanced over to the starting line where I left my shirt it in a pile; it was half the track away.
“Ellie! Come on!” He groaned. “You cannot think so little of me. I have never once thought of you like that, of our situation like that.”
I scrambled off the mat and started my hurried walk of shame around the track. Fin was fast behind me, reaching out for my hand and spinning me around to face him.
I was so angry all of a sudden, so furious. He was pushing me when I had so much more than him on the line. And the stupid thing was that I believed he never thought of me like that but only because he never thought this through. He was just acting on impulse, on some badly timed attraction.
“Fin, I believe you. But that money is important to you. You need that money. You’ve told me so yourself. So what happens after tonight, or next week or the deadline for your down payment comes and goes and it’s my fault you don’t have the money?” I yanked my hand away from him, ignoring the pained look on his face. What was more was that this whole thing was so stupid since it wasn’t even my debt to begin with! “You’re willing to forget about it right now because of, because of…. that.” I waved awkwardly in the direction of his lower half. “But when it goes away so will your respect for me. So will my respect for me.”
Fin stood staring me down, breathing heavily and seemingly at a loss. His face was pained and his shoulders were stiff again. “Goddamn it, Ellie,” he finally spat and then ran two hands through his hair. “It’s for my brother.”
Silence hung heavy between us as I tried to make sense of that.
“Your brother?” I finally asked.
“He has,” he seemed to struggle for the right words and then finally said, “He has cerebral palsy. He’s severely handicapped. And it’s been left up to me to care for him. I’m trying to get him into this really nice facility and they require a fifty thousand dollar down payment. I’ve been saving up for a while and I’ve done my best, but I’m seven thousand dollars short. And even with all the scheduled games coming up and the big game in a week. I’m going to be short.”
“Why is there a time limit on the down payment?” I asked, feeling like the wind just got knocked out of me.
“It’s an extremely difficult facility to get into. There is a huge waiting list and it’s only available to the patients that are the worst off. An opening became available suddenly and the only reason Declan was offered it was because we have an inside connection. But if I can’t deliver the down payment then the spot will go to someone else.”
He ran another hand through his hair and looked down at the ground. His jaw was ticking constantly and the tension was rolling off him. He looked so vulnerable right now I had the strongest urge to wrap my arms around him and kiss his temple.
He looked up and our eyes met. He must have seen something in mine, nerves, fear or sympathy, even I wasn’t sure what he saw. But he softened just a little and then seemed to realize we were both standing in the middle of the dark track without shirts on.
“Come on, you’re probably freezing,” he held out his hand to me and I took it.
I could have resisted, but not when he needed me. And this time, he definitely needed me but not for the same reasons five minutes ago.
“Declan? That’s your brother’s name?” I asked quietly. “Is he older or younger than you?”
“He’s younger. He’s only nineteen,” Fin answered softly. I knew instinctively that he didn’t talk about his brother much, maybe at all. And not because he was embarrassed of him, I could feel his pride and strong love. Fin was the kind of guy that wouldn’t talk about him because he felt like he needed to protect him. I was privileged to have this conversation with him; I knew that in the core of my being.
When we reached my shirt, Fin waited for me to pull it on and then we walked over to the bleachers while he put his shirt on.
“Fin, why does the down payment fall to you? Where are your parents?” I asked, realizing I knew nothing about him. Other than he was fast, ran an illegal ring of internet gambling and was hot.
Wow. I had never felt shallower in my life.
He cleared his throat and then sat down hard on the bench. He looked up at me with huge, dark eyes and I was lost again. Lost in his gaze, lost in his presence, lost to him. I didn’t know what else to do but sit down and lean into him.
“My mom left us shortly after Declan was born. It was too hard on her, having a special needs baby and trying to take care of
a toddler all the time. My dad was in the army, so he traveled all the time and we moved every couple of years. She was alone a lot. She couldn’t deal, so she left. I haven’t seen her in, in a long time. My dad did the best he could, but he couldn’t raise us and keep his career, so he sent us here to live with his mom, my grandma. She raised us for most of our lives.”
“Where’s your dad now?” I asked on a broken whisper. My heart hurt for this little Fin that was abandoned by two parents and left to raise and take care of his brother who needed so much help. A tear slid down my cheek before I could even register it was falling.
“He died three years ago in Afghanistan.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and just let the other tears fall. I couldn’t stop them; my heart was breaking for Fin.
“Ellie,” he cleared his throat, his voice growing even more serious, “I don’t share all this with everyone because…. it’s not that I’m embarrassed. I’m not. It’s just that it’s hard for people to understand, it’s hard for them to treat it how it should be treated.”
Not knowing if that was a warning or a plea for help, I slipped my hand through the crook of his elbow and rested my head against his shoulder. He didn’t shove me off or try to get away from me so I hoped what I was doing was Ok.
“And now my Grandma can’t take care of Declan anymore. Hell, she needs someone to take care of her. But Declan’s big for her, and his seizures are getting worse and he’s not able to eat like he should. We’ve always had help come during the day, but now my Grandma needs help at night too. This facility is our best opportunity until I can get out of school and start supporting him.” Fin’s voice was firm and authoritative. I finally understood why he sounded so in command all those times before, he had lived his whole childhood being a grown up.
“How much longer till you’re done?” I asked.
“In May I graduate with my undergrad, so that leaves only…. eight more years to go.” He shot me a sheepish smile and rocked against my shoulder.
“Holy hell! Eight years? What are you majoring in?” I was shocked. A total of twelve years was just as long as Britte was in for.
“Radiology. I’m going to be a radiologist. Or at least, that’s the plan. I’m still waiting to hear back from my top choices for med schools.” When I gaped at him, he continued, “I have to do something that will support Declan and me. My dad had life insurance but it’s been mostly used up to pay for Declan’s home medical help. I should be able to cover his monthly rent easily enough but the down payment is killing me. My Grandma can’t help much and she won’t be around forever. And my mom is worthless. I’m all he has. I have to plan for the future.”