Buzz didn’t want to bear witness to the hurt he saw in her eyes when she talked about her little boy. Their little boy. Aware that his heart was beating too fast, he looked down at his boots, hoping she didn’t break down and cry. He wasn’t sure how he’d handle it if she did.
“You got any more pictures? I mean, with you?” he asked.
Wiping the tears from her cheeks with her sleeve, she reached into her hip pocket and pulled out a small folding wallet. “I took these last year when we got our Labrador pup.”
Buzz reached for the photos. Something shifted hard in his chest when he looked down into the laughing eyes of the little boy. “He looks like you.”
“He looks like you, too. The eyes, mostly.” Rising, Kelly knelt beside Buzz and pointed to a photo of Eddie in the pool with a gangly black dog. “He’s a good swimmer. Strong. And he loves Brandy.”
“Dogs are good for kids.”
“He reminds me of you.”
Buzz wanted to look at her, but he didn’t dare. Not when she was so close he could see the shimmer of her hair in the dim sunlight.
He cleared his throat. “Must be that race-car driver thing.”
“No. His mannerisms. The way he thinks. He already wants to conquer the world.”
Buzz forced a laugh, but it was an odd, humorless sound. “Sounds like he takes after you.”
“I don’t want to conquer the world.”
“You just want to control it.”
She laughed. “Maybe that’s why we couldn’t make things work.”
“Or maybe we both just have really hard heads.”
“That, too.”
He looked at her, realized they’d broached a subject he had no desire to discuss. Quickly, he moved to change topics. “Who’s Taylor Quelhorst?”
“I work for him. I met him last year when I was doing cross-country ski tours in Breckenridge.”
“What are you doing now?”
“I’m an assistant manager at the Snow Moose Lodge.”
“Nice place.” Buzz whistled. “So you work together?”
“Not really. Taylor owns the lodge.”
Taylor, Buzz thought. Not Mr. Quelhorst, not Taylor Quelhorst, but Taylor. It was none of his damn business, but he wanted badly to tell her just how he felt about her being on a first-name basis with a man who looked at her the way Quelhorst did. But he knew it would only cause an argument. After all, Buzz didn’t have a claim on her one way or another. Damn it, he didn’t want that kind of relationship with her. They’d tried once and it hadn’t worked. He was crazy to be feeling like a jealous teenager.
“Sounds like you’ve done well for yourself,” he said after a too-long moment. “You still living at the house?”
The pretty little house just west of Denver they’d bought together as newlyweds seven years ago. The two-bedroom, one-bath matchbox with the tiny yard and leaky kitchen sink. The house where they’d made love in every room, including the living room closet.
“Actually, I put the house on the market last month,” she said. “The commute…it was just too long.”
Buzz wasn’t sure why, but that hurt. “And you didn’t see fit to discuss it with me?”
“It’s my house. I didn’t see any reason—”
“What about my son? Maybe you could have considered him.”
She blinked at him. “Buzz, I didn’t think you would mind. I mean, you made it clear you didn’t want the house.”
“Maybe I do mind. Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” Angry now, he turned away from her, willing his pulse to slow. He knew he was acting like an idiot, but he couldn’t seem to get a handle on his temper. “Did you buy another house?” he asked. “An apartment? What?”
“I rented a condo in Breckenridge, but it’s only temporary.”
Buzz shot her a questioning look.
Kelly took a keep breath, like a woman on a high diving board about to plunge twenty feet into cold, deep water. “I’m relocating to Lake Tahoe.”
“Lake Tahoe is in California,” he said stupidly.
“We’re moving.” She looked down at the crumpled wrapper in her hand. “Next month.”
For an instant, he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly. But he saw the answer in her eyes, felt the truth like a dull knife plunged into his solar plexus. “I see,” was all he could manage.
“Taylor just opened a small resort in Tahoe. Skiing in the winter. Horseback-riding and hiking in the summer. The grand opening is next month. I’m going to be running the place for him. It’s a good opportunity for me. I mean, it’s not like I have ties in Denver holding me back.”
For a moment, Buzz couldn’t say anything, didn’t know what to say. All he knew was that yesterday he’d been told he had a son. Today, he was being told the son he’d never met was moving five hundred miles away. He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to handle being a father, but he suddenly knew enough to realize he didn’t like the idea of a long-distance relationship with his boy.
“When were you planning on telling me?” he asked.
She wrapped her arms around herself in a defensive posture. “I don’t think this is the time to discuss this.”
“Evidently, you didn’t think any time was a good time to discuss this, did you?”
She stared at him, stricken. “I can’t talk about this right now.”
Buzz tried hard to get a handle on his temper. He knew she was right; now wasn’t the time to open this particular can of worms. Things were tense enough with Eddie missing. But his temper boiled every time he thought of her leaving town with his son and not telling him.
“Maybe you were just going to leave and not tell me. You’re good at that, aren’t you, Kel?”
“That’s not the way any of this happened.”
“Yeah?” Furious, he rose and stalked over to her. “I guess you didn’t notice the way he looks at you.”
She gaped at him. “The way who looks at me?”
“Quelhorn.”
“You mean Quelhorst?”
“Whatever.”
“Our relationship is strictly professional,” she said.
“Strictly professional until he decides he wants more.”
“Buzz, where the hell is this coming from?” She rose, smaller, but every bit as furious. “Even if I was involved with him, I don’t see what business it is of yours. We’re divorced, remember?”
Buzz had sworn he wasn’t going to let her do this to him. He wasn’t going to let her tick him off. Swore he wasn’t going to let her push his buttons. But if there was any one person in the world who could set him off, it was Kelly. Aware that his heart was pounding, that he was feeling cranky and mean and scared—and that his hands were clenched into fists at his sides, he spun on her. “It’s my business because I’m Eddie’s father,” he growled.
“That’s a role you never wanted.”
“You took any choice I might have had away from me.” Breathing hard, he paced away from her. The next thought that occurred to him turned him back around, had him stalking over to her. “What have you told Eddie about his father?”
She blinked at him again, as if the quick spin of topics was confusing her. “I haven’t told him anything. He…hasn’t asked.”
“What are you going to say when he does, Kel? You know he will sooner or later.”
“I haven’t decided—”
“Haven’t decided?”
“Buzz—”
“Maybe you’re planning to tell him Quelhorn is his daddy. That his daddy is a goddamn pencil-necked—”
Chin jutting out angrily, she stalked closer until her face was less than a foot away from his. “What do you think I should tell him, Buzz? That his father is an adrenaline freak and spends his days trying to get himself killed?”
“That’s crap and you know it.”
“That you think you’re some kind of superhero? Maybe I could tell him about the night you got shot. The night some kid put a bullet in yo
ur spine. Another millimeter or two and it would have severed the cord. Maybe I could tell him how you almost died that night.”
“I was a cop, Kel. It’s part of the job. I accepted that.”
“I didn’t.”
“Cops get hurt. You knew that going in.”
“That’s not going to happen to my son.”
“He’s my son, too.”
“In that case, maybe I’ll tell him you turned down a decent corporate security job because you’re addicted to adrenaline. All the people who love you can go straight to hell because you don’t give a damn what they think or how much they suffer or who you leave behind if you get yourself killed. Maybe I’ll tell him you chose Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue over our marriage because it chafes your ego to sit behind a desk.”
“I did not choose RMSAR over our marriage. You gave me an ultimatum.”
“And you made your choice.”
“I did what I had to do!” he shouted. “What I do has nothing to do with ego. It has to do with who I am, and with the fact that you never got over losing your father and brother.”
She paled at the mention of her father. Buzz knew he’d hit a nerve. They’d never discussed the details of the chopper crash that had killed her father, Jack McKee, and her older brother Kyle. But Buzz had heard the rumors, heard the stories. He knew it must have been tough for her; she’d only been a kid. But he also knew he couldn’t change who he was simply because she couldn’t live with it.
“Don’t bring my father or brother into this,” she said in a quivering voice. “This is between you and me.”
“I think we both know your father and brother are at the heart of the matter,” he said quietly.
“You’re forty years old, Buzz. When are you going to grow up? You can’t spend the rest of your life jumping out of choppers and rappelling down cliffs!”
“You can’t spend the rest of your life being afraid.”
“I’m not the one who’s afraid. You are.”
Buzz couldn’t remember the last time he was so angry he shook. But he was now. That it was Kelly who’d gotten him to this point irked him to no end. She’d always known which buttons to push and he could clearly see that the time away from him hadn’t changed anything.
Grinding his teeth, he turned away from her, stalked over to his backpack and scooped it up. “We’re burning daylight,” he said.
“Fine.” She hurled the water bottle at him.
Buzz caught it with one hand, tucked it into his backpack then slung the backpack over his shoulders. His heart was still pounding when he started down the trail.
“The sky looks funny, Bunky Bear.”
Eddie Malone huddled against the rocks and hugged the stuffed animal, trying not to think about how scared he was. He’d drunk the last of his juice when he first woke up, and already he was thirsty. He’d eaten his peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, and now he only had one cracker left. He wanted to save it for later, but he was hungry, too.
What was he going to eat when he ran out of crackers?
The thought made him want to cry, but he didn’t. He’d cried a lot already and all it did was make his cheeks burn. His eyes and throat were burning, too. He didn’t think that was from crying, though, but because of the smoke. The air smelled like it did when he and Mommy had a fire in the fireplace.
Thinking of his mommy made him whimper. Oh, he wished he could find her. All he wanted to do was go home.
“Mommy!” he called out. “I’m scared! Where are you?”
He’d had a bloody nose earlier when he was crossing the creek. He hadn’t even noticed until he looked down and saw blood on his shirt. Mommy always told him to pinch the end of his nose and tilt his head back, so he’d sat down with Bunky Bear and done just that until it stopped.
A screech drew his attention to the sky. Eddie looked up to see a big bird wheeling overhead. He wondered if it was an eagle. He’d never seen an eagle before.
Even though the sun was still out, the sky was darker than it had been the day before. Maybe there was a storm coming. He thought about thunder and almost started crying again. He didn’t like storms, so he hugged Bunky Bear tighter and started to hum the song Mommy had taught him when they’d driven on that really far drive to the mountains where she was going to be working in a really cool place.
“One, two, three, look at me. I’m a happy cowboy. Four, five, six, ropey tricks, are easy for a cowboy….”
For the hundredth time, he wondered where his mommy was. He knew she was going to be worried. He hoped she wasn’t mad. He couldn’t help it if he was lost. He’d been trying so hard to find her. He wondered if she was still where he’d left her. He hoped she’d woken up and gone back to the ranger station.
Turning slightly, Eddie set Bunky Bear on the rock opposite him, so he could see him better. “Mommy knows all about the woods and camping,” he said. “She’s the smartest mommy in the whole world, Bunky Bear. Don’t worry. She’s not even going to be mad. She’s out looking for us right now. Probably has a bunch of people helping her. Really smart people who wear hiking boots and cowboy hats and know all about the mountains and stuff.”
The thought of his mommy made him smile. He looked up at the sky again, felt the first fringes of fear at the thought of the coming darkness. Or a storm.
Last night had been so scary. Even though he had a jacket, he’d been cold. So cold he hadn’t been able to sleep. And he’d heard all sorts of noises. Strange growling sounds. Rustlings in the bushes.
The thought of spending another night alone scared him so much Eddie began to cry. “Don’t cry, Bunky Bear,” he said, sniffing loudly. Reaching for the stuffed animal, he hugged it close and started to sing the song again.
Chapter 7
K elly found the candy bar wrapper just before dusk. Lingering several feet behind her as they clamored over rocky terrain, Buzz saw her kneel.
“He was here!” she cried. “Buzz! Oh, my God! He was here!”
Holding the wrapper up as if she’d just found the world’s largest diamond, she rushed toward Buzz, covering the rugged terrain at a dangerous speed. She was breathless, smiling, her face lit with new hope when she reached him. She waved the wrapper like a victory flag. “This was in his backpack. Buzz, he was here!”
Without waiting for him to reply, she spun and cupped her hands to her mouth. “Eddie! Honey, it’s Mommy! Where are you, sweetheart!”
Grasping the whistle hanging from the chain at his neck, Buzz put it to his mouth and blew three times in quick succession. The ear-splitting sound echoed off the treetops and the rock face on the other side of the creek. A flock of birds flurried into the air a dozen yards away.
“If he’s within earshot, he’ll hear the whistle,” he said.
As if holding her breath, Kelly turned in a circle, her eyes skimming the surrounding forest and rock. “He’s got to be close,” she said. “Even if he can’t hear us, he’s got to be close.”
“Let me see the wrapper,” Buzz said.
She passed it to him, but her attention was riveted to the surrounding vistas. Buzz studied the wrapper. Residual chocolate had melted on the inside. A few tiny ants had discovered it and scurried about the paper. Judging from the amount of chocolate consumed by the ants, he guessed it had been on the ground an hour, maybe two.
He blew the whistle again. Three long durations. Then they listened. He could practically feel the excitement coming off Kelly. While the wrapper was good news, he knew it wasn’t a guarantee that they would find him any time soon.
Buzz was in the process of handing her the water when a voice came over his VHF radio. “This is Homer One. You there, Tango?”
Buzz slid the radio from his belt. “I’m here.”
“Flyboy just called in with an update on the situation up north.”
Instinctively knowing why the man on the other end hadn’t used the word fire, Buzz turned away from Kelly and lowered his voice. “What’ve you got?”
> “Twelve homes burned last night near Meredith. Two firefighters are missing. Flyboy’s out looking, but it doesn’t look good.”
Buzz cursed. Damn, he hated it when the good guys lost one of their own. “I’m four miles south of there. We’ve got plenty of smoke.”
“Fire’s moving fast, Buzz. Front came through and everything went to hell.”
“How many people we got left looking for the boy?”
“They’ve expanded the grid search. Jake Madigan is out with a few other volunteers. Maitland and Scully are still out in the ATV.” The man on the other end paused. “They needed the chopper to find the two firefighters, so Flyboy is gone.”
“Roger that.”
“Any sign of the kid?”
“That’s a negative.”
“We’re not going to quit, but in light of the conditions up there, you might consider sending the mother back. That fire’s burning uncontrolled. Things could get squirrelly.”
Buzz sighed. He knew Dispatch was right; he knew the time had come for him to send Kelly back. Just as he knew he was going to have a knock-down-drag-out fight on his hands. Holy hell. He couldn’t think of a more impossible situation.
“Flyboy is going to do a fly by on his way to base when he fuels,” Dispatch said. “He’ll keep an eye out for the kid.”
“Tell him I appreciate that.”
“Will do. Good luck.”
“Over and out.” Buzz flipped off the radio and was in the process of sheathing it when Kelly came up beside him.
“What did they say about the fire?” she asked.
He looked at her, felt that familiar punch-in-the-gut sensation that always made him feel as if he’d just stepped out of the ring after being trounced by a sumo wrestler. He wished she’d stop looking at him like that. Like something good was about to happen when he was fresh out of good news.