CHAPTER V.
Several adventurers that happened to the author. The execution of acriminal. The author shows his skill in navigation.
I should have lived happy enough in that country, if my littleness hadnot exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome accidents; some ofwhich I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch often carried me into thegardens of the court in my smaller box, and would sometimes take me outof it, and hold me in her hand, or set me down to walk. I remember,before the dwarf left the queen, he followed us one day into thosegardens, and my nurse having set me down, he and I being close together,near some dwarf apple trees, I must needs show my wit, by a sillyallusion between him and the trees, which happens to hold in theirlanguage as it does in ours. Whereupon, the malicious rogue, watchinghis opportunity, when I was walking under one of them, shook it directlyover my head, by which a dozen apples, each of them near as large as aBristol barrel, came tumbling about my ears; one of them hit me on theback as I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on my face; but Ireceived no other hurt, and the dwarf was pardoned at my desire, becauseI had given the provocation.
Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to divertmyself, while she walked at some distance with her governess. In themeantime, there suddenly fell such a violent shower of hail, that I wasimmediately by the force of it, struck to the ground: and when I wasdown, the hailstones gave me such cruel bangs all over the body, as if Ihad been pelted with tennis-balls; however, I made a shift to creep onall fours, and shelter myself, by lying flat on my face, on the lee-sideof a border of lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to foot, that Icould not go abroad in ten days. Neither is this at all to be wonderedat, because nature, in that country, observing the same proportionthrough all her operations, a hailstone is near eighteen hundred times aslarge as one in Europe; which I can assert upon experience, having beenso curious as to weigh and measure them.
But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same garden, when mylittle nurse, believing she had put me in a secure place (which I oftenentreated her to do, that I might enjoy my own thoughts,) and having leftmy box at home, to avoid the trouble of carrying it, went to another partof the garden with her governess and some ladies of her acquaintance.While she was absent, and out of hearing, a small white spaniel thatbelonged to one of the chief gardeners, having got by accident into thegarden, happened to range near the place where I lay: the dog, followingthe scent, came directly up, and taking me in his mouth, ran straight tohis master wagging his tail, and set me gently on the ground. By goodfortune he had been so well taught, that I was carried between his teethwithout the least hurt, or even tearing my clothes. But the poorgardener, who knew me well, and had a great kindness for me, was in aterrible fright: he gently took me up in both his hands, and asked me howI did? but I was so amazed and out of breath, that I could not speak aword. In a few minutes I came to myself, and he carried me safe to mylittle nurse, who, by this time, had returned to the place where she leftme, and was in cruel agonies when I did not appear, nor answer when shecalled. She severely reprimanded the gardener on account of his dog.But the thing was hushed up, and never known at court, for the girl wasafraid of the queen's anger; and truly, as to myself, I thought it wouldnot be for my reputation, that such a story should go about.
This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust meabroad for the future out of her sight. I had been long afraid of thisresolution, and therefore concealed from her some little unluckyadventures, that happened in those times when I was left by myself. Oncea kite, hovering over the garden, made a stoop at me, and if I had notresolutely drawn my hanger, and run under a thick espalier, he would havecertainly carried me away in his talons. Another time, walking to thetop of a fresh mole-hill, I fell to my neck in the hole, through whichthat animal had cast up the earth, and coined some lie, not worthremembering, to excuse myself for spoiling my clothes. I likewise brokemy right shin against the shell of a snail, which I happened to stumbleover, as I was walking alone and thinking on poor England.
I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to observe, inthose solitary walks, that the smaller birds did not appear to be at allafraid of me, but would hop about within a yard's distance, looking forworms and other food, with as much indifference and security as if nocreature at all were near them. I remember, a thrush had the confidenceto snatch out of my hand, with his bill, a of cake that Glumdalclitch hadjust given me for my breakfast. When I attempted to catch any of thesebirds, they would boldly turn against me, endeavouring to peck myfingers, which I durst not venture within their reach; and then theywould hop back unconcerned, to hunt for worms or snails, as they didbefore. But one day, I took a thick cudgel, and threw it with all mystrength so luckily, at a linnet, that I knocked him down, and seizinghim by the neck with both my hands, ran with him in triumph to my nurse.However, the bird, who had only been stunned, recovering himself gave meso many boxes with his wings, on both sides of my head and body, though Iheld him at arm's-length, and was out of the reach of his claws, that Iwas twenty times thinking to let him go. But I was soon relieved by oneof our servants, who wrung off the bird's neck, and I had him next dayfor dinner, by the queen's command. This linnet, as near as I canremember, seemed to be somewhat larger than an English swan.
The maids of honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their apartments, anddesired she would bring me along with her, on purpose to have thepleasure of seeing and touching me. They would often strip me naked fromtop to toe, and lay me at full length in their bosoms; wherewith I wasmuch disgusted because, to say the truth, a very offensive smell camefrom their skins; which I do not mention, or intend, to the disadvantageof those excellent ladies, for whom I have all manner of respect; but Iconceive that my sense was more acute in proportion to my littleness, andthat those illustrious persons were no more disagreeable to their lovers,or to each other, than people of the same quality are with us in England.And, after all, I found their natural smell was much more supportable,than when they used perfumes, under which I immediately swooned away. Icannot forget, that an intimate friend of mine in Lilliput, took thefreedom in a warm day, when I had used a good deal of exercise, tocomplain of a strong smell about me, although I am as little faulty thatway, as most of my sex: but I suppose his faculty of smelling was as nicewith regard to me, as mine was to that of this people. Upon this point,I cannot forbear doing justice to the queen my mistress, andGlumdalclitch my nurse, whose persons were as sweet as those of any ladyin England.
That which gave me most uneasiness among these maids of honour (when mynurse carried me to visit then) was, to see them use me without anymanner of ceremony, like a creature who had no sort of consequence: forthey would strip themselves to the skin, and put on their smocks in mypresence, while I was placed on their toilet, directly before their nakedbodies, which I am sure to me was very far from being a tempting sight,or from giving me any other emotions than those of horror and disgust:their skins appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously coloured, when Isaw them near, with a mole here and there as broad as a trencher, andhairs hanging from it thicker than packthreads, to say nothing fartherconcerning the rest of their persons. Neither did they at all scruple,while I was by, to discharge what they had drank, to the quantity of atleast two hogsheads, in a vessel that held above three tuns. Thehandsomest among these maids of honour, a pleasant, frolicsome girl ofsixteen, would sometimes set me astride upon one of her nipples, withmany other tricks, wherein the reader will excuse me for not being overparticular. But I was so much displeased, that I entreated Glumdalclitchto contrive some excuse for not seeing that young lady any more.
One day, a young gentleman, who was nephew to my nurse's governess, cameand pressed them both to see an execution. It was of a man, who hadmurdered one of that gentleman's intimate acquaintance. Glumdalclitchwas prevailed on to be of the company, very much against her inclination,for she was naturally tender-hearted: and, as for myself, although Iabhorred such kind of spectacles, yet my curiosity tempted me to seesomething that I thought must be extraordinary. The malefactor was fixedin a chair upon a scaffold erected for that purpose, and his head cut offat one blow, with a sword of about forty feet long. The veins andarteries spouted up such a prodigious quantity of blood, and so high inthe air, that the great _jet d'eau_ at Versailles was not equal to it forthe time it lasted: and the head, when it fell on the scaffold floor,gave such a bounce as made me start, although I was at least half anEnglish mile distant.
The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages, and took alloccasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked me whether Iunderstood how to handle a sail or an oar, and whether a little exerciseof rowing might not be convenient for my health? I answered, that Iunderstood both very well: for although my proper employment had been tobe surgeon or doctor to the ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I was forcedto work like a common mariner. But I could not see how this could bedone in their country, where the smallest wherry was equal to afirst-rate man of war among us; and such a boat as I could manage wouldnever live in any of their rivers. Her majesty said, if I would contrivea boat, her own joiner should make it, and she would provide a place forme to sail in. The fellow was an ingenious workman, and by myinstructions, in ten days, finished a pleasure-boat with all itstackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans. When it wasfinished, the queen was so delighted, that she ran with it in her lap tothe king, who ordered it to be put into a cistern full of water, with mein it, by way of trial, where I could not manage my two sculls, or littleoars, for want of room. But the queen had before contrived anotherproject. She ordered the joiner to make a wooden trough of three hundredfeet long, fifty broad, and eight deep; which, being well pitched, toprevent leaking, was placed on the floor, along the wall, in an outerroom of the palace. It had a cock near the bottom to let out the water,when it began to grow stale; and two servants could easily fill it inhalf an hour. Here I often used to row for my own diversion, as well asthat of the queen and her ladies, who thought themselves well entertainedwith my skill and agility. Sometimes I would put up my sail, and then mybusiness was only to steer, while the ladies gave me a gale with theirfans; and, when they were weary, some of their pages would blow my sailforward with their breath, while I showed my art by steering starboard orlarboard as I pleased. When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carriedback my boat into her closet, and hung it on a nail to dry.
In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to have cost memy life; for, one of the pages having put my boat into the trough, thegoverness who attended Glumdalclitch very officiously lifted me up, toplace me in the boat: but I happened to slip through her fingers, andshould infallibly have fallen down forty feet upon the floor, if, by theluckiest chance in the world, I had not been stopped by a corking-pinthat stuck in the good gentlewoman's stomacher; the head of the pinpassing between my shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and thus I washeld by the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch ran to my relief.
Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill my troughevery third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let a huge frog(not perceiving it) slip out of his pail. The frog lay concealed till Iwas put into my boat, but then, seeing a resting-place, climbed up, andmade it lean so much on one side, that I was forced to balance it withall my weight on the other, to prevent overturning. When the frog wasgot in, it hopped at once half the length of the boat, and then over myhead, backward and forward, daubing my face and clothes with its odiousslime. The largeness of its features made it appear the most deformedanimal that can be conceived. However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let medeal with it alone. I banged it a good while with one of my sculls, andat last forced it to leap out of the boat.
But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom, was from amonkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen. Glumdalclitchhad locked me up in her closet, while she went somewhere upon business,or a visit. The weather being very warm, the closet-window was leftopen, as well as the windows and the door of my bigger box, in which Iusually lived, because of its largeness and conveniency. As I satquietly meditating at my table, I heard something bounce in at thecloset-window, and skip about from one side to the other: whereat,although I was much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not stirringfrom my seat; and then I saw this frolicsome animal frisking and leapingup and down, till at last he came to my box, which he seemed to view withgreat pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the door and every window. Iretreated to the farther corner of my room; or box; but the monkeylooking in at every side, put me in such a fright, that I wanted presenceof mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I might easily have done.After some time spent in peeping, grinning, and chattering, he at lastespied me; and reaching one of his paws in at the door, as a cat doeswhen she plays with a mouse, although I often shifted place to avoid him,he at length seized the lappet of my coat (which being made of thatcountry silk, was very thick and strong), and dragged me out. He took meup in his right fore-foot and held me as a nurse does a child she isgoing to suckle, just as I have seen the same sort of creature do with akitten in Europe; and when I offered to struggle he squeezed me so hard,that I thought it more prudent to submit. I have good reason to believe,that he took me for a young one of his own species, by his often strokingmy face very gently with his other paw. In these diversions he wasinterrupted by a noise at the closet door, as if somebody were openingit: whereupon he suddenly leaped up to the window at which he had comein, and thence upon the leads and gutters, walking upon three legs, andholding me in the fourth, till he clambered up to a roof that was next toours. I heard Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the moment he was carryingme out. The poor girl was almost distracted: that quarter of the palacewas all in an uproar; the servants ran for ladders; the monkey was seenby hundreds in the court, sitting upon the ridge of a building, holdingme like a baby in one of his forepaws, and feeding me with the other, bycramming into my mouth some victuals he had squeezed out of the bag onone side of his chaps, and patting me when I would not eat; whereat manyof the rabble below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think theyjustly ought to be blamed, for, without question, the sight wasridiculous enough to every body but myself. Some of the people threw upstones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this was strictly forbidden,or else, very probably, my brains had been dashed out.
The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men; which themonkey observing, and finding himself almost encompassed, not being ableto make speed enough with his three legs, let me drop on a ridge tile,and made his escape. Here I sat for some time, five hundred yards fromthe ground, expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind, or tofall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the ridgeto the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse's footmen, climbed up,and putting me into his breeches pocket, brought me down safe.
I was almost choked with the filthy stuff the monkey had crammed down mythroat: but my dear little nurse picked it out of my mouth with a smallneedle, and then I fell a-vomiting, which gave me great relief. Yet Iwas so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given me by thisodious animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The king,queen, and all the court, sent every day to inquire after my health; andher majesty made me several visits during my sickness. The monkey waskilled, and an order made, that no such animal should be kept about thepalace.
When I attended the king after my recovery, to return him thanks for hisfavours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this adventure. Heasked me, what my thoughts and speculations were, while I lay in themonkey's paw; how I liked the victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding;and whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my stomach. Hedesired to know, what I would have done upon such an occasion in my owncountry. I told his majesty, that in Europe we had no monkeys, exceptsuch as were brought for curiosity from other places, and so small, thatI could deal with a dozen of them together, if they presumed to attackme. And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was so lately engaged(it was indeed as large as an elephant), if my fears had suffered me tothink so far as to make use of my hanger, (looking fiercely, andclapping my hand on the hilt, as I spoke) when he poked his paw into mychamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound, as would have madehim glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put it in. This Idelivered in a firm tone, like a person who was jealous lest his courageshould be called in question. However, my speech produced nothing elsebeside a laud laughter, which all the respect due to his majesty fromthose about him could not make them contain. This made me reflect, howvain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour to do himself honour amongthose who are out of all degree of equality or comparison with him. Andyet I have seen the moral of my own behaviour very frequent in Englandsince my return; where a little contemptible varlet, without the leasttitle to birth, person, wit, or common sense, shall presume to look withimportance, and put himself upon a foot with the greatest persons of thekingdom.
I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story: andGlumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch enough toinform the queen, whenever I committed any folly that she thought wouldbe diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had been out of order, wascarried by her governess to take the air about an hour's distance, orthirty miles from town. They alighted out of the coach near a smallfoot-path in a field, and Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling box, Iwent out of it to walk. There was a cow-dung in the path, and I mustneed try my activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run, butunfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle up to myknees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of the footmenwiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief, for I was filthilybemired; and my nurse confined me to my box, till we returned home; wherethe queen was soon informed of what had passed, and the footmen spread itabout the court: so that all the mirth for some days was at my expense.