Sinewy hands, dry and cracked with age, massaged her arms and legs with an oily substance that left her body glowing in the dim candle light.
The air in the makeshift tent swirled in a foggy whirlpool from the vapors of the priestess' long wooden pipe. The fumes were strong and her eyes burned as the woman blew another puff of smoke into Cara's mouth.
She coughed as the vapor filled her lungs.
The woman continued chanting a ritual blessing as a translucent veil was placed over her head and was secured with a golden crown.
Cara's hands shook, not only from nerves, but also from the drugs she inhaled. Her head was swimming, and she tried her best to focus on what the priestesses were saying, but she couldn't seem to concentrate. A feeling of euphoria settled over her, and fear tightened her throat as her mind slipped into a deep fog.
The chanting changed tempo, growing more urgent, as the priestesses rose and encircled her. Their hands bound together, eyes closed in deep concentration, they moved and spoke as one as they called on Annul to possess her.
Cara gasped as the shadows thickened, and the women's faces blurred before her. Energy vibrated around her, and Cara blinked hard, as she watched the air contort in swirls and spirals. Every nerve and fiber of her body pulsated, and she had a sudden desire to run her fingers along her bare flesh. Strange feelings of ecstasy burned through her body and bizarre thoughts flashed through her mind.
Was it possible the goddess existed?
Cara had always doubted her existence, but now as the women fervently called upon their goddess, Cara wondered if she had been wrong all along.
Would Annul take possession of her body? Control her? Make her do things she would otherwise not do?
If the goddess possessed her, then she wouldn't have to make the decision to accept or deny Cush. The goddess would use her body, and she would be free from the personal responsibility of the decision.
Cara's body swayed to the fervency of the women's words. The drugs had taken full effect, and Cara gave up the struggle to fight against the euphoric darkness. For the first time in weeks, the tension drained from her, and she allowed her mind to fall into the seductive haze where there were no worries or fears.
The chanting stopped abruptly, but Cara's body continued to rock and sway.
The last thing she heard before her mind went completely dark was the reverent voice of an older priestess.
“She is ready. The goddess breathes within her.”
* * *
Finn sucked in a deep breath as he saw Cara emerge from the priestesses' tent. For a full minute, he couldn't breathe at the sight of her. She was magnificent, and in that moment he could believe that she was the goddess herself.
In the fading orange light of the sun, her body shimmered as if it were on fire. The pale, almost translucent material of her dress highlighted every curve of her body, and Finn's mouth went dry as he studied the perfect shape of her breasts, her slender stomach, and the soft curve of her hips.
Two veiled priestesses stood beside her, and Finn frowned as he noticed that Cara relied on them to steady herself.
The crowd erupted in whispers of admiration and sighs of reverence as Cara took her place on the raised platform that had been constructed for the ceremony.
Finn was close enough to the platform that, even through the thin gauze that covered her face, he could tell her eyes were glazed over. Something wasn't right, and as the ceremony progressed, it became more evident that she had been drugged by a powerful hallucinogenic. He was amazed that she was still standing.
Finn shook his head, his anger mounting. He knew from their conversations about the opiates that Maeve had taken for her pain that Cara had never consumed narcotics before. She would be lucky if she wasn't violently sick from the amount they had given her. What bothered him the most, however, was that they had left her defenceless. If she chose to deny Cush, she wouldn't have the strength or the mindset to do so.
If the boy hurt her, he swore he would have Cush's blood for it.
He let out a frustrated breath. He had been an idiot. Jealousy had made him pull away and deny himself the pleasures they both desired. Now she would go to her first moon festival as inexperienced as she was the day he met her.
Cush was young and Finn didn't think the boy was any more experienced then Cara was. He would be quick and clumsy, not the gentle skilled lover she needed for her first time.
Finn cursed himself. He had denied her that. It should have been him that carefully and lovingly took her maidenhood, not a clumsy boy barely out of adolescence.
What a fool he had been. She belonged as much to the Twelve as they belonged to her. He had no right to lay claim on her. Helfrich had tried to warn him, but he hadn't listened. Now she would suffer because of his selfishness.
A fierce tick started in his jaw.
He had seen the confusion in her eyes and the new insecurities that played havoc on her face, but had done nothing.
As the priestesses guided Cara off the platform and towards the sanctuary where she would be united with Cush, Finn let out an elongated breath and cursed himself again for being such a fool.
The celebration had only begun and would continue until the sunset the next day. The day after they would leave for Crowthorne. He would speak to her then, and make sure he never made the same mistake again.
As the crowd dispersed to indulge in the more depraved activities the festival had to offer, Helfrich approached him tentatively and handed him a jug of ale.
Finn took it, nodded in gratitude and drained the contents. Helfrich did the same with his own jug.
“Let's get away from here,” Helfrich offered.
Finn grunted in agreement and followed him through the mob and across the fields. As they left, Finn hoisted one of the numerous kegs the Viceroy had supplied onto his shoulders and took it with them.
Cracking the barrel open, they sat in a small clearing and drank. Even after the keg was nearly half empty, no words passed between them, and Finn was grateful for Helfrich's silence.
Tonight he would drink and try to forget the cost of his mistakes. His focus needed to be on making amends and making sure she knew how much he wanted her. How much he needed her.
Heat rushed to his groin and his cock throbbed as he imagined all the ways he would make it up to her. Never again would he deny her or deny himself. There was an untapped passion that burned within her, and he would do everything in his power to see all her desires fulfilled. If she wanted to be with the others, he would have to live with that. He would never make the mistake of showing his jealousy.
Finn groaned and chugged another jug of ale.
He looked over to see Helfrich slumped against a log. It would take more than half of a keg to knock him out, to make him forget that the woman he loved was with another man.
Finn told himself it didn't matter. She had feelings for him, and while they weren't as strong as the love for her, it would have to be enough. At least for now.
He would have her. It was only a matter of time.
* * *
Cara blinked as her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room. Her head was still foggy from the drugs, but she was slowly regaining her functions. The room was smaller than she had expected, and her attention went immediately to the large lavishly adorned bed in the center of the room.
She blew out an uneven breath. The room held only a few other pieces of furniture, and it was clear that it was designed with a specific purpose in mind. A wave of nausea made her head spin, and she searched the room in vain for a chair or couch to sit down on, anywhere other than the bed.
The nausea passed quickly, but she couldn't shake the feeling that the room was rotating around her. Her mouth was dry, and she smacked her tongue against the gritty feeling. There was a decanter of wine on the bedside table. She didn't want to put any other intoxicating substances in her body, but it was all she had and it would have to do. Removing the crown and veil from her head, she poure
d herself a glass and swished the tangy liquid around her mouth in attempt to rid herself of the sand-like sensation.
She tried to clear her mind, to fight the heaviness that hung over her. The past few hours had been a blur. She realized that she didn't even know where she was. She had no memory of walking there. In fact, the more she tried to remember, the less she recalled. It was an unnerving feeling.
She took another swig of the wine and startled as Cush entered the room. She wondered if he had been drugged as well, but as she looked at him she noticed his eyes were focused and sober. She was definitely at a disadvantage in her drugged state.
Cush hesitated near the doorway. Gone was his usual youthful confidence, and Cara was glad to see her own trepidation mirrored in his eyes.
“You look beautiful,” he said awkwardly, taking a tentative step towards her.
Without thinking, she took a step back. Immediately she regretted the decision as she watched Cush's eyes cloud over in humiliation. His face turned bright red as he scratched the back of his neck and looked down at his feet. Thick dark curls fell across his forehead and he hid his eyes from her.
“Cush,” she started, but didn't know what else to say.
Pouring a second glass of wine, she handed it to him. He accepted the wine with a look of discomfort. Simultaneously they let out audible sighs that reflected their uneasiness. Cush gave a nervous laugh and Cara smiled.
He wasn't her enemy and it was foolish of her to think of him as such. Despite his boyish antics, she knew he was a kind and sensible young man. If only her head wasn't spinning, she thought she might be able to talk to him, to help him understand her hesitancy.
“Cush, I didn't mean to..,” she started, but her head exploded in pain and her knees buckled beneath her.
The glass of wine she had been holding shattered as it hit the stone floor.
“Cara!” Cush caught her as she stumbled.
With a strength that shocked her, he lifted her and started towards the only spot he could lay her down.
“Not the bed,” she groaned.
“I won't touch you,” he said sincerely, and moved the covers before laying her down. Pressing the back of his hand against her forehead, he frowned. “You're burning up. Are you ill?”
Closing her eyes, she leaned into his touch. His cool hand felt good against her hot flesh. “Think it's the vapors the priestesses made me inhale. My head hasn't been clear since.”
“They drugged you?” Cush's voice was sharp as he used his thumb and index finger to open her eyes. “What did they give you?”
Cara pushed his hand away. Now that she was lying down all she wanted to do was sleep. “I don't know. Something…” She was too tired to speak, but Cush kept poking at her. “I'm all right…just…tired.”
“Cara, look at me,” Cush insisted. When she didn't open her eyes, he cursed. “I'm getting the physician.”
At Cush's comment, Cara opened her eyes and tried to sit up, but the sudden movement made her head spin and her stomach revolted. She leaned her head against the headboard and closed her eyes until the spinning stopped. Breathing through the nausea, a cold sweat moistened her brow and upper lip, and she shivered at the sudden cold that entered her body.
Despite how she felt, she wouldn't humiliate herself by having Cush tell anyone else about her condition. She was fine, she just needed to rest.
“Cush, wait,” her voice was weak, even to her own ears. She opened her eyes and tried her best to smile. “I promise, I'm fine.”
He didn't look convinced as he studied her.
She patted the spot on the bed beside her. “Come and sit with me.”
His brows creased. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. Cush was harmless, and in her anxiety over what he expected, she had forgotten that he was her friend.
The bed creaked in protest as he sat next to her.
“I wanted to explain,” Cara began. “My reaction earlier. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.”
“You didn't, “he said, but by his expression, Cara could see that it had.
“It's just, I wasn't prepared for this. For any of it really. To be honest I only found out a couple of weeks ago that I was even expected to have sex with you.”
Cush's face turned bright red at her bluntness. “Cara, it's okay. There's no reason to explain. There was no expectation. I know you have feelings for Finn. We've all seen it. I wouldn't expect you to want me when you have men like him to choose from.”
Her mind became alert at his self-deprecation. “You're right I do have feelings for Finn. I would be lying if I denied it. But that's not the reason…” she hesitated before continuing. “I…I've never been with a man. I just don't think I'm ready. Not yet. Not like this.”
She saw the look of shock flash quickly over his face at her confession. “I would never want you to do anything you're not ready to do.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. Her eyes went heavy again, but she needed to reassure him. “Cush?”
“Yes.”
“I'm glad you're one of my Twelve.”
“You are?” he asked self-consciously.
Giving him what she hoped was an encouraging smile, she nodded and added, “You're just as good, kind and handsome as any of the others. Don't let this one night make you doubt that.”
Cush smiled, and Cara saw his confidence restored.
“Can I ask a favor?” she asked weakly.
Anything.”
“Will you lie with me?”
His smile brightened and she saw the matching dimples deepen in his cheeks. Fully clothed, he positioned himself under the covers, and lifting his arm, he motioned her to rest her head on his chest. She obliged and laid her arm over his stomach as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.
“Goodnight, Cush.”
He kissed the top of her head and gently stroked her forehead. “Goodnight, Cara.”
Chapter 12
When the servants came the next day to release Cush and Cara they found them asleep, arms and legs tangled as they clung to one another. Cara didn't mind the gossip that ensued, and she did nothing to correct the rumors of the great passion that had passed between them. She hadn't been willing to give Cush her body, but she didn't see the harm in allowing others to think she had.
There had been harmless banter and crude comments by the men, mostly in good humor and directed at Cush, but it had been Finn's response that had shocked Cara. His reaction had been the opposite of what she had expected. He had turned away from her just for kissing Helfrich, and she had anticipated his scorn when he heard the rumors that she had taken Cush as a lover. But instead of the anger she had prepared for, he had responded with affection, doting on her as he had once done. It was unsettling, and she didn't know what to make of his behavior.
For a full week after the festival, Cara couldn't shake the effects that the drugs had induced. There were days when she thought she had finally rid her body of the toxins, but then her hands would start shaking and her skin would break out in a cold sweat. The blinding headaches were the worst. They would come on her unexpectedly, in a ferocious pain that left her gasping for breath and immobilized in her bed.
Cara felt guilty as they left Tomias' summer house. She hadn't thanked him properly for everything he had done, but as their caravan rolled out, all she could do was lie on the bed of her carriage and try to hold her nausea. Cush had ensured her that his father knew how grateful she was, and that he was more concerned about her well-being than a final farewell. She hadn't even had the chance to say goodbye to Loc. Her eyes had filled with tears when Cush had brought her the boy's parting gift, a string bracelet that Loc had made for her. Red and white twine, Lyddian colors, had been twisted and braided to create a delicate band that she had secured immediately around her wrist.
As much as she regretted leaving Cush's family the way she had, she couldn't hold back her excitement as they crossed over the Crowthornian borders. She was going home, and for th
e first time in months, she would see her own family.
Due to her own weakened state, Cara remained secluded in her carriage the first week of their journey. As she regained her strength, and the nausea and headaches had dispersed, she tried to spend as much time as she could with Maeve. Keeping her identity hidden had been difficult, as the new members of their group were curious of their unidentified guest. But Tomias had made his men and servants take an oath of secrecy and obedience, and their thoughts soon turned to the more pressing matters of their journey.
Maeve's moods varied from day to day, and Cara approached her cousin's carriage with trepidation. The men were busy setting up camp for the night, and they saw Reyn helping the cook assemble the cookery.
She sighed heavily. With less than a week left in their journey, Reyn should have be excited to finally be going home, but Maeve's rejection had hurt him deeply, and he walked through the camp as if his heart had been ripped from his chest. Cara didn't know what had happened between the two of them, or why Maeve was so insistent that he stay away from her, but whatever the reason, Cara knew Reyn suffered terribly for it.
Cara gave a quick knock on the carriage door and entered. She found the physician massaging a healing ointment on Maeve's back. Her alabaster skin was a crisscross of raised purple marks that would probably never fully feel. The bones in her fingers had set properly and she now had full function of both hands
The physical pain was now only a small discomfort, and yet Maeve continued to live as if she were still trapped in the torment of her suffering.
“I've seen it before, in patients who have experienced trauma,” the king's physician had told her, shaking his head as if he could offer no solution. “Even when their bodies are healed, their minds never fully recover.”
“There has to be something you can do, something you can give her,” Cara had insisted.
“The drugs only provide a temporary solution. She needs to be weaned from them before they become a crutch. Try talking with her. Perhaps that will help.”