“I’ve got to go, I’ll see you tomorrow” he said, walking to his car.
“See you”
I looked towards my home, the thought of being alone is peculiar, all the years before Jas I was happy to be alone, preferred to be alone. Now, for the first time in twelve years, I am alone again. It’s not the same, I repeat to myself.
I’ll be seeing her tomorrow night for her birthday meal. When Ava spent her seventeenth birthday, her first birthday with us, I promised her I would spoil her and double her presents to try and make up for the birthdays I missed. Starting on her seventeenth birthday, I paid not only for her driving lessons, but also her first car. After the accident she and Henry were in, I was dubious about her being on the road, so I bought her a brand new Landrover. She was adamant she wanted to drive, I wanted her as safe as possible, so what better than a tank?
I walked into the living room to pour myself a drink when it finally clicked, I now live alone but I am not alone. Then it dawned on me, now I was on my own, Ava, Nat and my mother would now worry about me even more, offers of dates will be thrown at me from all sides. I groaned out loud and tried not to think about it.
“Have you spoken to Ava this morning?” Alex asked, as I arrived at work the next morning.
It is a glorious sunny morning and the heat was intense already.
“Not yet, I had a bunch of flowers delivered to her new place though” I smiled.
“You seem more relaxed about her moving out,” he noticed.
“I didn’t like it, but I know she can’t live at home forever”
Usually I say these things because that is what they want to hear, but I truly mean it this morning.
Normally I’m the one with the faraway look, this morning however, Alex looked like he was anywhere but here.
“Thanks for helping yesterday by the way” I said sarcastically.
“Yeah sorry about that” he said absently.
“Is everything okay little brother?” I asked, bringing him back to the here and now.
“Not really, Nat and…”
“Hey Chris, can I have a word please?” Layton asked, hanging in the office door.
I turned back to Alex to see he had already shut down again. I gave him a look to say we will finish this later.
“Sure, come in” I told Layton.
“Actually, can we talk in private?” he asked nervously, looking between Alex and I.
Whatever he wants to speak about must be serious, in the past four years he has been dating Ava, he has never asked to speak in private with me.
“Sure” I said, joining him outside, “Is everything okay?” I asked beginning to worry.
“I hope so,” he said cryptically. I was about to push him further for information when he spoke again, “Well, I’m here to ask for your blessing” he said quickly.
Blessing? Oh god, then it sunk in, marriage.
“I know you don’t like me all that much, but I love Ava, and I want to ask her to marry me and your blessing would mean everything to her” he added.
I stood there completely mute, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t find any words I could say without refusing him. I have only now come to terms with Ava moving out, but marriage? It is like the final nail.
I haven’t heard Ava speak of marriage for years, I vaguely recall her gushing over dresses when Jase and Anna were planning their wedding, and telling me what kind of wedding she would like herself, but nothing since then.
It is obvious Layton adores her and will do right by her, he has done for four years. He has always believed I don’t like him, but he isn’t so bad, Ava could have worse. I like to keep him on his toes where my daughter is concerned. There is no doubt they are serious about each other, the next step in their relationship would be to get married. Deep down, I know I can’t deny him my blessing. That’s not to say, I’m not going to make him wait a bit longer for my approval.
I swear I could see beads of sweat dripping down his forehead waiting agonisingly for my answer.
“Chris?”
Time to put him out of his misery.
“Marriage? That is a big commitment, I’m sure Ava will be ecstatic, but are you ready for it? Because if you aren’t, and you hurt her, I’m sure I don’t have to explain what will happen. There are plenty of tools around here that could do damage to a person,” I told him.
Everyone knows how protective I am of Ava, I don’t try to hide it anymore. As long as I’m breathing, her and her happiness will always be my first priority.
“I have never been so ready, surely you can see for yourself how much I love her, I could never hurt her,” he said honestly.
I could see how much he loved her, and her him.
“I don’t disagree.” I admitted, “Well then, you have my blessing”
I couldn’t help laugh as he exhaled in relief, my exhale was releasing endless possibilities of the future.
“Thank you Chris. I was dreading your answer. I know she wouldn’t say yes if she thought you didn’t agree”
“You have no worries, when are you planning on proposing?” I asked with slight trepidation. Hopefully they will have a long engagement.
“Tonight, at the restaurant. The family mean everything to her, so I planned to ask while everyone she loves is there”
Bloody hell, he really did have it all planned out.
“In front of the family? You’re brave, what if she says no?” I laughed.
“I pray she doesn’t” he said pulling a small box out of his pocket, “Here is the ring, do you think she will like it?”
I felt like saying, if you don’t know whether she will like it or not, do you know her well enough to marry her? But I understood how nervous he is, and wants everything to be perfect, so I kept my mouth shut.
I opened the box to find a white gold simple, single set diamond ring. As soon as I saw it I knew she would love it. She was like Jas, she didn’t like over the top things.
“It is perfect, you don’t have anything to worry about” I told him, handing the ring back, “Treat her right, she deserves nothing less,” I told him seriously.
“I always do” he said, “I better get going, I still have arrangements to make” he smiled.
“Good luck with that, and good luck tonight”
He smiled, nodded and walked back to his car. I’m glad he came to speak to me, somewhere in my subconscious I have been waiting for this. It would be me who walks her down the aisle, I will be honoured too.
I made my way back to the office, Alex was staring out of the window aimlessly. Something was definitely up with him.
“Alex?” I said getting his attention.
“What did he want?” he asked.
I sat at my desk, and took a deep breath. Once I tell him, it becomes real.
“He asked for my blessing, he is going to propose to Ava this evening”
There I had said it, he looks more shocked then I feel.
“And you gave it to him?” he stammered.
“Yes, I did. He has a ring and everything planned out” I laughed.
“Bloody hell, she is going to have a birthday to remember isn’t she”
“Sure is. Anyway, what is up with you, you have been distant since I got here, actually, come to think of it, for weeks really?”
“Oh nothing, it isn’t important,” he said.
“You know you can talk to me,” I urged.
He nodded, “Just not today” he said before returning to staring out of the window.
For the rest of the day I tried to work through the tensed atmosphere, I had a lot of paperwork to catch up on, and Alex sitting there sullenly opposite me made it difficult to concentrate. I was tempted to try and get whatever was on his mind out of him, but I knew better, he was like me. When he is ready to talk he will, not before.
By the end of the day I couldn’t take any more silence, I was about to ask him what the hell was wrong but he stood, said he would see me later at the restaurant an
d left.
I still couldn’t concentrate after he left, I wondered what could be wrong with him, he has never closed himself away from me before. At least thinking about Alex took my mind off of tonight’s big proposal.
For the next couple of hours I managed to get through most of the paperwork, I got so carried away with it I almost made myself late. I had an hour to get home and changed before I had to be at the restaurant.
When I arrived at the restaurant, everyone was already seated apart from Ava and Layton.
With everyone working and doing their own thing, we haven’t been able to get together as much as we would have liked lately. I hadn’t realised how much I have been looking forward to tonight.
“You’re late! She is on her way” Nat scolded me as soon as I sat down.
“I’m here now, Jase just called to say he and Anna can’t make it as Sophia isn’t well”
“Bless her. How are you son?” mum asked.
“I’m fine. How are you Henry?”
He was looking more tired these days. In the last few years he has had two heart attacks. The first one was a mild one but the second, last year hit him hard and he hasn’t fully recovered. My mother worries about him constantly. If I admit it, I do as well. He is an old man now and if he were to suffer another attack I don’t think he will survive.
“I’m okay, I would be better if your mother would stop hovering around me”
I understood his frustration, I knew how my mother could be. I can’t imagine having to have someone around all the time. I remember when she would constantly ‘pop by’ to make sure I was okay after Jas died. I dread to think what she would have been like if I had been ill. I really did feel for him.
“You wouldn’t have it any other way,” I mocked.
“Could be worse, I could leave you to fester by yourself. See how far you get then,” she said, warningly.
“Calm down mum, he is only teasing” Alex said, fiddling with the fork absently.
When he spoke I first heard the boredom in his voice, but when I looked at him, I saw the distance between him and Nat. It was like they were strangers. She didn’t look at him, he didn’t look at her and there was no conversation between them. Usually he receives Nat’s bright, perky attitude with warm, loving smiles, tonight though something isn’t right between them. Maybe that is why he has been withdrawn at work lately? Natalie was about to say something when Ava and Layton arrived.
“Happy birthday sweetie” I said, getting up to hug Ava and shake Layton’s hand.
I had to suppress a laugh, he looked unbelievably nervous, although he was doing his best to hide it from Ava.
“Thank you dad. I see you have survived my moving out” she giggled.
“Yeah yeah, sit down” I told her.
Everyone wished her a happy birthday and we settled around the table. Layton’s proposal was surprisingly the last thing on my mind, I couldn’t help but keep a close eye on my brother and his wife.
“How have you enjoyed your day darling?” I asked Ava, trying to ignore the bad feeling that was beginning to take root within.
“Well, I had to work this morning, but I spent this afternoon being pampered and spoilt. Oh and thank you for the flowers” she smiled, happily.
“You’re welcome, here is your present” I said, producing her gift.
“I love present time” she squirmed in her seat, she opened the box and gasped, “It’s beautiful, I love it. I will keep it with the others”
Each year for her birthday I have something that has meaning to our lives made from white gold and encrusted with diamonds, this year, it is a key to represent her moving into her first place.
“Thanks dad” she said, hugging me from her seat.
“Here is our gift. I picked it out, your Uncle Alex barely wrote his name on the card” Nat said, trying to sound flippant, but we could all hear the disdain in her voice.
This got Alex’s attention, he plastered on a smile and began blabbering away.
“That’s not quite true. Happy birthday Ava”
“Um…thank you” she replied, “Are they okay?” she whispered more closely to me.
“I have no idea,” I told her truthfully.
“Okay, before we order, I would like to wish my brilliant daughter a happy birthday…enjoy tonight and we all love you” I said, raising the glass in front of me high.
“Happy birthday” everyone cheered around the table.
Until the end of the meal, we all enjoyed good food and the conversation while the atmosphere was in full celebratory mood. On keeping close attention to my brother and Nat, they seemed to make more of an effort, it was like they were over-compensating, trying to act like they were a couple rather than the usual light-hearted jokes between each other. No subtle touching like usual, nothing but polite chatter, but not with each other, just both in conversation with the rest of us.
“Excuse me, I would like to say thank you to you all for sharing my day with me” Ava said.
“Oh honey, we wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” my mum cooed.
“Right then, shall we get the bill?” Alex asked impatiently.
He was beginning to annoy me, I don’t have a clue what is wrong with him, but I gave him the opportunity to talk to me earlier and he turned away from me. He said it could wait, now he is acting like a dick on my daughter’s birthday, and he was out of order.
“What is the rush?” I asked.
“No rush, I thought we were all done,” he said, slouching down in his chair again.
All I had to do was give him a certain look, call it brother code, he could do the same to me, and know without saying a word how I was feeling. And tonight, he knew the look I was giving him meant behave-your-fucking-self, plus he knew Layton still had his proposal to get through.
My mother began talking amorously, trying to get the mood back in good spirits.
“Actually Fiona, can I have a moment please? I have something I would like to ask Ava” Layton said, raising his voice to be heard.
My attention turned to Ava, I couldn’t decide if she knew what was coming or not. The confused look on her face told me she had no idea, but the small smile playing around her lips told me she was expecting it at some point soon.
“Ava, you know I love you and will do anything for you” he started, pushing his chair back to go down on bended knee.
The women gasped while Ava covered her mouth elegantly trying to hide her surprise. I will never forget the want in her eyes, the eagerness to say yes to the unasked question she awaited to hear.
“I will love and protect you, and…make you pancakes every Sunday” he winked, making her and us all laugh, “Will you marry me?” he finished.
I had to give the boy credit where it was due, he had actually asked her in front of us all.
If Layton had any worries about her refusing him, he needn’t have, she was the most happiest I have seen her in years. She couldn’t form any words, with tears of joy and a smile only a woman could wear in the instance, she nodded yes.
As soon as Layton had slid the ring on her finger, she was in his arms.
The atmosphere had lost the tensed mood that circulated because of Alex and once again was joyous.
“Congratulations darling, to the both of you” my mother said, getting up to give them cuddles. In turn so did everyone else. I waited till they had taken their turns.
She waggled her hand in front of me, showing me the ring I had seen a few hours ago, smiling.
“Can you believe it?” she asked.
“I sure can, he is lucky you said yes”
“You knew he was going to do this, didn’t you?”
“Sure did, do you think he is brave enough to do this without my permission?” I smirked.
“I’m glad you did, I love him dad”
“I know you do sweetie, be happy” I said releasing her.
We sat back at the table. Nat had taken my seat besides Ava to do the whole lets-look-at-y
our-ring thing, so I took Nat’s seat and sat back relaxing my arm around the back of Alex’s seat.
“You look happier about this then I imagined you would,” he murmured.
“And you don’t look happy at all” I pointed out, “What is going on, and don’t bull shit me?” I said, trying to keep the conversation between the two of us.
“Not tonight, its Ava’s night” he murmured back.
“Don’t give me that, tell me. Ava is in her own world right now” I said, beginning to get angry.
He was right, it was Ava’s night but the way he has been acting tonight, he has made it my business to know now.
“I have been stupid,” he admitted, then he went silent.
“Go on…” I prompted further.
“And…”
“Not here, he will tell you later as your house is where he will be staying tonight” our mother pitched in.
I was always aware she was listening, even when you think she isn’t, she is. But I didn’t think she could hear us now.
“Why will you be staying at mine?”
This wasn’t good enough, obviously our mother knew more about this then I did, and I didn’t like it.
“I’ll explain later” he said.
“Okay, so I warn you now, this wedding will be as soon as possible” Ava said, gaining our attention.
As soon as possible? No chance of a long engagement then? I wondered if Ava’s life was destined to be similar to that of her mothers, who she has never known. Jasmine’s wedding and mine was planned quickly for reasons beyond our control, thanks to her tumour. Now, fifteen years later on, our daughter was rushing into a wedding too, I reminded myself it was for a marriage that will last a lot longer than mine. It was times like this I missed her the most, we should be enjoying these times together. Watching our daughter go through the motions of life with both of her parents at her side. I still hold the anger inside me towards the tumour, even after all this time. I know it happens, it happened to us, but of all the people in the world, it took her away from me.
Strangely, it was times like this that got me through life on my own. It gave me something to live through and they were definitely worth living for, to see my daughter this happy and content.