“What do you think I am doing?” I shouted back.
My patience was wearing thin with him, she wasn’t heavy to carry but I didn’t want to drop her by rushing or tripping on something I couldn’t see.
When Jasmines eyes opened she struggled to focus on me, when she did focus she began screaming for help trying to get free from my hold on her.
“It is okay Jas, I am not going to hurt you.” I said trying to soothe her.
She didn’t know who I was. I took her straight to the living room and gently placed her on the sofa, as soon as I didn’t have a hold on her she scuttled back into the sofa, as far away as possible from Henry and I. She was terrified. It wasn’t just me she didn’t know but Henry too.
I had only ever seen her this scared once before. She was about fifteen years old when her mother had drunk too much vodka and wouldn’t wake up. Jas had come running out of her house yelling for help, her mother had been rushed to hospital to have her stomach pumped. Jas was so scared her mother was dead that her hands didn’t stop shaking for hours even when she knew her mother was going to be okay. And now, the strong, beautiful women I met again was reduced to a shadow of herself because of a fucked up tumour.
Rose came in with a bundle of blankets and told us to leave, I didn’t want to leave her, it was like I was going back on my promise not to run when times got hard.
“Come on.” Henry said pulling me out of the room.
“I should be in there with her.” I said angrily trying to keep my voice low.
“No, you saw how scared she is, Rose will be better at trying to calm her down.” He said.
He made sense but being away from her hurt me just as much as she was hurting herself.
We sat in the kitchen for ten minutes before Rose returned.
“How is she?” Henry asked rising from his seat.
“She is going to sleep. She doesn’t know who any of us are, she got upset when I told her I worked for her and this is her house. She kept saying she had to get home so I played along telling her you would drive her home when she had slept more. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already asleep.” She said making a fresh pot of tea.
A large measure of Whiskey would go down very smoothly right now but tea would have to suffice, I have to have a clear head for Jas in case she needed me and from now I wouldn’t be letting her out of sight.
“Drink this then you can go in, hopefully she will wake up in her right mind.” Rose said as if she had read my thoughts.
“What will happen if she doesn’t remember us?” I asked scared to the core if that were to be true, neither of them knew how to answer, I guess we are in this together.
“We will cross that bridge when we have to.” Henry spoke up.
I wasn’t in the mood for drinking tea so I quietly walked towards the living room and listened for any movements inside, I couldn’t hear her so I opened the door slightly and peered inside. She was sound asleep on the sofa cocooned in all the blankets Rose bought in.
I crept in and sat on the end by her feet, I kept thinking to myself what if I hadn’t come back, how long would it have taken for them to realise she was missing? My thoughts then turned to our relationship, she said we couldn’t have a normal relationship but to me it had been normal so far but then when something like this happens or she is sick that is when I find it hard, there is nothing I can do to help her. I wouldn’t change my decision about coming back here even now sitting here looking at my girlfriend sleeping after not knowing who I was, I knew there was nowhere else I wanted to be and I most certainly wasn’t going to run. More now than ever she needed me and I would stick by her side however much I hurt from it.
Henry coming into the room broke me from my thoughts,
“Are you okay?” He whispered.
“Sure, I want to be here when she wakes up.” I whispered back.
He sat in the armchair opposite us and settled himself in ready for when Jas woke up. We didn’t talk anymore. I kept thinking how sad it was for Jas that her driver was more concerned about her then her own family. I couldn’t imagine myself going through this without the whole of my family rallying around to the point they would get on my nerves. After a while Henry began dropping off, there was no way I could sleep now but I understood, today had dragged on.
Jas started stirring, I sat up abruptly not moving very far. Time to see if she remembers us this time? Henry woke up at the same time; he saw her waking and stood up.
“I will go and get Rose,” He said leaving the room.
“What is with all the blankets?” She asked looking for answers.
I wanted to help her get free from the tangle she was in but I didn’t want to get too close and scare her, she still hadn’t given me any indication that she knew who I was.
“What is wrong Christopher?” She asked alarmed.
When she said my name I could finally breathe again,
“You remember me?” She started laughing when I asked her.
“Don’t be silly…” She stopped herself obviously remembering what had happened.
“What has happened?” She asked.
Okay so she didn’t know what had happened this morning,
“Henry needs you in the kitchen Chris.” Rose said bringing in a tray of tea.
“No I need answers.” Jas demanded still looking at me.
“It is okay, I can do that.” Rose said.
I left the room saying nothing. Henry was right about Rose being better to talk to her.
As soon as Rose had finished I returned to Jas, she was still on the sofa, I stood at the end looking at her. She looked vulnerable and really pale. I couldn’t move until her tear stained apology registered between my ears, I held her in my arms and held her tightly. She had been careless and reckless falling asleep outside, I could have lost her all because she wanted to see the stars. Crazy!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Part One…Jasmine
“This is nice.” Fiona said wriggling in her seat.
“Do you drive?” I asked her as Henry drove us to the pub.
“God no, I am safer walking, the roads would never be ready for me driving around in a car.” She said laughing.
She loved the fact that Henry opened her door as well casually eyeing him up when his back was turned. Hmm, I didn’t see that coming.
“Just leave her to me no matter what she says to me. I will deal with her.” I told Christopher since he had a habit of jumping to my defence.
“Sure.” He agreed although I didn’t quite believe him.
“Come on Henry I will buy you an orange juice while these two are otherwise occupied.” Fiona said.
Was she flirting with my Henry? Christopher looked to me for confirmation that I was thinking the same, we were both on the same wavelength. He followed her in and held the door open for Christopher and I.
My mother was sitting at the bar in the same place she was last time I came to see her, after taking a few deep breaths I realised I didn’t care about telling her and that was sad. She hadn’t noticed me standing there as she was too busy giving Henry the once over, he was on fire with the ladies today if you could call my mother a lady? I cleared my throat to get her attention.
“What do you want?” She said acidly when she looked at me.
Henry moved further up the bar no doubt not wanting to stand too close to her.
“I need to talk to you and I am not leaving this time until you listen.” I said strictly.
I walked over to a table in the furthest corner of the pub. It wasn’t too busy in here today that was good, because my mother was about to put a show of her life on.
She followed after a word from Fiona who was now behind the bar, Christopher sat close to me resting his arm across the back of my chair. My mother eyed us closely as she sat down opposite us.
“You look terrible Jasmine,” She didn’t mean it in a caring way more in a mocking tone. I bit my tongue to stop myself from sniping back at her; she was
a fine one to talk.
“Well what do you want?” She asked again not too happy about being dragged away from her beloved bar.
“I came to tell you something.” I said taking a deep breath, Fiona brought us drinks over and offered me a warm supportive smile.
“Spit it out then.” My mother spat making my blood boil.
“I am not going to go into details but I have an incurable brain tumour and I don’t have long left. I thought you should know.” I said in a rush to get it all out.
I suppose I could have told her in a more caring way but it was no more than she deserved.
“What?” She said looking like she was going into shock.
“You heard.” I snapped.
As it registered into her alcohol-fuelled brain she began crying uncontrollable sobs. Part of me liked I had shocked her but I could see the vulnerable women behind her mask and that side was always the side I clung to. What she done next shocked me to the core, she moved around the table and embraced me in a cuddle, I didn’t know where to put my arms so I left them hanging down my sides. I hadn’t had a cuddle of her since I was eleven; the closet I got to touch her was when I bandaged her up after a drunken fall. I looked to Christopher for help, he got up and pulled her away from me and set her back down in her chair. I had never been so grateful. She grabbed my hand telling me how sorry she was for all the years she hadn’t been there for me. I regretted not telling her the first time I tried, if I knew she would have been like this I would have tried to have her in my life even if it was for a short time. It would have been weird having her around but I would have had her for the end of my life. She asked all sorts of questions, how long do I have left? Am I getting treatment? How am I feeling? I sat talking with her normally and answered her questions the best I could. And then she asked me the question that broke the last little bit of hope I had for a relationship with her. What was going to happen to my money when I died?
“Excuse me?” I wasn’t shocked at all she had asked.
Deep down I knew she was bound to ask it was in her nature. I just wanted to make sure I had heard correctly.
“Well you can’t take it with you and you have no children I know about.” She said.
“I can’t believe you, your daughter just told you she is dying and all you can think about is her money.” Christopher said disbelieving what he had heard, he was very angry. I held him tighter; obviously I was the only one expecting this from her.
“This has nothing to do with you, oh I see, you want a slice too?” She said laughing which riled him even further.
“Both of you stop. It is nice of you to be concerned about my finances but you needn’t worry mother, all of my money is being donated to various charities.” I said knowing she would hate me so much more.
“Charity? But you have millions.” She said, well that shut her up for once.
“I know and if I was feeling really evil I would tell you exactly how much but you are not worth my efforts.” I said looking her straight in the eyes.
“Let’s go.” I said to Christopher.
“Gladly.” He said standing up.
“Don’t go, I won’t see you again,” She begged clasping my hand again. I pulled it back harshly.
“Don’t touch me! You haven’t been my mother for years, I wouldn’t leave you a penny, you would only drink it all away. I am glad you didn’t have any more children so they wouldn’t have to be disappointed in having a mother like you like I am. Goodbye.” I said walking out of the pub into the cold air.
I should have been upset or angry at least but I felt nothing, I had my final goodbye with the woman who gave birth to me and I felt free. Henry was already out holding the door open for me; Christopher came out last after he went to speak with his mother.
“I am sorry to be blunt Miss Collins but she is a bitch.” He said.
“Yes she is and now she is someone I used to know, let’s go home.”
Christopher got into the car from the other side and pulled me over so I was sitting next to him.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
“I am fine. I knew it would be like that. She will never change. I accepted that a long time ago.” I said.
“I don’t know how she can be like that? I wish she wasn’t your mother,” He said sadly.
“She isn’t anymore. Forget about her.” He agreed he would.
“Are you seriously leaving all your money to charity or did you say that to wind her up because if you did, did you see her face?” He laughed.
“Well you don’t want it.” I mumbled.
“Don’t start that again Jas, I don’t want your money.” He said pleading with me to understand.
“It is okay, majority of it is going to charities, oh damn. I forgot to invite your mother to dinner tomorrow, I was going to get Henry to pick her so she wouldn’t have to worry about transport.”
“I will call her when we get home although I already know she will say yes.”
“You can call Alex and Nat too.” I said.
It would be nice to have dinner party.
“Really?” He asked surprised.
“Yes, isn’t that what normal couples do have the family round for dinner?” I said laughing at him.
When we got home we took all the shopping bags into the living room, Henry had gone out to buy a new tree and decorations which gave me time to get Christopher to replace the guest house sign with Henrys House sign that was delivered this morning while we were shopping.
“Thank you so much, it looks perfect.” I said as he was packing the drill away, which we had to get Rose to find, as I didn’t have a clue where it was kept.
“Henrys House is bigger than my house,” Christopher said laughing, “He will love it Jas.”
“We will wait and see if he notices it, come on if you’re lucky I will help you wrap the presents.” I said walking back to the house.
“Since when has that been my job?” He asked amused.
“Since I have never wrapped a present in my life and I want them to look half decent.”
“Maybe you should have Rose wrap them then,” He said laughing.
My wrapping skills were atrocious but it was fun trying. Christopher’s attempts fared better than mine did. I crawled across the floor and leaned against Christopher. There were bits of wrapping paper and sticky tape everywhere.
“Who would have thought it would be such hard work wrapping presents, and tiring?” I said yawning.
“I hope you’re not too tired as you have a tree to decorate,” Henry said pulling a massive tree through the door, Christopher jumped up to help him prop it against the wall.
“Where do you want it?” He asked looking at me.
“Um, in front of the window, will it fit there?” I asked unsure.
After half an hour of the big strong men making sure it was in place properly and all the branches had been separated I started opening the decorations not sure of what Henry had bought, he had definitely bought too much, different shapes and coloured baubles, tinsels and lights.
“These are so tacky,” I laughed picking up the silver baubles, “But I love them.” I added when Henry thought he had messed up.
The rest of the night was spent decorating the tree. Henry and Rose helped us too. I never imagined it could be this fun.
“It is me or does it look awful?” Christopher said when we were standing back admiring our hard work.
“Hey this is our first tree in years, be nice.” Rose scolded him.
“It looks beautiful.” I said moving closer to get a better look at the lights.
“Not as beautiful as you.” He said wrapping his arms around me.
“Cheesy.” I said.
“Pure cheese, but true.”
Rose made hot chocolates, both Christopher and Henry turned down a beer, they hadn’t been drinking lately, they wanted to be alert at all times for me.
“I can smell the hot chocolate.” I said excitedly.
 
; Everyone was relieved and relaxed a bit.
“So, Christopher’s mother has invited you both round for Christmas lunch, you will both come won’t you?” I asked worried in case they wouldn’t want to intrude on someone else’s festivities.
“Of course we will.” Henry said quicker than I was expecting.
I don’t know what they talked about at the pub earlier but it seems Fiona has made an impression on Henry as much as he did her. It made my earlier idea even more exciting.
“Also, Fiona, Alex and Nat are coming round for dinner tomorrow, I am going to cook will you both join us?”
“I don’t know if…” I cut Henry off; I knew why he was trying to get out of it.
“Okay Rose will cook.”
“In that case I will be there,” He laughed, “I am going to head out, I will set the alarms on the way out.” he said.
We all said good night and he disappeared,
“I will get this cleared away and then I best get to bed too as I now have a day of preparing and cooking a fantastic meal for us all.” Rose said.
“We will do this Rose, you go on up.” Christopher told her.
“I wish she had met you earlier I might have got to put my feet up occasionally,” She said giving him a kiss on his cheek.
“You love it Rose.” I said smiling.
“Your right I do. Make sure you get some sleep tonight your looking tired.” She warned me giving me a small hug on her way out.
I sat down on the sofa still admiring the tree, the way the lights twinkled against the shiny baubles was hypnotising. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I was truly in the Christmas spirit this year.
“This is the first Christmas you have had in years isn’t it?” Christopher asked sitting next to me.
“Sad as it sounds, yes. We should take a photograph of it.” I said jumping up to get the camera.
Several shots later we were back on the sofa cuddled together just staring at the tree.
“How are you feeling?” He asked.
“Tired.”
“Me too. I don’t think I took you seriously when you said you wanted to shop,” He admitted, “I am sorry about your mother,” He said.