“You said I hadn’t been asleep for long, you must have been sitting there for ages.” I gasped.
“Stop this Jasmine, you’re my wife and you were sick, I sat with you to make sure you were okay. Do you think I would have been able to sit downstairs and enjoy myself without you?” He said losing his patience.
“No I don’t think that, I was surprised that is all.”
“Lets get you cleaned up, I think I heard my aunt and uncle arrive a while ago and I still need a shirt,” He said nipping into Alex’s bedroom.
“You know, it is a shame you can’t stay like that.” I said looking at his bare chest.
“Really Mrs Jenson? You must be feeling better if you are well enough to perv on your husband.” He smirked.
All the tension instantly evaporating between us.
“I don’t know what you mean Mr Jenson, all I was doing was admiring the view and you so happened to be in the way.”
“Well as soon as we get home you can admire the view all you like but for now we have a party to get to,” He said pushing me along the landing to the bathroom.
Nobody made a fuss when we rejoined the party, Henry and Rose had their eyes on me as soon as I walked into the kitchen, and I gave them a slight nod to let them know I was okay. Fiona on the other hand gave me a big hug before dancing away, it seemed she had had quite a bit to drink since I fell asleep.
“You don’t know how glad I am to see you.” Natalie said coming to stand next to me by the back door. The cold breeze against my skin was well and truly welcomed.
“What’s up?” Christopher asked her.
“Your brother and best friend are having a manly competition to see who can eat the most mince pies, I had to get out before one of them or both are sick,” She said sighing into her drink, “You should have seen them last year, it was the same thing but with cheese and crackers, Alex still can’t eat cheese without feeling sick.” She told me.
“I’ll go sort them out, are you going to be okay?” He asked.
“I will be fine, go save your brother,” I laughed.
“He is so sweet with you, he wouldn’t leave you at all while you were sleeping,” She said after he left.
“I know,” I mumbled, “Excuse me, I just need some air.” I said ducking out the back door into the garden. It was freezing. The snow had stopped falling leaving every surface covered in a white blanket, the light shining through from the kitchen window gave the snow a sparkling effect.
“Here, I thought you might want this,” Rose said bringing me out of my string of thoughts passing me my coat, “Do you mind if I join you?” She asked.
“Not at all.” I replied, “It is completely different to last year isn’t it?” I said looking up to the stars.
“Sure is. You are enjoying yourself?” She asked.
“Yes, it is just getting harder to deal with everything. The more time I spend with you all the more I want to stay alive. Since he came back into my life I have been buzzing with life but I am getting worse, I am scared I won’t wake up when I go to sleep now.” My voice was so shaky I didn’t know I made sense or not.
Rose was stuck for words, who could blame her? What would have I said if I were in her shoes?
“Don’t worry about me, I am having an emotional day. I will be back in in a moment.” I said.
I didn’t stay out long after Rose had gone inside, the coldness was beginning to seep through my coat, and the heat from the house warmed me quickly. Henry was struggling to get Fiona to drink some coffee, trying his hardest to sober her up. I vaguely remembered some of the people who had popped in for Christmas drinks from the wedding as I made my way to find Christopher. He wasn’t downstairs, neither was Alex or Nat. Before I could go in search for them I think it was Christopher’s Uncle Jack, had collared me, get to know each other kind of thing.
“How is married life treating you?” He asked sitting me down on the sofa with him. Oh let’s see, he is brilliant when he is holding my hair back so I don’t vomit all over it or he is so sweet when he holds my hands to hide the tremors from everyone, instead I said,
“It couldn’t be better.”
It wasn’t a complete lie, married life or life in general with Christopher was bliss but we were always going to be tainted by grief.
“I can’t tell you how surprised we were to hear our CJ was getting married when we didn’t even know he was dating anyone but never mind ey, we have the time to get to know you now.” He smiled warmly at me squeezing my hand.
I may have changed hell of a lot over the last few months but people I don’t know touching me was still a big no no, however, as he was now family I didn’t make a fuss about it, I quietly made my polite excuses to go find Christopher.
Christopher was coming down the stairs when I left the living room, I had never been so happy to see him.
“I had to put him to bed, it wasn’t only mince pies they were competing with, he is going to have a major hangover tomorrow.” He chuckled wrapping his arms around me.
“Is Natalie okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, she has gone to bed. She said to tell you she will call you tomorrow and to thank you again, whatever that means?” He finished saying waiting for me to explain.
“I will tell you after we have left.” I said not wanting him to get upset with me.
“Funny you should say that, I was going to ask you if you wanted to leave? Normally I can only handle this lot when I am drunk and I am definitely not going back in there sober.”
“Depends what the view will be like when we get home.” I said playfully planting soft kisses along his jaw line.
“Any bloody view you like,” He said finding my lips with his, “Let’s go see if Henry and Rose are ready to leave, oh and later you can tell me what is going on with him and my mother.” He said.
He didn’t seem angry about the possibility of a relationship between them just uncomfortable. Rose was more than happy to leave, she is usually in bed by nine pm each night. I cringed on the inside when Henry gave Christopher the car keys and told us he would make his own way home, thankfully Christopher took the keys from him and said nothing. We said our goodbyes to everyone and escaped to the car.
Rose said goodnight and retired to her room as soon as we walked through the door. Christopher asked if I wanted anything, in reply I jumped into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist and kissed him with everything I had.
Part Two…Christopher
Today has been the best Christmas of my adult life. Everything had been going well until Jas went to the bathroom as we were finishing our dinner. I didn’t say anything, letting her do what she had to do. She wouldn’t want any attention brought to herself, everyone noticed of course but thankfully didn’t say anything. My mother had done well with the food, there wasn’t much left. Henry and Rose were enjoying themselves, Henry enjoying himself a bit too much with my mother. I was expecting Jas to come back down as Jase had gone up to use the bathroom but he came back down on his own and wanted to speak to me in the hallway. My heart sunk in my chest. I knew what he was going to say.
“I have had to put Jas in your old room, she was lying on the bathroom floor and couldn’t get herself up. I think she is okay now just tired.” He said full of concern for her.
I had never seen Jase worry himself over a girl before and Jas wasn’t even his girlfriend but he liked her, and because she was my wife and I did love her, he would always look out for her. I punched the wall in frustration, I wasn’t angry at her but with that fucking disease within her. One day, one fucking day was all she wanted and it wouldn’t let her have that, I wanted today to be perfect for her, for her to experience what a family Christmas should be like, instead she was lying upstairs away from everyone because she is too weak to move herself.
“I hate this.” I said full of anger.
“I know you do but it isn’t going to change anything so go up and check on her, we are down here if you need us.” He said.
I didn’t bother replying, I walked up the stairs to my wife while he went and joined everyone in the kitchen.
She was asleep on my bed when I opened the door, I walked over as quietly as I could, not that it made a bit of difference I think I could Hoover and she still wouldn’t wake up. I sat on the bed resting against the headboard next to her, she moved closer to me subconsciously and I pulled the covers over us to make her more comfortable.
I kept telling myself that she needed a nap because she ate too much at dinner like me, when I ate far too much even I felt like a nap. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself downstairs knowing she was up here on her own.
For some reason I remembered a night when we were younger, Jas must have been about fifteen years old. It was a summers evening and we had managed to get some alcohol, our whole group was chilling about on the grass having a laugh, it was that night I heard Jas laugh, like genuinely laughing. Because she was and still is so slim and small, you would assume she was fragile and need protecting which she did but she was strong, she had to be. You would occasionally look at her and she would be gazing out in the distance making you want to know what she was thinking about but that night she never stopped laughing. It was that night I started to really notice her, the way she moved, the way she spoke, the way she looked and when I looked around our group I noticed I wasn’t the only one. Why didn’t I have enough confidence to tell her how I felt especially as I know now how she felt about me? I wouldn’t have had to be worried about rejection, turns out my rejection to her was and will always be my downfall, not hers.
There was a soft knock on the door bringing me back to the here and now.
“How is she?” Nat asked from the door.
“I think she is okay, she is just sleeping.” I replied.
“Why don’t you come back downstairs, I am sure she will come down when she wakes.” She said.
“No.” I replied curtly.
I would rather sit with a sleeping Jas then sit with them on my own.
She didn’t try to argue with me like she normally did, she closed the door and went back down to the others. I didn’t know how I was going to cope without Jas when the time came, I had been on my own all these years and in the short time I had been with her, she had opened my eyes to a lot I had missed out on the benefits of sharing your life with someone. I must have been really bad in a previous life for me to only have the smallest slice of happiness in this life.
I must have dozed off because when I woke it was dark, I tried looking at the bloody Rolex that sat nicely on my wrist for the time but I couldn’t make it out in the darkness. Jas soon started stirring, she informed me she felt better which was a relief to hear.
We got ourselves cleaned up and headed back downstairs. We were able to join in with the others without bringing too much attention to ourselves. We were standing by the back door relishing the cold breeze when Nat came over moaning about Alex and Jase, once I knew Jas would be okay I left them to help my brother.
I found them sitting opposite each other over the coffee table in the living room, not only were they competing with mince pies but with each mince pie they ate they knocked back a shot of Tequila too. There is no way they were going to mix well together. They had both been drinking most of the day, Jase more than Alex but Alex was making up for it now, he could barely sit up on his own. I quickly moved the shot glasses out of Alex’s reach before he finished himself off, he had been there to pick me up when I needed it and I would always do the same for him even though it was a completely different scenario.
“Come on little brother, it is time you went to bed.” I said trying to get him to stand, his body was not cooperating. I was managing well on my own but with Natalie’s help it was much easier getting him up the stairs.
“Always there for each other ay bro.” Alex slurred.
“You better believe it.” I told him.
“I am going to be a dad soon.”
“I know you are.” I said. Drunken people were annoying when you were sober.
“And a husband.” he carried on. Thank god he didn’t have much further to go.
“You have a good girl to marry, you have done well.” I said.
“Will you look out for her the way you do me?” He asked.
“Of course I will, you don’t need to ask.
“Okay enough of the brother bonding session, I am big enough to look out for myself, now get into bed and stay there.” She warned him. It was like they were already married, I chuckled to myself until Nat glared at me.
“Are you going to be alright with him?” I asked her.
I didn’t want to leave her if she was going to struggle with him especially as she is pregnant.
“I will be fine, anyway look at him he is asleep already.” She said laughing.
“Okay, I will see you down there.” As I said it I realised I didn’t actually want to be here, it wasn’t the same sober.
“I am going to stay up here, it has been a long day and I am shattered,” She said taking Alex’s jeans off.
“Okay, I think we might go ourselves actually.” I told her.
“Tell Jas I will call her tomorrow and tell her I said thank you again.” She said.
“I will do.” I replied even though I didn’t know what she was thanking her for.
It was probably something I didn’t want to know about,
“Good night.” I said closing the door behind me.
I saw Jas coming out of the living room when I came down the stairs, she had the biggest smile when she saw me.
“I had to put him to bed, it wasn’t only mince pies they were competing with, he is going to have major hangover tomorrow.” I chuckled wrapping my arms around her, this was my favourite place for her.
“Is Natalie okay?” She asked.
“Yeah, she has gone to bed, she said to tell you she will call you tomorrow and to thank you again, whatever that means.” I finished waiting for her to explain.
“I will tell you after we have left.” She said. I knew then I would not like what she had to say if she couldn’t tell me now.
“Funny you should say that, I was going to ask you if you wanted to leave, normally I can only handle these lot when I am drunk and I am definitely not going back in there sober.”
“Depends on what the view will be like when we get home,” she said kissing me softly along my jaw line.
“Any bloody view you like,” I said meaning it, “Let’s go see if Henry and Rose are ready to leave, oh and later you can tell me what is going on between him and my mum.” I said knowing Jas would know something about it.
Rose was happy to leave while Henry said he would make his own way home, I had to bite my lip when I saw him look towards my mother. As soon as he handed me the car keys I dragged Jas out before I could say something I wouldn’t regret but would hurt Jas and my mother.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Part One…Jasmine
When I woke it was still dark, it felt like I had slept for a long time, I must have slept hard. Christopher was sitting at the end of the bed playing his xbox, I didn’t notice he had bought it up from the living room.
“Come to bed, you can’t tell me you’re not tired?” I said.
I knew I was still tired and I was definitely going back to sleep.
“Jas, it has just gone five pm, you slept through the day,” He said pausing his game and laying beside me.
That couldn’t be true but there was no need for him to lie about it, it was hard to believe I had slept that long and yet still feel tired.
“Yesterday must have drained me more than I thought.” I mumbled trying to sit up.
It was hard work, my arms felt as heavy as a ton of bricks. After my second attempt I slumped back down, I could feel my eyes begging me to close them again.
“I am still so tired.” I whispered.
“Go back to sleep, I will be right here when you wake up.” He said. I barely heard him before I was overtaken by s
leep.
“Hey, you decided to join me again then?” Christopher said as I awakened.
“How long was I gone for this time?” I asked scared of what he would say.
I remember the doctor telling me I would sleep longer and longer nearer the end.
“Only a couple of hours.” He said, that wasn’t so bad.
“You must have been bored out of your mind?” I said feeling bad for leaving him on his own yet again.
“Not really, you look peaceful when you sleep plus my Christmas present kept me occupied all day. I didn’t have to feel bad for playing the new games while you were snoring.” He laughed.
“I don’t snore,” I gasped. “So you bought that up this morning?” I asked pointing to his game system.
“Yes, my day couldn’t have been better, playing video games next to my naked wife who has more colour in her cheeks now, a days sleep must have been what you needed.” He said.
“You’re what I need.” I said kissing his hand.
“Do you want me to get you anything, you must be hungry?”
“I’m actually not hungry, do you mind if I stay here, believe it or not I still feel tired.”
“Sure, I will turn this off and we can watch some telly.” He said.
In the end we put a DVD on from my collection, I was more interested in running my fingers across his chest then watching the film.
“I love you Jas,” He said stroking my hair.
“I love you too.”
“No, I mean I love you so much.” He said.
I leaned up on my arm, which I was able to do now, yay for me.
“I know and I you.” I said stretching out so I could reach his lips but he stopped me before I could kiss him.
“Don’t think because you don’t tell me anything I don’t know what is happening,” He said. What was he talking about? Nothing was happening.
“I spoke with Henry today and by the way thanks for telling me their dating.”
“I didn’t know they were dating, kind of thought so yesterday when he thanked her with a kiss but I didn’t know for sure.” I said defending myself.