I was still in that fog of euphoria when he worked his mouth back up to mine. Placing soft kisses on my parted lips, he pressed the tip of his cock against my entrance. “Look at me,” he whispered.
I opened my eyes to find him staring at me. Then he cupped my cheek. I saw so much love and tenderness in his gaze that I almost didn’t care about making love to him anymore. This was enough. But then he pushed into me, and the feeling of oneness, of rightness, intensified. His mouth opened, but he didn’t close his eyes or look away. We were completely locked, heart and soul, as our bodies joined.
His hips began to move in a slow rhythm, and it was a struggle to maintain the leisurely speed, but the feeling of him moving within me was more powerful, more profound, than any time before. Inexplicably, I felt tears stinging my eyes. “Oh God,” I murmured, clutching his back and pulling him into me in an all-consuming hug. I never wanted this to end.
Hayden clutched me to him as he drove a little deeper, a little harder. Clenching my hand, he rested his forehead against mine. As our pace naturally increased, he started kissing me, long and deep, searing passion lacing every movement. The pressure began mounting quickly, and I knew there were only seconds left in this life-altering connection. My head dropped back as I moaned his name. “Hayden…”
His hand squeezed mine, and that was all the assurance I needed to let go. A cry escaped my lips as the orgasm crashed through me. Hayden’s free hand returned to my cheek, coaxing me to look at him. While I rode out the bliss of my explosion, Hayden went through his. Right before he peaked, he murmured, “I love you. God, I love you.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine while he came. I love you too.
Chapter 22
The next three weeks were incredibly difficult for me. My father routinely asked how things were going. He always left the question vague enough that we could be talking about anything, but I saw right through him. He wanted to know if I’d ended it with Hayden. I answered him with almost the same w ords every time: Don’t worry, Dad¸ I’m doing what you asked.
But I wasn’t, and I felt so horrible about it that I’d started avoiding being alone with my father as much as I could. My stomach was so constantly tangled that I might as well resume street racing. At least that way, my frayed nerves would be making me money. Not that that really mattered anymore. Cox Racing was finished.
In addition to feeling guilty about outright lying to Dad, I was also being hounded with apologies from my best friends. Nikki and Myles both felt awful about what they’d done, Myles especially, since he’d been the one to let the truth slip out to my father. They texted, called, and harassed me nearly every day. Anger had helped me keep my distance at first, but the emotional roller coaster I was on was slowly wearing me down.
Sitting down on a stool one afternoon, I watched Nikki tuning up my bike, and I debated whether I could talk to her before the guilt and regret ate me alive. I wasn’t one to willingly open up, though—Nikki usually had to drag my problems out of me—but I was tired of being alone; the emotional island I’d stranded myself on was sinking.
“Hey…Nikki?”
She immediately dropped her wrench and spun around on her stool to look at me. It had been a while since I had initiated our conversations…or actively participated in them. Nikki had been getting a lot of one-syllable answers lately. “Yeah, what is it? Do you need something? Do you want something? Thirsty? Hungry? Horny? I can’t really help you with that last one, but I could ask around.”
Her enthusiasm to help me made me laugh, but remembering my problems made me sigh. Had there ever been a time when life had felt easy? Glancing around to make sure we were alone, I asked her, “Can we talk about something?”
Nikki immediately nodded. “Oh, thank God! Is it about what happened at the wedding? Because Myles and I are so sorry. We never meant for any of that to happen, and it’s been killing me that I don’t know what your dad said to you. He hasn’t told anyone. Even John doesn’t know.” Eyes wide, she quickly added, “Not that I’ve been asking around or anything.”
With a sigh, I shook my head. “No, it’s not…well, maybe it’s connected. But before I tell you anything, you have to swear on our friendship that you won’t say a word of this to anyone. And I mean it, Nikki…you can’t tell anyone, not even Myles.” I would tell him myself…when I was ready.
Nikki immediately made an X over her heart, and I opened my mouth to spill my guts, but nothing came out. I’d held this in for so long, it was difficult to talk about it. Inhaling a deep breath, I fought through the awkward tension squeezing me to pieces. I could do this. “I…I’m in love…with Hayden.” Even while I was cringing, waiting for her to kill me, a sense of relief rushed through my body. It felt so good to finally talk to someone about him.
Nikki looked at me like I’d just smacked myself in the forehead with her wrench. “You’re…? With Hayden…? Hayes?”
Her stunned expression made me want to laugh, but my reality was too painful for joy. “Yeah, I know…It shocked me too.”
“How did that even happen?” she asked, mystified.
With a sad smile, I began confessing all the secrets I’d been hiding for so long. “At first, it was just racing. I wasn’t doing well enough to make my father happy, and like I told you before, Hayden and I really do race better together, so…we started breaking into the track at night to practice together. I got my best times with him, when everyone else was asleep.”
Nikki’s mouth dropped to the floor. “You broke into the track?” she hissed.
A small laugh finally escaped me at her reaction. “Yeah. I even picked the lock a time or two.” She just stared at me blankly, like she didn’t even recognize me. With a weary exhale, I shook my head. “I didn’t know he was still street racing until Daphne’s bachelorette party…when he almost ran me over.” I smiled at the memory, then frowned. “It seemed like the only way to save Cox Racing at the time, so…I begged him to let me do it. He didn’t want me anywhere near it at first. He was really worried about me getting hurt…we even fought about it. But it was a price I had to pay to save the business, or try to anyway, so I told him I would do it with or without him.”
Nikki nearly fell off her stool. “You’ve always been so…controlled, so by the book…so regimented. It’s like you’re telling me you’re secretly a porn star or something. I just can’t quite wrap my head around it.”
I rolled my eyes at her comparison, but I understood what she was saying. It had been so gradual, I hadn’t even realized I was changing. Not really, anyway. “Somewhere along the way, I…started having feelings for Hayden. They were just physical at first. God, I was so attracted to him…But the more I got to know him, the deeper the feelings went. And the entire time, I knew we were doomed. I knew it didn’t make sense to fall for him…but I did.” Feeling tears prick my eyes, I locked gazes with her. “I’m so in love with him, Nikki. I’m in love with him, and my father is going to ruin me if I don’t stop seeing him. He told me he would make sure no team took me next year if I didn’t let Hayden go, and I believe him. But I can’t stop seeing Hayden—I feel so alive when I’m with him, more like who I’m really supposed to be. I can’t give him up, and I’m screwed because I can’t.” I frantically wiped at the big fat tears rolling down my cheeks.
Her face a mixture of sympathy and surprise, Nikki rolled her stool over and gave me a hug. “Shit, Kenzie…I had no idea.” Pulling back, she frowned. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me earlier?”
Drying my cheeks, I shook my head. “Because…you know it’s not easy for me to…talk about things like this. I’m not comfortable with emotional stuff. And then on top of all that, Hayden’s…forbidden, and everybody here hates him, Myles and my dad especially. I was worried that if I told you, you would have told someone else, and I would have been fired.”
She opened her mouth to defend herself, and I interrupted her. “Don’t even try to deny that you suck at keeping secret
s.” She cringed, then nodded, and I let out a weary sigh as I continued. “In the beginning, I convinced myself you’d talk about it, and word would get out, and everything would be ruined. But actually…I think I just didn’t want to hear that I was being stupid, that I was making a huge mistake. I didn’t want to be talked out of my plans. Didn’t want to accept what was happening. And then I fell for Hayden, and it was too late…”
Nikki’s expression softened as she wiped some tears off my cheeks with a clean section of her rag; I hadn’t even realized I’d started crying again. “Do you really love him enough to risk your career for him? As long as I’ve known you, racing is all you’ve ever cared about.”
A smile brightened my face. “It sounds crazy to admit it out loud, but…yeah…I’d rather give up racing than him.” Nikki smiled, and her eyes sparkled like she was about to cry, she was so happy for me; seeing the acceptance eased my pain considerably.
She moved her arms like she was going to hug me again, but I stopped her by grabbing her forearms. “I’d really like to keep both, though, so I need you to keep your word and not say anything to anyone. This is serious, Nikki. So long as my dad doesn’t know I’m still seeing Hayden, he won’t sabotage my career.”
Nikki stared at me for long, silent seconds before finally nodding in agreement. Tossing my arms around her, I pulled her in for a tight hug and thanked her for staying silent, for listening to my problems, and for being such a good friend. My heart was still a tormented mess when I left her, but I found that I could breathe a little easier after sharing my stress.
Calling it an early day, I headed for my everyday bike. My phone chirped at me while I walked. It was a message from Hayden: Meet me at our spot out back.
I knew he meant the hole in the fence, but I couldn’t do it. I’d been avoiding meeting up with Hayden almost everywhere outside of my house—no late-night practices, no bars out of town, no cheering him on at street races. With the stakes so much higher than before, I couldn’t risk any meeting that might get back to Dad. But since I didn’t want Hayden to know about the chaos going on with Dad and Myles, I had to keep my real reason for being extra cautious hidden. Because if Hayden knew Myles had figured out the truth and told my dad, and the only reason my dad hadn’t said something to Keith was because he hated him too much to talk to him—a fact that might change if Dad thought I was still seeing Hayden—Hayden would be as much of an emotional wreck as me. And I didn’t want to do that to him. Not right before the last race of the season.
Peering over at the Benneti side of the universe, I saw Hayden in his leathers, standing in front of the garage door, phone in hand. He was looking my way without appearing like he was looking my way. With an inward sigh, I texted him back: Can’t. Meeting Daphne for lunch. Lying to him was even worse than lying to my dad, but I couldn’t take the risk of being seen with him. Hayden responded with a frowny face and a guilt-reducing laugh escaped me. Coming over tonight? I asked.
Of course. I’ll be late, though. I have a race.
Clenching my phone, I debated asking him not to go. Maybe if I promised him enough sexual favors, he’d stay with me tonight instead. But Izzy and Antonia would suffer, and I didn’t want that any more than Hayden did. I just wanted him safe. And since the street racing circuit wasn’t a secret anymore, it didn’t feel safe.
Be careful. Please?
I always am, sweetheart. And yes, now that you actually are my sweetheart, I can call you that. And if you don’t like it, you’ll just have to spank me later. Or I could spank you…
With heated cheeks, I covertly flashed a glare his way. Don’t tempt me, Hayes. Even from the distance between us, I could see him laughing, and it warmed my heart. If I could keep balancing on the fine tip of all my multiple deceptions, then maybe everything would be okay, and maybe this wouldn’t all blow up in my face.
So I wouldn’t be a complete and total liar, I called Daphne and asked her to go to lunch with me. She’d mellowed out a lot since the wedding, so it was much easier to be around her. Surprisingly enough, she wasn’t mad that I’d skipped out on most of the reception. She’d gotten a little tipsy during the toasts and hadn’t cared about much after that.
Daphne and I had a nice quiet lunch. Afterward, I drove home and changed into my swimsuit; the ocean sounded great right about now. After attaching my board to my truck, I headed to my favorite secret spot. I parked in the reeds, then lugged my board down to the ocean. It was early afternoon during the middle of the week, with about an hour left before school let out, so the beach was empty except for me. It felt like my very own private slice of heaven.
I rode in a handful of waves, then noticed that I was no longer alone. Hayden was standing on the shoreline, watching me just out of reach of the water. Trudging through the shallows with my board, I walked to the edge of the waves. “What are you doing here?”
His eyes scanned the front of my suit, and my body instantly began to tingle. “Well, when I showed up at your house and you didn’t answer—I got through “Jingle Bells” and “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and you didn’t come out to kick my ass—I figured you were here.”
A grin crossed my lips, but it instantly shifted into a frown. He shouldn’t be out in the open like this with me. “You should be at the track, getting ready for New Jersey this weekend.”
“No, I should be making love to my girlfriend.” His finger started tracing the neckline of my bikini, instantly sending my body into overdrive.
“Hayden,” I murmured, not sure if I wanted him to stop…or keep going.
He lifted both hands into the air. “You wouldn’t meet with me at the track, and I have something for you. I couldn’t wait until tonight to give it to you.” He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small jewelry box. My eyes widened and my heart started thumping. No. He couldn’t be doing what I thought he was doing. Not yet; it was far too soon. Although, maybe Dad would completely lose the upper hand if Hayden and I were married…But shit, I was too young to get married.
“What’s that?” I asked, my voice tight.
Hayden looked at me funny for a second, then shook his head. “No, no…it’s not what you think.”
He opened the box and I looked inside. Nestled in the velvet was a ring, but it was more like a cocktail ring than any sort of engagement ring. Three thin loops of sterling silver were intricately woven together to make a beautiful two-inch-long infinity symbol that would run from joint to knuckle. The edges were polished and gleamed in the sunshine. It was simple yet stunning. “Oh my God, Hayden…It’s beautiful.”
I started to slip it on my right hand, but he stopped me. “Look inside the band…I had it inscribed.” Bringing it close to my face, I tried to make out the tiny letters. WITH ALL MY HEART, MAJOR ASSHAT.
My eyes flashed to his, and he crooked a grin. “Didn’t think I’d ever noticed your phone, did you?”
A flush started creeping up my chest, and his gaze drifted to my breasts. “Jesus, Kenzie, you’re killing me.”
I laughed as I slipped the ring onto my hand. It fit perfectly. “I’m surfing, it’s just a swimsuit.”
With a look that said I might as well have told him a bike was just a bike, he murmured, “It’s a bikini.” His hand reached out and he brushed a thumb across my nipple. “A nice bikini…” His other hand reached around behind me to slip down the back. “A very nice bikini.”
Having his skin touching mine was too much, and a groan escaped me. God, now that I was letting myself have him, I couldn’t get enough of him. “Let’s go to my place,” I breathed.
Removing his hands from my body, Hayden grabbed my surfboard and tossed it on the sand. Then he picked me up and set me down on top of it. “Let’s stay here,” he growled, urging me to lie back on the board.
My eyes scanned the beach, but it was still deserted. “I don’t know, we’re out in the open…”
I couldn’t finish my objection. Hayden had pulled down my bikini bottoms, just enough to put h
is mouth on me. My vision swam. All I could see was trees and rocks, all I could hear was the surge of the ocean, and all I could feel was the bliss of his tongue caressing me. It was a perfect moment, and I didn’t want to stop it. Even if someone did show up, I probably wouldn’t push him away. I couldn’t.
As his mouth continued to move against me, his hands massaged my breasts and squeezed my nipples. And then his mouth moved to my neck and he was over me, whispering in my ear how much he wanted me, and how amazing I was. I unzipped his pants and pushed them down enough so he was free.
The rightness of being with him washed over me as he plunged deep. I grabbed the board beneath me with both hands, felt my new ring digging into the fiberglass as he drove me toward a quick release. Yes, this was worth it. This was what I wanted. More than anything, he was what I wanted.
* * *
Saturday morning, we were making final preparations for the last race of the season at New Jersey Motorsports Park in Millville, New Jersey. I couldn’t believe the final race was already here. The end of an era, the end of Cox Racing. No matter how I finished, things would be different after today. Dad would close his doors and never reopen them. I would have to start taking a serious look at other teams, and strip my bikes of all their colors and sponsors. It was a fresh start in some ways, and Hayden wouldn’t have the fear of his career being cut short once I was no longer a member of Cox Racing, but being here at the last event felt more like a funeral than a celebration.
Everyone else I ran into was excited, though. There was only a thirty point difference between first and tenth place. The championship was close, still open to anybody, and there was a feeling of hope in the air—no one was clinching anything this year.
The mandatory meeting between all the owners and racers was uneventful—no one was late, no one was sick. The only thing stressful about it was the quiet rage buzzing between Keith and my dad, but that was normal. Both of them always looked like wild stallions temporarily being held under control, and it was clear that if they were left alone in the room, the enforced peace wouldn’t last for long.