Chapter Twenty-Five
Hailey
My hand felt as heavy as my heart. The ring was beautiful. Braxton had done an excellent job picking it out. But it didn't feel like it belonged there and I couldn’t get used to it no matter how often I found myself glancing down at it. I couldn’t forget the expression on Chase’s face when he’d seen the ring on my hand.
He’d looked so sad and then so betrayed. I hadn’t wanted him to find out about my engagement like that—honestly, I didn’t think I really wanted him to find out at all. That wasn’t a normal response, right? Weren’t girls typically overjoyed when they got engaged? Shouldn’t I be flashing my new ring to anyone and everyone? That should have been a red flag.
“Are you okay?” Tessa asked.
“Not really, but it's not me I'm worried about.”
“How is Braxton?”
“I don't really know. He just sorta shut down. Brad seems to be the only functioning person in that household right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too. They need me right now. I just came back to grab a few things.”
I had decided to stay in Southlake for a few more days and help out as much as I could with everything that the Douglas family was going through right now. “Is there anything I can do?” Tessa asked.
“No, I already cleared it with my professors so I should be good there, and I'll be back in a few days.”
“Okay, just let me know.” Tessa hugged me goodbye, and I tried my hardest not to break down right then and there.
I listened to music the whole way back to Southlake. Chase was right; the best songs weren't about a happily-ever-after. The best songs—the ones that caused any sort of stirring inside me—were about heartbreak and pain. It made me wonder what else he was right about.
I was young. I was inexperienced. Maybe settling down so early in life wasn't a good thing.
Live as if this is your last day.
When I pulled into Braxton’s driveway, I noticed that the house was dark. I opened up the trunk and pulled out my bag.
“Hailey? Is that you?” asked a gruff sounding voice. I hadn't heard that voice in months but of course I recognized it.
“Yeah, Dad, it's me.”
“I didn't know you were back in town.” He stepped out of the shadows and stood in front of me. He looked the same—taller than me and round, particularly around the middle. His hair was longer, not really shaggy but just like he'd gone a few months without a trim. He also needed to shave. He wore oil-stained overalls over a plain white t-shirt. He was looking a little rough, but at least he seemed sober tonight.
“Um, yeah. Mrs. Douglas passed away a few days ago.”
“Oh,” he said, reaching out toward me. I must've had an involuntary reaction to his attempt at comforting me because he hastily shoved his hands back in his pockets, looking embarrassed. “I'm sorry, Hay. Real sorry to hear that.”
It was kind of chilly and we were just standing around in awkward silence until I finally couldn't take it anymore, so I said, “Okay, well, it was nice seeing you.” I turned and started to make my way to Braxton’s house.
“Hailey wait,” he called out. “I, uh, I have something for you. Can you come inside for a minute?”
I reluctantly agreed and followed my father inside the house I’d grown up in. Nothing about this house made me feel like I was home. Though I didn't really feel at home next door now, either.
Sure the Douglas family had tried to make me feel like I was part of the family, but I knew that I didn't really belong there. I had no home.
I stayed in the entryway, not feeling comfortable enough to venture further into the house. He went to the kitchen and came out a few minutes later with an envelope. He held onto it nervously, trying to gauge my reaction to what he was about to say.
“I—uh—wanted you to know that I called that number you left on the table for me. I've been—uh—talking to someone about my problems. I'm doing better, and I know that it's not something that's just going to go away—but I'm recovering.”
“That's great, Dad,” I told him and I meant it, but I'd been trying for years to get him to do the right thing and get help, so why was this time any different?
“I also have been putting back some money from my paycheck each week to pay back what I stole from you.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably and handed me an envelope.
“It's not everything, but it's a start and I will pay back the rest.” My hands were shaking as I took it. “I don't want your money, Dad,” I said quietly.
“It's not my money Hay, it's yours. I had no right to do that to you and I know that you probably can't forgive me yet, but I hope that someday down the road you can try.” I didn't know what to say so I just hugged him and he started to cry.
“I'm so sorry.” He repeated those words over and over in between his tears. “For everything.”
We talked for a little while longer. It was a little weird; I wasn't quite ready to renew our relationship—it would take some time to build back the trust but it was a good start.
I spent the next few days with the Douglas family cleaning the house, cooking meals, and helping Brad take care of everything. Mr. Douglas didn't leave his room the day we buried Mrs. Douglas and when he did emerge, he was like a zombie. He just wandered aimlessly through the house. He'd answer questions with a yes or no, but other than that he didn't speak to anyone.
Braxton kept telling me how happy he was that I was here and how he couldn't have gone through this without me. It made it harder for me to find the right time to do what I knew needed to be done. It seemed cruel to break his heart when he obviously needed me.
But as much as I wanted to continue being here to help the family that had helped me so much, I knew that it was time for me to head back to school.
I had been torturing myself for months trying to fight against what I so obviously wanted because I was scared. Tessa was right, it was time for me to follow my heart, to take a risk.
Maybe I'd get hurt, but it was a chance that I wanted to take. I didn't want to just exist anymore—I wanted to live.
Be the woman you are and the one you are meant to be. Do not become what you think others want and live as if this is your last day...
I think that’s what Mrs. Douglas was trying to tell me before she died. I think she knew that I tried hard to be perfect on the outside because I thought maybe if I was, then my mom never would’ve left me and my dad never would’ve checked out and we could’ve been a perfect family like I perceived the Douglas family to be.
Nobody was perfect—and it was too exhausting to keep trying to be.
But did I really just want to settle for the comfortable and ordinary now that I knew something greater was out there? Or was I being naïve? Maybe the butterflies were only temporary and it was wiser to stick with what I knew instead of exploring this unfamiliar territory that could very well end in my heartbreak.
Either way, I knew that I wasn't being fair to Braxton. This uncertainty was weighing heavily on my mind and my heart. I needed to tell him the truth—that I wasn't ready to settle down and get married, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it yet. He’d just lost his mom and it didn't seem right to hurt him anymore. I just needed to go back to school and give him time to get over this obstacle before I broke his heart all over again.