“That’s my point. I’m far from it and I would be no good for a kid.”
“A little too fucking late for that now. I always thought you were an asshole, but I never thought of you as the kind of scum that would abandon their kid.” He shook his head as he looked at me with disgust, before storming out of the room. Moments later, the back door slammed and I was alone.
I didn’t want to be that man, but I didn’t think a child could ever benefit from having me in their life. I flipped over the phone in my hand as I struggled to rid the thought of calling Gabby from my mind.
Her cell number was no longer active and after being unable to reach her at work, I showed up to find she now worked from home. The problem was, I had no clue where home was because she hadn’t returned to her apartment. She was probably long back with that lawyer asshole and I had no idea what the hell I would even say to her if I found her. I needed to let it go, let her go and focus on this child.
I couldn’t blame her for wanting to disappear. After her story had hit the internet, I was constantly hounded for a statement and paparazzi wishing to snag a picture of the supposedly happy couple.
Julia’s pregnancy turned out to be on the rough side and after stories of her bedridden and unable to even make it to the bathroom to be sick. I sent Levi to bring her back home so I could make sure she was alright.
As frightening as this all was, it was surprisingly easy for me to take care of Julia when she needed it like I had for Levi when he had no one else. We even managed to get along, for the most part, now that we both had someone else to focus on.
I sank down on the edge of our bed and watched as she lay curled on her side, sleeping soundly. It made me envision my mother when I was little. I used to come into her room whenever I’d had nightmares of her many fights with my father.
Just thinking of my past made my heart rate accelerate. I could still hear her quiet sobs as she lied and told me that everything was alright. Fresh bruises darkened large patches of her milky skin, but she always assured me that she’d deserved whatever punishment she’d received. And so a monster was born inside of me, one that struggled with guilt from not being able to protect my mother. One that would grow to learn that a woman who did not listen was to be knocked back into submission with a high hand and cold heart.
I’d never struck a woman the way my mother had been abused, but there was no denying that their relationship had shaped who I’d become. His wickedness festered inside of me until it manifested in a perverse game of control and domination.
I was terrified as to what that would mean for my child. Reaching out, I ran my hand over Julia’s hip, causing her to stir before her eyes slowly opened, blinking several times before narrowing on me.
“Hey,” she whispered in a sleepy tone.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.” I rubbed my hands over my face as I tried to clear my head of my worry.
“What’s wrong?” She sat up, running her hand over my back as I shook my head.
“I can’t do this, Jules. I don’t have any idea how to do this.”
“No one does, Drake.”
“It’s not like everyone else, Jules. I spent most of my childhood living with my junkie aunt and raising Levi. I don’t have the slightest clue how to be a father.”
“We can start by making our family official.”
I looked over at her sleepy face, free of the makeup that generally hid her natural beauty. Her jet black hair hung in loose waves around her face. I knew she was right, still it killed me inside to think of finally letting go of the girl who’d made me feel something. But it was time. This baby was going to come whether I got my shit together or not and I had to at least try.
My palm slid over Julia’s soft cheek as she pressed her face into my touch. I could feel the little bit of happiness I’d possessed whithering up inside of me and dying. Now I would have to take on the greatest acting role of my life, loving husband and father. “Nothing would make me happier than to make you my wife.”
She raked her teeth over her lower lip to suppress her grin as she flung her arms around my neck. “Yes, yes, of course, I’ll marry you.”
I looped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me. This moment should have made me elated. This should have felt like the start of our future, but it only felt like the beginning of the end.
I laid down, pulling Julia with me, curving my body around hers and let exhaustion take over. I passed out with my fingers splayed over her small belly. I felt nothing.
Chapter thirty-one
Gabriela
I glanced around my apartment that now felt like it was from another lifetime. It was cold and quiet and the mail inside of my door was growing into a small mountain. Luckily, my bills were quickly paid online so most of it was just junk.
I kicked the stack out of my way as I wandered around the space, tapping the button on my answering machine. Most of the voicemails were Liz but when Tyler’s voice rang out, I paused to listen to him speak.
He was missing me, even after all of this time. Picking up the receiver, I didn’t give myself time to second guess myself as I dialed his number. It only rang twice before he answered.
“Gabby, where have you been?” His tone was worried, not accusatory.
“I’ve been spending time with Aunt May. She wanted some company.”
“That’s really sweet of you. If you wanted to get out for a bit, there’s a band playing down at Vex later. You always liked those cheesy nachos they have.”
I smiled to myself at his memory of what I liked. “You don’t have work or a meeting?” It had been a long time since Tyler didn’t have something to do for his job.
“Gabby, I know I wasn’t fair to you. I didn’t make enough time for us. I am changing that. I’m ready to do what I have to do to win you back.”
“Ty, this is all too much.” As much as I was regretful of the decisions I’d made, I still knew that Tyler and I were worlds apart in what we wanted.
“No, you’re right. I didn’t mean to say all of that. It just kind of came out. Let’s just start with some nachos.”
I thought it over for a minute as my eyes danced around my apartment. “Nachos,” I agreed.
He laughed and told me he would pick me up in an hour. I hurried to make myself presentable, rushing through a quick shower before slipping into a pair of snug jeans and a tight tank top. There was no need to dress up for this club. It was laid back and mellow.
I surveyed my surroundings cautiously as I left my building, still worried that the random photographer was lurking in a dark alley. But I made it to my car without anyone bothering me, causing my heart to sink just a little further into the pit of my stomach. It never feels good to be used by someone, I’d just never saw it coming with Drake. He was an asshole, sure, but I didn’t see him as dishonest.
I felt like a fool and I knew he and Levi were probably laughing at how stupid I was right now, or worse, he’d moved on to his next conquest. The thought of him with someone else made me queasy. As much as I hated to admit it, I was developing feelings for Drake and they weren’t all because of an overactive imagination. What I’d felt while I was with him was real, at least for me.
I drove to Vex in a daze as I thought over every moment of our secret encounters. Had I missed a sign? Had he shown any real interest in me at all? Or was this all a game for him?
I entered the quaint bar just off Fulton Street and grabbed a booth along the right wall where I could watch the door. My eyes drifted over the patrons who seemed happily oblivious to my inner turmoil. A perky waitress stepped into my field of view with a tired smile.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“Yeah, um... a shot of Fireball and a Sprite, please.” She smiled and turned to leave before I called out for her. “Can I also get a bud light? I’m waiting for someone.”
“Of course.” She smiled and turned on her heal, leaving me alone to people watch again.
She ret
urned only a moment later with the beverages before slipping into the crowd. I drank down the fiery liquid, hoping to numb the hurt feelings I was trying to mask.
My legs bounced nervously under the wooden table as the band began to play, drowning out my own thoughts. I checked the time on my phone before picking up Tyler’s beer and sipping at it.
Chapter thirty-two
Drake
I awoke, stretching my arm across crumpled sheets. My eyes slowly blinked open and focused on Julia pulling on her dress.
“What are you doing?” I rolled over, groaning as I rubbed my hands against my eyes.
“I have to stop by my agent's office and I have a doctor’s appointment and it’s already afternoon. I’ll call you later and we can meet for dinner.”
“Wait.” Propping myself up on my elbow, my eyes danced over my future wife, mother of my child. “I want to go.”
“Really?” Scrunching up her nose, she slipped an earring into her ear. “It’s going to be boring. Just a few blood tests. The real fun begins in a few weeks when I get an ultrasound.” She smiled and I’d swear she was glowing.
“Fine. I’ll meet you in a few hours. Just call me when you’re finished.”
“Of course.” Crossing the room she bent over and kissed me on the lips before heading out.
I flopped back onto my back as I yawned. I wanted to spend the rest of the day in bed, but I knew I had a few hours to go out and find a ring for Jules. I wanted to surprise her with something special to let her know that I was fully committed to being a good father.
Reluctantly, I slid from under the warm sheets and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day.
I showered quickly and brushed my teeth before going back into the bedroom were a book on the edge of Julia’s normally pristine dresser caught my eye. “Shit, I groaned as I picked up her pregnancy journal that she was supposed to take with her to each appointment. Flipping it open, I smiled as I read over her hand-written notes from her previous appointments.
I looked at the small clock that sat on the nightstand. I could have Levi run it to the hospital before heading out to look for a ring. Throwing on my clothes, I called out for Levi with no answer.
I slipped on my shoes and headed for his bedroom, knocking loudly, but there was no sound from inside. I pushed open his door when Maria called my name from behind me, startling me.
“He didn’t come home last night.” She shook her head, disapprovingly causing me to chuckle.
“Maybe he found someone else to take care of him.”
“You need to push him from the nest. A bird won’t fly if you keep bringing food back to him.” Her face turned stern. Placing my hand on her shoulder I nodded in agreement.
“One baby bird at a time. Take the day off, Maria. You work too hard.”
I stepped around her and headed for the front door as I heard her mumble, “Don’t I know it.”
***
Putting down the windows in my Range Rover, I drove myself over to the OBGYN with the radio blaring. Although the last few weeks have been heavy, I felt like a weight had been lifted off me. Life was falling into place, whether I’d wanted it to or not.
Eric Clapton began to sing and I thought over the name Layla. It would be perfect for a little, raven-haired girl. I could picture her, a smaller version of Julia, her hair tinting almost blue in the bright sunshine.
I was early so I circled the block before stopping at a florist and picking up a bouquet of lilies. When I’d first met Julia, she’d always filled the house with fresh flowers.
The parking lot at the doctor Syke’s office was nearly full when I arrived, but Julia’s Beamer was nowhere in sight. Parking along the road, I turned up the radio and relaxed back into my seat as I pulled up Epic Magazine’s mobile app on my phone. I should have deleted it weeks ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to completely erase Gabby from my life like she’d never existed. Whether she was aware of it or not, she’d changed something inside of me, however minute, that made me start to care for someone other than myself.
I scrolled down through the article headings, scanning them for Gabriela’s name. I clicked on each story she’d written. Even her writing had taken a dark turn for her work. She focused heavily on betrayal and breakups, never leading with a glimmer of hope or optimism like she had in the past. I’d changed her too. The little bit of growth I’d gain had been sucked from her, dimming her light.
Gabby was jaded and it was my fault. I only hoped she would find someone who could make her believe in happily ever after again.
Now, I needed to focus on doing right by Julia and the life we’d created together.
I closed out the app and dialed Levi’s number. It rang four times before he finally answered.
“What?” he snapped and I bit back my harsh response.
“I want you to meet me in town later. I have something I need to do and I want your help.”
“I’m kind of busy, man.”
“You with a woman?” I asked as I heard a giggle in the background. “Good for you. Look, I’m not asking as your employer. I’m asking as family. I need your help.”
“Yeah. Alright. I’ll call you later.”
“Thanks, Levi.” Ending the call, I hung up just as Julia’s white Beamer pulled into the lot, parking to the right side of the front door to the office. I smiled, genuinely happy to see her.
I got out of the car, pregnancy book in hand as I walked across the gravel, stopping mid-step when not only the driver’s side door opened, but also the passenger side.
The good thing about not caring about others is that I didn’t have to feel. But now that the switch had been flipped, I not had only let in the good, but I’d have to suffer with the bad. This was the bad.
I watched Levi round the back of the car before taking my future wife’s face in his hands, his lips melding against hers before his arm dropped and his fingers pressed against her belly.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. I’d learned to change my ways, to grow into the man I was meant to be.
Flowers fell from my hand, landing softly against asphalt. The deafening silence seemed bizarre compared to the internal conflict that plagued me. My heart felt like it was clenching inside of my chest, desperate to stop itself from beating. My legs felt like they could no longer support the weight of my grief.
I could only stare, helpless, as my entire future walked away, hand in hand with the only family I had ever truly known. As Levi pulled open the door, stepping back to allow Julia to enter, he caught my eye.
His smile slowly faded from his face, eyes narrowed as he stood frozen. Julia had entered, oblivious to her lies being uncovered. The lump in my throat kept me from spouting the obscenities and hatred the old me would have professed. I could only nod, swallowing back my pride before turning to get back in my car. I didn’t look back at Levi. There was no reason to. I had known his excuses before he spoke them. He felt I owed him more than I gave. Maybe he was right.
As I pulled open my car door, a hand landed on my shoulder. I spun around, fist cocked as Levi took a step back, with a sickening smile on his face.
“How could you do this to me?”
“How?” He laughed, shaking his head. “You fucking pushed me to the side for years. You treated me like shit.”
“I treated you like shit? How long has it been going on, Levi?”
Looking down at the ground between us, he didn’t respond.
“Fucking answer me,” I snapped and his eyes met mine, narrowing.
“What the fuck do you care? You didn’t give her the time of day anyway. She was lonely. I was there for her. That’s all you need to know.”
I stepped forward, my fists clenched at my sides as I struggled not to break his jaw. “You’re the only family I have, Levi.” I couldn’t fathom how things had gone this far. I knew he was angry with me, but I never thought he’d stoop as low as to sleep with my girlfriend.
“Not anymore. I have my own famil
y now.”
“I know I didn’t do my best with you. I was a kid myself. But I tried. You know that I tried my best to hide all of the shit that was going on around us.”
“What do you want now, Drake? You want me to hug you and tell you I love you?” His laugh cut through me and I had to look away from him.
“So why lie? Why would Julia tell me it was my baby?” When I looked back at him, he was practically glowing.
“Because you were my golden ticket.” Pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, he lit one, blowing out a cloud of smoke toward my face. “But, just like everything else, you fucked it all up for me again.”
My eyes narrowed as I struggled to follow his train of thought, but I had no idea where he was going with his ramblings.
“Turns out birth control was the one pill she wasn’t popping. I may have misused a condom a time or two. But what was I supposed to do? You had been talking about leaving her for months.”
“Why would you do that? I get hating me but why her?”
“She sure as fuck didn’t want my broke ass. But since you were no longer giving her the love she desperately needs,” he said mockingly, “I came up with a plan that would give us both what we wanted.”
“And what was that? What do you want from me?”
“Julia would get a ring on her finger and a joint bank account, one that she could offer me payments out of to make sure you never found out what a desperate whore she was.”
“You’re fucking sick.”
“No. I’m a survivor. I never forgot where we came from.”
“Do you really think I’d ever be able to forget? Do you think the things I saw don’t haunt me every God damn day?”
“At least you can dry your tears with dollar bills. Some of us don’t even have that comfort. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever saw you shed a tear for dear old dad.”
Clenching my jaw, I struggled not to react to his words. “So what happens now? What happens to Julia and her baby now that your plan is fucked?”