I woke up on the sofa; I must have been here all night. No, that isn’t right. I tried sitting up but I couldn’t move, why the hell was I wrapped in so many blankets? I can afford to crank the heating up if needs be. Christopher was staring at me from the other end of the sofa, and Henry was waking up in the armchair, both of them seemed weary of me, not coming near me.
“I will go and get Rose.” Henry said leaving the room swiftly.
“What is with all the blankets?” I asked Christopher still struggling to get free of them; he still wasn’t coming near me.
“What is wrong Christopher?” I asked alarmed. He relaxed when I said his name,
“You remember me?” He asked making me laugh.
“Don’t be silly…” I said before shutting myself up.
Something was beginning to fall into place, all the blankets, both Christopher and Henry keeping their distance from me as not to scare me and a fuzzy feeling in my head.
“What has happened?” I asked as Rose came into the room.
“Henry needs you in the kitchen Chris.” She said.
“No I need answers.” I demanded.
“It is okay, I can do that,” She said. He didn’t say anything to me as he left. What the hell have I done?
“Rose I swear if you don’t tell me what has happened I will…I will…” I couldn’t finish my threat.
I slumped back onto the sofa. She had tears in her eyes; she sat beside me and cuddled me tightly.
“Please Rose.” I whispered.
As she explained I started to remember going outside for air, I must have had temporary memory loss. I couldn’t help crying at the thought of the pain they had gone through seeing me like that but most of all what I had put Christopher through.
He came in after Rose left and shut the door; he stayed standing at the end of the sofa.
“I am so sorry, I am sorry you had to see me like that.” I cried.
It was like my tears broke through to him, he moved quickly and I was in his arms.
“I thought you were…you wasn’t moving and your lips were blue.” He said. I felt more guilty now, one day soon he will see me like that and I will not be coming back to him, I shouldn’t have gone outside.
“I am so sorry.” I apologised again not knowing what to say to make things better.
“What were you thinking going out there? It must have been freezing?” he said sounding angry as well as relieved I was okay. For now.
“I couldn’t get to sleep so I went outside for air, I was looking at the stars. I guess I fell asleep.” I said.
As excuses went it sounded weak but at least it was the truth.
“Next time when you cant sleep wake me up and I will open a window.” He said.
I noticed he wasn’t talking about my crazy episode. I didn’t push it, if he wanted to talk about it I would wait for him to say.
“Deal, I am sorry for what I put you through today.” I said again. Each time I apologised it didn’t feel enough.
“I know you are. It is bad enough I am going to lose you soon I don’t want to lose you even sooner because you wanted air.” He tried joking as I tried laughing.
“Come on, Rose has been cooking all day, you need to eat something.” He said standing up pulling me up with him.
“Whenever she is upset she copes by cooking.” I told him although he had probably guessed that already.
“Christopher, can you handle this because what happened this morning will probably happen again and more often so I am told the closer I get to the end, if you don’t think you can handle it I won’t blame you for leaving.”
“When I saw you this morning I thought that was it I had lost you already, when your eyes opened I can’t tell you how happy I was even though you didn’t know who I was. It has made me more determined to spend every minute I can with you. I am going nowhere, I love you Jasmine.” I took him at his word so I didn’t lose him.
“I love you too.”
Christopher didn’t let me out of his sight for days, he slept when I did and stayed awake all hours keeping me company when I couldn’t sleep. He would hold my hair while I was sick, hold my trembling hands pretending not to notice when I couldn’t stop them from shaking and lay silently beside me while the pain in my head was so extreme I would invite death early just to rid myself of the pain, even though I would be leaving Christopher. Every night he made me promise to wake up the next morning, so far I had been able to keep my promise.
I had been feeling good the last few days and decided I wanted to get out of the house, I still had Christopher’s Christmas present to pick up, we only had a couple of weeks left. He argued I should stay home but I was having none of it. In the end he agreed if Henry came with us, he wanted to be able to be close to me in case I had a bad turn not be stuck driving.
“As if Henry would want to be anywhere else,” I muttered sarcastically, “Come on, we are going shopping Jasmine Collins style.” I said grinning wickedly while he groaned loud enough for me to hear.
Henry didn’t wait in the car like usual, he followed at a distance round the shops, and he also came in handy when the shopping bags got too much for Christopher to carry on his own. I was finally able to spend money on Christopher, he hated every minute of it but was decent enough not to moan out loud this time. I was enjoying myself so much I had bought Rose more presents partly to say thank you for looking after me the last couple of months. We bought Natalie a pair of peep toe Prada shoes in black –of course – more of a present from me, every girl should own a pair of Prada shoes.
I was the first one to mention lunch today.
“If you want we can go to my mother’s for lunch, I know she wants to see you.” He said as we walked back to the car.
“I don’t think that is true.” I said.
The last time I had seen her she told me how I would be non-existent soon enough, since then Christopher has told her about my tumour, I couldn’t begin to guess what she had saved up to say to me this time, but if Christopher wants me to spend Christmas with him and his family she couldn’t be that bad as he wouldn’t have invited me round.
“You do multi-million pound deals in the high flying business world but my mother is the one who scares you?”
“I am not scared as such, it is that she is right, I should have left you alone.” I said.
“Even if you hadn’t come round that night I would have called you or turned up at your house, my mother has a habit of being right occasionally but not this time,” He said opening the car door for me.
“Fine, let's go see your mother.” I finally agreed.
Christopher called his mother from the car to let her know we were on our way, I looked at him sharply, he had this planned all along like the time with his brother. He had thought of this since we left the house, he had just waited for the right time to bring it up; I let it go though he wanted us all to get along, so I decided I would make the effort.
It was only a short drive across town to his mother’s house and traffic was light, we were there before I had time to worry about the worst.
“You will be fine Jas.” Christopher said seeing my worry.
“Come on I am hungry.” I said getting out of the car.
I told Henry he didn’t have to wait and that I would call him when we were ready to leave, he had already given Christopher both of his mobile numbers to contact him if I took a turn for the worst and he let us know he wouldn’t be far.
Christopher didn’t wait for his mother to open the door this time. He walked straight in. His mother was in the kitchen with the music on so loud she didn’t hear us come in. She was hovering over the cooker stirring something in a very large pot. Christopher signalled to me to be quiet and crept behind his mother, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pretended to be a burglar. She screamed so loud she drowned out the music, once she saw who it was she calmed down but not before trying to hit him with the tea towel several times she had draped over her shoulder. In t
he end she joined in laughing with us.
“For that you can take the rubbish out.” She said pointing to the bag by the back door.
“You would think I would be used to them by now, you watch it will happen for real one day and I won’t notice.” She said to me breaking the ice.
She looked out the back door before turning back to me,
“Before CJ comes back I want you to know I won’t apologise for the way I acted when I saw you last, when it comes to my boys there is nothing I won’t do to protect them and at the time all I saw was how you had hurt him for no reason.” she said honestly.
“I accept that.” like she was actually giving me a choice about it.
“But, CJ has explained it all when he wanted some advice and I could see why you had pushed him afar. You can't be blamed for who you fall in love with, I should know I have been in love more times than I care to share with the worst types of men but I worry about when things…end, how he is going to cope? This is the first time he has been in love, I know this is the first time you have been in love too and because I know you haven’t been stringing him along that is what has kept me open minded and I will be here for him when you can’t be.” she said quietly.
“Thank you Fiona, if I could change things I would, if things were different Christopher would be the one I would want to marry, have children and do everything with. I would give away everything away just to be with him longer.” I said beginning to cry, she held my hands.
“I know you would, you are a good person Jasmine, it is unfortunate this has to happen this way but most people don’t ever experience the kind of love you two share. Even if it is for a short time you are lucky to have it. We are all here for you both.” She must have heard Christopher coming back as she changed the topic of conversation, “So CJ tells me you are coming over for Christmas?” She said as he came through the back moaning about cats getting into the bins again.
He stopped when he saw I had been crying.
“Mum what have you said to her?” He asked angrily.
“No no, I had a headache, the pain caught me by surprise.” I lied wiping my eyes dry. He didn’t believe me because normally he would have been at my side checking me over but not this time.
“Your mum was asking about Christmas.” I said.
“Yeah I was saying I might get a decent present this year with you having a female influence in your life now.” She said to him taking her place back at the cooker again.
“Really?” He asked looking at me. I nodded,
“Never mind, lunch smells good mum, doesn’t it Jas?” He said sitting at the table next to me.
I didn’t smell anything, it should have occurred to me I couldn’t smell what Fiona was cooking but it didn’t.
“Actually my sense of smell seems to have vanished.” I admitted.
“Since when?” Christopher asked.
“Not sure, I didn’t notice until you asked about your mums cooking, don’t worry it will come back soon.” I said hoping that would be the case.
His mother placed bowls of homemade tomato soup in front of us with thick crusty bread and butter. Slyly I kept trying to smell the soup but I could smell nothing. I still had my hunger so I dug in and ate the lot.
“What time shall we expect you on Christmas day?” Fiona asked.
Christopher looked to me for an answer. I didn’t have a clue.
“It is up to you. I am good whenever although I would like to see Henry and Rose in the morning.” I said.
“How about we come over late morning? Alex and Nat should be up by then,” he said trying to please both his mother and I. It worked. His mother couldn’t look happier if she tried.
“Your driver and cook? Are they not going home for Christmas?” She asked.
“My home is their home, they are staying home this year.”
I had already asked if they would like to get away for the holidays as I had Christopher to stay with me but they both insisted they wanted to spend it at home.
“They should join us as well, there will be more than enough food to go round,” She said.
“Sounds good mum.”
“This is going to be the best Christmas ever.” She said clearing the table, I giggled, her excitement was catching.
“Have you finished your Christmas shopping?” She said starting to rinse the bowls.
“I think so, I am waiting on deliveries.” I said helping her by drying the dishes.
“I meant what I said earlier Jasmine, you only have to look at the two of you to see how much you love each other, we are going to make it count, every minute of it.” she said cheerfully even though you could hear the pain behind her words.
“Yes we will.” Christopher agreed.
I suddenly remembered something that might bring down the mood of Christmas if I didn’t hear the answer I wanted.
“Christopher tells me my mother visits sometimes, will she be popping in over Christmas?” I asked Fiona.
“She won’t be now,” she said simply, the relief washed over me, “She might be different if you tell her the truth?” She stated.
“I don’t think so, I tried to tell her that day when you saw me in the pub. It is no good, she says something I bite back and then we end up in a argument.” I explained.
“You should still try, you might be surprised.”
“Maybe.” I said.
She obviously wasn’t letting this go.
“I have to get to work, no doubt she will be there,” She hinted still not letting it go.
“You don’t have to Jas.” Christopher said getting up from his chair.
Even if she did change and be all maternal with me did I really want her in my life after all these years? Fiona was annoyingly right, she did have a right to know, I thought that in the beginning that is why I went to see her before but after her bitter outburst, I did plan on her finding out from the media.
“Why not, let me call Henry and we will drive you to work.” I said to Fiona before she left the room to get ready.
“You don’t have to do this.” Christopher repeated.
“I know but your mum is right, she has a right to know plus this time I will have you with me.” I smiled.
“Always.”
While we waited for his mother to get ready I looked around the kitchen, it was badly in need of repair, you could see where she or the boys had tried to patch it up but their efforts were no good.
“Shouldn’t the council do something about this?” I asked Christopher gesturing around the room.
“They should do but they say it is not bad enough for a new one.” He shrugged.
“That is not good enough,” I said, “I need to call Henry.” I said grabbing my Blackberry. I walked into the garden to get better reception. Henry said he was already waiting outside and that he would make some calls for what I asked him to do. Fiona came down shortly after and we left.
Part Two…Christopher.
It felt like something was wrong as soon as I opened my eyes. The bed was empty beside me. I got some clothes and made my way downstairs to find Jasmine, checking her home office on the way. She wasn’t in there. Rose was hoovering the living room with Jas still nowhere to be seen.
“Have you seen Jas?” I asked frantically as she turned the Hoover off.
“No I assumed she was still asleep.” She replied.
“Maybe Henry took her somewhere?” I asked desperately wanting to figure out where she could be.
“I don’t think so, after he had his breakfast he went back to his lodgings,” She said pulling out her phone while I impatiently waited.
“Henry have you seen Miss Collins this morning?” She asked him, “Okay, I will see you in a minute.” She finished hanging up.
“Henry hasn’t seen her either.” She said looking worried herself now; Henry took all of thirty seconds to get to the main house.
“When did you last see her?” He asked slightly out of breath.
“Early
hours of this morning.” I said.
“She couldn’t have gone far as all of the cars are still in the garages and she doesn’t like to walk anywhere on her own. I will check upstairs while you check outside.” He instructed.
“I doubt she will be outside, it is freezing out there.” I said.
“I would have thought by now you would have known Miss Collins does what she likes when she likes.” He quipped.
He didn’t hang around to argue further. Rose left to search the extension. I found my boots by the back door and walked outside. I really hoped she was in one of the rooms upstairs or the extension because it was bitter cold out here.
The garden went on for what felt like miles, I was about to give up and head back to the house when I saw her feet hanging over the end of the lounger tangled up in a blanket I recognised from her bedroom. I broke out into the fastest run of my life; I skidded to a halt beside her forcing my legs to stop. My heart stopped beating, my chest felt like it was falling in on itself and I couldn’t feel my legs from seeing her laying there with blue lips and skin as white as snow, unmoving.
“She is here.” I shouted as loud as I could back towards the house hoping Henry and Rose would hear.
I pulled myself together moving forward to feel her pulse.
My heart had gone from feeling like it wasn’t beating at all to beating so hard it was about to burst from my rib cage when I found her pulse.
“JAS.” I shouted at her.
“Jasmine.” I repeated keeping my fingers against her pulse on her neck.
“Wake up” I pleaded.
“Daddy?” She croaked so quietly I barely heard her.
Dad? She sounded confused and a little bit like a child.
“What is she doing out here?” Henry demanded running towards us.
“I don’t know!” I snapped tucking the blanket around her tighter and picked her up. She hadn’t opened her eyes yet but she was breathing and murmuring something about the gas bill not being paid again, which was good enough for me.
“Get her inside now.” Henry shouted.