I watched his right hand fisting at his side as he pulled his elbow back and then launched his fist into the side of the bathroom stall. It responded by toppling over and taking both neighboring stalls with it in a cacophony of bent metal.
My breath caught in my throat and my heartbeat started to race. I wasn’t used to witnessing Sinjin losing his cool, so this was … unsettling. Sinjin, who didn’t look any the worse for wear, simply turned around to face me. Then he reached out and took my hand before walking toward the restroom door. He pushed the door open wide and glanced down at me.
“After you,” he said politely.
FIFTEEN
It turned out Sinjin was correct in his prediction, and the consumption of my blood did allow him to walk in the daylight. Well, not so much walk in it as drive in it, but the end goal was the same.
After the early morning stretched her pink fingers of dawn across the horizon and began stealing the darkness away, Sinjin appeared to grow slightly uncomfortable. I noticed he was clenching the steering wheel and his foot must have turned to lead, considering how fast he was driving. His attention on the road was riveted, as if it required his undivided focus, although he did glance up at the sky every twenty seconds or so.
“What if the sun becomes too bright for you?” I asked nervously, turning my attention back to the horizon, where the sun began its swift ascent over the mountains.
“Then we must seek shelter at the first accommodations we encounter,” he robotically replied, never bothering to take off his Armani sunglasses as his attention remained fastened on the road.
“Okay,” I said, trying to exhale my anxiety. I glanced over and noticed he was sitting bolt upright in his seat. “Are you sure you even want to take your chances with the sun?” I asked, wondering what his point was. “I mean, it’s not like we’re in a huge hurry, right?”
“Wrong,” he answered as he shifted gears and the Porsche purred before going even faster. “I can only relax after we reach the airport and, more specifically, board the plane to Scotland and Kinloch Kirk,” he explained. After our encounter in the restroom, I’d informed him I had no choice but to return to Kinloch Kirk since the Protectant that forbade Luce from entering my head wouldn’t last much longer. “Until then, we are all on borrowed time,” Sinjin finished.
In the last hour, I’d endured another breathtaking headache, which just proved that Luce was on an all-out mission to locate me. That, and the Protectant wasn’t doing as good of a job as it had been. I inhaled it only a few hours prior to my head feeling like it was going to split open. So now I could only wonder if Luce was using alternate ways to overcome the Protectant, or if maybe the powder had a shelf life.
Either way, Sinjin was right; we were on borrowed time. The sooner we reached my sister, the better. I doubted the Protectant could keep Luce from invading my head for very much longer.
“What makes you think Luce wouldn’t be able to take down a plane?” I asked, feeling like playing devil’s advocate. As to whether or not Luce could take down a plane, I wasn’t sure. It would certainly be a fantastic feat, but Luce was one powerful guy …
“I imagine it would be much more difficult to take down a plane than it would be a car,” Sinjin replied, not even bothering to offer me a side glance.
“You mean a Porsche?” I kidded, smiling widely. But my grin was lost on Sinjin when he kept his eyes pasted on the road. I wasn’t even sure he heard me since his tight-lipped expression didn’t budge. Something was most definitely going on with him. “Sinjin, are you all right?”
He faced me immediately, and the knot between his eyebrows eased. “Of course I am. Why do you ask?”
I shrugged, not convinced in the least. “Because you aren’t acting like yourself at all.”
“How so?”
“Um, I haven’t seen you smile in the last five hours; and I think you’ve barely spoken more than ten words in that time,” I said, but his attention remained on the road before him. “Oh, and you haven’t referred to me once as Bête Noire, pet, Princess, tempest, imp, paramour, heathen, or even Lady Macbeth,” I itemized with the hint of a smile. I hoped it might lighten his bleak mood.
“I have quite a bit on my mind presently,” Sinjin responded, his tone clipped.
“Would you care to lighten your load?” I asked. I briefly glanced back at Betta to make sure she was still asleep because I doubted Sinjin would enter into a serious conversation while Betta was eavesdropping. “She’s still sleeping,” I said in an attempt to encourage him.
“It is not your responsibility to ease my mind,” Sinjin announced with a frown before facing forward again. He looked rigid, almost like a corpse going through rigor mortis.
“You realize that two can play this game, right?” I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest as I glared at him. Sinjin could be so stubborn sometimes, and infuriating, to say the least.
“I am sorry; to which game are you referring?”
“The game where you relentlessly poke and prod the other person until she gives in, usually out of complete exhaustion.”
“You believe I would play such a game?” he asked, momentarily glancing at me with the hint of a smile on his lips.
“No, you don’t play it, you live it,” I snapped as I decided he’d put me off long enough. “So let’s get back to the subject … You forced my hand, so now it’s only fair that I force yours.”
“I forced your hand?” he repeated, sparing me a quizzical glance. “And how, exactly, did I force yours?”
“You went beyond forcing my hand with regard to everything that happened to me at the compound.” I took a deep breath as soon as the words left my mouth. I could only wonder if thinking about the past three weeks would ever get any easier. “Something which I never want to discuss again, by the way. Not with my sister, not with you, not with anyone.”
He nodded quickly, turning his attention back on the road. “That is your choice.”
“Yes, it is,” I answered. “So getting back to forcing your hand …”
“I suppose it is only fair that you force mine,” he interrupted.
“Wait, you’re agreeing with me?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowing with surprise. “Who are you? And what have you done with Sinjin?” I laughed, trying earnestly to lift his mood. I just couldn’t handle any more gravity. When he didn’t respond, I figured I must’ve pushed him too hard. “Okay, so you said you had a lot on your mind. I am a really good listener, you know?”
“Very well,” he answered. I noticed the sun was now nearly above the mountains, and rays of light began to fill the Porsche, bathing us in early morning brightness. Strangely enough, I’d never been more nervous to see the sun.
“Are you okay? Or will you turn into a pile of ash anytime soon?” I asked while eyeing the nascent sun. I was legitimately worried about him.
He quickly glanced over at me with a frown before facing forward again. “I believe I shall survive.”
“Well, thank God for that,” I replied as I watched the sun’s rays reflect off his pitch-black hair, making it almost appear blue. The only other time his hair took on a royal blue tone was in the moonlight. “You look different in the daytime,” I said as I gazed at him. If it were possible, his masculine beauty was even more pronounced. The yellowish light of the sun made his skin appear a bit more olive, and the stubble on his cheeks, jaw and chin appeared even darker.
“I must admit I find the light almost overwhelming,” he said, his voice sounding strained. “Except for the brief test I conducted when I held my arm in the early daylight from the window at Kinloch Kirk, I have not seen the sun’s radiant glow in hundreds of years.”
Taking a deep breath, I attempted to contemplate his words. Of course, I knew that Sinjin hadn’t seen the sun in a long time because I knew how old he was, and that he was a vampire; but when I really considered that he was seeing the sun for the first time in centuries, it nearly blew my mind.
“Maybe you should pull over
and take some shelter under the trees,” I suggested, pointing to the enormous pines that hugged both sides of the two-lane highway. I figured it might take a little while for him to adjust to the brightness of the early morning after so many years of utter darkness.
“We have no time to spare,” he replied, shaking his head defiantly.
“Sinjin, please,” I pleaded. “Just stop for a few minutes, until your body adjusts to the light.” Then I beamed at him. “Or let me drive,” I chimed, imagining there was no way in hell he would ever allow me to drive the Porsche. I would have bet he was a control freak where his toys were concerned.
He considered my offer with one raised brow—an expression I’d come to know so well. “I fear you would not be able to handle an automobile of such power,” he answered haughtily.
Even though I felt more than sure I could handle the Porsche, and then some, I didn’t argue. I just nodded since my ultimate goal was to get Sinjin to take it easy. “So clearly, you won’t let me drive,” I started, “so your other option is to pull over for a few minutes. Just until your eyes adjust to the bright light.”
Sinjin didn’t answer at first. “Only for a few minutes,” he repeated finally, but his lips and jaw were tight. He slowed down and pulled to the side of the road, beneath the wall of trees. His posture didn’t seem quite as rigid as soon as the trees cooled us in their shadows. It was pretty obvious that Sinjin was more than a little relieved to avoid the direct path of the sunlight, although he didn’t admit it.
As soon as he put the Porsche into park, he opened his door and stepped outside, being careful to stay under the canopy of trees. I made sure Betta was still sound asleep before I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the car door, joining Sinjin in the brisk morning air. I didn’t say anything at first—I just watched him as he ran his hands through his hair before joining them behind his neck. He took a few steps forward and then turned around and came right back again.
“What must you think of me?” he asked as he turned to face me.
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged. “I am a master vampire, infinitely powerful by anyone’s measure, and yet, I cannot squelch my fears when confronted by the sun.” He shook his head and then sighed. “It sounds completely absurd.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I argued with him. “You haven’t seen the sun in hundreds of years, Sinjin. It goes without saying that you’d naturally feel a bit antsy.”
He nodded, but didn’t respond. When he stopped pacing and no longer held his hands behind his neck, I figured his anxiety was dissipating. He walked toward a stream of light that bisected the shadow of the trees and lifted his arm directly in the sun’s path. His shirt was rolled up to his elbows, which meant there was nothing between the sun and his skin.
“Does it hurt?” I asked.
He shook his head and remained silent as we both stared curiously at his arm. Although his skin was taking on a rosy hue; other than that, I couldn’t detect any sort of adverse reaction.
“I cannot recall the last time I felt the sun’s direct heat on my skin,” he said in an awe-inspired voice. He reached up and took off his sunglasses, as if anxious to see the full extent of the brightness surrounding him. He squinted a bit at first, but after a few seconds, opened his eyes fully. When he looked at me again, I was struck speechless. His azure gaze, which was stunningly beautiful before, was even more radiant now. In the bright sunlight, Sinjin’s eyes appeared aqua. They were fascinating.
“Your eyes,” I started, swallowing a gulp of awe that suddenly silenced me.
“Thank you,” Sinjin said as he rested his glorious eyes on mine. “I never dreamed I could see the world bathed in daylight again,” he continued as he stared at me. “You have provided me with something monumental and enduring, the magnitude of which you will never fully understand.”
“You’re welcome,” I answered, for lack of anything better to say. In general, I didn’t do well with gratitude. I didn’t want anyone to ever feel obligated to me for anything.
After a protracted silence, Sinjin faced me, his countenance becoming serious. “There is something I wish to discuss with you,” he started before pausing for a few seconds, and seeming to gather his words.
“Okay.”
“As I mentioned earlier, I have quite a bit on my mind,” he said while turning to face me squarely. “The subject incessantly occupying my thoughts is you.”
“Me?” I repeated dubiously, unable to conceal my surprise.
“Yes,” Sinjin replied as he took a few steps toward me, reaching for my hand. When he clasped it in his, I could feel the warmth of my blood pumping through his veins. “I have been searching for the right words … or the proper way to start this conversation with you,” he continued, and his beautiful eyes pierced into mine.
“Okay.”
“I,” he started, but soon dropped his attention to my hand, which was now folded in his. He covered it with his other hand before bringing his eyes back to mine. “I do not want you to think that what you experienced at Luce’s compound is how it is between a man and a woman.”
I felt my stomach sour as a sense of general discomfort overcame me. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Sinjin,” I replied, feeling my entire body caving in on itself.
“I have no interest in those particulars,” he assured me. “You have already answered everything I asked, and I promise to honor your wish never to discuss those events again,” he replied solemnly. “What I want … No, what I need to tell you now is something quite different.”
“Okay.”
He cleared his throat, but further delayed for a few seconds, which struck me as odd. Actually, his whole approach seemed strange because he was so uncomfortable. I wasn’t used to witnessing Sinjin acting in such a way. Usually, he was confident, jocular, outgoing and boastful. Now his thoughts seemed to consume him, and his pensive countenance was impossible to read.
“What happened to you was a travesty,” he started as his eyes raked over my face, “and I cannot begin to understand the depths of your pain and the images etched forever in your mind.”
“We don’t have to do this,” I said softly, trying to derail the train to where this discussion was headed. “I’m going to be okay, Sinjin,” I continued, although I doubted my own words. But that didn’t make me any more excited about continuing this conversation. “You know I’m not good with this stuff anyway.”
“I know,” he agreed, “All the more reason for me to say what needs to be said.”
I frowned, but knew by his expression that he wouldn’t back down. Of course not; he was Sinjin Sinclair. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”
He grinned and looked painfully beautiful in the daylight. I couldn’t imagine how any man, or someone who once was a man, could be so irresistibly handsome.
“My apologies,” he said as the smile vanished. “But returning to the topic,” he continued, and then just gazed at me for a few seconds. “I feel it is my duty, no, my responsibility, as a man, to inform you that what you had to endure was not … that is to say, what happened to you was something that is never supposed to happen between a man and a woman.”
Even though this conversation wasn’t pleasurable in the least and I wanted to avoid it at all costs, I couldn’t help but find some amusement when it seemed Sinjin was at a loss for words, or at least, the right words. “Go on,” I said.
“Having never had the pleasure of experiencing the expression of physical love with a man, I am … concerned that your ordeal, er rather, ordeals with the men of the tribe may have ruined what you would have otherwise received great enjoyment from,” he continued before correcting himself. “Well, that is, if you managed to be fortunate enough to find an expert lover who knew your body intimately.”
Heat burned all over my face and I knew I was bright red with embarrassment, something made even more obvious in the unforgiving sun. “Okay, is that it?” I asked, pulling my hand free from his before I
attempted to walk away.
“No, that is not it!” Sinjin replied, sounding put out as he gripped my arm and pulled me back toward him.
“There’s more?” I asked, shaking my head. The last thing I wanted to hear was more.
“For the remainder of this conversation, I forbid you to interject any further comments,” Sinjin announced coolly. “Your awkward clumsiness with this subject appears contagious. It is the sole reason I am bumbling through my words like a fool.”
“Sorry,” I grumbled.
“Shh,” he said, bringing his finger to my mouth. “Not another word or a sound from you!” Then he was quiet for a few seconds as his eyes burned into mine until I half wished the sun would turn him into a pile of ash, if only so I could escape the embarrassment and discomfort this whole exchange was causing me.
“You must realize the actions those men took were not right?” he asked. I didn’t answer for fear of being reprimanded again. “You may answer my question,” he muttered.
“Yes, of course I know that!” I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest to show him I wasn’t at all pleased with any of this.
“Then you are well aware that physical love, and sex, were not at all what you experienced?”
I was quiet while considering his question because I wasn’t sure I fully agreed with him. “Well, if it wasn’t sex, then what should I call it?”
“That was not any version of physical love. Sex, perhaps, in its basest form, but not the sex I am accustomed to,” he explained. “Those bastards forced themselves on you,” he continued. “They took something from you that was never theirs to take. I daresay not one of them gave any thought to your pleasure—and whether or not you enjoyed yourself?”
“No, they didn’t,” I responded tersely. “And I didn’t enjoy one second of it either!” I frowned and faced forward for a few seconds as I tried to calm down. But this conversation definitely wasn’t helping me achieve my goal. “I thought you said we weren’t going to discuss the particulars again.”