When Jacob was arraigned, we all came to support him. A few members of the press were there as well, this was shaping up to be a semi-important story.
Jacob had to wait his turn behind all the others charged with crimes that day. Those poor disheveled losers had not yet discovered permissible ways to steal from their fellow men.
Some say that the noblest thing in the world is justice, but we would not know the name of justice if there was no injustice. All of us are guilty of great crimes. Crimes not hidden, but open. The wealthy and the powerful are the guiltiest of all because they have more to give fellow human beings. Nevertheless, we punish only the weak because the powerful control the definition of morality and they are blind to their own shortcomings.
Humanity buries itself in hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is the heavy tribute that vice pays to virtue. Hypocrisy is anything which deceives the most cleaver man, but which the least wide-awake of children can recognize however ingeniously it may be disguised. Sadly, we are too smart, too moral, too all-knowing to recognize the hypocrisy that is all around us.
In truth, our intelligence makes us stupid. We know how the world has always worked and therefore cannot see why we are wrong. The people in this courtroom want to seek justice, but they do not consider that they are punishing an innocent man. These people are not evil, they are stupid and nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
They seek justice without realizing there is a point beyond which even justice becomes unjust. They are all religious god-fearing people. As such, Christ orders them to forgive and love their enemies. Therefore, they kill in the name of justice because they cannot kill in the name of Christ.
Even if true justice exists, there is no justice in this case. They have convicted him by inventing a crime he has already committed. That is not justice, unless it is Jedburgh justice.
Finally, it is Jacob’s turn. The prosecutor announces the charges and the Judge, by rote, says, “How does your client plead?”
Jacob’s lawyer, Clarence, tries to reason with the Judge, “Your honor this is an unconstitutional, unjust law brought at the behest of religious authorities to persecute-”
“Now is not the time for this,” the Judge said cutting him off, “you may argue that point later. For now, I must follow the law. We are slaves of the laws in order that we may be able to be free.”
“Not guilty to all counts,” Clarence said.
“One more thing,” the Judge said, “do you really believe you are the Messiah? Please satisfy my curiosity and when you answer speak the truth because every word you say today could get twisted around by the prosecution.”
“You ask me to speak the truth and this is difficult. Is truth a changing law? We both have truths. Are mine the same as yours?”
“Are you the Messiah or not?”
“Who do you say I am?”
“I won't answer that question. That is not my responsibility. A jury will decide who you are. Next case.”
Chapter 69:Abandonment
The day after the arraignment, they allowed us to see him. All twelve came. We had not yet given up hope.
The guard stamped our hands and then led us to interview room #101. The windowless room announced to us, “This is the place where hope comes to die.”
We sat looking at each other, as if afraid to speak. All of us were afraid, afraid of the unknown. No one knew what to say. We just waited for Jacob to arrive.
Finally, a guard led him in. He appeared tired but did not seem nearly as despondent as we were.
When the guard left, he smiled at us, “Everything is alright, why do you all look so depressed?”
“We are not depressed,” I said, “we are afraid.”
Jacob shook his head, “Why are you terrified, do you not yet have faith?”
For almost a minute, there was absolute silence. Surprisingly John was the first to speak, “Why are they doing this? They can’t punish you for preaching.”
“They can and they will punish me for preaching. It is certain because it is impossible. We cannot control what others do, but we can control what we do in response.”
We all looked at him hoping beyond hope he had some sort of answer.
“First, be not afraid. You are safe. The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify to it that its works are evil. Do not let your hearts be troubled, you have faith in God, have faith also in me.”
“What should we do?” Luish asked.
“We must fight this by using the truth. Even to the death, fight for the truth and the Lord your God will battle for you. Are you prepared to fight with me, even to the death?”
No one spoke. The only sound in the room was Mary’s soft, almost inaudible crying. I knew then she had loved him much more than the rest of us.
Jacob lowered his head, “So faith is strong only when we are strong.”
“Listen,” Simon said, “just give us some time, we need to discuss this.” We all nodded in agreement, too afraid to voice our betrayal.
“Fine let us discuss it then,” Jacob said angrily.
Simon could not meet his eyes, “We need to discuss it without you.”
Jacob was too shocked or too angry to respond. Simon left the room and we followed. He had always been our leader, after Jacob, and now we did not know whether we wanted to follow Jacob anymore.
Chapter 70: Debate
We walked outside and gathered in a circle. We had to decide Jacob’s fate.
Andrew: “What are we going to do? We can’t just abandon him.”
James: “Why not?” “He lied to us, he abandoned us. Why should we be better than him?”
Matthew: “He never abandoned us. We must have faith in him. Faith can defeat any obstacle.”
John: “Faith is worthless. It is the delusion of a person who refuses to accept the truth. A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.”
Philip: “What are we supposed to have faith in? Do any of you still believe that he is the Messiah?”
Simon: “I don’t know what to believe but we know he is a good person, shouldn’t we try to help him if we can?”
Atarah: “How? Whatever we do, he is doomed. If we tell the truth, and say we no longer believe, then he will be convicted. If we lie and acknowledge him as the Messiah we will appear insane and he will still be convicted. There is nothing we can do.”
Mary: “He is right. We must decide what course is best for us now. Jacob is lost. I grieve for him, but we must save ourselves.”
Stephen: “We are not responsible for what happened to him. We have to consider the impact this will have on the rest of our lives.”
John: “I agree. He tricked us. He made us believe in a lie. I trusted him and I have suffered. We all have suffered. I will no longer suffer for him.”
Mary: “I believed in him because I was weak, I won’t make that mistake again. I would rather die a thousand deaths.”
Andrew: “What about the message?”
Mary: “Let that die too.”
Simon: “It’s not like I want it to die, I just want it to fade into insignificance so I can get on with my life.”
Stephen: “It was a good message, surely something can be saved?”
Matthew: “If it survives then it will haunt us for the rest of our lives. He was wrong. He wanted us to think life is black and white but it isn’t, it just isn’t.”
Phillip: “Are you saying there is no truth?”
Matthew: “We ourselves create the truth. Now we must select the truth most advantageous to us.”
Mary: “I agree. It was beautiful but now it’s sour. We must move on.”
Simon: “The times have changed and we must change with them.”
Chapter 71: Machines
Discussion ended. Our course decided. We were helpless and we knew it. We made the only rational decision. Can you blame us? Would you have done any different?
/> I said nothing during the debate. I was too shocked to say anything. Maybe I didn’t have an opinion. Maybe I didn’t get involved because I was too intimidated.
I noticed Joel remained silent as well. He looked terrible, I mean even worse than usual. Everyone else left. Joel and I were left behind because we were not yet able to move.
“What do you want to do?” I asked him. I am embarrassed to say I was so lost I sought advice from him.
Joel didn’t answer for a long time. “I don’t know,” he finally said. “I want to do the right thing, but I don’t know what that is.”
“Me either,” I said.
“I want to be a true friend. A true friend does not desert his friends. He does not run from evil. But I am afraid.” He began to weep softly.
Without thinking, I embraced him and allowed him to cry on my shirt.
“Why, why, why?” he wept, but not even God can answer the why.
I let him cry for a short time. When he finally slowed down I said, “We need to make a decision.”
“What difference does it make? All the others have decided what good can the two of us do?”
“We can’t just follow the others. We have to decide for ourselves.”
He pushed me away and began to pace up and down. I waited for the wheels of his mind to turn. I waited and waited. Finally, he squatted down on the ground. I guess he thought better there.
He looked up at me anger and defeat in his eyes, “The hell with it, there ain’t no sin and there ain’t no virtue, there’s just stuff people do.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is I’m done helping others. From now on, I only care about myself. The hell with Jacob.”
“But he chose us and we swore to follow him.”
“I might’ve swore with my tongue, but not with my soul so I’m free now. You should leave too if you’re smart.”
Chapter 72: Humans
I returned to the interview room. I wanted to speak with Jacob before I decided what to do.
The deepest part of my soul hurt, something I’d never felt before. A terrible throbbing like a headache. I could not look at him as he discovered the others had betrayed him. I feared that when I betrayed him, he would still look at me with love.
“You are the only one coming?” he said, “Was I a shepherd to fools and betrayers?”
“Yes, and even I do not know what I am going to do.”
“I understand that this is difficult, but you must make a choice. How long will you falter between two opinions? It is human nature to stand in the middle of a thing, but you cannot stand in the middle of this. You must choose one side or the other. Stand with me or against me. The only wrong choice is not to choose at all.”
“I cannot help you. Everything is fixed, and I can’t change it. Everyone is against you except me. I am nothing I cannot help you.”
“Yes you can, you must have faith in yourself and in me. I know that you have faith. Do not assert with your mouth what your heart denies. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
“Even if I could help you, I don't know if I want to. You lied to us. If you had just told us the truth in the beginning things might have been different. Now I don’t know if I can trust you. I don’t know who you are.”
“I never lied to you.”
“Yes you did. Even now you are lying. We followed you because we felt idealistic even though we knew we were worthless. Now our ideals die around us all because of you. Now we are only worthless.”
“I need you. We must stand together now. Throughout history it has been the inaction of those who could have acted, the indifference of those who should have known better, the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most, that has made it possible for evil to triumph. ”
“You need me, but I don’t need you.”
I could see that my words hurt him deeply, but I didn’t care anymore. Maybe I even wanted to hurt him.
“I am lost,” I said, “if you have any power left, help me find my way. Save me and I will save you.”
“I can’t,” he said.
Chapter 73: Choice
Jesus had it easy. He never had to make a choice. He never had to experience the great torture of free will. He never had any doubt or the crushing fear of making the wrong choice. He, if we are to believe the Church, was incapable of doing wrong. Therefore, He was incapable of choosing wrong. You sent Him to earth as both God and man, but He never experienced what it truly means to be a human being.
Jesus had it easy. He was only on the cross for three hours. Some crucifixions last for years. Those crucifixions, I know, involve something much greater than physical pain.
Jesus had it easy. He chose to die because that was the easiest and least painful way for Him to accomplish His goals. He would have experienced far greater pain had He lived. He would have seen His followers turn from Him, twist His words, and stop believing. He would have had to try, slowly and with difficulty, to build up belief in a world that has no time or use for the truth. He would have died without ever accomplishing His task.
You knew this and You did not allow Him to experience the disappointment of human failure. You killed Him to save Him from suffering.
If You really wanted Your Son to suffer for mankind’s sins, You would have made Him watch while You tortured the people He loved. He never knew the consequences of His actions. He never saw the terrible injustices performed on and by His followers. He escaped true suffering. Dying is easy, watching others suffer because of the choices you made is hard.
Your made John write, “God so loved the world He gave his only son.”
You want us to believe He died for our sins. Maybe He did, I don’t know, but don’t blame us for His death. We are not responsible.
You are God. You are responsible. You created us. Your Son died because of Your mistakes, not ours. We didn’t need to be saved, You did. You created the sins of humanity. You needed to save Yourself by correcting Your mistakes, O Faultless One.
You think letting Your Son die proves You love us? Can such arrogance and misunderstanding truly exist in the heart of an All Knowing God? Every human being suffers not only the pain of his or her own death, but the death of every single one of his or her loved ones. You made one sacrifice, You force us to make thousands.
Even His death was not a sacrifice. You, who know nothing of death or permanent sorrow, raised Him from the dead. Giving Your Son a mere three days of death does not show Your love for us. Condemn Him to eternal death in Hell, or a normal life on earth, whichever you think is worse, and I will believe You love us.
Chapter 74: Justice
Our story continues on the day of the trial. All that happened in between is unimportant. All you must know is that I am still uncertain and have not yet made a choice. Nevertheless, I am here to support Jacob.
Jacob’s trial has become big news. The river of life has spewed out a great number of human fish into the court’s parking lot. A faceless crowd, a swirling mass of gray, blue, black, and white.
Both sides, those who think they are for Jacob, and those who think they are against him, are well represented. If I had to guess, I'd say there are 265 for him and 153 against. Nevertheless, these fish will have to find their own bread.
Both sides are signing songs and carrying signs. Their signs shout out large slogans no one will ever read much less believe. Some are in favor of religious freedom, others hate religion but are for free speech. On the other side are those in favor of religious freedom but only for the true religion. The rest stand for rationalism or proclaim Jacob a kidnapper who must be punished.
Two opposing forces, stuck together with God’s glue.
This gathering shows we have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another. We have a great deal of knowledge, but we do not have enough wisdom suffic
ient for that knowledge.
None truly support Jacob because none understand. Neither side is right. No one can be right when everyone is wrong. They all have eyes but they cannot see the truth.
I respect them. At least they have faith in something, even if they are wrong. I used to believe in something too, but I was so much older then, I’m younger then that now.
The courtroom is like every courtroom, bleak, unadorned, and blandly terrifying. Reporters crowd the steps, seeking their false story. I hurry past hoping they will not recognize me. I have no desire to be made into news.
I reach the entrance without incident. The doors are beautiful, gigantic, and made entirely of bronze. If Heaven had doors, they would look like this. On them, an artist had engraved a wondrous three-paneled scene. The first panel showed Titus Manlius Torquatus holding his slain son’s head in his lap while thrice-doomed Decius watched from atop his white horse. The last panel depicted Japhtah, his daughter, and the burning sacrifice to our Lord. In the center, where Jesus would have been if our government allowed, the artist had depicted instead an unnamed king stabbing his most precious wife as she protected their child.
Just above the door handle there was a single inscription, “Fiat justitia, ruat coelum.”(Let justice be done though the sky falls).
Chapter 75: Silence
As soon as I entered the courthouse, I saw Jacob. He motioned for me to follow him and we went into a small interview room.
Jacob’s lawyer, Clarence, was already there. He looked up from his work and said, “Is he the only one coming?”
“Probably,” Jacob said, “prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. In the end, I will not remember the words of my enemies, but the silence of my friends.”
Clarence nodded, “Don't despair my friend. We must stay positive. To expect defeat is 9/10ths of defeat itself.”
“I will not despair. I have accomplished my goal. No matter what happens, I am free. A man becomes free by performing his duty and when he is free, he becomes aware that he is free. It is a wonderful feeling.”
Clarence turned to me, “I am glad you are here. I need you to convince Jacob to follow my advice. Tell him he must not talk or give any religious sermons during the trial.”