"You wouldn't be so angry," she finally said while his heart beat hard and fast against her own, "if you hadn't loved her so much. And I can see why you did. She sounds like the perfect mom I always used to dream of having."
"I thought she was perfect. But she wasn't."
"When I was modeling, I always hated the word perfect and the pressure that came with it," she admitted, "especially when I knew it wasn't possible to be perfect, that someone would always find some flaw, something about me that could have been better. I was expected to be prepared for absolutely every possibility, but I was just a kid trying to do my best and I think..." She swallowed hard as he drew back to look at her. She didn't have a clue if this was the right thing to say, but needed to risk saying it anyway. "I think your mom was doing her very best. And from everything you've told me, she was awesome and amazing and fun and loving. But she wasn't perfect. None of us are."
As he continued to stare at her, she held her breath, praying she hadn't just upset him even more. Not when it was the very last thing she'd ever want to do. But then, when he finally reached out to cup her cheek, she knew it was safe to let her breath whoosh back out of her lungs.
"I thought it was going to be so hard to talk about her again." He leaned forward slightly so that his forehead was pressed to hers. "And it was, but you made it easier."
"Any time you want to talk about your mom, or anything else, I'll be there," she promised him. "No matter what else is going on--" Even if she ended up on a movie set far away from Stanford. "--I'll always drop anything to be there for you. So if you want to talk more tonight--"
But he was shaking his head, and she could feel the change in the way his fingers were stroking over her skin. From pure comfort...to the first stirrings of desire.
"I don't think we need to talk about my mom, or yours, anymore tonight." His other hand cupped the other side of her face. "Do you?"
There were a million more things they could have said to each other about the past and the future. But, suddenly, she realized he was right--they'd both gone through enough for one night. The hard decisions would still be there waiting for them in the morning.
But tonight, while they had each other, they should celebrate the one thing they both knew for sure: They loved each other.
"As the last remaining nineteen-year-old virgin on the planet," she said softly, "I used to wonder if I'd ever know for sure that I was ready, or if I'd just eventually end up having sex because I felt so behind the curve and needed to catch up." She couldn't believe she was actually smiling while speaking her most secret thoughts aloud, but that was the magic of being with Sean. Even the impossible no longer seemed out of reach. "But I've never been so sure about anyone or anything in my entire life. And I'm so glad you're my first, because I can't imagine trusting anyone else the way I trust you. I'm so glad I waited for you, that there hasn't been anyone else."
His mouth was almost over hers when he whispered, "I'm really glad there hasn't been anyone else for you, either."
And then he was kissing her, and it was their sweetest, sexiest, most incredible kiss yet. One that swam through her bloodstream like a drug she'd always crave more of.
And yet, in a night of revelations, when all she wanted to do was let herself drift away in sensation, she couldn't quite turn off her brain, couldn't stop herself from saying, "I wish--"
"Tell me, Serena. Tell me what you wish and I'll do whatever I can to make it come true."
She shook her head. "It can't happen, and anyway, it's not fair of me to ask for it."
"I'm pretty sure we've crossed a pretty big bridge tonight, one where we're not going to hold back with each other even if what we're saying isn't easy, right?" When she nodded, he said, "So, tell me."
"I can't help but wish I was your first, too."
He took her hand and put it over his heart. "You're right, I can't undo my past. But you have to know that you're the first person who has ever made my heart beat this hard. I want you around all the time. I want to bring you up in every single conversation. I thought letting myself feel again would mean feeling too much, but I couldn't resist falling in love with you. You've done more to open my eyes back up to the world I've tried to close myself off to than anyone else could have."
"You've opened me up, too," she told him. "You've helped me see and experience things I never would have trusted anyone else with."
"I've never loved anyone the way I love you, Serena. So in every way that counts, you are my first."
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Oh so slowly, Sean stripped away her crocheted sweater. He seemed surprised--in a very good way--when her tank top came off with it and he realized she didn't have anything on beneath it.
"Beautiful." The word pulsed with sensuality as he tossed her top onto the floor and cupped her breasts in his large hands. "God, you're beautiful."
Serena loved how her curves, her height, every part of her, finally felt just right when she was in his arms. "So are you." It had been true when she'd said it to him the first night they'd met, but now she knew how beautiful he was on the inside, too.
"I want so badly to love you right, but--"
"No more waiting." She was panicked that he was going to pull back again, that he might think he was doing the right thing by not making love with her tonight.
"God, no," he agreed in a fervent voice that brought her immense relief. "Tonight should be romantic and special for you...but at this point I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep from ripping the rest of your clothes off and taking you right here on the floor."
"The floor works for me." She began to open the buttons on the front of his shirt to show him that she meant it.
Thankfully, that was all he seemed to need to get over the hump of feeling he ought to treat her like porcelain because she was a virgin, and a short--very short--while later, her jeans and panties were off. She tried to take his clothes off just as quickly, but her inexperience worked against her, so he had to help her pull everything off.
Soon they were both naked and his erection was big and hot and hard against her stomach. She wanted so badly to touch him, but just as she began to run her hands down his chest, he picked her up in his arms and brought her over to the bed.
"The floor--and you touching me like that--are both going to have to wait."
He kissed away any protests she would have made, his lips taking a breath-stealing path from her mouth down to her neck and shoulders and then her breasts. She could hear his soft laughter as he teased her by kissing everywhere except her tightly peaked nipples. She loved feeling the warmth and joy of his happiness against her skin as he made his way lower, over her rib cage to her belly, his tongue flicking out against her hip bones to tease her further still.
But when his mouth came down over her sex and she arched into his touch, she wasn't able to think at all anymore. Wasn't able to do anything but feel. And want more. And then more again until she needed him inside her right that second.
She gripped his hands and pulled him up her body. "Now," she said against his lips, tasting herself on them. "I need you now."
She was so desperate for him that she almost forgot about protection. Thankfully, he'd already taken care of it, so that the next thing she knew he was poised between her thighs. Hard. Big. Beautiful.
Hers.
Led by both her body and her heart, Serena lifted her hips up to him at the exact moment he moved inside her for the very first time.
"Serena?"
She'd stilled beneath him, but not because she was in pain. Coming together with him like this, letting go of her final barriers and her lingering fears that she'd never find anyone who truly loved her for who she really was, felt so good.
So amazingly, incredibly good, that she wanted to savor every second of it.
"I love you."
The words fell from her lips even as she lifted her hips higher to take him deeper. And all the while, as he finally made her his in the most incr
edible way possible, he also told her how much he loved her. How beautiful she was. How good she felt wrapped around him. How hot, how wet she was for him. She drank in every sweet and sexy word in the same way she soaked up the delicious friction between their bodies as, inch by inch, he thrust all the way inside her.
For a few moments, as he pulsed hot and huge and perfect inside of her, they simply stared at each other in wonder. Neither of them spoke, but they didn't need words, didn't need anything other than the warm press of her lips on his, the sweet caress of his hands over her bottom as he cupped her to fit them together even more deeply, and the instinctive rocking of their hips in perfect unison.
"Tell me. Tell me if it's good. Or if you need--"
"The best." She panted the word into his neck, licking at his salty skin. "I've never felt this good before. Never."
"I've never felt this good before, either." His eyes were so dark and so full of heat as he moved his hands down her arms until his fingers were threaded through hers. "Hold on tight to me with your hands and your legs." He waited until she'd crossed her calves tightly behind his back. "Close your eyes." He waited until she'd done so to whisper against her lips. "Now let go."
She was amazed by how a few simple words and the rub of his palms against hers as he thrust deep, and then deeper still, could take her up so high, and so quickly. Because with her eyes closed and Sean holding her hands in his on either side of their bodies as he made love to her, every one of her senses leaped to brilliant life.
The ragged sound of their breathing.
The scent of their arousal, and the clean sweat on his tanned skin.
The heat of his body against hers, heat that rose with every roll of their hips, with every lash of his tongue over the hollow at the center of her throat and then the hungry tips of her breasts.
The taste of his skin beneath her own tongue where she kissed him just at the racing pulse point in his neck.
Every beautiful moment wound her tighter and tighter, especially since she knew what was waiting on the other side--a climax that was bound to be even more explosive than all the others Sean had given her simply because he would be a part of her this time when she came apart into a thousand pieces in his arms.
"I've got you," he said against her lips. "I've got you."
That was all it took--three simple words of reassurance that when she leaped he would be there to catch her--for everything that had wound so tightly within her to start unraveling from the center outward, one beautiful burst of pleasure after another that seemed to go on forever and ever.
And when Sean finally buried his face in her neck and groaned her name as he followed her over the edge, even though she'd only just said that nothing was perfect, she now knew that she'd been wrong.
Making love with Sean was perfect.
*
Sean was pretty sure his heart was going to pound all the way out of his chest as he gathered Serena into his arms and rolled over with her so that she was lying on top of him, rather than being crushed beneath him. After quickly removing the condom and tossing it into the garbage can, he brushed her damp hair back from her face so that she would be more comfortable. She was breathing as hard as he was and her full breasts were pressing in the best possible way against his chest.
She lifted her face from his shoulder, and he was amazed all over again not only by her beauty, but by all of her. He could never have predicted that she would come into his life, would never have expected to meet anyone like her on campus. She was warm, smart, loving. And his.
All his.
Only his.
He'd wanted to be careful with her for her first time, had tried to hold back and make sure that he was taking care of her needs. But when she'd begged for more, he was afraid that he'd forgotten everything but how much he wanted her, how much he needed her.
Silently, he vowed to take it even slower the next time, no matter what. Sean would never forgive himself if he selfishly moved too fast, or if he hurt her in any way.
Of course, the way she was smiling at him, at once innocent and yet powerfully sensual as she licked her lips and said--"Again"--already made it nearly impossible to stick to the vows he had just made.
Of everything he might have thought she'd say to him in that moment, there was no way he could have prepared himself for again. Even when there was nothing he wanted more than to take her again. And again. And again. Especially when he knew with perfect certainty that he'd never be able to get enough of her.
But damn it, he'd just vowed to be gentle. To slow down so that he didn't overwhelm her. "I want to make love to you again. Right this second. So damned badly." He shifted his groin against her hip so that she wouldn't be able to doubt him. "But I don't want to hurt you. I can't hurt you, Serena."
"I know you can't." She was still smiling at him, a sweet and sexy smile that made him grow even harder with every beat of his heart. The heart she owned completely. "You never could, not even that first night we met. You wouldn't have made me do anything I wasn't comfortable with." She shifted so that his erection was nestled against her lower belly. "But I've waited so long for you. I've waited forever." She wasn't just trying to persuade him with words, she was using her body, too, rocking into him with unquenched need. "I don't want to wait anymore." Her teeth nipped at his earlobe. "Not another second."
Over these past few weeks, he'd lulled himself into thinking that the two of them could work, that it would last. Tonight, her desperation to be with him again was echoed by his own. Because no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't deny that she might be leaving soon...and that there might be nothing he could do to keep her from being ripped away from him. If she left to film the movie, their "normal" Friday night dates would quickly be overshadowed by the huge pressures that came with her being one of the world's most in-demand stars.
"No more waiting." He tugged her up over his hips so that she was straddling him. Looking up at the most beautiful woman in all creation, he could barely find his voice. "Anything you want. I'll give you anything, Serena."
"I like the sound of that." There was a sexy little smile on her lips as she slowly ran her hands over his chest. "And I like being able to do this, too." His muscles rippled beneath her fingertips as she explored his body with wonder in her eyes. "That first night when you held me, I couldn't believe how hard, how hot, you felt." She leaned over him, the tips of her breasts brushing him as she whispered, "Or how much I liked it."
He tangled his hands in her hair and brought her all the way in for a kiss. "I can never get enough," he said against her mouth between increasingly desperate tastes of her. "The more I have of you, the more I want."
"I want you, too." She rolled her hips over his erection and her breasts into his chest. "Now." She reached for the condoms he kept in the drawer beside his bed and pulled one out. "Can I put this on you?"
"Go for it." Each word was more strangled than the one before simply from the thought of having her hands on him. But it was the serious look on her face as she studied the instructions on the back of the wrapper that was the hottest thing of all, watching his beautiful, brilliant girl put as much focus and dedication into making love with him as she did with everything else.
Finally--finally!--she ripped open the package and, with her bottom lip held between her teeth, reached for him. "If I'm doing it wrong," she said as she began to roll it down over him so slowly that if he hadn't known better, he might have thought she was intentionally trying to tease him, "just tell me."
"You're doing it just right." His words were so hoarse it sounded as if he'd destroyed his voice by yelling for hours. And it took every last ounce of self-control not to lose it before she finished the job. As soon as she had, he took her hands in his and pulled her back up over him. "I need you now, beautiful. Now." But she was already there, moving so perfectly over his shaft, her slick heat enveloping him.
"Slow," he urged her, keeping his hands firmly on her hips so that she couldn't go t
oo fast their second time. And, Lord, the way she looked as she made love to him, like she'd never been so happy, or felt so good in all her life...
He couldn't keep from leaning up to take her nipples into his mouth, first one, then the other, repeating the pattern until he'd moved even deeper into her. So deep that she was gasping with pleasure and he had gone nearly crazy from her smell and taste and the feel of her all around him.
Needing to hold her close, he sat up and wrapped her legs around his waist so that they were heartbeat to heartbeat and face to face. She wound her arms around his neck and kissed him until neither of them could keep from giving in to what they both wanted so badly.
But even as he thrust up into her and she buried her face in his neck, holding on tight while her body started to come apart at the seams in the most beautiful way possible, Sean couldn't stop praying that tonight wasn't the beginning of good-bye.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever be as good as waking up in Sean's arms. All night long he'd been wrapped around her, his chest to her back, her body fitting so perfectly into his that it was as though they'd been made only for each other. Serena wasn't usually a very sound sleeper, but she hadn't stirred once all night.
And yet, feeling so momentarily safe made the decisions waiting for her even harder to face. If only she could stay in his bed, in his arms, forever, and forget that she had any other life.
She wanted so badly to be strong, to continue making the choices that she wanted to make, rather than the ones she felt compelled to go along with to make her mother, Smith Sullivan, the investors in his movie, and her agent happy. But with Smith's movie thrown into the mix, it felt so much harder this time to say no and stand firm.
Maybe the way Genevieve had behaved should have made it easier, but Serena could still remember the times when her mother had been nice and kind and loving. And even if those times had more to do with Serena's performance in front of the cameras than anything else, she couldn't forget how good it had felt.